Zip Code Rapists

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You won't believe the sound you hear! - It's great!!
*special introductory paragraph!
*Sing And Play The Three Doctors And Other Sounds Of Today
*The Man Can't Bust Our Music! 7"
*Sing And Play The Matador Records Catalog 7"
*94124 EP
*Live "In Competence"
*Here At Last... Live!!!
*Sing And Play The Three Doctors And Other Sounds Of Today CD

The Zip Code Rapists were Gregg Turkington and John Singer, a pair of employees at a San Francisco hazardous waste management firm who listened to bad classic rock albums all day and "blew off some steam" by performing live shows at which John played (mostly) cover tunes on his guitar and Gregg smashed vinyl records over his head while screaming and cursing drunkenly. But in a Funny Way! They also released some records. Here is their story.

Sing And Play The Three Doctors And Other Sounds Of Today - Amarillo 1992.
Rating = 6

In tribute to budget label Alshire Records, the album is packaged in a disgusting orange cover featuring an odd black and white photo of an ice skating ballerina and a man in a bear suit wearing a hat. Inside the album cover, you'll find a little slip of paper advertising other Zip Code Rapists products, including a video, a baseball cap, "bumber stickers - Put them on your bumber" and the notorious product Zip Code Rapists "Fuck You" -- "This product varies from day-to-day, but you can be assured it will be both foul and disappointing."

And so Zip Code Rapists' debut release begins with a godawful racket version of The Doors' "Touch Me" before confounding your expectations with a strange collection of black humor, screaming garbage and disappointing half-practiced covers.

The ZCR originals include:
- A morbid jazz number incorporating both an illiterate history lesson ("First there was Washington, they called him number one/He was our first president, set foot on the sun") and the audible relieving of a bladder.
- A jaunty ditty in which a dead British gentleman expresses hope that the guests at his office party will enjoy the egg salad he prepared.
- An in-your-face piss rocker in which every awful lyric is a piece of dialogue from the John Belushi biopic "Wired" -- including a repeated sample of that film's ludicrous death scene, which finds Wired author Bob Woodward somehow right next to John Belushi as he dies at the Chateau Marmont ("I can't breathe!" cries John. "Breathe for me, Woody!").
- 34 seconds of idiots whining "Phoebe!" in ridiculous voices
- An inside joke involving Brian Wilson's psychiatrist Dr. Landy, former SF radio show host Dr. Norris, and a pharmacist that John and Gregg worked with named "Dr. Larry"
- A bunch of useless shit noise called "Fuck A Duck"

The cover tunes include:
- Aforementioned awful cover of "Touch Me"
- A jubilant cover of a Ford Trucks commercial jingle
- A heinous live version of "Tie A Yellow Ribbon" that begins with Gregg apologizing for "this really depressing show"
- A surprisingly pretty cover of Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game" that begins with Gregg announcing that "Jim Morrison died one year ago today"
- A live a capella singalong of Gordon Lightfoot's "Sundown" that begins with John apologizing for "the band's performance tonight"
- A godawful live cover of the Circle Jerks' "Beverly Hills" that begins with Gregg announcing that "Bill Graham has turned us off from beyond the grave"

The record is pretty great for the first 7/12ths of the way through. These hilarious, underwritten and under-produced originals and ugly-as-shit covers present the get-up-and-go gang as a guitar-driven noise-loving screaming funny dumbass bizarre bunch of two drunkards. The humor is strange and sometimes obscure, but always entertaining. Unfortunately, the last five songs are live-recorded, unproduced, shittily-performed, drag-on-and-on covers whose hideous sound quality makes the songs sound like tinny noise and the stage banter generally impossible to understand. And mister, when you can ruin a song from the first Circle Jerks album, just what kind of mister are you?

And in case you were wondering - there is a "bumber sticker" included in the package - it features a sliced ham, an American flag and the slogan, "If you must drink and drive, please run over the Zip Code Rapists."

Reader Comments
Can't stand that album. Admittedly, I've only listened to it once or twice ever but it is so bad, I've never want to again. 1/10

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The Man Can't Bust Our Music! 7" - Ectoplasm 1993.
Rating = 8

Named after a godawful CBS Records ad line from the late '60s, the second ZCR release is a teeny little 7-inch with ten studio songs crammed onto it. It's very diverse and never gets boring.

