Evan Dandy
*special introductory paragraph!
*Hate Your Friends
*Create Your Friends
*Favorite Spanish Dishes EP
*It's A Shame About Ray
*Come On Feel The Lemonheads
*Into Your Arms CD-single
*Car Button Cloth
*Baby I'm Bored (by Evan Dando)
*The Lemonheads
I already fucking wrote these fucking reviews once but the fucking computer fucking erased them for no fucking reason so now I have to fucking rewrite them even though nobody gives a fucking fuck about the fucking Lemonheads, because I can't fucking sleep if I don't fucking feel like I'm fucking accomplishing something. So this is fucking it. I'm fucking accomplishing the fucking creation of a bunch of fucking reviews of a fucking mediocre band that no fucking person in the world gives a fucking fuck about, with the possible exception of Evan Dando. From their inception as a high-spirited distortion-heavy pop/punk tribute to the teenage D.I.Y. aesthetic through their '90s incarnation as Dando's outlet for poppy girl frenzy and into their current years of strumming, punking and aging, the Lemonheads have never made a great album, but they've certainly recorded enough wonderful little tunes to warrant at least a brief mention here in the old Prindlemobile. You see, even though they don't do much - generally just midtempo four-chord melodies - a good number of their sugar daddies(TM) somehow manage to strike just about every chord in the human spirit, except maybe the duodenum chord.

Hate Your Friends - Taang! 1987.
Rating = 7

Youthful exuberance, and that's about it. Not fast or mean enough to be hardcore and not complex enough to be interesting, this one kinda slips between the cracks of worthwhile entertainment, landing in a little pool of "cute" on the floor. It's neat to note the striking contrast between Dando's dopey low idiot voice and original co-singer Ben Deily's randy raspy young duck yawk but, aside from a handful of pop masterpieces ("Second Chance," "So I Fucked Up," and the unbelievably chirpy "Uhhh"), there's just nothing much on here to justify its creation in 1987. But you know kids. They'll do anything just to say they've done it.

Reader Comments

aft@hotmail.com (J.P.)
You're a piece of crap. The Lemonheads' first release is perhaps the best album, in my opinion, to come out of Boston.

bthom@turbonet.com (Ray Thomson)
I heard Hate Your Friends and wan't too impressed. 5.

dstraub@geosys.com (David Straub)
Hey. I'm not too into the Lemonheads by any stretch, but I just wanna buttinski and say that the Cars' debut, Morphine's Cure for Pain, and Mission of Burma's Vs. all are tremendous albums produced by Boston bands, and I feel pretty confident in saying any of those three would eat any Dandoheads album for breakfast. Just wanted to get my two cents in! Hasta la pasta!

Ben Deily is a great singer, but any one of the Pixies' albums is the best album to come out of Boston.

benalto@benalto.com (Rocket Robin Hood)
Unintersesting debut, save the title track and "Don't Tell Yourself It's Okay". The thing that pisses me off is there's a BLUEPRINT on this LP for a really cool sound but the songwriting is nowhere near up to par. And when Dando did come up with decent songs ,the sound was completely different.

Add your thoughts?

Creator - Taang! 1988.
Rating = 7

Ben does everything within his worldly power to make this a more mature record than the debut, as is clear from the opening Black Sabbath tribute "Burying Ground" and such lovely pop tuners as "Postcard" and "Two Weeks In Another Town," but dumb ol' Evan Dando is still crankin' the same old four-chord midtempo pop-punk machine, mining out little bits of gold ("Clang Bang Clang") between large chunks of granite (though none of his abysmal originals are anywhere near as abysmal as his abysmal covers of Kiss's abysmal "Plaster Caster" and Charles Manson's abysmal "Home" - oooh! I'm diggin' this repetition vibe!).

There are some great songs on here, but you still gotta wade through puddles of doqui to hear all of them. Plus, Ben can get awfully girly when he's not held down and kicked in the mouth - songs don't get much wussier than "Come To The Window," for example. Time to make the doughnuts!

Reader Comments

aft@hotmail.com (J.P.)
You're a piece of crap. Early Lemonheads have been an inspiration to hundreds of bands.

Add your thoughts?

Create Your Friends - Taang! 1989.
Rating = 7

Both of the last two records squished together on a single CD. Still only deserves a 7, but at least you get more for your money! And you get to enjoy hearing youthful teen exuberance give way to pained later teen loneliness before hearing yourself put the CD away and throw on some Dwarves. Aww man, now you're talking my language!!!! And it sure ain't Spanish!!!!!!!!

Add your thoughts?

