Bass For Your FACE!

And Treble For Your KIDNEY PEBBLE!

*special introductory paragraph!
*Two Lives 7"
*Bad Syd 7"
*Burnin' Inside 7"
*Rub 7"

Alfred Hitchcock's Vertigo was a Minneapolis AmRep trio featuring Jared Aos on guitar/bass/vocals, Gene Tangren on guitar/bass/vocals, and a dynamic, ever-changing revolving door of drummers that you could never pin down or keep an eye on because there were so many of them. The band was best-known for its strange practice of performing songs with two trebly distorted guitars and no bass, but if you actually look closely with your eye at their music, it doesn't take an ignorant jackass to realize that more than half of their material did in fact feature one bass, one guitar and one drum. Or possibly multiple drums, what with today's multi-tracking capabilities. Vertigo began their career with a focus on uptempo '60s-style garage punk before slowing down the tempoes, cranking up the ear-piercing treble and adding more grunge and psych influences to their songwriting for later recordings. After the band broke up, Gene and final drummer Bill put out two Amrep singles as 'Silver Salute,' and last I heard Gene was playing in an experimental duo called Grackle with long-time reader, Gang Of Four fan, neat guy, and swell guy (as well as being a good guy, and an all-around good guy) "Nehl."

That's all the information I have on Nehl though. I don't even know who the hell he is, I've never heard of him.

Two Lives 7" - Skidmark 1988
Rating = 5

With Roy Llerandi firmly entrenched as their first of two drummers, Vertigo recorded their debut single, which had three songs all based more on guitar feedback and white noise than melody. Trebly old guitar distorted FRASH! FRASH! FRASH! Bangy hitty drummer going BASH! BASH! BASH! Don't sound much like Crosby Stills and NASH! NASH! NASH! Sexy foreign maid, she dropped her SASH! SASH! SASH! Hey, she's got a shoetree in her GA

Yes, at times we all have a shoetree in our Georgia, but that does little to divert unwanted media attention from Vertigo's debut single. This single features three songs, I counted.

"Two Lives" - This is the only impressive, fully-formed noise rock composition to be found here. It features two guitars and drums, no bass. One guitar alternates between two brooding chords while the 'lead' guitar line is composed entirely of two or three different feedback tones. To change 'notes,' he therefore must be moving his guitar from one location in front of his amplifier to another location (either closer/further or from one spot to another on the amp itself). This is a really silly way to write a song, and that's why it's so enjoyable. Also of note is a smashing bent bassy note they throw in every once in a while. I have to imagine that this is the song that convinced Tom Hazelmyer to sign Vertigo to AmRep, just as the similarly silly-written "Chow" convinced him to sign the Cows. The vocals are spoken.

"Phil 105" - A merely 'okay' song, this is the single's only entree into the world of bass guitaring. Our four-stringed friend plays a nice two-chord mellow groove while the noisy asshole guitar blasts away at one open chord or just makes a bunch of trebly reverbed racket. The song only features one verse, and it is spoken by a man with kind of a goofy voice, like the guy in Nomeansno but skinnier. With a mustache.

No no - sideburns! And get this -- one is slightly longer than the other, so it looks like his head is lop-sided. HA HA HA!

Oh! And a receding hairline in the back of his head!!! YEAH!!! THIS IS STARTING TO SOUND AWESOME!!!

"Front End Loader" - This one just stinks. It starts with a blast of feedback, then they start playing The Germs' "We Must Bleed" in double-time. After a few rounds of this, the band shouts "WAH!" and plays a different chord. Then they repeat, and repeat again, with a guitar solo. After an uneventful two minutes of this homemade shit, they finally end the song with an intellectually correct shout of "SHADDAP!" A waste of good ears; don't let yours be its next victim.