The ZCR originals include:
- A gentle tribute to Che Guevara ("Che wrote a book called Guerilla Warfare/And he set us all free/We shot a bunch of people in Topeka, Kansas/Hey Che -- thanks, Che!")
- A throbbing hard rocker about kicking in the heads of audience members ("In the Texas Panhandle where we come from/If someone hates your music, you kill them and you run!")
- A haunting piano instrumental by a man who can't play the piano (listen close for Gregg's angry cry of "Shit!" when he messes up)
- A needlessly offensive British nursery rhyme ("Darn It Duck, Oh Darn It Duck/He's a heck of a fuck, that Darn It Duck!")
- A free-noise snippet
- A country-western advertisement for a hotel frequented by the Zip Code Rapists

The cover tunes include:
- Pablo Cruise's "Good Ship Pablo Cruise" (or rather, one line of "Good Ship Pablo Cruise" sung over and over and over)
- John Lennon's "#9 Dream" as sung by the "Hijinks" computer from Gregg Turkington's Great Phone Calls LP
- Stephen Foster's "Old Folks At Home" sung through a toy megaphone
- A hideous dirtball rendition of The Monkees' "Listen To The Band"

Plus it comes in a weird record cover featuring kids in happy masks.

Yes, you'll find all that and a whole lot more when you purchase The Man Can't Bust Our Music! and a bunch of other things.

Reader Comments
A complete and total turnaround. I agree "very diverse and never gets boring". The music is perfect, so are the lyrics and insanely funny throughout. My favorite line: "Disney has a mouse named Mick, you kids don't suck your granddad's dick.

I've always thought their hotel ad was a parody of the awesome Tom Bodett Motel 6 ads that have been on for like 25 years (e.g.


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Sing And Play The Matador Records Catalog 7" - Ecstatic Piss 1994.
Rating = 7

This shoddily packaged unit features the Zip Pode Racists' renditions of popular tunes by leading Matador Records artists of the day.

The ZCR originals include:

The cover tunes include:
- some Bettie Serveert song performed fairly straightforward and pretty, according to the review I wrote of it in 1997
- Liz Phair's "Never Said" rendered hilarious by speaker-blasting scream vocals
- Pavement's "Cut Your Hair" converted into quite amusing fare with its tuneless hick vocals and "hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo (x3)" refrain
- The Thinking Fellers' already beautiful "Hurricane" made even more gorgeous through the acoustic guitars and mellow vocals of Mr. John Singer

This is a fun little single for anybody who worked at a college radio station in 1993. Supposedly the band dislikes it though, perhaps because it was somebody else's idea.

As was THIS.

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94124 EP - Amarillo 1995.
Rating = 8

The Rapists bring you their best (or, alternately, "first good") production values yet on this plantation alley of a big shipsy bitzer.

The ZCR originals include:
- Funky dance sensation "Zip Code Gentlemen" ("Yeah, they like to do it/But they are men of class/They'd never mistreat a lady/Or grab her by her ass!")
- Idiotic one-note junk rocker "Ranch Style Beans" ("I've got beans in my ears/Ranch style beans!/You're all a bunch of queers/For ranch style beans!")
- Super-creepy tape loop dirge "Henderson" ("In Henderson, I met my wife in a men's room toilet stall/At a strip club where they tie you down and make you drink watered Coke")

Cover tunes include:
- Burt Bacharach's "The Look Of Love." Or rather, one mic-shorting line of Burt Bacharach's "The Look Of Love" extended into a horrific scream of drunken pain
- Two hilariously depressing rarities from Gregg's vanity pressing collection -- one about a man who accepts his woman's constant cheating "because you're mine, most of the time" and another about a fellow who is looking forward to being "Happy Like Larry (He Taught Me How To Die)."

Bonus LP tracks include:
- A gobstoppingly poor cover of Stephen Foster's "Beautiful Dreamer"

Bonus CD tracks include:
- A funny cover of The Doors' "Riders On The Storm"
- A "re-mix/filler" version of "Zip Code Gentlemen"

In short, look this EP up in the dictionary under "Alright!" because it's "A-Okay!"

