Meat Beat Manifesto

I'm not sure whether the band name is supposed to refer to crankin' your wang or not.
*special introductory paragraph!
*Armed Audio Warfare
*Storm The Studio
*Subliminal Sandwich
*Original Fire
*Actual Sounds And Voices
*Storm The Studio R.M.X.S.
*...In Dub
*At The Center
*Travelogue Live 05 DVD
*Totally Together EP
*Answers Come In Dreams
Meat Beat Manifesto, led by Jack Dangers, used to be a great industrial/electronica/dancey-good band, but that all changed when the 21st Century rolled around. :7(

Armed Audio Warfare - Wax Trax! 1990.
Rating = 6

Although it wasn't the first full-length MBM release to hit the shelves, this compilation thing is filled with a bunch of early tracks (B-sides of singles and whatnot) that predate the May '89 release of Storm The Studio. According to the liner notes, the first album was supposed to have come out in in May '88 with the title Armed Audio Warfare, but the masters were destroyed in a fire. So instead, they later slammed all these tunes together and said, "Had Armed Audio Warfare been released as planned, it might have sounded like this."

Hmm. Sketchy concept, especially since only about half of this stuff is worthy of the Meat Beat name. At this point in their career, the band was made up of three guys who slammed hip groovin' samples and keyboard noises on top of hard funky beats, and sort of rapped over them like white guys would. More like Consolidated than Chemical Brothers, in other words. But the noises were still pretty cool, thanks to Master Dee Jay Jack Dangers (who is now the only remaining member of the band). The first side, in fact, totally kicks with neat noises ranging from disturbing high-pitched whines to synth horns to what I believe to be a sample of a laugh from Animal House. But, as the album IS just a collection of unreleased stuff and B-sides and crap, it just doesn't carry itself very well from beginning to end. In fact, side two bores the shit out of me, quite frankly. Only buy this one if you're already a fan. They don't sound a bit like this anymore.

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Storm The Studio - Wax Trax! 1989.
Rating = 8

Now THIS is a forkin' debut! Four songs, each about twenty minutes long, each of them pounding and smashing and funkin' and kickin' and rockin' with more white noise and glee than a hundred copies of Dig Your Own Hole all played together at the same time on different stereos. I only mention that because stupid journalists keep giving The Chemical Brothers credit for merging dance and rock with that last album. Now I ain't no dance genius, but at the very least, I can say that Meat Beat Manifesto were doing it a hell of a lot tougher and better way back in '89 than any of these overrated modern-day mothertruckers being hailed as aural genii are managing here in late '97. Well, any of the ones I've heard anyway. I'm sure that there are probably dozens of talented electronica artists out there, but I refuse to believe that the ones being promoted by Spin and MTV are actually the cream of the crop. Seriously. If that stupid "Block Rockin' Beats" crap is the cream of the crop, that's one piece of crap crop!

So back to Storm The Studio. Each of the four tracks has four distinct parts, all of which you can dance to, and most of which are as hypnotic and repetitive as one of those hippy mantra deals, mainly due to supercool bass lines and repetition of samples. It's not ALL phenomenal, which is why I only gave it an 8 instead of a 9 or a 10, but it DOES rock, more than you ever would have thought. The drumbeats are full and pumpin', the bass lines are blood-boiling, and all the noise is a surprisingly adequate replacement for distorted guitars. So, although each of the four tracks could stand to maybe lose one of its four parts, most of Storm The Studio is a total pleasure machine. Rock to dance to! Public Enemy without Chuck D! And the songs keep going, and going, and going..... This is epic stuff, baby, with few lyrics and fewer changes. If you like to shake your groove thing, but sissyass disco dance crap puts your butt to sleep, buy this album and blast it loud! The key word is "abrasive".

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99% - Play It Again Sam 1990
Rating = 9

A mainstreaming of the musical ideas expressed in Storm The Studio, this is a collection of 3 to 4-minute songs that are so chockfull of cool noises that they're as fun to LISTEN to as Storm The Studio is to dance to! With the electronic and guitar noises flowing full and heavy throughout every track, there's not a dull moment to be had (although the lead-off rap "Now," sure takes a while to get going). This was my introduction to Meat Beat Manifesto, and it made me fall in love with them. Not literally, of course, because they're not women, but the music sure gets my foot a-tappin'! I kinda figured that this was the dance band for me when I first heard the intro to "All The Things You Are" on the radio; it mixes up a Jim Morrison sample with some stuff from "Revolution #9," and somehow makes the whole thing boogie like yesterday's black people! And I was wright! Orville wright! These songs pile noises on top of other noises on top of other noises, and all the noises are abrasive and irritating! It's the coolest! Riffs comprised of blips and squeeches, backed up by bouncin' bass hoolygoolies and ever-so-cookin' drum lines. Dance to 'em or listen to 'em; they're great. And they don't go on for twenty minutes like the ones on that last album, so you'll have plenty of time to chit-chat with your loved ones for about four seconds between each song.

Should I use the word "industrial"? Surely there's some industrial influence here, but there's so much more too. Cultural references and hip-hop and sixties guitar riff samples and all kinds of tricks and trinkets in San Diego. I like it because it's hard. The noises sound like metal on metal. The drums HIT (is that called a snare? whatever) instead of tinkin' along like fake rap drums tend to do. And the overall mood, even when joyous, is still pretty darned aggressive considering what type of music we're talking about here. And the mix is so FULL! Jack just loves to pile on the noises. Enjoy! After this, they kinda changed. Not for the worse, though, like David Lee Roth to Sammy Hagar. Just for the different, like a warm cozy blanket to a naked man waving his penis at passersby.

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* Satyricon - Mute 1992 *
Rating = 10

Oh, I'm sorry. Did I call the 99% mix "full"? I was mistaken. Sure, there are plenty of noises, but there's also, goshdarnit, a little bit of empty SPACE between the noises. Not anymore. The new sound of the band retains the hard beats and catchy bass lines of old, but replaces the abrasive noises with a drifting overriding bunch of ambient echoey noises that come from god knows what kind of electronic machine. It's lovely. Beautiful, mystical, and at times disturbing, much like the effect of Mike Pinder's mellotron on the best Moody Blues albums (especially To Our Children's Children's Children and On The Threshold Of A Dream). Disorienting but soothing. Ever-changing but always smooth and silky slick. Does quite a number on the hard beats, of course, but what a cool sound! And Jack Dangers actually sings NOTES in some of the songs, instead of just rappin'! How's about a cackalacka????

I adore this record because it marries the 3 to 4-minute format of 99% with some of the most wonderful bass lines and bippity-boppity keyboard noises I've run across to date. And no, I'm not talking about Primusy bass lines. These are very simple ones, possibly not even played on an actual bass guitar. So simple and repetitive that their power on my heart rate is exceeded only by Steve Hanley's expert Fall lowlines and, of course, any punk song ever written.