Lick - Taang! 1989.
Rating = 7

Very similar to the last album, except it seems as if Evan has locked Benny up in the closet for most of the album. Is it 'cuz Evan was already becoming a god to the chicks? Or was Ben just getting too fruity to write any decent songs? Unirregardlessly, Evan has some dang good songs on this one! Keep in mind, of course, that I really don't know who wrote the songs; I'm taking it for granted that the vocalist of the track is in fact the writer of the track. If I'm incorrect, may God strike you dead.

So anyway, you still got your kranka kranka pop-punk churners and your airy-fairy pop jalopies, but somehow Evan's sounding better than Ben on this one for the most part. Most of his four-chord chugglers are pretty memorable, although the best song on the record is still a cover of "Luka." I'm just glad they didn't call the album Lick My Balls, because how could I buy an album called Lick My Balls? Blood, Guts, And Pussy, sure, but Lick My Balls!? Come on! What kind of monster do you think I am?

Reader Comments

m_haar@foma.wsc.mass.edu (Matt Haar)
Lick has some of the best stuff the Lemonheads ever made. I think that it is the most underrated of all the Lemonheads Cd's. I picked it up for 4 bucks, and I still can't believe the deal I got.

Ben Deily
My Dear Mr. Prindle --

Allright, having just hauled myself off the floor (where gravity deposited me after the boffo laffs I got from reading yr various reviews) I write to thank you for your kind (well, kind enough) words in re: my L-heads songs. And yes, it *IS* me, not Peretz, "singing" -- I use the term loosely -- and writin' all them songs that make the young girls cry (there should be songwriting credits on the CD or else I'm callin' my lawyers!)

It's always nice to know someone actually listened to (or, God forbid, paid money for) all the goofy, self-indulgent things you did when you were a teenager. BUT, as to your more serious charges of "girliness"...well, pal, pride demands an appropriate response. I'm callin' you out! I'll see you on the field of honor, sir, with weapons of your choice. My wife (the attorney) and I live in Berkeley, CA, but we can meet at any more mutually convenient location if you wish for the ass-whupin' to commence. I'll pummel ya senseless and then write a chirpy love song about it! And then I'll...I'll...

Oh, I feel young again! Thanks.

(You big girl.)

My only additional comment would be that ALL denizens of this newfangled so-called "inter net" must purchase a copy of each Lemonheads TAANG! release immediately, for themselves and every member of their families, the better to put my unborn children through college.

kavrbck@megsinet.net (Paul)
I've never heard the lemonheads before except some wussy song on Mtv, so I was expecting a bunch of little pop songs when I got this tape from a friend. But when I popped that in and heard the distortion kick in, I knew it wasn't. Not a horrible album by any means, just not that memorable, if I remember correctly (bad pun, sorry). Well, the price was right.

Add your thoughts?

Lovey - Atlantic 1990.
Rating = 4

Ewww. Scratch all earlier admiration; Evan Dando is a moron. Finally has the whole band to himself (with Ben departed), finally has a major label contract, and what does he do? Wastes it on a bunch of half-assed hard rock garbage. The worst tunes of his career are all contained right here, along with a grand total of TWO great songs, one of which appeared under a different name on Creator. Who's he trying to kid? These songs are stupid! Sure, fans of late-period Grand Funk might like them fine, but is that really the target audience for '90s alternative bands and their music?

Oh! And the only new great song, "Ride With Me," can be found in a superior acoustic version on the next EP. So skip the hey out of this mama. Evan refuses to learn how to play the guitar in an interesting manner, so all we can really hope for from him is a collection of halfway decent pop songs. And on this one, he really lets us - you and me - down. Down to the ground. Like a big fat clown.

Reader Comments

970891992@97.lincoln.ac.uk (Matt G.)
This may not be the Lemonheads greatest hour, but there is certainly more top drawer songs than you credit Lovey with. "Half the time" as as catchy as it is jangly, and the video is as cool as fuck (I can't remeber who directed it, but it wasn't Jesse!) "Brass Buttons", "Stove", "Ride with me" and "Left for dead" (clang bang clang) are all real decent too. So it's not polished, but it's more "lemonheads" than any other fucking LP.

Add your thoughts?

Favorite Spanish Dishes EP - Atlantic 1991.
Rating = 8

The very probably nonexistent, at least in any form which we can fathom, good lord above knows that I really don't want to support the widely-held belief that the Lemongang's covers are better than their originals, but this EP is at least 60% covers, and it was their best record yet at the time it came out. Michael Nesmith's amazing "Different Drum" (which, for some reason, the Monkees never recorded), NKOTB's stupid-as-crap "Step By Step" and Glenn Danzig's hilarious goth punker "Skulls" (done as an acoustic ballad!) do Evan proud. Or he does them proud. Or whatever.