Reader Comments (John Cable)
I could only find a few songs from this band on Napster, several months ago, and the only one worth keeping was the cover of "Riders on the Storm" (which I still love). I want to find that damn John Lennon cover.
I have a remotely funny story about how I finally found this album. I basically got into Amarillo Records just as they were closing up shop (I still remember the shitty aol site), I bought a few things on mailorder but for some reason I never picked up any Zip Code Rapists albums. Then Amarillo closed and I really wanted to find a copy of this record but never had any luck. Any time I would ask about this record at a record store just seemed to look at me weird and say, "I have no idea what you are talking about." Flash forward to about a year and a half ago, I was in Calgary in a small, dusty punk store. I walked in and started to converse with the guy behind the counter, somehow the conversation turned towards one Neil Hamburgler. I brought up the Amarillo/Zip Code Rapists connection, he had no clue about what the hell I was talking about. A few minutes later, while going through a huge box of dusty discounted LP's, I found it! The 94124 EP! THE VERY SAME RECORD I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT! Thrilled, I plopped down my $3.50 in change and bought THE VERY SAME RECORD I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT! I then walked downtown and was approached by two Jehova's Witnesses, who in trying to convert me, played it all cool and asked me what record I had just bought. I then took out the 94124 EP and said, "THE ZIP CODE RAPISTS... THEY LOVE JESUS TOO!!!!" The Jehova's then looked at me weird and walked away and I screamed, "HORRAY FOR THE RAPISTS!!!" Simply put, this record saved my life. It's pretty decent too, I really like "Henderson", even though I shouldn't, because it is terrible. (Robin Kempson)
cheeky! thats why you swapped the cd of it with me!! oh well, its pretty cool. um....i really want to contact Greg Turkington about Flipper and some other shit i wanna drop me a line if you read this!!!
Mixed bag. Some good songs and some utter crap. 5/10

Now what worries me right now is that these grades are the exact same grades in the same order I've given to Limp Bizkit's first 3 albums.

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Live "In Competence" - Beast 666.
Rating = 8

Years ago I worked at this college radio station entitled WXYC-Chapel Hill. At this time, I was really enamored with The Cows and stuff, and this guy Jeff Robins brought in an album of prank phone calls that I thought were really funny. Then this band put out this single of really noisy, stupid covers of songs on Matador Records. That band was the Zip Code Rapists. In all honesty, I can't remember why I KNEW I had to go see the band perform at the Duke Coffeehouse in like 93, but I did. Maybe someone had told me that Gregg Turkington was both the guy who made the phone calls and the guy who yelled the songs on the record. I have no idea. All I know is that I got there and found a tall guy playing a guitar and a shorter guy wearing dark sunglasses and screaming at the top of his lungs into the microphone while jerking his body around confrontationally and yelling funny things at the audience. I loved it!