I'll warn you now. At first, this CD doesn't sound terribly remarkable. All the songs are pretty similar, and none seem to be as interesting as the instantly lovable 99% ones. This impression should soon leave you after you realize how consistent the CD is, and how enjoyable the style is. Or maybe it won't. I don't give a shit! I think both albums are phenomenal.

Reader Comments (Scott Lutz)
This album is one of the best fucking albums ever made. It's catchy, intelligent, political, complex, musical, brilliant and goddamned cool. The album is full of 50's sounding samples ranging from trippy to documentary-like. The album appeals to a much wider range of people than most of his other material, and for good reason. I'd give my left nut for this one on vinyl to spin.... (Keg)
Ten years later, Satyricon sounds totally fresh! Smooth electronica trip-hop, with jazzy rythmic structures, and funky LOW-end bass lines. Plus, you get an incredible array of samples... all sequenced to perfection! Jack Dangers was definately ahead of the curve (by a wide margin) when he made this album. In my book, this album is Meat Beat's finest hour. (Akis Katsman)
The song "Circles" has a sample from the legendary 70's progressive rock band Gong.

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Subliminal Sandwich - Nothing 1996.
Rating = 8

Analogy for you - Satyricon is to 99% as Subliminal Sandwich is to Storm The Studio. Got it? Same style, but too LONG! How too long, you wonder? Well, the damn CD is right around two and a half hours long. And the last hour and fifteen minutes or so is pretty much COMPLETELY instrumental, with no breaks between songs. Ambient, I guess. Boring, I guess, too. Only because of length, though. Even had Jack (the only member left) lopped off just 45 minutes or so, he would have had easily the finest album of his career. And it would have been an hour and 45 minutes long!!!! Even fuller and more textured than the already full and textured Satyricon, CD One contains 18 individual tracks, many of which are among Jack's best songs ever ("Cancer" and "1979" come to mind immediately, though I'm sure there are more - the cover tune "Asbestos Lead Asbestos," for example). Frightening but relaxing - that's modern-day MBM for ya! The CD's ONLY fault is its length. The second CD is just too much to take. Nice mood music, if you're one of them new age people, but it doesn't really lend itself to either dancing or listening, so.... Whatever. Do buy it! Unless you're Christian Smith, of course, because you've already bought it and didn't like it.

There are some phenomenal samples on here, by the way, most of them strange backing vocals from heavens knows where. Jack's friends? Old records? Who cares? It's MBM now, baby!!! Noises and voices and basses and moods and melodies and free notes that don't seem to fit those melodies, all wrapped together in a weird disembodied aural package, delivered to your door by some bald guy who's probably smarter than Moby. Yes, this music is SMART! And layered to the gills. And eminently interesting and enjoyable (except, of course, for the last 45 minutes or so, which don't STINK, by any means, but they certainly don't add much to the marathon that has come before.) Why not buy it?

Because it's expensive as hell, that's why!

Reader Comments (Elanna)
Thanks for the information on Meat Beat. It took me awhile to understand CD 2 of Subliminal Sandwich as well, but all the sudden it clicked. I guess the album says play twice before listening for a reason.
you should definitely check out EBN's Telecommunicaton Breakdown. Jack Dangers does some production, and these guys rock the bells. Also, the CD is Mac-interactive, with lots of cool videos showing where the samples came from... (Michael Fotis)
aphex twin is your answer my friend ,.buy the Richard d James album. its the best techno album ever. you will love it. I swear it. make sure it the Richard d James album though. I dont like techno but I love this. get it get it get it. ONLY THE RICHARD D JAMES ALBUM (Daniel Schmidt)
A good "electronic" band you should check out is KMFDM. They blend metal and dance perfectly, and the stuff they put out kicks the living crap out of anything the Prodigy can come up with. The music is textured and full of wierd sampes, distorted vocals, and female vocals. Also, their latest albulm Xtort has Chris Connelly (who sung "So What" and several other songs on Ministy's Land of Rape and Honey and Mind is a Terrible Thing to Taste albums). (Thomas Rickert)
Yeah, Daniel is right about KMFDM. Great band. Except XTORT is not the place to start. Try Nihil, Angst, or Naive instead. My fave is Nihil, but my girlfriend, who turned me on to them, likes Angst the best. So there you have it. Two opinions. Woo. Hoo.

I like Subliminal Sandwich pretty well, so I'm going to try Satyricon. On your rec. And if I don't like it, I'm coming back armed with capital letters and exclamation points. !!!! (Troy Hix)
Mark, I like your site. Lots of respectable opinions (Slayer rules!). Please listen to Kraftwerk (!), R. D. James aka AFX aka Aphex Twin aka Polygon Window, Autechre, System 7 aka 777, mu-ziq, Prototype 909, Orbital, DJ Krush, DJ Shadow (!), The Art of Noise, William Orbit (!), and Brian Eno (!), and give The Orb another try. There is some really good stuff out there in the electronic realm. It is usually best to stay away from the electronic bands mentioned in SPIN (Chemical Bros., Prodigy etc. get two thumbs down, they embarrass the genre). My favorite sub-categorie is Drum & Bass. Check out Ed Rush, Photek, Goldie, or E-Z Rollers to get started. (Jeff Hicks)
Apparently none of you have thought of dropping some trippy trips in your head before listening to this 2 disc wonder of the modern world. You just might realize why disc 2 is so "long" and drawn out. I must say from personal experience that if you only trip once in your lifetime on some hallucinogenic drug, you MUST listen to this album atleast once while you're under the influence. I'm definately not saying that it needs some outside drugged up influence to sound good, but that there is a realm of music out there that caters to reaching enlightened levels of consciousness, and disc 2 seems to be one of them. Thats my opinion and review for now. try it if you buy it.

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Original Fire - Nothing 1997.
Rating = 7

Another analogy two for you - Satyricon is to 99% as Original Fire is to Armed Audio Warfare. Where the hell are these tracks from? Singles? I don't know! It sure ain't a regular album though, even though it's 68 damn minutes long. These are all sort of remakes or remixes of old tracks, I guess, and it's got some key non-album tracks that all fans should pick up - "I Am Electro," "It's The Music," and "Radio Babylon." Or course, it's also got unnecessary remixes of all three of them too, which, for a guy like me with an attention span the size of a pea, can get a little tiresome. It's good though. It doesn't have the cohesiveness of the normal MBM studio productions, but it does a much better job of presenting the dance-single-oriented side of the band than Armed Audio Warfare (of course, Jack's much older and more talented now too, which has a lot to do with it). Dump a couple of the unnecessary remixes and you got yourself a damn fine CD. As it is, you still got a good one. If you're an MBM fan, pick it up. It'll fill you in on what you've missed, I guess, as well as makin' you chuckle and hold your thumb up to revised versions of Manifesto classics "Helter Skelter" and "Asbestos Lead Asbestos" (which is supposedly a cover tune, but could the original have possibly been anywhere near as bitchin' as the Meat Beat version? And if so, how?). Call it a lengthy EP and look for a cheap copy.

