Throbbing Gristle

Anyone for the same go-nowhere keyboard noises used over and over again?
*special introductory paragraph!
*Kreeme Horn: In Praise Of The Grotesque
*First Annual Report
*Second Annual Report
*D.o.A. The Third And Final Report
*20 Jazz Funk Greats
*Heathen Earth
*In The Shadow Of The Sun
*Journey Through A Body
*Mission Of Dead Souls
*TG Now
*Part Two: The Endless Not
*The Third Mind Movements

I was all hot to trot about Throbbing Gristle in early college, thinking that their "industrial" music, designed to recreate the deadening aura of post-industrial Britain, was some wildass shit, just like those RESearch books, Mark Pauline and comics about serial killers! I suppose that's the sort of thing a young person will find thrilling - an alternate view of life focusing on the dark side. Certainly this would have appealed to me much more in my youth than now because at that point, death and madness weren't real concepts. Now they are. This has nut'n to do with TG though, so let me get back to the point. The point is that their "music" wasn't music so much as dark, dank noise created with creepy echoey keyboards and shitted up guitars. At times, it did its due diligence. At other times, it all sounded exactly the same. Which was probably on purpose - what better way to manifest a sense of the soul-crushing and banal in the listener than by subjecting them to boring noises over and over again? On a related note, why listen to it?

Kreeme Horn: In Praise Of The Grotesque - Dossier 1997.
Rating = 2

Recorded in 1975 before the band had made a name for itself. It's nearly an hour of rudimentary fuzzed out guitar blasts and belching synthesizer noise on top of fake drums. It's almost astonishing to think that FOUR people were responsible for this nonsense. Each of the first three tracks centers around one single minimally interesting noise (a scary up-and-down fuzz swoop, a bouncy little novelty dance thing, a two-note "bass" line) being repeated an excruciatingly infinite number of times while the other band members make up noises to put on top. And then the last two don't even bother with the formalities - they just don't do anything. Painfully, unlistenably bad.

But the stage show must have been bonus! Can you imagine the fancy light show of joy? Giant inflatable pigs? A big ol' octopus? Beds going across the stadium and crashing into the stage?

Reader Comments (Steve Bouton)
Worth noting here that this is one of several post-TG discs that have a sketchy history... from their website:

"Studio recordings allegedly from 1975 (but most likely between 1975-1977), Peter Christopherson is not credited. He was most likely a participant, and the credits are falsified."

The record, "Giftgas" and this one (and Dossier put out ANOTHER one, I think) are basically home demo tapes that were not intended for release. This is why they suck. These records have barely any relevance to TG in their full glory like on DOA, Jazz Funk Greats, or Heathen Earth. Now THOSE are some damn albums!

Add your thoughts?

First Annual Report - Thirsty Ear 2001
Rating = 7

Before we move on to the subject of Throbbing Gristle's long-delayed debut recording, I'd like to address the topic of the brain and its wily ways. I'm a 34-year old man as I write this particular record review (the other reviews on this page are older -- in some cases embarrassingly older), yet I still must mentally struggle to overcome my knee-jerk reactions to certain stimuli. One of these stimuli is what I'll call 'the typical Throbbing Gristle fan.' This is probably a fallacy, because odds are that most Throbbing Gristle fans are just normal English blokes like me from Norcross, Georgia, just a-living our lives and enjoying some interesting noises and artistic ideas here and there. However, it's the squeaky Throbbing Gristle fan that gets the grease. Here, let me share with you a few examples of what I'm talking about -- these are all from reader comments:

"If decent bourgeois individuals are offended at what they hear in this album, then to be consistent they would also need to be offended by the very socio-economic system that produces those 'products.'"

"True, TG did coin the phrase, 'Industrial Music For Industrial People' -but with a socio-political/ cultural intent and meaning far beyond the ken of a bunch of spoilt American middle class kids trying to shock their 'moms'."

"...Throbbing Gristle (attempted) to wreck civilization, and for good reason. Dadaists P-Orridge, Tutti, Sleazy and Carter meet in post industrial collapsed welfare state Britain and decide that things must be changed or at least destroyed and set about to do so.... Don't worry, t/g is long gone and civilization is safe."

I'm concerned here not with what drives some people to view the world in this way, but rather why I psychologically react to them the way that I do (and perhaps you do too?). I find people like this to be insufferably condescending, arrogant beyond their worth, and (most reactionary of all) completely immature and lacking in self-awareness. Look at the evidence: They use the word 'bourgeois.' They put sarcastic quotation marks around completely neutral nouns ('products' and 'moms'!?). They honestly believe that Throbbing Gristle has had any effect at all on anything or anyone outside of pretentious pseudo-intellectuals like themselves. And THE FACT THAT I FEEL THIS WAY IS WHAT ANNOYS ME SO MUCH! I'm the prejudiced one here. They're just throwing words out; I'm the one reacting with a knee-jerk (to their faces, hopefully). What's even worse is that their humorless 'I'm intellectually ahead of you' attitude is the same one I take when I get upset about religious people! So not only am I dick about their dickness, but I'm as big a dick as they are at simply BEING A DICK!

On the plus side, I at least do possess self-awareness of this character flaw. And it's really not hard to spot in other people either. So be careful how you react to other people in a public forum, because the nature of your reaction always says more about you than it does the other person. Here's an example, pulled from a real-life Internet board:

StarvinMarvin: Hi everyone, Here's my latest review: Peter Criss (1978).
jpf: Who cares what you think?
IggyPopWillEatItself Fan: Dude, you are SO not qualified to review rock albums.
Too Far Gone: You suck at journalism, quit now.
StarvinMarvin: You suck at life. Quit now. Am I qualified to write reviews? No. It's a hobby. That said, I know for a fact that I am more qualified to write about music than you. Your posts betray your ignorance on all this music related. What's your qualification to comment about music? Your Metal Sludge Message Board membership? I write reviews because I want to, and because I can. My site is less than two years old, and already it regularly attracts 2500 unique visitors per month. Record companies send me FREE CDs to review. Not bad for a new site. I must be doing something rightl Who cares about what you have to say anyway? Thousands of people regularly visit my site. The only people in this world who listen to your views on music are the people on this message board, and even then it's not because we actually want to. We're a captive audience.

Now who came out of that confrontation looking like the bigger loser? Learn from StarvinMarvin's mistake and let things go before you turn into a defensive crybaby. If his site attracts 2500 unique visitors per month, why does he care what three people using fake names on a message board think of him? Why should he? Now the whole world thinks he's a big fucken dork because I re-posted it here and every living organism reads my site.

I'm also warning from experience here -- one time YEARS AND YEARS AGO THANKS (okay, only 6 years ago but that's still more than 2 or 3), I went Compliment Hunting on a music message board by signing in under the name "Miss Take" and pretending to be a big fan of new-fangled online record critic Mark Prindle. Upon receiving unexpected Negative Feedback About Mark Prindle from the board, I (as "Miss Take") began vehemently defending new-fangled online record critic Mark Prindle (who, incidentally, SUCKED EVEN MORE SHIT AT THE TIME THAN HE DOES NOW) as an important new voice in the blah blah blah etc. Finally I (most likely) started crying and admitted my true identity -- as a big fucken DUMBASS! And that's just one example. Sometimes your fingers type really stupid things when you're feeling weak and depressed. The answer? USE CAPS LOCK A LOT TO DEMONSTRATE MATURITY.

Now we may begin the record review proper.

Nineteen hundred and seventy-five years after Jesus wasn't really born, four British Englishpeople got together to record their First Annual Report. Then they shelved it and put out their second one instead, leaving this one to sit around the house until 2001, when HAL put it out. HA HA! LITTLE JOKE ABOUT A FILM MASTERPIECE I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN!!! ALSO, FANTASIA SUCKED MY ASS IT SMELLED!!!!

The insane thing is that this album is actually better than the one they released. It's easy to understand their decision though -- not only was Second Annual Report comprised of newer material; it was also much more confrontational, unconventional and... well, painful to listen to! Not that First Annual Report is traditional by any means, but compared to the Second Annual Report it's an f-oldin' Simon & Garfunkel album!

Let me susplain: there are melodies on this record. They're extremely rudimentary melodies - mostly consisting of two-note fuzz bass lines - but they allow the listener to find his grounding in a way that Second Annual Report absolutely refuses to offer. Furthermore, the band wasn't nearly as synth-dependent at this time, so the bass lines, heavily-effected distorted guitar and...err...whatever that other instrument is (violin?) allow the band to maintain at least a tenuous link to the experimental psych music of late-60s/early-70s hippies, avant-gardists and Germans.