The Buzzcocks were right - "Noys Annoise" and if you think directionless tinny fuzzed-out noise is a worthwhile artistic endeavor, then you probably like jazz too, Mr. Loves Things That Don't Follow Any Pattern Guy. I'm more into the mathematical repetition side of music myself; even if it's just a bunch of noise, I can really get into it if there's repetition involved. Repeat anything enough times in a row and it becomes a hook, whether you intend it to be or not. This is why I thoroughly enjoy the rhythmic feedback changes of "Two Lives," but am bored irritationalistically by the sack of shit that passes as guitarwork in "Phil 105." Maybe my love for some sort of musical structure is a component of my OCD, or maybe I just don't find random notes and ruckus all that impressive, catchy or emotionally involving. No matter which way you look at it, the bottom line is that I really, really like what naked women look like. Have you ever seen these "breast" things? They're awesome! Who's with me?

Add your thoughts about what naked women look like?

Bad Syd 7" - Amphetamine Reptile 1989
Rating = 7

I hope everybody isn't sitting out there going, "Come on, Mark. Stop reviewing singles. Nobody buys singles. Nobody even dates singles. Singles are lonely, horrible people and records." Although I have no problem reviewing a band's catalog even if I'm missing some singles, I do feel like if I am able to purchase said singles, I should review them, darn it! But only if more than one song are non-LP tracks. In other words, if a single is just an album track plus a b-side, I don't review it. But also let me point out in my defense that if I were to purchase every reviewable single I could find, then today I would have bought a ZZ Top 12" with four remixes of that godawful "Give It Up" song from Recycler, a Robert Plant 12" with two 'exciting' live tracks, and a Sparks 12" featuring dance remixes of three songs from Pulling Rabbits Out Of A Hat. Yeah, more like Pulling Rabbits Out Of A SHAT, if you ask me!!!

Here's something funny you can say to your proctologist after your next visit: "Irrigate my colon?! Yeah, more like IRRITATE my colon," if you a

There are so many ways for you to take advantage of, and enjoy, the "Yeah, more like...." gag. Here, let me think of a few more examples.

At your wedding: "I do?! Yeah, more like I SPEW, if you a

In church: "Time for Mass? Yeah, more like time for GOD TO SUCK MY ASS, if you a

At your wife's funeral: "Rest In Peace?! Yeah, more like TESTicles in my NIECE, if you a

The second Vertigo single features two songs. Both are drenched in trebly white noisy guitar chords, and for some reason there's a point in both songs where the singer screams in a really high-pitched voice. However, you'll be pleased to learn that they're much more 'song-like' than the feedback-drenched noise of the debut. "Bad Syd" features two guitars and no bass, and "Going To Pieces" is mainly driven by a bass riff, with the guitar just making a bunch of trebly racket noise. "Bad Syd" is a very catchy rock song based on an octave-jumping chord that resolves into a chord halfway between the two. The drums are herky-jerky lumpy-dumpy, both vocalists shout/sing, and the whole thing is repetitive, hooky and funsalot. "Going To Pieces" on the other hand is a bit too standard to get all that excited about -- the energy is high and the distorted bass plays a passable little note line, but the weak vocals are far too loud and (as I said) the guitarwork is almost completely indecipherable. Furthermore, in one of the strangest production decisions of the last 45 years, the drums are only audible in the right speaker. Why in Hell would they have done that!? Did they let some guy with one ear mix it down? What was the point of making the song sound like a rhythmless lump of shit to anybody standing to the left of the stereo? Come on, Jared - get your head out of your Aos and

Come on Gene - get your Tang out of Ren & stimpy's ahhhh

Roy! Ller and I are going over to Brad and Angelina's to see their new baby Piloh Shitt -- you in?

Side one is great, side two is okay. That's my motto.

And in conclusion, here's one final "Yeah, more like...." gag:

On your deathbed: "Rosebud?! Yeah, more like RosePUD, if you aaaaaaa......



Add your thoughts?

Vertigo - Amphetamine Reptile 1990
Rating = 8

The debut large-play album for Minneapolis' Vertigo is split pretty much 50/50 between uptempo garage punk and midtempo material influenced by outre sources. 7 of the 10 songs proudly feature bass guitar, 2 are covers (Hawkwind and apparently The Scientists, though I haven't heard the Scientists' original so consider that third-hand information), and 5 feature a peppy headbangin' 4/4 beat that'll have your feet dancing around like a guy with etc.