In conclusion, let me say again that I personally don't know much about electronic music, but from what I understand, Meat Beat Manifesto were one of the pioneers, melding techno with ambient or some crap. Trance? I don't know. A new damn subgenre pops up every friggin' week. I don't care. All that matters is that Jack Dangers is an extremely creative and talented man who deserves a lot more credit than Trent Reznor.

That wasn't very nice, was it? I'm sorry. Trent seems like a nice guy; I just don't like his songs.

Reader Comments (Anthony Chapman)
I'm guessing you haven't heard the original. It's by a band called World Domination Enterprises, who operated out of London between 1986 and 1992, or thereabouts.

OK - in truth, the *original* version was by The 012, but that was merely the precursor to World Dom (as they were colloquially known), and it was the latter version which was best known in the UK.

They were formed from the remnants of some extremely shady (and possibly smelly) late 70's squat / punk / hippy bands - Here & Now and Prag Vec, primarily.

They recorded one "proper" album ("Lets Play Domination"), and a half live, half remix album ("Love From Lead City").

The World Dom sound was a distinctive one. Drums played in the style of Animal from The Muppets, ultra deep detuned Bass, and *utterly* tuneless guitar. Keith Dobson (guitar and lead vox) treated his guitar as more of a rhythm instrument, than a lead. In interviews, he insisted he had a specific tuning that he always used, although the pitching usually sounded completely random. When asked how he got his guitar to sound the way it did, he claimed that he smashed it to pieces, and then glued it back together.

I loved this band so much. Their live shows were always fun, and they had a wonderful line in warped cover versions (some old dub reggae tunes - there was a big dub influence running thrroough what they did, LL Cool J's "I Can't Live Without My Radio", Lipps Inc's "Funkytown", "Tutti Frutti" and others). They must also take the title of "Most Debauched Festival Performance Ever". They were the first act on the main stage ad Reading 1989. They arrived on stage at 11.30am, and were absolutely shitfaced. They still pulled off a cracking performance.

The World Dom version of "Asbestos Lead Asbestos" is probably their finest moment. Meat Beat (another one of my very favourite bands) really did the song justice. I was so happy that Jack kept the "noise" element of the original, despite the funky beats.

If you want to hear the original, I'd be happy to upload an MP3 somewhere for you to hear (the records are long out of print, so I don't think I'll be doing any harm).

On the Meat Beat front - are you familiar with Jack's "Tino's Breaks" records? Their ostensibly DJ Tools records, but they actually function pretty well as listening material. I think he's released 5 volumes on the Tinocorp label so far. Have a look at the superb Tinocorp site ( for more info.

Thanks for a great site
To me, Meat Beat Manifesto are represented by "Radio Babylon",- fierce, dubby, Boney M -sample-featuring rave scene staple back from when I was a drugged-to-the-gills 17-year old. The rest of it I ain't too familiar with, to be fair, but I know it is "critically acclaimed". It's always struck me as crazy how you yanks seem to think "electronic" music is a British invention and always quote the same old, same old: Orbital, Aphex etc etc. You fackers originated techno in the early 80's, albeit with a strong European influence, and to this day some of the best stuff comes from your shores. Granted, Aphex Twin is a seriously talented man and anyone who likes the Butthole Surfers can appreciate his worldview, but the likes of Autechre and all that grey, chin-stroking crap? Do me a favour dude! Do y'self a favour and check out some of these Septic Tanks instead (rhyming slang, you sex criminals):

Jeff Mills - Detroit's god of techno, fiery, steely, shuffling, funky, intense...discog is too large to go into but you should check "The Bells" as a good example...also does ambient stuff, but it's all good. gotta see/hear him DJing to fully appreciate the onslaught.

DJ Funk/DJ Deeon/Waxmaster/Paul Johnson/just about anything on Dance Mania records: this is Ghetto House. Hard, minimal, often X-rated and so stoopid makes the Ramones look like Radiohead. "dance" music with a true thrown-together "punk" spirit.

Direct Beat records: artists such as Aux 88. Hard edged, sharp, futuristic electro. No fluffiness, no hippy guff.

There's rucks of others, and to be honest I'm a couple of years out of touch, being as how I'm enjoying a bit of a guitar resurgence at the mo', but there's a start. UK artists you won't have heard of but will rock your world: Christian Vogel, Si Begg, Ben Sims, Jamie Ruskin....there's tons...but to be honest, I'm feeling The Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster at the minute...insane.

The site's quality Mark, it whips the cheetah's smelly ass, with a BELT. great to read informed opinion about all the bands that used to make my cream my pants when I was a 12-13-year old school-going home-living "anarchist"...y'know, AF, DRI and all them...SOUND, lad, SOUND...

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Actual Sounds And Voices - Nothing 1998
Rating = 8

Another analogy two for you - this is a good album. It's hard at this point to compare the MBM records because they're all so darned good in different ways. This one here initially struck me as a disappointing retread of the ideas expressed on the last couple of CDs, but the more I listened, I noticed an unbelievable amount of sound repetition and layering that led me to the belief that this is in fact ANOTHER step forward for Dangers and co. First of all, it steps even further away from actual "melody" than Subliminal Sandwich did, which is at first disappointing but once you get used to the sounds and beats, it becomes clear that the noise interactions themselves are the real melody. Unlike Satyricon, there are very few catchy bass lines and sing-song vocals for you to grab onto. Instead, each song is like a collage of echoing electronic noises. But it's cool! Really hypnotic too, once you let the CD sink in a few times. Again, these melodies WILL NOT GRAB YOU AT FIRST. But give it a few listens, sit between the speakers and listen to how much is going on - all the beeping and whizzing and bumping and clanking going back and forth and back and forth between the speakers, creating a fuzzy galactical soundiverse that is as much playground as slayground. Creepy but soothing too. A couple of tracks even combine the futuristic bleeps with the Wurlitzer of yesteryear! Wicked cool, beeyitch! And hell, you guys who are into this stuff can probably name sixteen different artists that sound like this, but I can't so I think it's really friggin' cool!

In conclusion - it's not in the songs, but in the sounds. Let it flow, let yourself go, smoke some joe and drink a bowl of prostitution.