Tracks: 6
Tracks With Musical Hooks: 4
Tracks That Over Eighteen Minutes Long: 1
Tracks With Vocals: 3
Tracks With Vocals That Are Also The Best Tracks On The Album: 3
Tracks That Sound Like Improvisational Made-Up Shit Noise: 1
Tracks That Are An Underdeveloped Buzzing Noise: 1

The obvious centerpiece and highlight is "Very Friendly," in which Genesis P-Orridge plays a catchy, insistent 2-note bass riff while simultaneously relating a Moors Murder in the manner of a light-hearted anecdote. Regardless of the insane amounts of distortion, rhythmic industrial noise and stinging wiggly electric guitar racket, what is really so disturbing about the song is the way the material is treated so light-heartedly (at least for the first 12 minutes, until David Smith phones the police). Apparently The Smiths caused quite a controversy with their own Moors Murder treatment "Suffer Little Children" a full decade later: imagine if polite UK society had heard THIS thing!

Other Jai-Alaites: "10 Pence" pairs another classic 2-note fuzz-bass line with the answer to the age-old question, "What would it sound like if Throbbing Gristle's guitarist were to play a jazz chord?" The result is a mood of utter hopelessness. Like music, but hopelessly so! "Scars Of E" puts the band's unorthodox tonal palette into the format of an actual "song," with clearly delienated and repeating "parts" that flow into each other to create an echoey, forboding, off-kilter mood reminiscent of early Fall home recordings (but more frightening). And "Final Muzak" interestingly presents what appears to be a locked loop of a funky acoustic guitar lick paired with the high-pitched hum of an industrial machine.

There are two other tracks as well, but come on.

I was, and am, pleasantly surprised by how good this 'lost recording' turned out to be. It's astonishing to think of all the godawful pieces of throwaway dung that were released as "Throbbing Gristle albums" over the years while this intelligent, creative and hooky batch of studio material hid behind a tree and laughed at my pecker. FUCK YOU HE'S POKING THAT HOLE AS FAST AS HE CAN ASSHO

Oh wait, you thought I meant my....? No no, my WOODpecker! Come on now, everybody has a woodpecker! Only a few people have a penis.

Reader Comments
Dear Prindle,

A couple of years ago I wrote you a drunken and complimentary email: now, well into the more mature phase of my life (i.e. wearing a dressing gown of a morning and having no fun at weekends) I have to write again.

Prindle, your review of TG First Annual Report is another reaffirmation of the motives which will forever lead me to read and to love your site!

God bless you, Prindle, and if Italian law ever decides to let an English fellow get a credit card, I vow to click on that frigging Amazon link til you are a rich, rich man.


Eric Rucker

P.S. I, like TG, come from Hull and therefore am genetically qualified to make the above comments.
When they talk about the social impact of Throbbing Gristles music I think they mean industrial and noise music in general, in which case it is not that strange. Allegedly one of the higher ups in Ronald Reagan's administration referred to Eugene Chadbourne as the the biggest threat to the American way of life. Also I remember a Rob Wright interview in which he used the word bourgeoisie at least a half dozen times, and I don't see you dismissing him out of hand.
Hello Mark,
I'm a big fan of your site who used to write in rather frequently as metallosoran until I got rid of aol and it became too much of a hassle to actually type in the necessary information to send an email. Anyway, you don't need to post this in the comments or anything, I was just writing to say that I heavily identify with your feelings about overblown, pretentious people who seem to lack any self-awareness or sense of irony about the ridiculously meaningless crap they have to say. When I see or hear such things, I most want such people to know deep down that they're pathetic wretches who aren't even smart enough to realize that they're full of shit. I also realize this is a stupid waste of time and energy to let myself get worked up by what I perceive as the faults of others, and that in other areas (like you with religion) I am undoubtedly as self-assured and arrogant about my poorly informed ideas and opinions. Still, it's hard to suppress the rage I feel when confronted with such people, and the silly idea that I could somehow make them come to some grand realization about what assholes they are by typing mean things at them. Most likely, the attention they would be getting from me would just feed into their already undeservedly large egos. Anyway, I have just learned to do my best to avoid situations where I would run into these people, and if I have to be around them (say in a college classroom) to realize it's not something to get worked up over, and my own sense of superiority to them is as smug and unjustified as any of their ideas or opinions that are causing me to feel that way. Anyway, it's a constant struggle to not be a dick for no real reason to people who rub us the wrong way, but we all know what happens if we let our dicks get rubbed the wrong way: we shoot semen into our own insides and get ourselves pregnant with monster babies. That's only if we ate eggs that morning for breakfast, of course.
So, you finally got around to reviewing the other Annual Report. You know, I heard its release was delayed because it fell behind the filing cabinet and they just now found it. HA!!!!! Holy Mary motherfuck, that was funny...

There are many other releases you've yet to review because you're a lazy fucktard (portmanteau of feeble-unlucky-bastard), though unlike Grief, are actual music, or as far as you'd venture to call it that. Many are old limited tape releases like Nothing Short Of A Total War or The Best Of (which was actually their first ever release), and then there are the semi-bootlegs like Giftgas or half-life stuff like Assume Power Focus, but you've also left out their last recording 'till their reformation, Journey Through A Body. More random noise & dicking around than anything before, so I'm sure you'll have a jolly romp through it. And of course, we're all waiting for you to blow $500 on TG24 and listen to a few extracts before reviewing it, then sending the leftovers to whoever wants them. You WOULD do that, right?

Add your thoughts?

Second Annual Report - Industrial 1977.
Rating = 6

Once they got their "groove" on, Throbbing Gristle filled their albums with some CREEPYASS noises, often led by the extremely creepish, soulless vocals of Mr. Genesis P-Orridge, the leader of the band. This album consists of several short droney deathtone tracks called "Slug Bait" and "Maggot Death," none of which contain anything close to a melody (similar to each other of the same title or otherwise) along with the 20-minute soundtrack to a Coum Transmissions film.

Aside: Coum Transmissions was an early '70s confrontational performance art group from which Throbbing Gristle sprung. They cut each other up, threw poop around, had sex on stage - really SHOCKING stuff like that.

Foreside: Pretty good record. No melodies of course, but lots of intense atmospherics that will make you feel like you're locked in an insane old warehouse late at night, slowly wheezing your way to death as you use up all the air and wonder how long it's going to take and how it will feel to fade away. In other words, lots of poorly-recorded morbid noises and vocals to enjoy! The reissued version contains the hit single "United"/"Zyclon B Zombie" -- two actual SONGS!!!! "United" actually sounds like a Kraftwerk song! A boring, shitty one that took no skill whatsoever, but a Kraftwerk song nevertheanybody!

Reader Comments
i guess its cause it was ahead of its time back then that people liked this stuff, or maybe that i dont have the patience to get into it, but it just sounds like a bunch of distorted guitar effects that go on for a while without any melodies to me. the liner notes are kinda creppy though, and i guess the goofy voice effect is sorta cool too even though it means i cant understand any of the lyrics. also, zyclon b zombie is a good name for a song, but it would probably be a better name for a band, plus the song sucks. probably as you stated i should view it as art and not music, but as long as im listening to noise it might as well be merzbow or something else thats loud and fast and less repetitive!

Add your thoughts?

D.o.A. The Third And Final Report - Industrial 1978.
Rating = 8

As spooky as the first one, but more disturbingly so because the record is surprisingly diverse. You honestly have no idea what to expect because it keeps jerking back and forth between the unnerving-as-SHIT electronic noises of "I.B.M." and "Hamburger Lady" (a true story about a woman who has been burned to a crisp but is still alive to make hospital attendants feel very uncomfortable and vomitous) to brighter sets of actual "notes" like the bouncy keyboard tune "AB/7A" and "Hometime," a pretty little tune driven by children's laughter that is just WAY too pastoral to be on a Throbbing Gristle album - especially one whose cover and inside artwork flirt with images of child pornography. Other tracks create moods of alternate psychosis, rage, sorrow and even PLAYFULNESS! (Track 3 is "United" - their old hit single? NOPE! A tape of their old hit single being fast forwarded!). Score one point for the Throbbers!