So go forward several years to where I run a stupidass web site and I'm all into Neil Hamburger. I email his record label and who responds but Mr. Gregg Turkington? And we developed one of this "pen pal" things via email. And there was always this little part of me that was all like, "I hope I doesn't think I'm an obsessive fan," but the thing is -- I WAS. I was an obsessive fan of EVERYBODY I got into. The Cows' guitarist probably thought I was a nutjob, as did the bassist in CCR and the singer for DRI and all sorts and sundry of other semi-celebrities whose work as "ARTISTS" brought out this incredibly depressing sense of "fandom" in me, Mark Prindle. It's not like I'm a fame sucker. It's just that -- and I know you can vouch for me on this because you're a big music fan -- when I am astounded and blown away and made happy by somebody's work while listening to it at home, but then I end up meeting the Creator in PERSON, I feel like a lameass. (You should have seen me the two times I met Joey Ramone. The second time, I said this to him -- "Thanks for saving rock and roll." He was dying of cancer, though, and didn't respond. Interestingly, Gregg Turkington was with me at the time. SEE, EVERYTHING COMES BACK TO BITE YOU IN THE ASS). When I meet one of my preferred entertainers in person, I feel inferior, I feel like I want to hang out with them and learn as much about their creative process as I can and, worst of all, they're always GUYS so I probably look like I'm FAGGIN' it! And again, I'm not anti-homosexuality, but I AM anti-stalker, so I don't want to come across as one. Nevertheless, because I am obsessive by nature, I ALWAYS found myself sitting there going "Why didn't that Lemonheads guy email me back? And what about that Alice Donut guitarist? Do they think I'm a weirdo? I'm not a weirdo, am I? OH GOD, I'M A WEIRDO!!!!" This is why it's so much easier to be honest with somebody who is not at all a "celebrity." Like my friends Jim Laakso and Christian Smith - I have NO problem saying to them, "I greatly admire you as a person, you constantly impress me with your sense of humor and intelligence, and thanks for being such a good friend." But, even after a billion emails back and forth and appearances and thanks on each others' CDs and whatnot, I STILL don't feel comfortable saying something like that to Gregg Turkington. Because I didn't know him BEFORE he was an underground micro-semi-celebrity, see. So I feel like a fanboy ANYWAY, or rather I still fear that I come across that way! But then, I guess I AM a fanboy so maybe it's okay. My point is this: Gregg sent me a CDR of a rare Japan-only live cassette by his old duo the Zip Code Rapists and I'm giving it an 8. It's mostly cover tunes, but they have a knack for covering just incredibly great songs -- Black Flag's "Police Story" (which Gregg claims is from Cats), the classic spiritual "He's Got The Whole World In His Hands" (which somehow ends up with Gregg screaming "He's got the little baby Jesus FUCKIN' HIM UP HIS ASS!"), the Bee Gees' "I Started A Joke (Gregg loves the Bee Gees, and even reviewed them for this site, much to regular reader Roland Fratzl's chagrin!) and all kinds of crap. So the songs are already good, even though it's just a guy with a noisy guitar and a yelling, drunk man performing them. And then there's the stage patter, which ranges from the sublime and brilliant ("Can you do something about these lights please? They're shining on my vocal cords.") to the inane ("We're not playing another song until we get a hackysack on stage!") to the violent ("Turn off the lights so we can have our pickpockets roam the audience - before they kill you all") to the trivial ("If anyone in this room can name one song on the album Face Dances other than "You Better You Bet," you'll win a hundred dollars) to the just plain untrue ("We're a hip-hop band from the Bronx!"). If I have any complaint, it's that Gregg relies a bit too much on obscenity (foreshadowing Tenacious D's biggest weakness), but a lot of people accuse me of doing the same thing, so how much can I complain without my pot meeting his kettle, as fellow record reviewer Brian Burks might say even though it doesn't make any sense.

So my point is that I still greatly enjoy the work of Gregg Turkington (his damn projects are reviewed all over my site - you can't throw a damn horseshoe at your computer without hitting one of them), but I want him -- and YOU -- to know that I also think he's a supernice guy AS A PERSON AND HUMAN BEING (He even concernedly emailed me on September 11th to make sure I wasn't dead! You don't see the singer from the Crucifucks doing that!!!). For some reason when I was a kid, I thought The Who were from Australia - that turned out not to be the truth. Just another lie they tell you to shut you up. I think the whole goddamn thing needs some fine-tuning. The Easybeats are from Australia but how many goddamn hits did they have? ONE. "Friday On My Mind." Other than that, they're best known for having guitarist George Young, brother of AC/DC's Angus and Malcolm, in the band. But they had a LOT of great songs! So did the Beatles, whose song "Your Mother Should Know" is covered on this CD by the Zip Code Rapists. And the ending has an uproarious fade-out of Gregg screaming phleghmingly "YOUR MOTHER SHOULD KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO." You'll laugh so hard you'll swallow your chewing tobacco. I also think it's neat that there are now three girls on the Music Babble message board I frequent. Jen Jen, Sophie and Amanda K. It's kinda strange because it used to be a boys' club, but it's nice because girls are good people and bring a different viewpoint to everything (not to mention a vagina, which often shows up in their posts unbeknownst to them). But my point here is that I've never met Zip Code Rapists guitarist John Singer, but one thing is for certain - it's GODDAMNED ironic that he's not the singer (check out his last name!) and also ironic that he's never used a toilet (check out his ooooooooo). I also think it's ironic that every popular band in the world is made up of morons. See, if Gregg Turkington were in Limp Bizkit, all the chicks would go wild about him. Unfortunately, he's too smart and uninvited to do such a horrible horrible thing, so chicks don't dig him. Actually they probably do. I may be thinking of me. I never made love until I was 21 because I was such a fucking dork with long hair and tight blue jeans with holes in the knees. I LIKED GIRLS TOO! But I didn't have a girl to tell me what girls liked in guys. So I looked like what GUYS like in guys (guys that age anyway) - COOl long messy hair, skinny heroin chic, I was a goof. I even shaved my hair on the sides just cuz I saw Mike Patton do it. (Interesting sidenote: Mike Patton is a friend of Gregg Turkington's - SEE, IT ALL COMES BACK TO YOU IN THE END. YOU CAN'T ESCAPE IT). Sometimes people tell me that they really like my reviews and I wonder if they feel like a big dork like I do when I tell musicians how much I like them. I assume they don't since I'm a nonentity but what if they did? I mean, MY music is good, if you ask me! Especially now that I remastered all of it and it actually doesn't sound like absolute shit on my shoe! Have I reached my point yet? Ah yes! My point is that I truly respect originality, sense of humor and intelligence. Hence my true and ongoing respect for Elton John.