Reader Comments (J. Blandon Ray)
okay, I bought this album and was favorably impressed. This is one of those bands that fans of acts like Nine Inch Nails are always name-dropping, so I checked them (him) out and enjoyed it. A worthy addition to any collection of electronic-ish albums. If you like this sort of thing I would seriously suggest picking up Vegas by the Crystal Method, or possibly something by Orbital, especially the earlier stuff. Both have more sounds that vaguely resemble melody, and less mix thickness, but still a natural progression from MBM in the general sense. (Tim the Boy Wonder)
Indeed, Orbital are a great act that MBM fans would love - if only because they once remixed an MBM song to perfection (the exact one escapes me), and then liked it so much that they stripped off the vocals, renamed it "Remind" and stuck it on their second album. Their first two albums, (both untitled, first is green, second is brown) are like a dancier version of MBM, their fourth, "In Sides" like a quieter, more abstract/experimental MBM and their latest is like a mixture of both.

However the best album to start with for a MBM fan (if not the second one for "Remind") would be their third, Snivilisation, which is most like MBM. "Sad But True", "Crash And Carry" and "Quality Seconds" are all both groovy and speaker-shredding (well, the last is just speaker-shredding actually), but it also has some quieter more melodic ambienty moments ("Forever", "Kein Tank Wasser", "Attached"), and there's even a delve into jungle rhythms with "Are We Here?", one of my favourite songs of all time.
This is a pretty gear album, but Mark, let me help you out if you need some good dance music to pimp in your crib. I will first suggest the new Basement Jaxx album. That thing is one of the greatest party albums I've ever heard. Kraftwerk is okay, they're a bit too synth-y for my tastes. Maybe you could get some stuff by Can...they're not strictly a dance band, but probably the greatest groove band I've ever heard. (Scott Fulmar)
My musical tastes are astonishingly similar to yours, from Slayer's Reign in Blood to obscurities like Polvo and Thinking Fellers (two of the three greatest indie bands ever to be ignored, the third being Slint), although one of my most intense musical phases was the late 80's - early 90's "shoegazing" scene (especially My Bloody Valentine), which you evidently didn't care for or weren't exposed to. I'm scared to look at the Bruce Springsteen and Madonna pages though.

You wrote that you'd like some suggestions concerning outfits similar to Meat Beat Manifesto. Like you, I am not generally an electronic music addict. Since I first heard "Psyche-Out" way back in '90, MBM has been, for me, one of the only electronic/dance bands worth listening to off of a dance floor (and they are worth it in spades); they are also the largely unacknowledged reason for the existence of ripoff smegma like Chemical Brothers, Prodigy, Crystal Method, etc. But there is another essential electronic band, who admit to an MBM influence (among various other influences), that you should add to your collection if you haven't already: Scorn. Specifically, the Evanescence album. All of Scorn's albums are worth owning, but each is drastically different from the others; Evanescence is the one which is most reminiscent of MBM, albeit in a slightly more atmospheric vein. Darkly transcendent, with wickedly moody grooves--this album will haunt you for weeks, months even.

As to some of the suggestions in the preceding posts: Aphex Twin, Autechre, Kraftwerk--while they have their merits, especially Aphex Twin (although I prefer the exception, "Selected Ambient Works 2", to everything else he's done), I don't think that a liking for MBM will necessarily predict a favorable response to them. Few of these suggested artists place much, if any, emphasis on groove. Which is not a bad thing, but it certainly precludes any potential for a striking resemblance to MBM. Don't even think of wasting your money on KMFDM (whom you probably were already familiar with)--they were (are?) a bland, pathetic, 3rd or 4th generation ripoff of original greats like Ministry, Skinny Puppy, and (it pains me to admit it) Nine Inch Nails. Just look into Scorn. (Chris Stabile)
This album is damn near perfect. "Acid Again" is one of the coolest pieces of music ever put together....Crankest this shit uppeth.
Yeah I got actual sounds and voices, and guess what I was really disappointed, the music is cool enough techno and the dangers fellow has a nice enough voice and the noise are incredible but the lyrics suck more then a beck album, and there is too much repetition. meat beat manifesto is not for me.

2/10 (Roland Fratzl)
This band's music sort of gets on my nerves after a while, getting overly repetitive and generally lacking melodies, two aspects that are frighteningly common in this type of electronic/industrial music.

They get first prize for sickest-funniest band name ever though! (Adam Hammack)
Read your Meat Beat Reviews -- If you're looking for more good electronic music, try Skinny Puppy. THEY KICK MORE ASS THAN ANYONE! (I suppose I'd really call it industrial, but if you've ever liked Ministry or MBM, you've got to check these guys out.) No one makes more fucked up (schizo) music than Skinny Puppy.

Sample lyric:

binge cringe on the fringe sloppy mincing eyedropping biopsy cyclops overlooks optic options rotton showstopper skinpopper babbler dabbler self confessed criminal tore pen in vain instant still spellbound game stock talk back rock reencounter incident subsistance inexistant non committed unwitted oblivious habitual resistor buff the stuff roughed up edge fluent nudge pre-collect ignition motivation inexistant wasted views thats all they see blue hot blood guild optic nerve with the right attitude you will succed blue self abusive recluse too late for me make shifting peace settling crazy things keep your eyes open soft spoken changes nothing a view so cruel dogs body comatose torchlight roast disinterest disinfect retold impressed by possession insiders know refresh detained contest off and pure sure tonight it feeds itself freeze in time or shadows climb distracting override instincts evolve and try over and over wasted truth why call at all blue hot lines eventual decline with the right attitude you will succed blue resent that discontent sidestep define the state of things so far crazy things a view so cruel

No kidding. It sounds that fucked up too. Check 'em out and if they don't desecrate your corpse tell me what you thought of it.
I'm listening to some fairly tedious Meat Beat Manifesto stuff at work and I heard their version of Asbestos Lead Asbestos, thought I'd search the WWW to see if anyone has ever mentioned World Domination Enterprises and came across your site and some comments on it. I'm not sure if you're a fan or not but what the hell...add me to the comments whydoncha! It took me back as I loved this band and ended up seeing them about 5 or 6 times - I always used to like their version of Lipps Incs Funkytown at the end of a gig, that and the bass. I remember WDEs Asbestos Lead Asbestos being one of the first 2 or 3 bits of vinyl I ever bought...I ordered it from a record shop in Dunstable when I was in the 5th Form and my mate Kev ordered 'Revolution' - Chumbawambas first ever single I think. Ahhh nostalgia eh! I first saw WDE in March 87 at the Croydon Underground and it became my favourite ever gig till I went to see them and the Mutoid Waste Company a few months later. Saw them a couple of times when they were touring with Pussy Galore and Loop in 1988 when I was a student at Bristol - a group of us went to London to the LSE to see them specially. I didn't know they still existed in 1992 - I thought the band split up around 1990.