Perhaps not every single number is in and of itself enthralling as a shoe (especially since several are built around soundbites in thick British accents that I personally can't understand a WORD of), but as a whole the album is phenomenally engrossing time and time again. The odd as pooty mood switches continually make you wonder if you're supposed to laugh at pain, fear happiness or just shut up and bang your head.

And again, be sure to get the re-release - it contains the awesomely hypnotic/hilarious single "Five Knuckle Shuffle/We Hate You (Little Girls)".

Reader Comments

I stumbled on your site while reading up on Rudimentary Peni. Just want to point out that on "Death Threats," the thick English accents are actually recorded from the Industrial Records answering machine, and are in fact death threats aimed at the band. Crazy thought-- the music and packaging is disturbing as ever now, but at the time TG were called "wreckers of civilization" by the papers and people really thought they were a terrible horrible thing.

Love your site, thanks. I have so far only disagreed with you in a big way about Pere Ubu's "Dub Housing," which is my favorite one. Don't know how you could say that "Navvy" or "Caligari's Mirror" aren't catchy, or that it's only worth half the stars of the Modern Dance. But hey, that's your opinion-- you express it simply but obviously not ignorantly, and that makes for a decent read.
Right now is my first experience with Throbbing Gristle. I don't think I'll ever listen to it again, unless I plan on shooting myself in the face someday. Maybe it would come in handy then.

Ughh. No thanks. I hate this stuff.

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CD1 - The Grey Area 1986
Rating = 2

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20 Jazz Funk Greats - Industrial 1979.
Rating = 7

Although the album title is a joke, this is the least macabre of the original Throbbing Gristle releases. It leans much closer to the "musical" side than the others, sort of split between bouncy Devo type instrumentals and proto-rock songs with funny or unfigureoutable lyrics. There are still a couple of creepy numbers (a few minutes ago, the track "Exotica" woke my fiancee from her slumber to remark, "Is that noise coming from the music? That's scary!" The mast vaginity of it, though, would be better categorized as, say, ambient pre-electronica (?). Or fuzzy crap noise. One of the two!

Let me stress that Throbbing Gristle were first and foremost "artists," not musicians. NONE of this work is incredibly complicated. But that doesn't detract from the simple pleasures of hearing a British asshole shouting "Wot a day! Wot a day! Wot a day - ALL day!" over a moronic pulsing corpse beat. Speaking of corpses, the front and back album covers of this CD are so fucking funny, you'd might as well move to a less interesting continent if you look at them and a booger doesn't fly out of your nose.

Say - you know how "clever" people will sometimes make a "brilliant" observation like, "Why do men have nipples?" I finally came up with a good answer. Next time some "clever" person makes this "brilliant" observation around you, be sure to respond by punching them really hard in the face and then fucking their girlfriend on live television.

Reader Comments (James Welton)
I'd like to comment on Throbbing Grislte, but since I've never heard any of their "music," and repeated descriptions of same don't make me all goose-pimply about adding their "art" to my collection, I'd just like to say that you're recommendation about what to do in response to people who make those wacky obversations about those funny little mysteries of life was a fuckin' riot. Funnier than this album's cover, even. (No, I've never heard them, but I saw the album cover.) Now, what the hell can we do about prop comics?
How come following your rant you still manage to give this a seven? I sometimes think your marking (sic) system is a tad on the skewed side - surely this is worth two or three at most. Which is a shame because there are some fine tracks on here which at the time were as avant garde as anything around at the time (which was probably early PIL and Cabaret Voltaire). "Hot on the heels of love" is as fine a disco mating song that you'll hear this side of studio 54. "Persuasion" is nice and sinister but the number you should all check out is "six six sixties". Cracking track! I managed to fool a girlfriend with the cover - "David" she exclaimed "you've got some jazz funk! - put it on". I seem to remember we split up soon after.
Seeing as you don't especially enjoy TG's music, might I recommend to you the music of SPK. Both bands were contemporaneous with each other, but early SPK had a slightly more 'punk' feel (i.e. guitar), and they may be more up your alley. Granted, SPK were eerie, and at times scary. But you may find their music (as I did) to be a little more appealing, overall. If you've not yet checked them out, now might be the time to get it out of the way...

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Heathen Earth - Industrial 1979.
Rating = 8

The idea here was to get a "live" recording of the band that was free of the bad sound quality inherent in most halfassed live recordings of the day. So they invited a few friends to watch them play live as they recorded - no overdubs! The result is their scariest album ever -- absolutely frightening stuff, with the incessant, mindless synth pulse and echoey, creepily descending keyboard and guitar noises evoking images of mass murderers, cannibals, child molesters, serial killers, necrophiles, kidnappers, child rapists and other people who threaten to ruin our lives for their own pleasure. There is no light on this album, but the darkness is something that you need to be aware of, if only so that youcan fortify your home against those who might harm your loved ones.

People who hurt, harass and kill other people deserve to endure five hundred times the pain they dole out. If you ever catch a serial killer or child molester, first things first: tie him up in a chair, cut off his genitalia with scissors, jam knitting needles into his eyes, douse him in lighter fluid, set him in fire, then put out the fire before he is dead - so his every waking moment, he feels his crisp skin oozing off. Don't let him die. Torment him in different ways every day. Be creative. Cover him in honey and break an ant farm over his head. Break every bone in both of his hands with a hammer. Violently shove brooms and such up his ass. Get vengeance for every person who has ever suffered at the hands of a selfish monster.

Either that or phone the police. Really, it's your call.

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In The Shadow Of The Sun - Illuminated 1984
Rating = 2

In 1980, Derek Jarman (apparently) asked Throbbing Gristle to score an experimental film he'd created by (as far as I can tell) slowing down a bunch of old home movies and (from what it seems to be) dicking around with fancy camera effects. The result was one of the greatest albums of Bob Seger's career.

Kicking off with the powerhouse triumvirate of bawdy boogie-woogie "Horizontal Bop," wistful ballad "You'll Accomp'ny Me" and sleazy slopper "Her Strut," Throbbing Gristle proves once again that FM radio programmers are no match for its raw throaty delivery and manly throaty beard. Elsewhere, "Betty Lou's Gettin' Out Tonight" is an evocative slice of '50s nostalgia reminiscent of their earlier hit "Old Time Rock N' Roll," and the 57-minute title track is a bunch of shitty ambient wind noise and echoed made-up-on-the-spot garbage.

Hours don't get much longer than the one it takes to sit through this worthless collage of random vibe strikes, grumbling bass drones, ugly organ blasts and skill-free guitar assfuckery. You know that section of "A Saucerful Of Secrets" right before the cool rhythm comes in, where they're bashing away and Gilmour's just making ugly slide-guitar noises as an approximation of 'musical chaos'? Imagine that played by a bunch of Down's Syndrome people with no ears. There are no melodies. No hooks or riffs. Just random noise. And it's neither creepy nor hypnotic, but just repetitive, directionless and unfathomably dull. They certainly take full advantage of their delay pedal though!

To be fair, In The Shadow Of The Sun was never meant to be experienced on its own; it was created as audio support for Jarman's visuals. Having no access to (or interest in) the film, I played the soundtrack while viewing Internet pornography. I don't know if you're familiar with pornography, but it's a school of documentary film devoted to the study of (married) couples performing the act of procreation. And I'll give Throbbing Gristle this -- In The Shadow Of The Sun certainly does bring an element of dark unpleasantness to 10-second clips of procreation (and/or two women demonstrating that it is impossible to procreate without a man, a foolish woman attempting to procreate with her own fingers, and some nuns defecating on each other). So I'll give it a 2 for good intentions. Otherwise this album sucks the big Wing-Wong!


On another topic, I know what you're thinking. You're saying, "Hay Mark you haven't added a new artist page since the Joni Mitchell travesty of '46. What's the happening?" The happening is that I've in the interim learned the ancient art of stealing music off the Internet, which I've been courageously using to fill in a number of gaps on my Web Site (including the Throbbing Gristle album you're now holding in your hand). I will continue to do so until I feel that the site has reached satisfactory completeness, at which point I will resume adding new artist pages, beginning with The Adolescents. I'm hoping to be 'Back in the New York Groove' within the next few weeks, but since every band on my site seems to put out a new record every five minutes (check back next Friday for the latest from Longmont Potion Castle and Wire!), who's to know and who's to say?

Oh, and some asshole sent me a live Who bootleg so I guess I have to review that too (*performs "wank-off" motion on naked erect penis*)

Fucking asshole, sending me things for free. FUCK YOU! DEMAND PAYMENT FROM I!