Plus, as I said earlier, the acoustic version of "Ride With Me" sounds fantastic - slow, sorrowful, and unbelievably well-done, as is the fifth track, which is either a godlike new original or a heavenly cover of a song by somebody I really need to meet and thank some day. The song is called "Paint," and if I were some kinda freaker, it would give me a huge pulsating boner. Luckily, I'm perfectly average in every possible way.

Add your thoughts?

It's A Shame About Ray - Atlantic 1992.
Rating = 8

This album is the only reason I have so darn many Lemonheads records, and basically the only good reason to write reviews for them. Evan got some much-needed and well-appreciated songwriting help from an Australian friend who, in a perfect world, would have his name posted here. Luckily, it's very much an imperfect world, so I don't need to bother finding out what his name is. But seriously now, these gooey syrupy lil' pop goofs are without a doubt Evan's finest hour thus far on God's green earth, unless you count that hard-to-find cover of Metallica's "Fade To Black." (Strangely, I'm not kidding! That song DOES exist!)

He's still just singing dingy little lyrics to four-chord midtempo rocker things, but somehow most of the songs are really fulfilling! More emotional, more fun, and definitely more catchy than almost any of his earlier tunes, hot action like "Rudderless," "Bit Part," "The Turnpike Down," and the absolutely perfect title track alternate between empty-minded lollipop and melancholy angst-and-smack-ridden bubblegum until, by the end of the half hour, you feel like a little girl again, dancing around dreamy-eyed over that adorable moppy crack user. He still can't seem to tell the difference between a great song and a mediocre one, so you have to sit through inoffensive confectionary sugar like "Rockin' Stroll" and "Alison's Starting To Happen," but for dazzling musical moments like "Hannah & Gabi" and "My Drug Buddy," it's all worth it. At the time, I saw this as a sort of Monkees' response to the Beatles's Nevermind, but comparisons like that are entirely inappropriate since Mr. Cobain wasn't just trying to impress chicks and Evan certainly doesn't seem to have been attempting to turn the dominant culture inside out. Evan was just a pop boy. And the bastard somehow managed to turn me into one, the frig.

Reader Comments

How can you possibly leave off the cover of "Mrs. Robinson"? Certainly it's their most famous song to date (though I suppose we have to give a nod to Simon and Garfunkel) and it rocks. Though since you were retyping this, probably after midnight and slightly less than sober judging by your tone, you can be excused if it just slipped your mind.... I was planning on buying a Lemonheads album, but your reviews of their records has killed that idea. I've got better CDs to waste my money on....

Tom94vet@worldnet.att.net (Tom Rush)
Just thought I'd tell you-- I got the chance to hang out with the Lemonheads at a concert in Lancaster PA, (the BEST night of my life!) and Evan personally told me that he, as THE Lemonhead is embarrassed for having putting time and effort into "Mrs. Robinson". They are not happy that this is their most popular single; they'd much rather have people rockin' to "Confetti".

mccort@1st.net (anna hitler)
okay, it's the only lemonheads album i own. i can't compare it to any other albums but i think it kicks ass. the lyrics don't go into a lot of depth but a part of you still lurks inside that wants to listen to "happy" music and this is happy music that doesn't suck. bravo bravo this is one of the only reviews that i've agreed with you on.

bthom@turbonet.com (Ray Thomson)
I have It's a Shame About Ray, which I like. good album. 7.

dstraub@geosys.com (David Straub)
Hi. I don't really care a whole lot for the Lemonheads, but I just want to mention that I was at that Chameleon show in Lancaster. Evan looked like he needed a nap, and he was drinking something bright and yellow all the way through the show. The rest of the band was marginally more energetic, and they played pretty well. I found out later that Murph (late of Dino Jr) was drumming that night. I thought they were okay, but I've seen better local bands play that venue, especially Burning Bus and Suddenly, Tammy. Bye!

I think you're being a bit hard on old Evil Dildo. ...Ray is an excellent album and the odd poor song is more than made up for by the good ones (of which "Alison..." IS one). I don't own the first two records but I still intend to one of these days, despite your frankly dodgy opinions.

m_haar@foma.wsc.mass.edu (Matt Haar)
"Alison's Starting To Happen" is one of the better songs on this album. This album is deffinately one of their best works. Evan finally did something right. Its too bad he put out so much rubbish too.

970891992@97.lincoln.ac.uk (Matt G.)
How can you mention every album track but Confetti - easily the Lemonheads best song. Jesse's video is also cool as fuck! (does anyone know who plays the girl? Is it Nic's girlfriend Alison?