Neither of these singers will ever win an award for "Guy With An Interesting Voice," but they're not actively annoying in any way either. They just sound like a couple of normal young men who know their limitations and work within them, like we all must do sometimes in life. Remember that time you broke both your arms wackin' off and had to build the entire Space Shuttle with your mustache? See, we all know what it's like. On the musical tip, one of the fellows clearly likes practicing his scales and calling it a 'solo,' but on the lighter side, since they're both guitar players at heart, the basswork usually ends up much more exciting and busy than that of your usual root-note playing bass guy. Check out "Move Too Fast" for a good example; any other bassist would just play the four notes that the rockin' rhythm guitar is playing, but not THIS guy! He's moving those crazy fingers all over the place! I wouldn't be surprised to hear they hopped right off his hand and out the door to get a sodie pop upon said track's completion! Fingers LOVE a sodie pop!

AmRep producer "Mac"'s raw production gives the record a very welcoming, fuzzy, crunchy feel that never falls into the piercing trebliness of their later work. The guitar tones sound tough and ready to rock, the bass is distorted as a pony, and the drums are crisper than a freshly-starched shirt. Edible beans, such as favas, lentils and peas, are also rich in starch.

"Another Place Another Time" is the only song fast enough to pass for post-Ramones 'punk rock,' but the energy level is kept up throughout, even in the experimental drumroll-driven "Salt Mine". In fact, Roy "Ol' Double L" Llerandi slows the tempo for only three tracks: the awesome dark 12-bar trudger "Like I'm Already Dead" (whose guitar solo is accompanied by bass amp feedback manipulated into the correct backing notes!), passable psych CD closer "When It's All Over" (a notey track that points the way toward their future sound, for better or worse), and horrible tinny plodding mess of shit "Tonic Thing," an indescribably lame attempt to merge simplistic pop melody with Steve Albini abrasion. "Tonic Thing," you suck! "Tonic Thing," kill yourself! That's what I'd say to "Tonic Thing" if it were a person.

Look, don't think I'm generally such an asshole to songs when they became people. For example, I'd probably be plenty polite to "Like I'm Already Dead" if it were a person, unless it was a smelly ol' decaying corpse or something. Same with "Move Too Fast," though it'd probably start pissing me off after a while, the prick. What, I gotta run at top speed to be this guy's friend? He can fuck off if he thinks that's lasting more than ten minutes. "Big Brother" would be a confusing addition to my life too, because I already have a big brother. Unless they're talking like George Orwell "Big Brother," in which case it would totally suck dick if that song were a guy. Ditto for "Master Of The Universe." He'd probably make everyone watch his shitty old cartoon.

In conclusion, the debut Vertigo full-length is a bunch of guys running around trying to be my friend.

Reader Comments
I don't know much about these guys, but they sound kind of like Pussy Galore without the jokes, Jon Spencer, and occasional bass. They're also hard to find, so I don't know how far I'm willing to go for them. But "Like I'm Already Dead" is a great song. Don't know much about the others.

Sorry, when I said they sounded kind of like Pussy Galore I meant that they appropriate that band's high trebliness and non-bassiness in general, not that they sound like Pussy Galore. Vertigo are far, far tighter musically, more trained, and probably better than Pussy Galore ever was, which wouldn't be tough (though even they had some - but not very many - good songs).

(a few years later) Pussy Galore? Really? What was I THINKING?

Disregard that moronic bullshit up there.

Pussy Galore. I ought to punch myself in the face. (That, plus I actually love Pussy Galore now, years later.)

Add your thoughts?