Reader Comments
I too have recieved an email or three from Mr. Gregg Turkington. But unlike you, I never really had that much to say to him. In fact while replying to his email I had to fight the urge to say, "YOU FUCKING BASTARD! I KNOW YOUR NEIL HAMBURGER!!! WHY DON'T YOU JUST COME OUT AND ADMIT IT YOU FUCKING PUSSY!!!@!!! WHATS THE BIG FUCKING DEAL, MAN??? I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!" Anyways, he seems like a nice enough guy. I am still waiting for a Zip Code Rapists discography box set. It should be noted that I am the only awaiting such a thing. (Robin Kempson)
Gregg Turkington.Gregg Turkington.Gregg Turkington.Gregg Turkington.Gregg Turkington.Gregg Turkington.Gregg Turkington.Gregg Turkington.Gregg Turkington.Gregg Turkington.Gregg Turkington.Gregg Turkington.Gregg Turkington.Gregg Turkington. EMAIL ME -

Jim Laakso
Hey Mark,

If you care about such things, these guys in Brooklyn are selling what I'm guessing is the original version of the Zip Code Rapists' live cassette. First time I've ever come across it, and I've done plenty o' lookin.

Tom Clarke
I've felt incredibly stupid and useless when I've met 'heroes' too. I met Jennifer Herrema from Royal Trux (and she's a girl... but a really tough one) and all I could do was utter some bollocks about 'great show bye' or something.

Your reviews are great, by the way.

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Here At Last... Live!!! - Freedom From 2005
Rating = 8

Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun and all you ever dreamt of was raping a zip code? Believe me, we've all experienced the heartbreak of learning that a zip code is merely a series of numbers. And sure, you could theoretically write that series of numbers on a piece of paper and attack it brutally with your sex, but that wouldn't make you a Zip Code Rapist -- you'd just be a Paper Raper. Ha! "Paper Raper," that's good; let me write that down.

(*writes down "Paper Raper"; types '(*writes down "Paper Raper"'*)

Actually, if you picked a small enough town and your penis were sufficiently big, you could quite literally be a Zip Code Rapist, although not literally. Either way, thank god we have Gregg Turkington and John Singer around to perform their own original material as well as that of Greg Ginn, Walter Becker, Donald Fagen, Glenn Frey, Don Henley, Timothy B. Schmit, George Michael, Stephen Malkmus, Pete Townshend, Burt Bacharach, Hal David, Stephen Foster, John Densmore, Robby Kreiger, Ray Manzarek, Jim Morrison, John Lennon, Paul McCartney, John McVie, Robin Gibb, Maurice Gibb, Barry Gibb, Roger Waters, Mark Eitzel, James Pierpont, Steve Barri, P.F. Sloan and Public Domain. Or HAD, I guess, since this material is from 1993-1996.