I just wanted to say that the Australian who was co-writer for most of this record is Tom Morgan. He has released tons of records under the name of Smudge and in a perfect world we would be writing about him as well. Nic Dalton's Godstar are also a great Australian band. Buy them all from Half A Cow Records.

I really don’t like the title track. I don’t know why, but from the very first time I heard it, it just made me sick. There’s something poor about it, I dunno. But as a whole this is probably the best Lemonheads album I heard. “Drug Buddy” (which on my copy is just called “Buddy”, I guess it’s censorship?) is my “Down About It” on this record, I can listen to it over and over again, but with some limitation, like not putting it on repeat for two hours like the latter. “Confetti” is the second best tune, and a perfect choice for a second track, I’m not sure why, maybe it’s just a Lemonheads thing to pick a lousy or mediocre-good first track, and that makes the second track sound even better. I also dig on “Kitchen” and “Ceiling Fan in my Spoon” particularly… What I don’t like is “Bit Part”. It’s a shame ‘cause the song as such isn’t all that bad, but that kid screaming in the intro, it just makes me furious. I think it’s cause it makes it sound so typical 90s. There was some obession going on with kiddos. You have the Nevermind baby, the girls on Siamese Dream, the smoker child on Green Mind, plus various characters in music videos from that time (how ‘bout that mentos kid in the hilarious “Big Me” video?), so yeah that ruins it, and by the way, doesn’t this album cover remind one too much about Green Mind? You have the girl, you have the green in the title text and the girl’s shirt… And then the purple-ish colour of the car in the background. 8/10

Tom Gipson
I found this cd at a thrift store and I wish I would have left it there to collect dust. I had never heard anything from this band save their cover of "Mrs. Robinson." Maybe I'm missing something, but I just can't get into this one. Its like a watered down sonic youth or something. They should call it "its a shame about this album" hahahahaha!!!

Add your thoughts?

Come On Feel The Lemonheads - Atlantic 1993.
Rating = 6

That last one was a darn fine record, sure, but that's no reason to simply re-record it a year later. This stuff is nowhere near as memorable as any of the Ray material, so the whole cherry-eared sissy sound starts to grate on the nerves really darn quick. Like many albums, it has its moments (it at least starts strong), but by halfway through the thing, it's clear that Ev isn't gonna spring no surprises, so it's best to just turn it off right there, lest you begin suspecting a lack of creative talent on his part.

And, all you CD fans, be sure to skip the idiotic waste of time "The Jello Fund" at the end of the record. Dando ain't no Swell Maps, I can tell you that right away, not that the Swell Maps even pulled it off more than about half the time, but I don't really think that the Swell Maps are the overriding topic of this page entitled "Lemonheads," so let's get back to where we began - with me saying that really bad word a bunch of times in a row because the computer had eaten about an hour and a half's worth of poor writing.

Reader Comments

Tom94vet@worldnet.att.net (Tom Rush)
Okay, I'm gonna set you straight, boy! Come on Feel... is GREAT. "The Jello Fund" was a joke between the guys, and is actually funny.

bthom@turbonet.com (Ray Thomson)
I've heard Come And Feel The Lemonheads, disliked it, then had all of its good songs put on a 25 minute tape for me. I tell ya, If it had all been as good as that, it would've surpassed Shame Ray. As it is, it stands with a 6.

puah_t@hotmail.com (Dina)
'you can take it with you' is the best song ever 9.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999/10

hands down my fav lemonheads cd. the great big 8!

aostevenson@earthlink.net (Alex Stevenson)
this is one of those records i bought 10 years ago and thought i would never listen to again. WRONG! it's a classic with some of the finest songwriting of the 90's

I don’t know how to rate this record because it’s so darn uneven! I’ll say this though; “Down About It” is hands down the best Lemonheads song ever written and I haven’t even heard all of their stuff. I’ve literally listened to it for more than 200 times in the 9 months that I have owned a copy of this album. It’s a really moving song, great chord progression with all those nice high tones hidden in the noise, love it. Problem is there are too many songs as usual. I really hate that whole “Style/Rick James Style” thing, it ain’t even funny. What’s surprising is that such a poser like Evan Dando would let this crap ruin what could have been a superb pop/rock record. Still, because of a handfull terrific songs (It’s About Time, Dawn Can’t Dance, Rest Assured etc.), of which Down About It is superior, I’d give this a 7.

Add your thoughts?