Burnin' Inside 7" - Amphetamine Reptile 1991
Rating = 8

According to a former member of Vertigo, this 7" version of "Burnin' Inside" was recorded with Roy on drums at Electricman Studio and has a slower tempo than the later Ventriloquist version recorded with Bill on drums at Mirror Image Recording Studio. Apparently the sessions also had two different engineers. If this is true, as we have no reason to believe it is not, I am absolutely Gobstopper Jawbreaker Midgeted by how similar the two renditions sound. Everywhere I put the needle - the verse, the chorus, the spoon with the lighter underneath it, the guitar solo, my arm - the versions sound absolutely THE SAME!!! The heavy distorted bass guitar is much louder in the album version, making for a fuller and more satisfying mix, but otherwise I'd swear on a stack of Bibles, then piss on them and throw them out the window. Then I'd rip a cross off somebody's wall, discreetly shove it up my ass, and diarrhea it all over Nancy Reagan on live international TV. After that, I'd go into a church during Sunday service, whip out my boner and scream "ANYONE FOR A CHURCH ORGAN?" Then I'd kick the preacher in the balls, call the congregation an "Asshole" and

Ah yes, the record. Well, side one is great but you don't need it if you already own Ventriloquist. Also, if the church had a children's choir, I'd set them on fire, then put the fire out by beating on it with a hammer. And you know how sometimes churches have refreshments after the service? I'd go eat all the cookies and replace them with ball hair.

Side two, on the other hand, finds the shoe on the other foot for a different caper of an entirely opposite strand -- a non-LP cowpunk version of Robert Johnson's "32-20 Blues." It features a great 'walking down the neck' bass line and fun scraggly guitar tone, and might even be mistaken for early Cows if not for the singer guy's normal, non-Selberggy voice. Repetitive sure, but a should-own for definitely!

In conclusion, side A is not a Ministry cover but side B is a Robert Johnson cover. I'd recommend buying it if you see it cheap enough!

I'd also recommend digging up Jesus's skeleton and drawing a dick on his cheek, like it's going into his mouth.

Add your thoughts?

Rub 7" - Amphetamine Reptile 1991
Rating = 6

Singles. They don't contain much music. They're 7 inches in radius. Sometimes you have to play them at 45 revolutions per minute. They're singles.

Singles. They're overpriced. If you want to listen to a bunch in a row, you have to keep getting off the couch every few minutes to turn them over or put on a new one. They're laid in overlapping rows to cover the roof of a house, and are characterized by inflammation of the sensory ganglia of certain spinal or cranial nerves. They're shi

But even though they're shitty, there's something wonderful about them -- with their itty bitty artwork, exclusive tracks that CD-only shoppers might never hear, and poignant struggle to survive in a world that long ago declared them obsolete.

You see, many people don't know this because I write like a first grader, but I'm actually 32 years old. I was born in 1973, the year that The Sweet's "Little Willie" shook the cultural foundation of our global economy to its very core. And one of my fonder childhood memories is that of my Dad taking my brother and I to the Record Bar at Northlake Mall every few weeks to pick out a new single. Some of my brother's timeless purchases included Walter Egan's "Hot Summer Nights," Toto's "Hold The Line" and the Little River Band's "Lonesome Loser," while I began my crucial musical education with such unforgettable classics as John Stewart's "Gold," Al Stewart's "Song On The Radio" and Amii Stewart's "Knock On Wood." The observant might note that, even at such a tender Jung age, I knew to avoid Rod Stewart.

I still own all my old singles, as well as my brother's and Dad's since neither of them own a turntable anymore. So feel free to look me up if you ever get a hankerin' for Loverboy's "Lovin' Every Minute Of It" or the Joboxers' "Just Got Lucky." Or you oldtimers might want to use your wiretap morse code machines to hear my cherished copies of Brenton Wood's "Oogum Boogum Song" or Bobby Wood's "(My Heart Went) Boing! Boing! Boing!" "Wood" you like to hear them? Ha ha! Little harmless 'Wood' joke, having nothing to do with an erect penis.

As such, I bought Vertigo's "Rub" single in a cheapy ebay auction one day. It features four non-LP tracks - 2 with bass, 2 without - 3 originals, 1 cover - all trebly. Far, far too trebly. Fuzzed-out piercing distorted orange loud guitar trebly. Have you ever had a headache? As Paul Westerberg once sang, "I Bought A Headache." But in my case it wasn't a bag of poor marijuana but a record called "Vertigo" by the band Rub. Even in the songs with bass, the low end is too buried in the mix to have any impact. As such, the guitar wash is all-encompassing in a bad way. However, on the bright side, if you hold the record up to the light, you'll be surprised to see that the vinyl is dark red instead of black! Hold it even closer and you'll see that the vinyl becomes viscous and bendy! These 'special features' are far better than any boring commentary tracks you'll find on today's popular DVD technology.