If you never had a chance to see ZCR live in their heyday, you missed a good laugh. However, it's never too late to pick up a live CD compilation such as this one, especially now that it's available. I'll warn you - the Zip Code Rapists were a duo featuring one guy on guitar and one guy screaming, so it's not the most "musical" CD in the world. However, if you like to laugh and have a poor sense of humor, you can't go wrong! It's essentially like listening to two drunk funnymen entertaining you in your living room (as you and your friends hold a '70s-style orgy). And best of all, the Zip Code Rapists actually make all of these classic oldtimey songs BETTER with their modern humor ways!

Here, let me give a few examples. Don't you agree, for my first example, that The Beatles' "Your Mother Should Know" would have moved many more copies in the marketplace had it included the line, "Mother! You fuckin' SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"? And wouldn't John Lennon's heartbreaking "Mother" have made much less - and therefore better - sense if the first line were rearranged to "Mother, you needed me, but I didn't need you"? And just think of how many units Fleetwood Mac's failed Rumours LP might have sold had "Don't Stop" been prefaced by the intro, "This one's for our new fuckin' president - ALBERT GORE!!!!" It's sad to think of so much wasted talent gone to pot like this, and upsetting.

But it's not just weak, boring songs like "Touch Me" and "The Bear Went Over The Mountain" that are improved by the Zip Code Rapists; it's the very idea of musician/audience interaction. During their short but purple reign, Gregg and John broke down all barriers between genius and punter, leaving behind such recorded bonding moments as "If you want some smart drinks, come over here and I'll piss in a cup" and "Oh, we got some fuckin' comedians in here. We've got room on this stage for fifteen heads. Fifteen of you come up here and put your heads on the stage. Then I'm gonna go to the back of the stage, and I'm gonna run up, and I'm gonna kick your fuckin' heads in."

So whether you want to hear a vocalist dedicate "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow" to himself, you think it would be hilarious to hear somebody introduce "I'll Never Fall In Love Again" as "The Theme From Fame," or you just 'get off' on the idea of a singer continuously decrying his choice of cover material with the bitter refrain, "This song STINKS!," Here At Last... Zip Code Rapists Live!!! is the perfect way to introduce the joy of music to your infant.

Fans, please note: This CD features 31 live performances - three of songs from The Man Can't Bust Our Music, one from Matador Records Catalog, 2 from 94124 and a mindblasting FOUR from Sing And Play The Three Doctors. Beyond that, you get an extra version of "Touch Me" and 20 BRAND! NEW! COVERS! But don't take it from me - take it from the very last spoken words on this delightful comedy-rock CD along the lines of Martin Mull:

Gregg: "That was our last song unless somebody out there says 'Yay.' If one person says 'Yay,' we'll play for another two hours."

Audience member: "Yay!"

Gregg: "Alright!"

Reader Comments
I enjoy your site and find it musically informative and humorous. I like boys. Do you know where I can find anything by the Zip Code Rapists?

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* Sing And Play The Three Doctors And Other Sounds Of Today CD - Eabla 2009 *
Rating = 10

It's no secret that the Amarillo and Ectoplasm record labels haven't exactly been "ridin' high" for the past decade or so. As such, for years it seemed the only way a normal bozo like you or me could secure a Zip Code Rapists album was to deal with some shady character in the alley with a coat hanger. But in the immoral words of the Chambers Brothers, "Time Has Come Today!" Yes, thanks to the sterling human gentlemen down at Oregon's Eabla Records, the Zip Code Rapier wit of Gregg Turkington and John Singer is finally back in the hands of the little guy. Visit today to purchase this 75.5-minute/36-song masterpiece for only $15 postpaid US/Canada, $17 worldwide. You can even use PayPal for fast and easy service!