Into Your Arms CD-single - Atlantic 1993
Rating = 4

THANK FUCKING GOD. He's finally reviewed The Lemonheads' "Into Your Arms" CD-single. I've literally spent every day of the past 15 years staring at its tempting $0.01 asking price on Amazon and wondering, "What if....?" Well now my answer is here. It's just like top-selling Mexican rockers Los Llamarada said in their recent Dusted.com interview, available online at http://www.dustedmagazine.com/features/704, "In those times you only read about bands, and had to imagine what they sounded like, based on descriptions in reviews on Mark Prindle's website, for example." Those guys said a mouthful and it was true, unless they were putting him down for not being descriptive enough. The important thing is that my Prayers(TM) have been answered, and Mark Prindle has finally reviewed The Lemonheads' "Into Your Arms" CD-single.

Why, would you like at that? According to popular online music critique artiste Mark Prindle, the title track of this CD-single is the same exact version of "Into Your Arms" that appears on the Come On Feel The Lemonheads CD! That statement certainly answers my first question about the CD-single, namely "Say, is this the same version of 'Into Your Arms' that appears on the Come On Feel The Lemonheads CD?" So I must really hand it to Mr. Prindle for his stunning perception and insight on this topic.

But wait! Apparently, he says here, the other three songs are cover tunes performed by Evan Dando alone on acoustical guitar. Then he makes a hilarious dick joke that has me rollicking with laughter. Ho ho, Mr. Prindle! Chalk one up for Bawdiness! So that's 1-0, advantage Bawdiness.

Okay, let's see - "Miss Otis Regrets" something something.... boring Cole Porter ballad something something..... "Learning The Game" something something..... boring Buddy Holly ballad...... "Little Black Egg" da da da da..... Nightcrawlers..... missing the bass line..... hmmmmm, alternates between the note bit and the chords because it's just one guitar.... Without "Into Your Arms," it'd get a 2.... something something dog anecdote.

No no, I was reading that verbatim.

And by "verbatim," I of course mean "Verbatim Recordable Media!" If it's high-quality illegal bootleg CD-Rs you're after, look no further than Verbatim Recordable Media! You can even create a custom label!

Look I'll be honest, I'm hung over.

Add your thoughts?

Car Button Cloth - Atlantic 1996.
Rating = 8

Evan "Trey" Dando went through rehab, came out clean and sober (except for beer, pot and VCRs), and recorded what can only be termed a darned entertaining record! I'm awfully torn on this one. See, I love the fact that Evan has gone back to exploring several different types of moods, instead of just making all the music sugary sweet. I also love the fact that his new rhythm section is more prone to playing LOUD stuff than sissy stuff. Thirdly, most of the songs are really entertaining, whether they're dimwitted little odes to horror movies or Metallica homages or bluesy smoodges about beating girls to death. You know, darkness, death and love! I like all that. What I don't like is that the cheery songs on here are exceptionally annoying - "It's All True," "C'mon Daddy" and "The Outdoor Type" in particular make me want to throttle the little pansy (actually, some friend of his wrote "Outdoor Type" and possibly the other ones too, for all I know). Get rid of those tunes, though, and you've got an album I can listen to day in, day out. Lots of different styles are explored on here, from the psychotic depressing shimmerthrob of "Break Me" to the Sesame Street sing-songiness of "If I Could Talk I'd Tell You" (a happy song that strangely makes me want to hug the little pansy), and a good deal of it works. Heck, even those songs I claimed I hated aren't really that bad at all (except "C'mon Daddy," which I honestly DO hate); I was simply being argumentative. Is it worth an 8, though? Honestly, probably not. The best tunes are simplistic and predictable, and it's a pretty uneven effort. But who gives a shit? It's fun, dammit. And if I can give a MONKEES album an 8 (which I do), then I can give this one an 8. Let's just say I'm rounding up from 7.5. Don't blame me if you hate it, though - it's not as good as It's A Shame About Ray.
Reader Comments

Tom94vet@worldnet.att.net (Tom Rush)
Car button cloth kicks.

Car Button Cloth is good, but again one of the stand out tracks is a cover- new single "Outdoor Type", by Lemonheads copyists Smudge. And I guess side 2 falls apart a bit, but I forgive him.

bthom@turbonet.com (Ray Thomson)
My girlfriend is the resident Lemonheads expert, and she has Car Button Cloth. She says it's better than Come And Feel, but not as good as Shame. Therefore it's probably a 6.

malester@cpuinc.net (Lester)
i bought this greatest hits CD real cheap. it's got "Shame about ray" "confetti" "mrs robinson" "drug buddy" and bunch of other songs on it. all i have to say is : the Lemonheads are the least interesting, most boring band i' heard in a long time. don't buy their albums!!!!!!!!!