On the Meat Beat Manifesto 'tip' - saw them live a couple of times in 1992 supporting the Young Gods. I always was baffled how the little bald could dance like a facker under the hot lights while still wearing some 7 inch thick parker fully zipped and hooded up.

I've just realised, you're a review website and this is of no interest to you! Oh well!

Bye. (Daniel Caddick)
You're all a bunch of fucking idiots. MEAT BEAT MANIFESTO???!!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Good one. Stick to shit with guitars in it (stuff that er "rocks" as many people on the site would say) and leave the electronic shit to people with taste. And stop slagging off Aphex Twin. Probably the most amazing, original challenging electronic music producer ever.

Load of geeks.
Chill out dude, it's only a record review.

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RUOK? - :/run recordings 2002.
Rating = 5

Well I have never been so disappointed in a recording artist in my life. After a 12 year career as one of the most exciting, cerebral electronic music pioneers in the world, Jack Dangers follows up his greatest Meat Beat Manifesto album ever (Actual Sounds & Voices -- buy it!) with his WORST Beep Beep Mafioso album ever (RUOK? - pronounced "Rew-Ock?" by dumb people). What, has Jack Dangers been hanging out in the woods holding a bag of gas to his face for the past four years? These aren't songs - they're just bass hooks repeated five hundred times apiece while electronic noises and voice samples are thrown all over them like a chef throwing spices all over his Christmas Boat!

Let me walk you through the album -- Jack starts every song off with Phat Phunky Bheats, throws in a low-end three- or four-note dark OR groovy bass riff (some songs are eerie - others are just funky white-guy-trying-to-be-black-because-he-believes-the-myth-that-black-music-is-more-"honest"-than-white-music-obviously-he's-never-heard-Foreigner's-Head-Games-LP jams of garbage), then completely ignores the concepts of "rising action," "climax" and "denouement" as he haphazardly just tosses a bunch of drippy techno noises and context-less voice samples all over the top. Nearly every track on here is depressingly underwritten (as in, the first minute and a half will make you go, "Wow! What a great song!," and then four more minutes will pass without a single new idea being introduced into the mix). None of the tracks have lyrics and only one or two even bother to use the vocal samples as substitute lyrics the way Jack has done in the past. Put the simplest and most predictable way possible -- for the very first time in his career, Jack Dangers is not pushing his envelope. In fact, it's more like he's retreating back into it, hiding at the bottom and trying to lick the glue so he can reseal it and shelter himself from any scary new musical concepts. BAD DOG, Jack Dangers. BAAAAAD DOOOOOG. (*puts Jack Dangers in an Alpha Roll*)

Oops! It's time to trim the Christmas Boat!

Reader Comments
I just figured I'd tell you: you make a challenge on your meat beat manifesto page to find an electronic artist as interesting as them, and I can only think of one: squarepusher. Pretty much any of his albums are amazingly fast with some of the craziest drum programming ever and just amazingly dark sometimes and always really listenable. Other than that, you're right. Fuck electronica. Hah.
If you enjoy Jack Danger's aural sound scuptures perhaps you should explore the musical creations of Steve Roach[ The Body Electric and The Serpent's Lair are two discs I'm quite sure you'll appreciate.Are you familiar with the Jack Dangers releases "Variacones Espectrales" and "Loundess Clarifies"?If not, you should check them out.I don't know if you know this but,Mr.Dangers and Ben Stokes have a very interesting series of discs entitled "Tino's Breaks volumes 1 through 6 you should explore.[ you won't be disappointed].Johnny Stephens' solo release Escape Tank is another gem most Meat Beat Manifesto fans should enjoy.If you have any musical suggestions I should look into please e-mail me at DAVIDSONS951@AOL.COM. Your input would be greatly appreciated.
Say. This isn't really a "cool noises" electronica outfit, but. . . Moby's a good guy. In fact, Moby's Play's a great album in the same sense you'd consider Nirvana's Nevermind a great album--it's unrevolutionary, straightforward, and even generic to the nines, but every single song (sans the two minute-long weird noise tracks) is GREAT. As in, "My, what a catchy, well-written, completely uninventive, song" great. And it broke its genre big in the States--just like Nevermind.

One thing that makes it different, though--it's completely and utterly pretentious in a way that Nevermind definitely totally aggressively was NOT. Like, it's structured as an ALBUM instead of a bunch of unrelated songs. Tsk, tsk.

And people in the electronica realm hate him with a passion for two reasons. One (the legitimate one) is the fact that he samples gospel stuff and preaching in the public domain from black guys. And he's pasty white (every negative review I've read of him remembers to put in the "pasty"). Tosk, tusk.

The other (illegitimate) reason is the fact that he's quite the radical Christian. Radical left-wing vegetarian pacifist Christian, true, but still. 24-hour party person not he.

Damn this Meat Beat Manifesto group. Making me think they were a Captain Beefheart weirdo group by their name alone. Now I actually have to buy their STUFF.

My instinct tells me Actual Sounds and Etc. is their best.

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Storm The Studio R.M.X.S. - Tino Corp. 2003
Rating = 3

The developmentally disabled are a curious breed, but one that should be treated with respect. There isn't a soul alive who would actively choose mental retardation, cerebral palsy or autism spectrum disorder, so anybody who would withhold compassion and understanding from those unlucky enough to be afflicted can suck a big fucken cock, according to government statistics.

For example, just two weeks ago while visiting the wintry burgh of Lake Elmore, VT, I became acquainted with a mildly retarded young man who handled a variety of duties at the local Price Chopper grocery store. This young man was quite friendly, petting my animal companion Henry The Dog and relating a tale of playing with the dog at his group home (the severe bite marks on his face and arm were a bit disturbing, but who am I to judge the lax healthcode of a group home?). He reminded me of another special needs adult whose path I crossed during my rowdy teenaged years of McDonald's employment. This thick-eyeglassed gent suffered severe brain damage due to a car accident, but his absent mouth-ajar stare, crooked gait and inability to count Chicken McNuggets (his 6-piece boxes generally wound up containing anywhere from 4 to 8 of these top-selling poultry sensations) quickly gained him popularity among fellow employees and customers alike. Then he got fired when a girl went in the walk-in refrigerator and found him creating "Special Sauce" with his penis.

My point is this: whether collecting carts from a grocery store parking lot or masturbating in a freezer, the nation's developmentally disabled are for the most part perfectly capable of handling any physical task with which you might burden them. Perhaps they aren't as "quick" or "intelligent" as you think you are, but what do you expect from people who haven't been given the proper cellular tools necessary to succeed in today's fast-powered industry marketplace? Thus, it should come as no surprise that when Jack Dangers invited retards like DJ Spooky, Merzbow and DJ Swamp to remix songs from the first MBM album, the results weren't going to be the most brilliant pieces of audio genius ever to set foot on recordable audio.