Sorry, turned into a Rastafarian at the end there.

Reader Comments

Dillin Brackett
In The Shadow Of The Sun is on Youtube, segments at least. It's super crazy, too.

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Grief - Thirsty Ear 2001
Rating = 2

Say, here's an idea. Next time I get drunk and start walking towards the computer, somebody grab it and throw it out the window.

Yes, yet again - for the THIRD TIME IN THREE YEARS - I've drunkenly sent a ridiculous, embarrassing email to Hustler Magazine only to turn around three months later and find it published in their Letters to the Editor section. I suppose your Average Joe would be proud of such an achievement, but come on! I graduated high school with a 4.0! I got a 1470 on the SAT! I got my Bachelor's Degree in 3 1/2 years! In elementary school, I constantly got C's in conduct! My mother used to call hot chocolate "Chookalocka-chookalocka-boom-boom-boom"! I shouldn't be out there getting published in trashy magazines filled with sex and murder!

So if you see a letter from M.P., New York, NY in your local filth magazine, you know who's irresponsible!

Incidentally, here's an interesting statistic that I feel says something important about today's society. Hustler magazine began publication as a monthly magazine in July 1974. At some point they added an annual Holiday issue to their schedule, so they currently publish 13 issues per year. As such, at this point in time there exist at least 415 different back issues of the magazine. Now here's the interesting statistic: As of this writing, only 15 of those issues remain unread by me, Mark Prindle, America's Failure.

And ebay willing, some day I'll whittle that number down to... well, probably two because two particular issues always get bid up to like 30 dollars on ebay (issue #1 and one from the '80s with an underaged Traci Lords layout), and there's no way I'm paying that much for a G______D_ magazine. I've never paid more than $4.50 for a Hustler and now's no time to start!

Speaking of major-league boobs, Throbbing Gristle.

I'd love to be able to pronounce this CD a "Good Grief, Charlie Brown," but it's another thrown-together pile of leftover boredom that the band probably doesn't even know exists. Featuring two side-long tracks ("Camera" and "Telephone"), it's basically a bunch of foreign TG-related news broadcasts and Genesis P-Orridge interviews buried under non-descript synth/guitar effect noise and reverbed "aaaaaaaa" voice drones. In my review of Helmet's Born Annoying CD, I vehemently complain about amateur rock critics who "describe every single fucking song on an album I've never heard (ex. "Bill's Big Butt" has a great country feel with autoharp, then "Hey, My Fish!" goes for more of a country-meets-Motown feel, then "Eat A Dick" brings in elements of Beatle-esque pop.... WHO FUCKING CARES!??!! WRITE SOMETHING INTERESTING!!!!)." I'm pleased to announce that, for the next few minutes, today is Opposite Day.

"Camera" (24:29) - Vibratoed weird synth/guitar racket in one speaker. Delay/repeated P-Orridge interview in other speaker; then a ringing alarm clock. A NON news report too! w/ Throbbing Gristle playing with them. Genesis says, "I never look forward to a performance." The dialogue is really cute and echoey - hard to make out. "Psychic music, or religious music. The technologies have been explored, blues too. Done industrial too. Now music must go inside the head - not like Tangerine Dream." Funny! Weird! They hope to be as difficult as possible at their next contest! (EDITOR'S NOTE: I clearly intended to write "concert" here, but sometimes when you're 'in the zone,' the brain's signals get a little frazzled on their way to the fingertips. Dear God in Heaven, please forgive me for this grievous error that has caused so much pain and torment.) "I play a 50-pound bass guitar through a thousand pounds of effects." He means English money, not American weight! He says the band is all non-descript to look at. "There's a bird." Then they play a bit of "Subhuman." Then a new squiggly synth/guitar noise in other speaker. Then some guy speaking French or some crap. The 'music' is really dull. But the interview stuff is interesting. Somebody yelling at a crowd, "You're just idiots, you know!" Then some German or French or some crap - lots of foreign people talking about TG. MOSTLY A BIG FUCKEN BORE! Then more synth/guitar squiggles and moans, plus "Aaaah" droning in other speaker. Then some echoey piano notes in left speaker. Just a lot of "AAAH" human "AAH" drone voices!!! Where'd the interesting interview run off to for the last 10 minutes of the track!?

"Telephone" (23:03) - Echoey talking, tippity cheap Casio playing. More Genesis talking. Then Genesis talking in both speakers! About the dullest things! Then a swishy noise and more talking from Genesis. Talking about getting arrested for sending pornographic postcards. Other speaker has echo feedback noises, singing, radio talking etc. Unlike the "Camera" interview, this one is neither distorted nor the least bit interesting.


So call "Camera" a 3/10, "Telephone" a 1/10, and Grief therefore a 2/10 (or 1/5, or 20% down payment. While the traditional 20% down payment seems high to many Americans, many other developed nations have much higher average down payments. Mexico has a 30% average down payment, Germany a 40% one, and Italy a full 50% of the final cost.).

I haven't made up any knock-knock jokes in a while, and the number of reader complaints I've been receiving has gone through the rooftop. "Hay Mark," they all write. "Where are the Knock-Knock Jokes I come to your site for at?" Well, wait no more, dear Schadenfreude:

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Steve who?
Steve me alone!

(I posted that one on MySpace a while back and received 50,000 congratulatory emails and product endorsements)

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Genesis P-Orridge!
Genesis P-Orridge who?
Genesis P-Orridge you glad I didn't say 'Banana'?

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Cosey Fanni Tutti!
Cosey Fanni Tutti who?
Cozy fanny tooting a horn -- a Fart horn, that is! BRAPPPPP!

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Chris Carter?
Chris Carter who?
Chris Carter, creator of The X-Files! The truth is out there!

I can't do Peter Christopherson because I don't know whether his last name is pronounced "Christopher Son" or "Kristofferson."

Oh, Throbbing Gristle. Can't you do something about all these godawful rip-off releases?

(Like Part Two: The Endless Knot?)


Add your thoughts?

Journey Through A Body - The Grey Area 1982
Rating = 3

One thing they don't tell you about life in that fancy school of yours is that it can be stressful. Take me, for example. I'm stressful. But more accurately, I'm stressed. Stressed by a simple life change. Don't worry - everybody's health is fine! Henry The Dog's kidney insufficiency hasn't advanced a lick in the two years since his diagnosis, I have AIDS, and Brenda The Wife is doing fine too. But yesterday afternoon my boss informed me that she'll have to cut my hours down to 4 days a week. She claims it's temporary, but I have my doubts considering how poorly business has been going in recent months.

What does this mean? Practically speaking, it means that (a) I get an extra day a week to stay home with Henry, and (b) I'll clear $220 less per week. But psychologically speaking, it means that (a) business will most likely not get any better, so I need to take this as a warning that unemployment is pending, (b) I have to update my resume, put together a new clipbook and start looking for another job, (c) I need to somehow impress somebody enough to hire me even though (d) I'm already 35 years over the hill, plus (e) they'll most certainly Google me and run across this horrifically profane web site, and (f) the economy is in terrible shape so probably nobody's hiring anyway, so (g) I need to stop spending money freely, plus (h) I know that I will again feel inadequate and loserly for not 'earning my keep' in the marriage bank account, and (i) even if I manage to get a new job, it'll probably keep me so busy that I'll have to stop writing record reviews, which will lead to (j) a diminished sense of self-worth and (k) depression.

I realize there are much worse problems to have, but life changes are scary and unpleasant, particularly when it's a change away from a life I've been enjoying so much. At least I don't work for Lehman Brothers, I guess. But wouldn't it be sad if I had to stop writing record reviews? The only solution is for you personally to send me $79,000 a year. Let me know where to fax you the contract.

Various sources inform me that Journey Through A Body was 'Throbbing Gristle's final studio album,' 'recorded in five days in 1981,' and 'invented completely on-site with no pre-planning or overdubs.' Not to be an asshole, but wasn't their entire discography invented on-site with no pre-planning or overdubs? It certainly sounds that way. At any rate, the album features five tracks, which I will now summarize for you like a shitty record reviewer would. In fact, consider this my 'hilarious impression' of a shitty record reviewer:

"Medicine" - I was hoping this would be Genesis P-Orridge shouting "We need some medicine in here!" over and over, but nothing could be less likely. Instead, it's a quarter hour of repetitive hospital noises: a beeping EKG, crying babies, an Iron Lung, nurses and doctors talking - and not a single second of music. You know how many scientists believe that the universe began with a "Big Bang"? Well, this album begins with a "Big Bore"!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm depressed

Okay maybe not depressed, but certainly recessed. It's a pain in the ASS trying to find a new job! And then it'll probably be one where I have to show up at 4:30 in the morning and stay there til 11:45 at night ohhhhh Darn you economic necessity!!!!