The Lemonheads are underrated. I never listened to them in my high school years ('90-'94) and always heard they were a mediocre pretty-boy band, but when I borrowed Car Button Cloth from my college roomate on a whim in '97, I was instantly hooked. I now own every album of theirs and eagerly await the next Lemonheads/Evan Dando solo album. Sure, their albums tend to be schizophrenic and uneven on the whole, but Dando's uncanny knack for brilliant pop songcraft is remarkable. I wish I could effortlessly write two-and-a-half-minute gems like Dando can (either alone or in collaboration with Tom Morgan). One day the Lemonheads will get the respect they deserve as one of the great pop bands of the '90s, and Dando can laugh at his detractors all the way through his own "Behind the Music" special on VH1.

edufrota@uol.com.br (Eduardo Frota)
The Lemonheads are just great. Poor, shallow, fun, spontaneous. I know 90% of the things they recorded, and the only thing I would say to Evan is: try to be a little more humble. I mean, the guy seems to be totally self-centered for someone whose genius is being simple.

benalto@benalto.com (Rocket Robin Hood)
Take the first 3 albums and you can get 1 good side of a 90 min. mix tape. On the other side tape "It's A Shame About Ray". And that's all you need. My favourite Lemonheads release is the "Luka" 7" - it had a Patsy Cline cover and a proto-Nirvana sounding song on the flip side.

I think this is the least entertaining Lemonheads album of the last three, and simply the worst. I do like the sound production, but the songs just aren’t that good. There are a couple of grunge-rockers that just seem misplaced. The good moment of the record is the beginning, after the intro. “If I Could Talk” and “Break Me” are quality songs and yes, it is nice to get some diversity here, but then things start to get downhill and at some points it plain sucks. “Something’s Missing” is like the filler of fillers. As for “Outdoor Type” I liked that song a lot when I first got this, but I can see how someone would hate it ‘cause it does get kinda old. Maybe what you feel about that song is what I feel about “Knoxville Girl”. 5.5/10.

Add your thoughts?

Baby I'm Bored (by Evan Dando) - Bar None 2003
Rating = 6

What kind of stupid asshole would replace every member of The Lemonheads six hundred million times and then suddenly decide he needs to do a solo album!? "oh, I have some groundbreaking new ideas I want to try out and the other Lemonheads are just holding me back, even though they change on every album," he probably thought, the asshole. "Nyeah nyeah nyeah nyeah," he probably continued, like an asshole. So he formed Evan Dando's Hate Police and put out this fsah

So he put out an album called Dando with guest vocal appearances by Henry Rollins, Dave Grohl, Billy Corgan, dfsalg

So he released a middling compact disc featuring tons of acoustic guitars, slow sluggish tempos, a bit of organ and piano, and occasional female backup vocals that sladtlk

But see, this is what happens when one doesn't start writing his daily record review until 3:45 AM in the morning when most of the world is asleep or watching Fox News' Red Eye program starring Mark Prindle every once in a while. One tries to just let the words roll off his fingers because his mind is too tired to add two and three together, but then the fingers start spewing out hateful machinations a la Machiavelli. For example, you may not have noticed this but a few seconds ago I used fear to keep a large garrison united and you know what? I did not mind the thought of cruelty in that regard.

Ha ha! A little The Prince joke for all the The Prince fans out there!

Oh, I'm sorry. I mean The Book Formerly Known As "The Prince".

Ha ha! A little Prince joke for all the Prince fans out fuck this

Evan's big la-de-da this time is clever song titling. Actually, that's not true. Somebody break into my house and erase that. Don't steal anything though; everything's covered with poisonous dust! And I don't need any more "skeletons in my closet," if you know what I mean!!!! (I have a lot of dead people in my closet) But a couple of song titles are funny, still. One song is called "Shots Is Fired" and you read it and you're all like, "Come on, Mr. Illiterate. That's the worst grammar this side of that child-molesting one on the TV," but then you hear the song and discover that the actual lyric is "Whatever part of you that's been calling the shots is fired"! Similarly, one song is called "It Looks Like You" and you're all like, "Come on, man. Don't write a song about a piece of poop and then say it looks like me, the listener. That's the meanest thing that anyone's ever done, including 9/11 and a tsunami." But then you hear the song and discover that the actual lyric is "Honey, it looks like you got some explainin' to do"! So, as you see by my provided examples, there are at least two occasions on this record in which Evan's big la-de-da is clever song titling.


Sorry, I thought I saw the singer for DOA in the computer there. This album features too many generic Evan Dando chord changes. If I knew anything at all about technique, I'd be more specific. There are just certain 'wistful' and 'friendly' chord pairings that he uses a lot. There is also a distinct lack of energy on this record. In fact, "Baby I'm Bored"? Yeah, you probably just LISTENED TO THIS ALBUM!!!! Also, my name ain't "Baby." It's Janet. Ms. Jackson, if you're a Nazi.