So let's address your biases up close and personal. When you see High Priest from the Antipop Consortium cruising around in his electric wheelchair, do you become jittery and uncomfortable? How about when Robin Rimbaud (Scanner) asks for your assistance in changing his diaper? And when Jonah Sharp practices self-love in your refrigerator, do you label him a "deviant" and "burden to society"? If so, this antiquated attitude will no doubt colour your attitude to the entire R.M.X.S. project.

Look, Eight Frozen Modules scored a 16 on his IQ test; why would his re-mix of "God O.D." sound like anything BUT a scratched, skipping CD? Likewise, The Mellowtrons' mother drank a full bottle of whiskey every single day of her pregnancy; should you really find it surprising that they turned this same song into a bunch of low synth pulses and echoey pot-smokey boring horseshit? Where is your soul? What's next -- taking Frank Bretschneider (who thinks his name is "Komet") to task for turning "Reanimator" into a bunch of flickies, beepies, whirlies and wispies? Hey, we can't all be Albert Einstein, Insensitivy.

Yes, the nation's developmentally disabled are indeed a hardy lot, but to hand them the daunting task of remixing a classic industrial-dance album is understandably a tall order. As such, I urge you to please lower your expectations and try to enjoy the special 'outsider' quality of such tracks as "Storm The Dub" (slow and tedious? No! "Special"!), "MBM Reanimator" (repetitive and empty? No! "We're all winners!") and five different shitty versions of "God O.D." (replacing hard beats and bizarre, interesting noisescapes with soft pippity fey-drums and artless ambient bloops? No! "Iodine Deficiency"!)

I'm not hiding behind rose-tinted glasses here. I understand the urge to label all remix artists as "cretins," "idiots," "imbeciles," "morons" and "feeble-minded, talentless pieces of shit," but this doesn't help anybody become a better person. DJs and producers like Norscq and Ben Stokes may have been born without the ability to understand social rules or create any worthwhile creative product at all even a little bit, but their lives are difficult enough without you coming down on them for turning an abrasive, danceable album into a haphazard, boring and toothless pile of electronic poofery.

Strangely, "The Opus" created an awesomely dark, murky and hard-hitting rethinking of "I Got The Fear." Is he the care provider or something?

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...In Dub - :\run recordings 2003
Rating = 5

JACK DANGERS believes that if you play a bass line five million times in a row and swirl a bunch of UFO noises on top, it counts as a song.

JACK DANGERS believes that if you put an echoey effect on your drums and hire a Jamaican to rap over your UFO squiggles, it counts as "dub music."

JACK DANGERS believes that it's okay to charge full price for an exact replica of your crappy previous album as long as the songs are in a different order, there are some echoey effects on the drums, and you've hired a Jamaican to rap over your squiggly UFO racket.

JACK DANGERS: Too DANGERous for America?













































This message paid for by The Richard D. James For Lieutenant Governor Society Of Committee Association For America Group.

Reader Comments
Yr breast porno, I mean, po - mo review ever.

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At The Center - Thirsty Ear 2005
Rating = 5

Although Dangerous Jack has brought in a few jazzy musicians to play flute, drums and clavinet/Fender Rhodes/grand piano/Hammond B3 with him, this CD suffers from the exact same problems as the last one. It just sounds as if Jack devoted absolutely no effort to the arrangements! Each track is a dancey beat (except the final track, which doesn't even have that), a bass line (sometimes catchy, sometimes not) and a bunch of bass flute, bass clarinet and other electronic noises swirling around on top. It's definitely intended to have more of a jazz feel than his previous work, that's for certain. In fact, parts of it sound an awful lot like the fusion stuff that Miles Davis and his 5,000-member band were doing in the early '70s. And maybe that's the problem; maybe this is Jack's attempt to do 'improvisational' electronica, just bringing in his friends, turning up the effects processor, and jamming. If so, he needs to get his mind back to pre-written material because he was actually really good at that!

See, here's the deal. MBMBM's best work also featured these jazzy sounds swirling around in an ethereal mix on top of a dancey beat: HOWEVER, it also had other elements to fill out the songs. Like, you know, actual SONGS. Vocals, melodies, changes, dynamics, riffs and noise repetition. And each record was more and more dense and interesting than the last one while still retaining a structure around which the noises could fluctuate and recede. But there's no STRUCTURE anymore! It's just a bunch of light airy mood tones over an electronic beat! Who am I, Brian Eno? What, should I go hang out with Robert Fripp now? Or Jah Wobble? Is that what I should do? Oh, maybe I should go join Roxy Music and then produce a U2 album! Yeah, maybe I'll do that! Oh, what? Now I should go look at a piano with Harold Budd? Oh, and then maybe I'll catch some NASCAR with David Byrne! But see - I'm NOT Brian Eno! That's my whole point!!!! And to expect me to somehow ENJOY a bunch of fucking NOISES just FUCKING AROUND in mid-air for no reason or purpose is not going to happen!!!! I don't care if John Cale, Daniel Lanois, J. Peter Schwalm and Laraaji throw me a big surprise party with tits - I'M NOT GOING DOWN WITH THIS SHIP!

Wait that's not what I meant - I'M NOT GOING DOWN (on an AIDS-ridden homeless man) WITH THIS SHIT! (playing in the background!)!

Don't get me wrong - there are a few actual riffs here and there - a jazzy Hammond Billy Preston thing or a clarinet line repeated a few times - but - there are - t-o-o---m--a---------n----

Sorry, left a finger on the hyphen key. We're cool, now it's on top of the refrigerator. HA! HILARIOUS JOKES MAKE US ALL SMILE!

"Murita Cycles" and "Blind" are really awesome songs - MBM classics to get psyched over with fast piano flourishes, 6/4 time signatures, groovy cool bass lines,tons of sustain, and musicians honestly playing melodies with each other (in love). But the rest is a sack of shit you accidentally put on thinking it was your pants. At The Center? Yeah, if you mean my

Reader Comments (Jose Rosario)
Totally agree with the review mate. It's like is this the inevitable as an e-musician approaches their forties? The slippery slope to Muzak. Wha happin to da funk? Actually it's funny...I thing about working with electronics in a Dada mindstate is that one can easilly mistake the thrill of accidentally coming up with brilliant shit here and there, with well...hard, earned, talent, which usually much to Jack's chagrin, actually requires much PURPOSE AND DESIGN. yeah, you loose all the reins expecting the randomness from which all comes to regurgitate whatever you've expressed into a masterpiece, and then, lo and behold, it comes back sounding & pointless, ie. BORING. I mean, I don't care how many buttoned down cardigans, pipe tobacco and Stockhausen records I buy, if it sounds naive with good intentions...probably a pretty good indicator that it is in fact naive with good intentions. Tis' the sad state of affairs when the equation goes from: make interesting music putting alot of thought into it, which will sound great among other times, when one is high to: make interesting music that ONLY sounds good when one is high. sigh...Jack where hast thou gone? Don't let the Bay Area Fuzzyness spin you'll end up like Mr. Leary videotaping your own demise into Darmahood on the Internet...(how digital of him? yawn...) with hardly nobody giving two shites....