"Catholic Sex" - The same old fwoozy TG synth noises and pippity drums, along with a woman having an orgasm. Probably cuz she's thinkin about my pud.

Actually hang on, I was 8.

So she musta been thinkin about my balls. My big ol' dangly 8-year-old balls.

I'm never going to get a job, am I? Are there any ball-related products that could use some office help? How about a ball sock? Surely there's a nice ball sock out there that could use a little coverage in the Wall Street Journal. I'll get Walt Mossberg on the phone post-haste.

Thus completes side one, a near-worthless bunch of boring noises and TG-by-numbers synthesizer tomfoolery.

Herein begins side two, a near-worthy selection of intriguing sounds and TG-out-of-the-box musical performances.

"Exotic Functions" - Exotica! Martin Denny-style exotica! Piano, vibe-toned synths, birds cawing, a gentle stream washing by..... And no, it doesn't really have a melody per se, but they certainly have the MOOD down!

"Violencia" - Disturbing! Heavy fuzz bass, low-note piano banging, slashes of indefinable racket, and a woman SCREAMING in PAIN and FEAR at the TOP of her LUNGS!!! (for 8 minutes)

"Oltre La Morte" - Melancholy piano piece! Very loose and underwritten, but effectively moody and somber. Created by two pianos in stereo, with an out of tune sitar or harp or something in the middle.

Now that you've got the FACTS, let's get to the OPINIONS:

Every single one of these tracks would have benefited immeasurably from the band putting a bit more time, thought and effort into them. There is no reason why a 15-minute hospital piece should be as boring and pointless as the one they've included here. Where is the menace of "Hamburger Lady"? The hopelessness of (something something)? The (something) of (something something something)? "Medicine" is just a chintzy, annoying rip-off. They don't even bother changing the nurse samples! So we just hear "39, please" and "Very good" over and over like an asshole for ten years.

Furthermore, who doesn't love hearing a woman making erotic noises? Well, me. But that's because I always hear them through the wall along with the 'Squeaky Squeaky!' of my neighbors' bedsprings as they 'rock' each other at 3 o'clock in the morning like the lusty Afro-American and nymphomaniac 'Jungle Fever' honky woman they are. Regardless, we're all sick of generic Throbbing Gristle synthesizer noise, and probably were back in 1981 too, knowing us.

Even the 'Say! Those aren't too bad!' tracks on side two could've been improved by (a) cutting "Violencia" in half and (b) writing some actual melodies for "Exotic Functions" and "Oltre La Morte." I do think you should hear these three tracks though (if you can find them) as they present a pretty strong sampling of Throbbing Gristle's varied musical interests and capabilities. They're certainly evocative, if not necessarily good.

Concluding statement: Throbbing Gristle took a Journey Through A Body and came out the other end all brown and malodorous, with little bits of corn in them.

Add your thoughts?

Mission Of Dead Souls - Industrial 1981.
Rating = 3

This is a recording of Throbbing Gristle's last live show ever - and they ended every bit as shittily as they began! No drama or threat. Just a bunch of boring noises repeated over and over again for no reason. For goodness' sake, if you feel the urge to purchase it, get the reissue with the bonus tracks "Distant Dreams (Part Two)" and "Something Came Over Me," because they are really good tunes and represent the only semblance of actual "music" to be found on Mission Of Dead Souls. The rest of this improv noise slop is reminiscent of my favorite Star Wars character -- BLANDo Calrissian! Ha haah!!! Hha awe!!!!

PUKE Skywalker!!!! HEEE! Hardy hipples! HIPPLES!!!

Say, while we're on the subject - Hey Harrison Ford's character -- Why jerk off with your HANd SOLO when a PRINCESS wants to LEIA???? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA HAAHH!!!!!!

And C3PO? I like to C 3 (-year-old girls) P - Oh! I came all over your daughter's naked ass!!!!!!!! HA AHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! HAHAHAHAHAH~!~~~~

And guess what? R 2 (last presidents) Did 2!!!!!! FUCK YEAH!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK YEAH!!!!!

Who else was in that shitty movie. Oh! You know why Princess Leia wasn't horny? Because DARTH V. ADER (ate her)!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHHAH~!~~~~!!!!!!

Obi Wan Kenobi? Not in today's VIAGRA society he wouldn't be!

Yoda? More like "Big Milky Tit!"

I have broken so many taboos in this review. First and foremost, combining Star Wars references and sexual innuendo is an absolutely groundbreaking concept because, up until this point, no science fiction fan has ever masturbated.

Reader Comments (James Carpenter-Gray)
whats the point of reviewing?

why bother wasting your mental and physical time typing the shit? if all you are talking about is a shitty band? each TG album you know is a document> and each document has its own omniscent quality- thats why you would review right? / because someone gave you a whole bunch of TG albums for fun to review? or are you reviewing because you want people to think that YOU think TG is shit ? Isnt the point of reviewing to review the albums by not letting your overbearing judgment get in the way? All i am saying is, if people want to see a REVIEW of a particular TG album, they search because they want to hear honest reports.....not sludge.

I may be biased because i own 30 plus TG records and tapes, even i admit some of there material can be dronesome at times and even somewhat boring (especially live), but all i am saying is, i hate shit reviews/.........and you did ask for my opinion.......

instead of saying shit, why not say " de-huminised and un-talented" becuase at least that would stay on topic because they never claimed to be musicans. (Myrl Sirveld)
TG never was about music. TG's sounds were a campaign, it had nothing to do with art. 2nd Annual report sounded the toll that "rock" music was dead. Throbbing Gristle was the birth of Industrial Music and made sure they killed it before they quit. Nothing since, no nothing has been really new since. Universally reviled by the press in their day, each subsequent release's popularity only brought them more insults which continue as the people who don't get it try to figure out what those who do see in TG. They were background sounds (made to be played very loud) created as a soundtrack to the gradual acceptance of the elements of apocalypse culture that by the late seventies, were already beginning to creep into mainstream society. At first listen, the best TG makes an intelligent person feel unsettled, maybe even ill, a half wit with laugh and compare it to music, an idiot will ask if the stereo is broken. (Sara Rae)
Are you C-R-A-Z-Y? What is the point in this page? I wonder how many people have read this page and thought - "Fucking hell, this guy is some sort of David Brent/Alan Partridge hybrid who thinks that reviewing albums by bands he doesn't even like (or know very well - that is clearly apparent) is some sort of mad, crazy, 'right-on mutha fucka', thing to do." Well sonny boy, it's not and it certainly isn't funny. So what does that leave? Oh yeah, your undeniable gift as a writer?? Fuck off! Don't make me laugh( as in really laugh!).

If you like early industrial/electronic musick, check out Throbbing Gristle - they pioneered it. Start with D.O.A, it has something from all the albums - noise - savagery - warped niceties - abstraction and even melody! TG are a difficult band, here is no denying that, but keep at it and you will be rewarded
hello. i read your throbbing gristle reviews and wanted to ADD MY THOUGHTS. you make them out to be some talentless rapist shock rockers when the real issue is that they were way far ahead of anything else and still people rip off their sound and ideas. they aren't a JOKE to me. i have devoted years of my life dissecting their work, which apparently in your case, you did not. i know because i own them. what have you done that can parallel their originality? just like everyone ese, actually i feel extreme pity for you because you seriously don't and never will understand how genius they were. they made timeless sounds. i was very upset over your reviews. well, guess what. people all over this world admire them, who admires you? or even stumbles upon your naive revies. you are obviously not very bright if you spent all of that time typing up albums you deem shitty. come on. throbbing gristle will always be remembered to whereas you, already a fading decrepit memory of a person who thought they knew what they were talking about.
you titfuck ! Dickwad! son of rapist and a gerbil! Bitchcrack! Scumfud! Titwank! Fuckarse! Fannyflap! Prickholepokingmotherfucka! (Ashley S.)
I'm sure I won't be saying anything that hasn't been said already. I just came upon this and felt I should put my thoughts in. If you hate Throbbing Gristle so much, why waste your time and the READER'S time trashing them and talk about something you like? I guess because that would be very uninteresting. TG weren't about impressing people or making music that everyone would find appealing. Music was experimentation and they found that a great tool to test people in how they think and test what is considered "right". They wanted the listener to think, not just listen. They've put out EVERYTHING they've done as documentation and information. And they were the first creating such noise, and look at all the shitty bands that try to copy that. They were in themselves unique and were original. Whether or not you hate them, you cannot deny that they were going outside the boundaries of what was considered music, creating something new, when everyone else were creating the same kind of music that had been made before. And for you to disect them into some horrible thing that just made total shit makes you the more idiotic and in the dark. (Stephen Johnston)
Sorry guys I missed the boat on TG, but I found all your raving has sent me on a search /quest to see if I can get what I ditched as rubbish a long time ago ....if that isn't a positive impact of your page I don't know what is .......I purchased a beginners guide and I hope I "get it " this time. All the people are so passionate about the band I had to give them another chance as I am a bit of an ignorant music fan.