Just as an aside, I'm writing this review at work (shockingly) and you have no idea how close I just came to accidentally responding to a client's emailed suggestion with a terse "It's worth a shit." Why the hell did they put the 'i' and 'o' keys right next to each other anyway?!

They're still essentially a garage rockin' band on this record. Basic little 2- to 4-chord riffs with accompanying lead bendy-note solo playing. The two best songs demonstrate the importance of 'musical asides' in support of such minimalist songwriting: "Rub" with its popped harmonics between chord changes and "Smoked" with its bent-up echoed note at the end of each one-chord verse line. Sure, they're subtle little touches, but the additional musical information does help to make the band look a bit smarter and more disciplined in the face of simple chord sequences that anybody could write (and has).

"Snakes," on the other hand, is too basic for the sophisticated listener to take anything away from, aside from the nagging feeling that the verse melody was stolen from an early Husker Du song. The remaining track, a cover of Crime's "Murder By Guitar," doesn't alter my middling-to-low opinion of Crime's unpleasantly pissy songwriting style, but fans of that band should be pleased with Vertigo's low-key cover.

And by 'low-key,' I mean that Vertigo's version is played in a lower key than the original. I just don't know the word for that.

Not the greatest single of all time, but better than passable and definitely worth a buck or two two, buck or two buck or two, a buck a buck or two two, buck or two buck or two, found her in a barn in Tennessee, etc.

Also here's a hilarious thing you can say if you ever hear a pretentious jerk in a record store refer to himself as an 'audiophile': "Oh yeah? That's great to have a passion like that. I'm a pedophile!"

Then after about ten seconds of awkward silence, shrug your shoulders and say, "So I love feet! What's the problem?"

Then as everybody in the store enjoys a relaxed laugh, shove your hand down a little girl's pants.

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Ventriloquist - Amphetamine Reptile 1992
Rating = 6

Though not as consistent as their first album, Ventriloquist does contain my favorite Vertigo song of all time, "Get Out." I know electric guitar players have been working their way from high notes to low since "Interstellar Overdrive," "Sunny Afternoon" and "The Great Airplane Strike" revolutionized the finger back in '67, but Vertigo pumps up the tempo, finds the catchiest possible pattern from one octave to its lower counterpoint, and adds in a scroungy scratchy chordblast verse to complete the crowd-pleasing headbanging Recipe For Great! Unfortunately it's one of the very few memorable guitar lines on the record. Thank God 8 of the 12 songs have bass, because it's the thick, distorted, catchy bass lines that SAVE the album! The guitar too often slaps out piercing ugly note combinations, lopey-dopey bent notes, and simple chord sequences so trebly you can't even make out what they're supposed to be.

This is definitely not a garage rock album. They've adopted a heavier, thicker, darker and more midtempo sound, similar to their labelmates Hammerhead but with less impressive drumming. (That's not to say that second and final drummer Bill Beeman isn't a perfectly good rock drummer; it's just that the Hammerhead guy is insanely intense when he wants to be.) Only a few of the songs are as punchily uptempo as the bulk of the first album, but the slower beats are more appropriate for this heavier, more bass-focused style of songwriting. One decision they might have reconsidered, however, was the inclusion of two near-worthless 'experimental' jams recorded with their original drummer; sure, the bendy-down note in "The Terror" is kinda neat, but couldn't they have reworked it into an actual *song*? As for the vocals, no surprise that they're as untrained as before, but they usually do the job just fine (although the title track's plea, "Can you hear me? I'm screaming!" is undermined a bit by the fact that he isn't).

If we break down the album into individual segments, we get (3) great songs whose greatness is determined almost entirely by their killer bass lines, (2) songs built around the guitarist bending a note upwards like a blues guy, (2) experimental wastes, (1) weak grunge song, (1) fun fast bass line ruined by a stinging, irritating guitar riff, (1) long, slow, UGLY sci-fi thing, (1) Minutemen cover, and (1) "Get Out," the greatest Vertigo song ever.