And I'm spent.

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Travelogue Live 05 DVD - MVD Visual
Rating = 8

It's no secret that Jack Dangers' real name is John Corrigan, so one shouldn't be surprised that such an inCORRIGible artist would still be tourin' and explorin' despite being 40 years old, arthritic, vegan, and an animal rights activist. Most of these unfortunate curses from God would tear the very soul from a weaker man (Paul McCartney, Bob Barker), but Dangers is no strangers to adversity and his new DVD is the best present he could possibly give his fans! (aside from a decent new album for a goddamned change)

Meat Beat Manifesto's live show consists of three fiddlers fiddling (around on Mac computers), one drummer drumming, and two screens for a bunch of movieeeees. But enough Christmas-tinged comedy!

Meat Beat Manifesto's live show consists of Jack Dangers and two co-horts standing on one side of the stage (not even facing the audience!) messing around with computers while a drummer beats away on his kit opposite. I realize that such excitement is enough to stop the pacemakers of most house music fans but THAT'S NOT ALL! The real visual focus of the show is on two movie screens in the middle of the stage, on which the band projects (through their computers) awesome video footage to support their music. And I don't mean like a guy vomiting or something -- Meat Beat Manifesto shows the actual films from which their samples are pulled! SEE Electro tell you that his brain is bigger than yours! SEE a man lie back in a chair and tell you that one morning he woke up in Miami! SEE a commercial where a guy tells another guy that he's wearing a nice shirt! SEE some guy saying "No purpose... no design" over and over! And if humor's your game, SEE Jack "scratch" the video every once in a while, using a little Mac turntable tool to create "tzschwt-tzschwt-tzschwt" noises from a few frames of some guy talking on the screen!

I don't know anything about equipment but you might, so I'll go ahead and tell you that Jack is credited for 'video sampler/AKS/vocal,' Ben Stokes for 'video sampler,' Mark Pistel for 'Serge modular/Ableton LIve' and Lynn Farmer for 'V-Drums.' I don't know what any of that means, but it doesn't take an idiot to see that Jack is showing samples of videos, playing a portable modular analog synthesizer with a built-in keyboard/sequencer that was created by EMS in 1972 and used extensively by Brian Eno in the '70s, and singing. Nor is it exactly brain science to see that Mark Pistel is dicking around on a synthesizer consisting of a custom-built collection of electronic modules that are connected together using patch cables to produce electronically synthesized sound, while simultaneously operating a loop-based software music synthesizer specifically designed for use in live performance. Furthermore, what kind of asshole would fail to notice that Lynn Farmer is 'kicking out the Jamms' on electronic instruments that play like acoustic drum sets but are connected to electronic processors that produce a wide variety of sounds? Ben Stokes is also in the band.

To everybody in the world's benefit, the band pretty much ignores their last couple of shitty albums, instead dribbling out a full-court press of career-spanning three-pointers like "I Am Electro," "Radio Babylon," a couple from Subliminal Sandwich and one each from all their other albums up through RUOK?. Be warned that these songs are altered quite dramatically in the live context, often being completely unrecognizable until the sample-hooks or Jack vocals come in. They still put on a great video/dancey music extravaganza though, quite a feat for four men who, if the 'backstage footage' is any indication, are among the most boring individuals alive.

To sum up, the new Meat Beat Manifesto DVD Travelogue Live '05 is one hour long.

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Autoimmune - Metropolis 2008
Rating = 4

Autoimmune? More like AutoPILOT if you ask me!!!! Once again, MBM wastes the world's precious ear resources on a bunch of electronic squiggling, slorping, beeping, swooping and buzzing noises piled up seemingly at random on top of sluggish beats and dull bass lines. Hey, why not change your name to "Jack SAFEs" if you're so intent on doing the same thing over and over for the past decade!? Sorry to be all up your ass about this, but your UNPASSED BOWEL MATTER SMOOSHING INTO MY EARS is far preferable to removing my head and hearing all the ugly, pinched bass noises you throw all over the album like a bunch of giant subterranean worms chasing the father from Family Ties. Autoimmune? More like AutoSPITTOON with all those gross squiggly noises squirting back and forth like a Wild West tobacco showdown. "Jack Dangers"? More like "Jack STRANGERS" the way I don't even recognize him anymore. Or "Jack MANGERS" the way he puts me to sleep like the Baby Jesus. You know, one time a guy said that my 'schtick' is 'predictable.' I think we've all proven him wrong here today.

Here are just a few brief excerpts from my track notes, taken under duress during my third (and final - EVER) listen to this release:

3. gross squiggly noises. distractingly ugly.
4. slow annoyingly tweaked beat. squiggles, pinched sqlorps.
7. headache-inducing low bass-synth tones. Scrackly higher pitched noise.
9. some squiggle, some live drumming, a black guy saying a few things.
10. squiggly electronic noises and irritating bass squoogles. then swoopy buzzy noise.
11. gross swoopy noises.
12. squiggly gross noises. no beat. no structure. just squiggly and beepy noises!
13. tweaked distorted high-pitched synthetic beep noise. sploshy noise and moaning or something.

What I hope to make evident with these excerpts, other than my dire need for a thesaurus (or, at very least, a list of actual words), is that Mister Dgrs. et al appear to be going out of their way to make Autoimmune an unpleasant listen. Perhaps it's an art concrete project designed to make the listener "immune" to horrible music, so he can enjoy today's hottest bands without contracting ear AIDS or whatever. One of the songs stinks so bad, it even has a guest rapper.

Wait a second! According to Wikipedia, this guest rapper shares my birthday!!! Hey! Give me back my birthday, Ismail Azeem! I don't care if you were "born of Jamaican and Panamanian decent"; it's MY birthday! Well, mine and Joe Torre's, anyway.

Btw, nice spelling there Wikipedia. It is totally decent that he was born of Jamaican and Panamanian.

Actually I shouldn't knock Wikipedia, because this very same unreliable online resource may have clued me in to at least one reason why I've found MBM's last decade of output so disappointing. When you click on each album title, Wikipedia alerts you to its 'genre.' For the first several MBM albums, the keywords are 'electronic,' 'industrial' and 'techno.' Then suddenly when the world starts collapsing on RUOK?, this is switched to "Funky Breaks" and "Acid House." Finally, At The Center and Autoimmune hit rock bottom with the life-stunting "Drum n Bass," the only decent example of which I've ever heard is The Fall's Levitate because it's a BORING STYLE OF MUSIC.