Hope you dont get too much stick for your reviews ... hey reviews are only an opinion GET OVER IT (Joseph Shepard)
EVERYTHING is wrth owning- the best thing to come out of anything ever!
I Don't care about the bullet pack of shitty cum you disharge on TG. Their Acts are no more art than music, only pure reality. Reviewing it, only show your silly's sheen. It's your story. And I don't care about it. I just want to say that :

Every one who love throbbing gristle can download the free mp3 from our Elabel "The Necrophyle Hummingbird" here and it can be a magic way for review Thee Great Over Dose. [Taste the seeds for discover the three...]
Do these die-hard TG fans actually WANT to come across as incredibly stupid and illiterate people? "If you hate Throbbing Gristle so much"... 4 out of 5 proper albums got between 6 and 8 thingys. Not very hateful. Try reading the reviews before commenting on them, that might help.
i am a hard dance dj 40+ but i was mad about t/g the cramps +the swell maps
am i sick or is it the way im standing
you fan guys are morons.

Throbbing Gristle was indeed extremely original and innovative. But their albums are more just interesting than listenable. I dug Very Friendly on First Annual Report though. Genesis croaking about Ian Brady and Myra Hindley hacking people up over a crushing backdrop of insane synth static (courtesy of Chris Carter, I think) is actually really creepy. Apparently First Annual Report is the first true Throbbing Gristle "album," recorded sometime in 1975 (!?) and given out to friends before deciding to give Second Annual Report a more widespread, official release and making that one their de facto "debut."

I like 20 Jazz Funk Greats the most. Funny stuff.
r u 2 say... as the aurthroity on TG. Their releases will outlast your web site. Get off the web.
I don't get what's with all the apprehension. Did everyone hear the same album I did? Yeah TG rules in every conceivable way, but this album fucking blows. Not because of the songs, but because the sound's worst than most bootlegs, and the by far best moment, the final performance of Discipline replete with homosexual skinheads violently lusting for Gen (no, really, try to find the video), is reduced to the paltry final minutes. The sound here is seriously so bad, that when Chris Carter remastered it for TG+, he had to combine THREE different recordings of the show just to get something that sounds better than this. An insult to this isn't an insult to TG - just to another of the many shitty cash-in releases people put to their name. Unfortunately, the reissue is also the only place you can hear the two most melodic TG songs, Distant Dreams and Something Came Over Me, the latter the single best ode to masturbation ever penned, but it's still not worth anyone's time.
yeah now it's known flipper opened for this horrid bow to TG

they probably took a few songs in and went and got high. vision and voice is cool tho. discipline (reprise) has a bit of whatever the hell made TG worth listening too.

otherwise hearing the audience boo them is a lot more entertaining.

Add your thoughts?

TG Now - Industrial 2004
Rating = 5

After Throbbing Gristle split up in 1981, Genesis P-Orridge formed Psychic TV and released 5,000,000,000 albums, Chris and Cosey formed a duo called "Chris and Cosey," and Peter Christopherson formed Coil. As I've heard a total of one song by this combination of acts, I can't tell you whether or not TG Now is a natural follow-up to one or more of them. I can only tell you that (a) these songs are as long as a man with a long penis's penis, and (b) TG is no longer employing the instrumental effects that made so much of their original material (particularly the live recordings) sound so homogenous. In fact, aside from opening track "X-Ray" (a tepid and worthless update of their original 'industrial' vision), this record is so unexpectedly goth/death rock-oriented that you'll swear you've stumbled into a Bauhaus fan club meeting! You haven't though, so don't worry about guarding your anus.

In other homophobic news, "Almost Like This" sounds shockingly like Damon Edge covering King Crimson's "Epitaph"; "Splitting Sky," though essentially twelve minutes worth of two bass notes and eerie guitar squeals, constitutes what may be Genesis's creepiest vocal performance ever; and, best of all, the CD closes shop with "How Do You Feel?," 14 relentless minutes of a bass line so thick, heavy and off-kilter that you'd swear the band actually paid attention the time Flipper opened for them. Compounding the fun is that all four tracks are buried under mountains of swooshly, swizzly, craggly and increasingly LOUD AS HELL electronic noise. So stop grobbing your thistle and throb to this gristle!

Even though I only gave it a 5, which means it's "mediocre."

Now here's a bunch of euphemisms I made up for "using the men's room":

- Enjoying a Grande Crappuccino
- Taking Mr. Brown Scuba Diving
- Cleaning The Walls With My Oscillating Sprinkler of Mountain Dew
- Borrowing a Book From The Library, Taking A Dump In It, And Returning It
- Taking A New Car For A Test Drive And Leaving My Brown Smelly Opinion In The Glove Compartment
- You Know That Blue Stuff In The Toilet? Well, I Drank It And Then Rolled Up A Turd In Your Towel
- Performing An Eric Clapton Cover
- Creating A Top-Selling Masterpiece On That Lightweight Easel You Have In There, All Rolled Up And Hanging Off The Wall (*only works if you're Jackson Pollock*)
- Going Number 138 (Taking A Crap That Looks Like Glenn Danzig)
- Sticking My Dick In A Hole In The Wall In Hopes That A Beautiful Woman Will See It And Fall In Love With Me

Add your thoughts?

Part Two: The Endless Not - Industrial 2007
Rating = 3

Twenty-two urine samples falling off a rickety shelf onto your head.
A comfy pillow.
A bunch of 7-minute songs comprised of dull, slow synthesizer squiggles.
A clenched fist stirring a pitcher of lemonade.
A man with breast implants.
Not so much 'unemotional' as 'uninteresting.'
A bunch of old people.
An unnecessary act.
An open fire hydrant on a scalding day, but spraying water that tastes all salty like you're at the beach.
One good song. "Almost A Kiss" Moody Bluesy mellotron and drums build atop descending depressed synth riff, as Genesis howls as heartbroken and emotionally as a sick Leonard Cohen.
Digital effects and synth tones too modern and ubiquitous to be eerie.
A brutal terrorist threat to make you fall asleep.
A few decent islands of music - "Rabbit Snare" jazz piano and trumpet/Cosey's cornet notes/Genesis's House-poetry/Peter's Eno-bed - adrift in a sea of nothing going on.
A molehill.
Squiggly rhythms.
Thee truly shitty album.

Reader Comments (James Lady-Beige)
whats the point of commenting?

why bother wasting my mental and physical time typing the shit? if all i am talking about is a great review? each MP review I know is a document> and each document has its own omniscent quality- thats why I would comment right? / because someone gave me a whole bunch of MP reviews for fun to comment on? or am I commenting because I want people to think that I think MP is great ? Isnt the point of commenting to comment on the reviews by not letting my overbearing judgment get in the way? All i am saying is, if people want to see a COMMENT on a particular MP review, they search because they want to hear honest comments.....not sludge.