NAZI! Nazi boy! Don't kill that Jew! Doot doot doodly-doodle Oh you Nazi boy!

On a related note, if it's happy fuzzball Lemonheads pop-rock you seek, you might want to take Evan's "Evan Dando" credit as a hint to buy a different Lemonheads record. Aside from the great fuzz-popper "Stop My Head," the record is much more attuned to acoustic folk-pop (both wistful and sweet) and slow brooding things. Well, there's also the godawful electro-pop headache "Waking Up," which sounds like Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder with half of their brains replaced with flour. Otherwise, stick a booboo!

One final note: a tiny girl with a pacifier in her mouth walked up to Henry The Dog today and touched him on the head. Then she touched his foot. Then she petted his side. Then she touched his nose. Then she touched his eye.

I'll give you 15 guesses at which point in this procedure Henry jumped up and barked like he wanted to kill her. Go ahead! Begin guessing!

I'll give you a hint! It's severely unpleasant when somebody touches your eye!

Add your thoughts?

The Lemonheads - Vagrant 2006
Rating = 7

The Lemonheads are back -- and this time it's personnel!

The personnel of The Descendents, to be specific. For his rumpteenth band line-up, Evan "Ass" Dildo has chosen bassist Karl Alvarez (Descendents, All) and long-time www.markprindle.com interviewee/part-time drummer Bill Stevenson (Black Flag, October Faction, Only Crime, Descendents, All). A few tracks are also augmented by the musical input of guitarist J. Mascis (Dinosaur Jr), bassist Josh Latanzi (Juliana Hatfield) and organist Garth Hudson (The Band!? What the hell is he doing hanging out with Evan Dando? Let's chalk it up to the Frank Black/Boston connection, even if we have no reason for doing so and it was recorded in Colorado.).

Prior to its release, Evan alerted the rock and roll media that his goal with this release was to crank out a bunch of punk rock tunes. Don't be confused by this -- by 'punk rock,' he means 'uptempo (but not MOSH-speed) happy fuzzy power-pop-punk with melodic vocals.' This is in fact the description most immediately applicable to a full 7 1/2 of these 11 compositions. And even if these aren't the most innovative chord changes ever (they certainly do sound like Evan Dando compositions though; the chord sequences are "ALL ABOUT" him), the album remains as bouncy and fun as just a pile of blood!

("He was laying on the ground in the hallway," the 16-year-old said at a nearby gas station, where students and townspeople gathered following the shooting. "He had just a pile of blood by his leg.")

But hang on -- yes, Evan Dando succeeded in writing almost nothing but fast goodtime fuzzy tunes tailormade for you kids and your Pogo Stick Dancing. However, this world does not revolve around Evan Dando, and this CD is our first sign of proof. Drummer Bill "William" Stevenson saw fit to slow down the proceedings with his sluggish Everclear-style "Become The Enemy" and awesome brooding arpeggio'd "Let's Just Laugh," and longtime Dando songwriting partner Tom Morgan was kind enough to contribute the two worst songs he's ever written -- one about screwing and one loose countryish dull ballad redeemed only by a violent surprise twist in the lyrics. Bill also wrote one fast song about his father dying, but that didn't really fit anywhere in the sentence so I left it out. Sometimes truth must play second fiddle to literary stylization. For example, perhaps it would be more accurate to say "A thick pool of blood had formed beside his leg," but where's the poetry in that?

Say, have Evan Dando's rhymes always been so self-consciously cutesy? I only first noticed it with that awful "Khmer Rouge/Genocide Qua/Your place or Mein Kampf/Now I'm giving the dog a bone" verse on the last album, but this disc is positively awash in punch-in-the-face-worthy "Deuhrrrr" plays-on-word and meaningless rhymes. Examples:

"If it ain't fixed, don't break it/When the pain pricks, you can take it/Kill a werewolf, wooden stake it"

"Jesus Christ and Mother Fuck/The things I do to press my luck"

"What's Amanda say?"

"Time goes by so very slow while you are fasting/I don't think I really know if you are asking/Crash the plane and boil the snow, then do the last thing"

"I beg your pardon/A swimming pool that used to be a garden/Bake someone a cake and fold my heart in/Drive around the lake and roll my car in"

"In the dark and on TV fires/Just a country on rims for tires/Excuses tired/Someone fetch the piano wire/I hope you're tried and fried before you're finally fired"

So that's that. At any rate, it's nice to have Evan Dando, as I quite enjoy his surprisingly low voice and fuzzy little distortion knob. However, it would be even nicer if the songwriting were a bit stronger; these chord changes just seem to get more and more faceless (though never bad) as the disc progresses. But I guess we can't ALL be It's A Shame About Ray!