. If we break it down even further, we get several small rectangular pieces of vinyl, or 'quarks'.

Boy, I'm 'all about' the unplayable vinyl jokes today aren't I?

It's really unfortunate that songs as great as "Get Out," the driving title track, tremelo-drenched "Love Withdrawal" and lazy/sad "Burning Inside" are nearly lost amid such ugly boring garbage as "Planet Earth" and "Hilmar," worthless tomdickery like "The Terror" and "Crack In The Sidewalk," and weird album covers like the weird album cover. But you know what? All in all, on the whole, when all is said and done, at the end of the day, it's still overall a pretty good record. Definitely not worth more than $1,000,000, but if you can find it in a used bin or something, it's definitely worth picking up. Not with a pitchfork though, and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY!!!!

As you can see, my newest, greatest goal is to corner the market on unplayable vinyl humor, so any ideas you have would be much appreciated. Here, I've set up a separate email account for any ideas you might have:

Submit your unplayable vinyl jokes to this special new email address!

Or alternately, use this old, tedious email address to Add your thoughts?

Good luck not falling asleep though! I've never SEEN such a boring email address! And you're talking to a guy who sends illegal spam email for a living!

Oh hell, did I write that out loud?

Oh hell, did I just cut and paste that into an email and send it to the FBI?

Reader Comments
Here's an "unplayable vinyl joke" that's guaranteed to spoil your day and earn me a place on your "Blocked Sender" list:

Q: Why couldn't I play my War LP anymore?
A: Because it had to take a P. (WAR-P)

Anyway, Vertigo... Back when this album came out, I heard "Planet Earth" on a college radio station and for some reason it impressed me a lot. I bought the album and I still listen to that song fairly often. Not sure what I saw in it - probably just that descending riff and the guitar tone. But my favorite song on the album has to be "Rocket V", which has great lyrics consisting of a guy yelling at a bunch of kids to keep quiet and keep the window closed so he can sleep ("Hey close that window/It's freakin cold/......../You think I like to freeze?/I gotta get up early/I need some goddamn sleep/I've got to go to work") ("Those bastard kids always playing their games outside my window"). I also like "Love Withdrawal"... I'll have to relisten to see which song is "Get Out", I can't remember which song was which among the others.... but Prindle seems to like it so it must have some potential.

Nailhole - Amphetamine Reptile 1993
Rating = 6

For their frinal tip around the pop chrats, Vergito infused the dark hard rock of Ventriloquist with a helping heaping of Mudhoney sloppy grunge. Nailhole contains 12 songs - 8 with bass, 4 without - no covers - 11 full compositions and 1 novelty track built on repetitive samples from an old sci-fi movie or somesuch. The mix is excellent, with heavy, lightly distorted bass combining well with an electric guitar tone that thankfully isn't anywhere near as high-pitched as on the previous record. Unfortunately the songwriting quality is as inconsistent as before, veering violently back and forth between:

-- ass-kicking hard rock: the headbanging "King Of Terror"! an angry scorcher "Coming Down"! that punk rocker "Hello? (Click)!"

-- Seattle dirt grunge: "Edward" grooves along nicely with some swell string-bends, but for a real 'blast,' check out "Up The Road," the most accurate Mudhoney rip-off since the last few Mudhoney albums

-- interesting stylistic experiments: listen as "Out Of Touch"'s bass guitar valiantly tries to climb the steep note-hill as the winds of drum continuously push him back down! Don't sit still as "Blackest Night" takes on NWOBHM in what might very well be an unironic manner! Giggle wigglingly at the "Other Side"'s jilarious 5/4 time signature!

-- boring, lopey-dopey two-chord nothings: Plenty of the songs pair a hooky verse with a crap one-chord chorus or vice-versa, but not often do I run across an AmRep song I loathe as vehemently as "Andrew Moore," home of this 'hilarious' chorus: "I used to be a tobacco farmer/but now I'm drinkin'!/Can I take my shoes off?/My feet stink!"