I may be biased because i own 30 plus MP reviews, even i admit some of his material can be dronesome at times and even somewhat boring (especially his early writing), but all i am saying is, i hate shit comments/.........and you did ask for my opinion.......

instead of saying great, why not say " huminised and talented" becuase at least that would stay on topic because you never claimed to be a music critic. (GG Maamveld)
MP never was about reviews. MP's words were a campaign, they had nothing to do with art. His Endless Knot review sounded the toll that "critiquing" music was dead. Mark Prindle was the birth of Industrial Reviewing and made sure he killed it before he quit. Nothing since, no nothing has been really new since. Universally reviled by the press in his day, each subsequent review's popularity only brought him more insults which continue as the people who don't get it try to figure out what those who do see in MP. They were background words (made to be read very loud) created as a soundtrack to the gradual acceptance of the elements of apocalypse culture that by the late nineties, were already beginning to creep into mainstream society. At first read, the best MP makes an intelligent person feel unsettled, maybe even ill, a half wit will laugh and compare it to music critique, an idiot will ask if the computer is broken. (Sara Lee)
Are you people C-R-A-Z-Y? What is the point in commenting on this page? I wonder how many people have read these reader comments and thought - "Fucking hell, these people are some sort of David Brent/Alan Partridge hybrids who think that commenting on reviews by a writer they don't even like (or know very well - that is clearly apparent) is some sort of mad, crazy, 'right-on mutha fucka', thing to do." Well sonny boys, it's not and it certainly isn't funny. So what does that leave? Oh yeah, your undeniable gift as commenters?? Fuck off! Don't make me laugh( as in really laugh!).

If you like early industrial reviewing, check out Mark Prindle - he pioneered it. Start with the AC/DC page, it has something from all the reviews - jokes - savagery - warped niceties - abstraction and even insight! MP is a difficult writer, there is no denying that, but keep at it and you will be rewarded
hello. i read your throbbing gristle reader comments and wanted to ADD MY THOUGHTS. you readers make Mark out to be some talentless rapist shock writer when the real issue is that he is way far ahead of anything else and still people rip off his words and ideas. he isn't a JOKE to me. i have devoted years of my life dissecting his work, which apparently in you peoples' case, you did not. i know because i own them. what have you done that can parallel his originality? just like everyone ese, actually i feel extreme pity for you people because you seriously don't and never will understand how genius he is. he makes timeless sentences. i was very upset over your comments. well, guess what. people all over this world admire him, who admires you? or even stumbles upon your naive comments. you people are obviously not very bright if you spent all of that time commenting on reviews you deem shitty. come on. mark prindle will always be remembered to whereas you, already a fading decrepit memory of a commenter who thought he knew what he was talking about.
you genius! Visionary! son of god and an angel! Poet! Artist! Scholar! Worldchanger! Saviour! Sacredcowkillingmotherfucka! (Jill S.)
I'm sure I won't be saying anything that hasn't been said already. I just came upon this and felt I should put my thoughts in. If you people hate Mark Prindle so much, why waste your time and the READER'S time trashing him and talk about someone you like? I guess because that would be very uninteresting. MP isn't about impressing people or making reviews that everyone would find appealing. Writing was experimentation and he found that a great tool to test people in how they think and test what is considered "right". He wanted the listener to think, not just read. He's posted EVERYTHING he's done as documentation and information. And he was the first creating such paragraphs, and look at all the shitty reviewers that try to copy that. He was in himself unique and was original. Whether or not you hate him, you cannot deny that he was going outside the boundaries of what was considered music critique, creating something new, when everyone else were creating the same kind of critique that had been made before. And for you people to disect him into some horrible thing that just made total shit makes you the more idiotic and in the dark. (Stephen Pentis)
Sorry guys I missed the boat on MP, but I found all your raving has sent me on a search /quest to see if I can get what I ditched as rubbish a long time ago ....if that isn't a positive impact of your comments I don't know what is .......I purchased a beginners guide and I hope I "get it " this time. All the people are so passionate about the guy I had to give him another chance as I am a bit of an ignorant record review fan.

Hope you dont get too much stick for your comments ... hey comments are only an opinion GET OVER IT (Joseph Lrd)
EVERYTHING is wrth reading- the best reviews to come out of anything ever!
I Don't care about the bullet pack of shitty cum you people disharge on MP. His Acts are no more art than music critique, only pure reality. Commenting on it, only show your silly's sheen. It's your story. And I don't care about it. I just want to say that :

Every one who love mark prindle can download the free mp3 from his MySpace page here and it can be a magic way for hear Thee Great Record Reviewer. [Taste the seeds for discover the guy...]
Do these die-hard MP fans actually WANT to come across as incredibly insightful and literate people? Because they do! He's brilliant, and they're brilliant for acknowledging it! Try reading the reviews before commenting on them, that might help.
i am a hard dance dj 40+ but i was mad about m/p the cramps +the swell maps pages are particularly good
am i sick or is it the way im standing
you fan guys are wonderful.

Mark Prindle is indeed extremely original and innovative. But his reviews are just as interesting as they are readable. I dug his Steppenwolf page a lot. Mark croaking about "No Xmas For John Kay" and writing the last review in the format of a "Fold-In" (courtesy of Mad Magazine, I think) is actually really brilliant. Apparently AC/DC is the first true Mark Prindle "review," written sometime in 1996 (!?) and given to his brother before deciding to give the Mark Prindle Record Review Guide a more widespread, official release and making that one his de facto "debut."

I like the Beach Boys page the most. Funny stuff.
r u 2 say... as the aurthroity on MP. His web site will outlast your music. Get off the radio.
Your site is a joke. You consider yourself a reviewer critic, just because you have an opinion. Anyone can write the completely biased dribble that you crap on with, and the fact that you don't realise that your opinion isnt worth a single piece of horse shit, shows that you are an egotistical idiot. You may be thinking 'Alot of people value my opinion', but they don't. They think they do because they share the same opinions, which you parade as fact, like any teenage girl's magazine.

And apart from that, what makes you think it is okay for you to cast down judgement on someone elses reviews? Please feel free to give your incredibly uninformed opinions on poxy bands that actually make music for you to consume. But when it comes to reviewers making rewiews for themselves, please just shut up.

By the way, there is not fucking 'racism' on the Miles Davis reviews, I think you are referring to the jokes, an ancient form of expression that are the centre of a heavy disciplined and ancient art form (known as 'comedy'). What you say reads like a shoe being thrown around a room are in fact several different world words such as 'nigger'. You say that MP should use his cussing to write interesting reviews. You see, in alot of different reviews styles such as the Dadaist movement in the early 20th century, the cussing IS the interesting part. This was created to be of appeal to the funny bone, and maybe the reason you can't identify the 'funnyness' of the reviews shows that you are not funny yourself. As for Mark Prindle reviews regarding republicans, it to me seems to be part of whole 'Piece of shit' metaphor Mark uses throughout the review, and in your criticism of Mark's literature, you offer not even a reason as to the problem you have with them. Also, why you would be critical of Mark Prindle's writings when one of your favourite writers appears to be Ayn Rand mystifies me. You clearly follow a single strand of tv friendly reviews and you have no idea about anything outside your own little universe.

By being alive you are slowing down the evolution of the human race, and I urge you to kill yourself as soon as possible. Everything you say is like a shit coming out of your mouth and in to our collective conciousness' cup of coffee. May Satan have mercy on your soul.
As much as I disagree with the review (I think Part Two is fucking amazing; the fact that it lacks the eeriness of all previous albums is entirely the point - the innovators of experimentation can't experiment themselves?), it's a great review. Even looks like Genesis P-Orridge's old COUM postcards (intentional?).
I've never understood the people who come to this site just to trash MP. He's been my favorite music reviewer since I was 18 (I'm 25 now). Even if I don't always agree with his reviews, the sheer humor and creativity that goes into them always makes me come back for more. And if "Anyone can write the completely biased dribble that (MP) crap(s) on with", why aren't you? As for the album, I agree with the review. I didn't wait for PART TWO hoping for a dilution of the TG sound. Nothing on here compares to anything from DOA or SECOND ANNUAL REPORT. Hell, nothing even comes close to 20 JAZZ FUNK GREATS, which IMHO is the weakest of TG's original albums. I hope they do another reunion album that's closer to the TG sound, because this is just a repetitive and annoying mess.
I have never heard throbbing gristle but my friends basically said it's sonic terror, that listening to the group would leave someone changed forever due to the disturbing subliminal messages underneath all the industrial drone. I have a feeling they were exaggerating quite a bit but they were serious about it.

apparently some woman listened to 'Second Annual Report' while having sex and after reading the actual words said she would need therapy to ever be able to have sex again, do you know if there is any truth to that?