More specifically, this monster of a compilation disc includes REMASTERED versions of Sing And Play The Three Doctors And Other Sounds Of Today, The Man Can't Bust Our Music! and 94124 in their entireties -- plus seven rare bonus tracks and a rub-on tattoo! This isn't just great news; this is great news! Here, let me be specific for example:

First of all, neither Sing And Play The Three Doctors And Other Sounds Of Today nor The Man Can't Bust Our Music! have ever been released on CD. And let's be honest, the original vinyl copies sounded like shit and hellfire. But thanks to reissue producer Brandan Kearney and CD mastering master Timothy Stollenwerk, they now sound like grits and sunfire! I'm not even being facetious. The fantastic remastering job has made it possible to actually understand the lyrics of noisy songs like "Kick In The Heads," "Wired" and "The Three Doctors." Furthermore, the live tracks no longer sound like two jerks running a lawnmower through a gymnasium, but rather like *actual songs* filled with hilarious and mostly decipherable on-stage gags and ribaldry! To illustrate the phenomenal success of this tape cleaning-up, let me point out that (a) most of the sample lyrics and on-stage comments I quoted in the previous reviews were ones that I couldn't even make out until I received this remastered disc, and (b) in terms of number grade, the cleanup work alone raises The Three Doctors from 6 to 8 and Bust Our Music! from 8 to 9. In other words, even if you own the vinyl copies, you NEED this. With fresh ears and crisp audio, you won't believe how many times Gregg mentions Richard Nixon.

Secondly of all, 94124 sounded excellent to begin with, but has been out of print and hard to find for so long that the cheapest copy on up until last week was $25.00 plus shipping (it has since decreased to $9.99, what with there being no reason at all to purchase it now) (unless you're dying to hear the "re-mix/filler" version of "Zip Code Gentlemen," of course).

Third of all, band friend Will York contributes an excellent 10-page essay on the band featuring historical background, quotes from the principals, and commentary from such figurative luminaries as popular rock 'n' roll musician Andrew W.K. and noted Internet critic Mark Prindle. All this plus rare drawings and photos too -- including a jaw-stopping gobdropper of Gregg Turkington mere milliseconds after breaking a record album over his head.

Finally, there are the bonus tracks.

Bonus ZCR originals include:
- "Universal Time II," which appears to be a parody of new age music, but is actually an honest piece of textural, modern-age composition
- "The Suet Trees/Why People Do Heroin," formerly available on the Bruce Lee, Heroin and the Punk Scene triple-7", is a deranged look at drug abuse and rehab philosophy built upon buzzing noises, creepy carnival organ, vibrato guitar, several men and women providing theories on why people use heroin, and a toilet flushing

Bonus cover tunes include:
- "Once Upon A Time There Was A Pretty Fly" - In 1992, the Zip Code Rapists were asked to contribute a song for Massacre At Central High Records' Night Of The Living Dead tribute LP. So they recorded this cover of a song from Night Of The Hunter
- The Doors' "Riders On The Storm" - This is actually the same version that appeared as a bonus track on the 94124 CD, but it's always fun to hear Gregg sing "Unto this world you're born/I've got a can of corn" before suddenly screaming about people dying of salmonella poisoning.
- Joe Walsh's "Life's Been Good," though I'm pretty sure the original version didn't include the line "Meet me at 12 o'clock in the bathroom stall"
- Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing In The Dark," which finds Gregg querying, "We got any girls in the audience, or is this just a bunch of gay men?" before impersonating 'The Boss' as if he were a grindcore vocalist. His final post-song comment: "That wasn't too good."
- Theme from Beverly Hills 90210/Bentsen-Quayle Debate/Seals and Croft's "Summer Breeze" - This medley from a 2006 reunion show (!) finds an extremely drunken Gregg Turkington groaning out false lyrics like "See the assholes puking up their guts because of the opening bands" as John Singer tries desperately to maintain the high musical quality and crowd singalong fun expected from a Zip Code Rapists performance. Sample dialogue -- John: "Hold on, they wanna sing it!" Gregg: "NO! I'm singing it!"
- "He's Got The Whole World In His Hands" - A classic hymn updated for Today's Times. (sample lyric: "He's got you and me in his fucked-up parched bleeding jack-off masturbation crippled deformed polio Teddy Roosevelt FRANKLIN Roosevelt fuck you hands") (additional sample lyric: "He's got a pot tattoo on his hands, and he's got a skull with a mohawk on his dumb hands... that are missing a finger!!! in his hands")

The bottom line is simple: Do you want to die alone and loathed, with people throwing rotting tomatoes at your corpse? Or do you want to acquire eternal life by purchasing The Zip Code Rapists' Sing And Play The Three Doctors And Other Sounds Of Today CD on Eabla Records?

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Click here to purchase the 94124 EP on CD!

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