The playing is very tight and the guitar work is less bullshittily wankoffish than before, with a few of my favorite moments perhaps including "King Of Terror"'s great notey chorus, "Nail In The Wall"'s endearing tremelo bar bends, and "Wooden Nickel"'s stereo-separated arpeggios working against the three basic chords. Unfortunately, no matter how great a chord sequence or bass hook is, it is all too quickly replaced by some rotten abortion of a chorus whose inclusion calls the band's very sanity into question (Did they even listen to the choruses of "Blackest Night," "Out Of Touch" and "Wooden Nickel" after recording them? And if so, why didn't they notice how much smelly ass they suck?)

Yes, it's easy to paraphrase GG Allin's "Suck My Ass It Smells" whenever something isn't going your way, but let's keep in mind that different people have different tastes. Perhaps a member or two of Vertigo find their hearts soaring overhead whenever two generic, midtempo chords happen by. This is nothing to be ashamed of. Look at Moslems, for example. They wear stupid clothes all over their body because they think if God sees a woman's head he'll get a boner and send her to Hell. Or Orthodox Jews, with their yarmulkes, long beards and putrifying B.O. We're all different people, and we need to learn to live together like the Indians. If not, we're all going to die out like the dinosaurs. Many people don't know this, but the dinosaurs were killed by an Ice Age brought on specifically because they were all worshipping some dinosaur god instead of Jesus. I urge you not to make the same mistake. Vertigo? More like PraytoGod if you ask me. Nailhole? More like Nail(edtoacrossforyoursinsass)hole, if you ask me.

Amphetamine Reptile? More like Godgodgodgod Godjesus if you a

The bottom lime in all this is that Vertigo was a talented hard rock trio whose output was marred by that common yet frustrating bugaboo hobgoblin known as 'Inconsistency.' I wholeheartedly, disumbilically recommend their eponymous debut, but beyond that it's going to have to be your call. Trainspotters take note -- if you switch the 'tr' with the 'sp,' you get 'Spaintrotters'! This popular Latin American basketball team delights children of all ages with their hilarious antics, including the "Basketball Pinata," "Double Dribbling Sombrero" and "Taco-Flavored Personal Foul."

Reader Comments (Jakob Hellberg)
I didn't think anyone remembered this band. I was a HUGE AmRep fan in the late 80's/early 90's (bought everything I could get my hands on) but Vertigo never did anything for me at all, I don't see what Haze saw in those guys. There was absolutely NOTHING interesting about them, they had no distinct style (a garage song here, a college rocker there), no nice vocals no nothing. In my AmRep revivals I have every third year or so, I track down Vertigo's catalogue really cheap on eBay and then sell them again after remembering how boring they were, I have done this like three times!!!

Review Tar (really underrated band that I didn't like too much then but actually enjoy now) or the God Bullies instead!!!

....words... funny little overused things that they are. Anyone who's a fan of the late Syd Barrett, (not "late" in the sense of Rich Bunnell, but more like "late" as in not very punctual/punctilious), understands that words are merely gutteral utterances that add body to a tune. The more they "mean" or the more seriously they are taken, the less worth they have in a song. They just tend to bring you back to an ordinary plane, (plain), of existence. Well, except for those folks that are truly wordsmiths, e.g. Dylan and Charlie Watts.

The way I remember the Andrew Moore story was that the words were pretty much ripped from an enebriated hitch-hiker's lips as they were being spoken. What could be more hilarious or enlightening than a drunk's raw mental meanderings? I guess you had to be there, and I wasn't...

As for this "Nehl" character, no one knows much about him... He's unimportant, a deviation... I have it from an excellent source that if he stays in one place too long a pool of toxicity begins to form around him...

Thanks for the new Vertigo page!!!

Add your thoughts?

Click here to buy Vertigo CDs cheap -- HOWEVER, only buy the ones from 1992 and 1993 -- the other stuff is a different band with the same name! Be forewarned!

Click here to Vertigo go go back to Mark Prindle's Raked Necord Reviews