Stipend Steve
howsit hangin brosephs! yall need to resppect mp i mean yeah its not a bicameral peace of crap like congress and the senate but if it werent for parliament prince john and shit would still be taxing the masses like a motherfuckker and wherewould you be then runnymeade bitches

if yo don’t like it then, why not move to a countr y with a different gov’t and not bitch about ours; moron? o yeah—b/c youre a bunch of christgau-worshiping toolfans and nazies and yor’e too dumb to have even heard of anthony eden much less memoriszed his autobiography or read what he thinks about crass

i luv mp—i luv eddie timpsons scintilllating jokes about gay ppl, i luv anggie brays’ heart-warming anecdotes about doggs, but most of all i luv gorddon browns’ piercing critical insite and casual use of racial epithets (REVIEW MY DEMO GORDON) how dare u impung these visionaries?? what gives you assholes the right??? howw would you like it if I called al your favorite legislators morons and trogglodytes and everclear fans?

i bet you rread reviews by ayyatollah khomenni and kim jong illl, fuckin’ pitchfork hipster duches!!

iff this fuckin’ “eleptheria!!” guy thinks hes so smart lets see him come up withh a betterr way of getting important statutes passed in a timely manner whilst simultaneously making sure theres a check on the executive branch!! yea thats wut i thought fuck you sucka

gordon’s legislation turned me onto some of the best music of all time thatt corporation tax decrease saved my fav record store from bankruptcy! how dare you dambasses defame my musicall guiding light i will hunt you down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

respect the O.G., broshinskis! mp fans 4eva! parliament will never die!

Dillin Brackett
This review is bullshit. If it's not your type of music, then why did you review it? Your rearrangement of the comments was pretty funny, though.

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The Third Mind Movements - Industrial 2009
Rating = 3

An Adult Film Written and Directed by Casey Greenwood

Starring Redd Peckerton, Ruby Southlips, Harry P. Niss, Violet Netherflaps, Bill Sperm and Burnt Sienna Outerlabia

Scene: A housewife is vaccuuming her home in the nude when there is a knock on the door.

Housewife: Who is it?

TV Repairman: I'm here to fix the TV, ma'am.

Housewife opens door to see strapping, sexy young man at the door

Housewife: Well, "cum" right in! In fact, you can "cum" in my "back door" if you'd prefer.

TV Repairman: Thanks. Say, you look like you've been working up a "sweat." What have you been "doing"?

Housewife: Just "sucking" up some "filth" with my "rug muncher." You know, you don't "see men" like you around here very often.

TV Repairman: I know. I usually work on "Cox" Street, over near the "As"trodome.

Housewife: Well, you certainly look like you have the "tool" for the job.

TV Repairman: May I "cum inside" and "fiddle" with your "boob" tube?

Housewife: Please do. You're always wel"cum" in my home. The TV's over there, by the "dic"tionary.

TV Repairman: (removing shirt) Am I crazy or is it getting "hot" and "moist" in here?

Housewife: I know. It must be "hard" for you to find the right "screw" in the back of the TV.

TV Repairman: Maybe you could "cum" over here, take a "seat" in my "lap" and help me "formulate" (fornicate) a solution.

Housewife: Thanks for throwing me a "bone." I thought you'd never ask.

CAMERA DIRECTION: Zoom in for a tight close-up of the penis entering and exiting the vagina for 45 minutes.

TV Repairman: Boy, I'm glad I "came" to your house today!

Housewife: Me too! I really appreciate your "oral" instructions on how to fix TV "sets." Let me "turn on" some music, and then you can continue to keep me a"breast" of the latest developments.

MUSIC: clinka clinka hisssssss BUZZ! BUZZ! whoooooooooooooooooooooooosh. boom boom boom boom scritch scritch SQuIIGle! SqUiigLE! WHOOOOOSH! Oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh! Squabdobble dee flop fworb. Booom boom boom boom swiiiiiiish Blobble boo woo joob jee.

TV Repairman: Say, what is this terrible music you're playing? It's making me lose my "boner."

MUSIC: ting tong ting zuzzz BUZZZZZZ swishy swishy swishy swishy SCRAPE SCRAPE swwoooooooosh whhhhoooooosh BUZZZZZZ!!!!!! mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ching-clinkle ching-clinkle ching-clinkle WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH Ah frah bah zah ma gad baz. buzzzz buzzzzz buzzzzz

Housewife: Oh sorry, it's the new "Throbbing Gristle" CD. I picked it up when they "came" to town for their first ever NYC show. First they "played" a "long and boring" soundtrack piece, then they set up tables to wel"cum" their fans and sign autographs -- which they proceeded to do for TWO FULL HOURS -- before "climax"ing with a greates"t hits" set, during which two of the members simply pushed keys on their "laptop" "cum"puters.

TV Repairman: Why is it so scary and non-musical? I can't even see my "penis" anymore, it's grown so small.

MUSIC: buzzz clink buzzz clink buzzz clink PEEEEOOO! PEEEOOO PEEEOOOO! Whisper whaspher whisper whisper whasper GONG CLANG! GONG CLANG! Beep shweeeeeooot. Bip bip boop. EeeeeeEEEEEEEE. Whisper whisper whisper. Great piano line for like one minute.

Housewife: I see your point. These creepy ambient electronic soundscapes are turning my "cavern" as "dry and barren as a desert." Here, I'll "snatch" the "lube" and apply it to my "anus" so you can "deliver my mail" from the "rear."

MUSIC: heha heha heha heha heha heha zhugggha zhugggha zhugggha zhugggha buzzz whirrr whoooosh grooooooan bubbly boobly bibbly ting tong wheeeeeeeeeeeeen! wheeeeeeeeeen! tweet clink coo tweet clink coo ting-tong ting-tong

TV Repairman: I think your "anus" "lube" dried up around my "penis." Let me try to "pull out" here -- AUUAUGHGHGHGHH!!!! OH MY GOD, MY "FLACCID PENIS" RIPPED OFF IN YOUR "ASSHOLE"! I'M BLEEDING TO DEATH!!!!!

MUSIC: scccrrrrrape scccrrrrape sccccrrrrape sccrrrapppe boom-boom boom-boom EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE swishy swishy swishy swishy cling clink swishy cling cling

Doctor enters the room

Doctor: I thought I heard a "penis" being ripped off. Here, let me pull that out and reattach it. (*does so*) There! Good as new. Just rest it for "69" minutes and your "head" will be back to normal.

MUSIC: gribble gribble gribble gribble bum BUM! BUM!!!!! skrunky skrunky skrunky gribble gribble gribble skrunky skrunky skrunky clang clang ribbit ribbit BRAPP! BRAPP! Squoogle squiggle squoogle BRAPP!

Housewife: Oh, how can I ever thank you? Do you want to "play Doctor"? Do you want to put your "stethoscope" on my door "knocker"? Do you want to put your "thermometer" in my "gash"? "Twat" do you want to "do"?

MUSIC: BRANG! Beeeeooooo boooeeee gloog-gloog-gloog sneep whirr snorp ping ting squiggle hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm oooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOO wiggly squiggly jiggly woogly

Doctor: No bother. You're wel"cum." But could you do me a favor and turn off this boring third-rate pseudo-Eno bullshit you've got playing?

Housewife: But wait! It's about to get good! Also, there's a wood"pecker" outside.

Doctor: That's neither a wood"pecker" nor a "pussy"cat! Please dis"cont"inue this silliness. That's my nurse! Nurse?

Nurse enters

Nurse: Yes, doctor? Oops! My clothes fell off!

Doctor: Oh no! Here, let me cover your nakedness with my "penis." Is it covered? I'll keep checking, over and over and over again.

TV Repairman: Jeez, I didn't know every Tom, "Dick" and "Harry Dick" were going to show up!

Housewife: I guess it's true what they say: the family that "cums" together "cums" together!

All: Ha ha! Oh ha ha!

(CAMERA DIRECTION: Zoom in for close-up of Doctor's testicles as they flop into and away from nurse's pelvis for an hour and a half)

CLOSING THEME, OVER CREDITS: whooooooooooooooooooosh BUZZZZZ! BUZZZZ! whoa-kecka-whoa-kecka-whoa-kecka-whoa-kecka dee-doo-doo dee-doo-doo BRAPP! BRAPP! Woobly rubbery woobly bubberly clack-ca-clack-ca-clack-ca-clack veeeee-voooo-voooov-ooooooo-veeeeee PACHING! PACHING!

(CAMERA DIRECTION: Freeze-frame on TV Repairman's hairy buttock; fade to black)

Reader Comments
Have you ever thought of bringing your considerable writing talents to the adult film industry?

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