Having said that, the descending guitar motif that runs through the intro and choruses of "Pittsburgh" is one of the most heartwarming melodies Dando's ever written in my life. If only he'd played it in EVERY song! That would make EVERY song great and I'd give the CD a ten!

Guy Who Doesn't Understand The Law Of Diminishing Returns

Reader Comments

You're a piece of crap. Later Lemonheads are the best invention since sliced lemons. (sike)

This review is a little bit off. The album deserves a low 5. I listened to it twice and couldn't think of a single good thing to say about it. Man, is it hum-drum. Even a couple of the tunes on Evan Dando's solo album (which itself was a snore) kicked ass over these. I suppose his frame of mind has improved since the "Car Button Cloth" days (a great album deserving of a 9), but that improvement has evidently taken its toll on his songs. I'm sorry, but I gave this CD away and doubt I'll want to hear it again.

Add your thoughts?

Varshons - The End 2009
Rating = 7

You know, the world is filled with proverbs from which one can learn many credible things. Following are just a few sample cliches that I myself invented for your enlightenment and titillation. Please note that these are copyrighted and trademarked in Washington, DC, so don't try to steal them and attribute them to "Unknown German Philosopher." I'm so sick of that shit. I'm so, so sick of that shit.

- Late to rise and late to bed makes a man stupid, bankrupt and dead.
- Doctors refuse to treat, those who daily an apple eat.
- The early worm gets eaten by a bird.
- You're never going to collect any moss by just rolling a stone over it.
- A friend is just a stranger you've met.
- Seeing two birds in a bush is exactly identical to holding one in your hand.
- If you like throwing rocks all over the place like an idiot, don't buy a house made of glass because you'll probably break one of the windows while throwing rocks around like a dumbass, you rock-throwing dipshit.

Yes, it's many a man who can learn from a proverb today, so let's talk about the Lemonheads' new "covers" album! Thanks to the Butthole Surfers' Gibby Haynes, who chose nine of the eleven songs to be covered, it's the SECOND album I've reviewed in the last three weeks to include a GG Allin cover. GG will soon be "The Beatles Part II" if it keeps going at this rate! This covers album takes songs and plays them (mostly) as acoustic folk and dark country-folk songs with arpeggiated clean picking, acoustic strumming and vocals by Evan Dando of the Lemonheads. Covered artists include Gram Parsons, Wire, GG Allin, Townes Van Zandt, Green Fuz, Sam Gopal (!?!?!), Arling & Cameron (!?!?!?!??!), July, Fuckemos, Leonard Cohen and Christine Aguilera. But almost all of them are done as acoustic/clean folk-country! What SUPER rules is how Evan uses a really low voice for the GG Allin and Fuckemos songs -- he sounds like he has a mustache and wears a cowboy hat!

The performances are all very pretty, and Gibby Haynes' production mixes are absolutely excellent, so the only problem is that a few of the songs that the Gibber and Evan Dildo (AH HAHAHAHAHAH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! HAHAHAHAHAHAH! OH! HAHAHAHAH!) chose really aren't too good, as far as I can tell by these covers of them. For example, Gram Parsons' "I Just Can't Take It Anymore" sure as shoot sounds like a ripoff of Rob Dylan's "Chimes Of Freedom." Furthermore, Sam Gopal(!?!?!)'s "Yesterlove" isn't a ripoff of the Byrds' "Thoughts & Words" but it's so similar that it just makes you want to hear that song instead.

A couple of the songs will throw you though. Model/heroin addict Kate Moss sing-speaks the fuzz-dance track "Dirty Robot" and Evan Vibrator (HA! OH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!) plays July's psych "Dandelion Seeds" as a Lenny Kravitz funk-metal song! (until the middle where he does a xylophone solo). Also, Stephen Tyler of Aerosmith's daughter Liv co-sings "Hey You Asshole, That's No Way To Say Goodbye, You Asshole" with Evan Sex Toy (HAHDFSAFHD).

Evan Fifteen-Foot Plastic Cock (DF) had some great songs to cover on this album, and most of them he plays as pretty acoustic/clean folk-country songs, so live it love it leave it. It's nice. I mean, some of it blows but not much. Some ripoff songs, some Christina Aguilera, etc. But diddly-do.

Way to go, Evan Inflatable Sex Doll That Men Stick Their Dick In! Gibby Haynes picked some good songs and you played them good! Some of it blows though.

Add your thoughts?

There's some really cheap Lemonheads CDs going down at this link. You may wanna check it out. Be sure to click on the actual album covers there - the cheap USED CD prices can only be accessed that way.

Christ says, "I love Mark Prindle's site! Click here and go FUCK OFF!"