Guy Who's Heard Every Drum And Bass Song In The World, Especially by Finland's "Muffler." Keep on Mufflin', Muffler!

I'll still give it a 4 though because it does have some interesting or hooky moments scattered throughout the migraine garbage. "I Hold The Mic!" may be an obvious retread of the Subliminal Sandwich sound, but hey - that was a good sound! The sole Jack Dangers-sung track, "Solid Waste," doesn't match his best songs (and he's still only singing in one note) but it's a welcome departure from formless digital racket. And it's impossible not to love a swoopy bass noise that sounds like it's saying "Hello! Hello!," as can be found driving the otherwise uneventful "Children of Planet Earth." There are also a few good crisp beats here and there, but not nearly enough. They're mostly just drab and slow.

Actually, "Solid Waste" would've made an appropriate title track, come to think of it.

(Because the entire CD run was compiled from yak dung. But that's Jack Dangers for you, with his Eastern philosophies!)

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Totally Together EP - Metropolis 2010
Rating = 3

Well, MBM is back with another Massive Bowel Movement, so I figured I'd farm out the review to today's top celebrities and see what they can do with it.


Really, Jack Dangers? Another bunch of random electronic noises piled on top of dance beats? Really!?




Hi, I'm "Weird Al" Yankovic. You know, a lot of people will tell you I'm dead in the water, old hat, that I haven't written a funny song in years. Well, you just wait because when the world hears my upcoming opus -- a parody of Sade's "Sweetest Taboo" entitled "You're Giving Me A Real Nice Tattoo" -- they'll come crawling back with their dicks in their mouths and their pants open! Then I'll change my name to "Buttfuckin' Al" Yankovic and make them ALL pay!!!

Also, this EP stinks.


Shooting Script by Werner Herzog
Directed by Werner Herzog
Starring Klaus Kinski as Prindlaraldo

Opening Scene: 40,000 Indians carry a 15-ton locomotive train on their backs as they swim the length of the Pacific Ocean

Prindlaraldo: (whipping Indians on back with metal chain) "SO DATED! SO, SO DATED!!!! JUST TIRED ELECTRONIC BEATS AND SWIZZLY/BLOOPY SYNTH NOISES!!!!"

Tidal wave crashes through, drowning all 40,000 Indians and destroying the locomotive train

Scene Two: 125,000 African tribesman are glued to the mast of a sailboat that is teetering precariously on top of a thin pine tree

Prindlaraldo: (hacking at tribesmen with iron sword) "I LIKE WHEN HE PLAYS EERIE HIGH NOTES, BUT OTHERWISE WHAT'S THE POINT!?!?"

Tree snaps in half, sailboat falls and all 125,000 tribesmen are splattered on the mountainous terrain

Final Scene: Entire population of Ethiopia is hypnotized, crippled with sledgehammers, and dropped into the jungles of Paraguay with no food or water


Atomic bomb explodes, killing entire cast and crew


Look, I'm fucking somebody. That makes me an artist.

Sasha Grey

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Answers Come In Dreams - Metropolis 2010
Rating = 4

And he's back with another stinker. Sadly, this had the makings of a return to form, as the first six tracks all feature bizarre woozy 'riffs' and repetitive noise-focused motifs. Unfortunately, the interesting ideas are all left undeveloped as Dangers insists on blanketing them in the same boringass electronic bleeps and pippities he's been running into the ground - or should I say the core of the Earth - for the entire past decade. Even worse, the second half of the CD is almost completely worthless -- just ambient whooshing, water burbling, sucking in and out (in more ways than one), white noise static and buzzy wah wah racket. Not only that, but every beat is slower than shit, as if Dangers was too doped up to hit the 'increase tempo' button on his fake drum machine.

To quote an old, good Meat Beat Manifesto song: "What in the Hell happened?" Meat Beat Manifesto was so goshdarn good back in the '90s. What happened in the year 2000 that made Jack Dangers' creative talent eat shit and die? After spending a considerable amount of time conducting private research into the events of the year 2000 (, I've developed the following theories:

January 6
Event: The last natural pyrenean ibex is found dead apparently killed by a falling tree.
My Theory: Dangers had secretly chosen the pyrenean ibex as his early creative muse, so upon its death is forced to try such ineffective substitute muses as a sea anemone, a worm lizard and -- for a few disgusting months -- a tapeworm. IN ED ASNER'S ASS

February 13
Event: The final original "Peanuts" comic strip is published, following the death of its creator, Charles Schulz.
My Theory: With no Snoopy around to help him chuckle and enjoy life, Jack Dangers begins reading "Cathy". This quickly leads to a debilitating 15-times-a-day masturbation habit.

March 21
Event: The U.S. Supreme Court rules that the government lacks authority to regulate tobacco as an addictive drug, throwing out the Bill Clinton administration's main anti-smoking initiative.
My Theory: Jack Dangers celebrates by smoking an entire pack of cigarettes at the same time. His brain catches on fire and he puts the flames out with battery acid. In other words, he's dead. A corpse made all those terrible records.

April 3
Event: United States v. Microsoft: Microsoft is ruled to have violated United States antitrust laws by keeping "an oppressive thumb" on its competitors.
My Theory: United States v. Jack Dangers: Jack Dangers is ruled to have violated United States antitrust laws by keeping "an oppressive thumb" up his ass.

May 11
Event: The billionth living person in India is born.
My Theory: Jack Dangers calls "bullshit," spends next decade counting.

June 30
Event: At the Roskilde Festival near Copenhagen, Denmark, 9 die and 26 are injured on a set while the rock group Pearl Jam performs.
My Theory: Jack Dangers has wicked killer time moshing to "Better Man"; next thing you know, he's in traction for ten years.

July 2123
Event: G-8 Nations hold their 26th Annual Summit; issues include AIDS, the 'digital divide', and halving world poverty by 2015.
My Theory: Jack Dangers gets the issues confused and works to solve world poverty through digital AIDS (aka R.U.O.K.)

August 3
Event: Rioting erupts on the Paulsgrove estate in Portsmouth, Hampshire, England, after more than 100 people besiege the home of a block of flats allegedly housing a pedophile.
My Theory: Eager to tell everybody how much he likes feet, Jack Dangers calls himself by an unfortunate nickname during a live BBC1 interview.

September 29
Event: The Long Kesh prison in Northern Ireland is closed.
My Theory: Jack Dangers is in the bathroom and doesn't hear the announcement. Subsequent MBM CDs are actually by Jack Dargers, who correctly assumes nobody will read the credits too closely.

Three Others
Event: This is stupid.
My Theory: Fuck you.

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You can get their best CDs pretty darn cheap here at this online store

Stop Beating Your Meat and Get On Back to Mark Prindle's Jumpy-Doodle Shack!