Helios Creed

Rocket man - Burnin' like a fleebles nebulomps
*special introductory paragraph!
*X-Rated Fairy Tales
*Superior Catholic Finger
*The Last Laugh
*Boxing The Clown
*Lactating Purple
*The Warming 7"
*Kiss To The Brain
*Your Choice Live Series
*Busting Through The Van Allan Belt
*Planet X
*Cosmic Assault
*Dark Matter: Seeing Strange Lights
*"NUGG" The Transport
*Chromagnum Man
*Dark Matter II
*Activated Condition
*Colors Of Light
*On Tour 1999
*Spider Prophecy
*On The Dark Side Of The Sun
*Deep Blue Love Vacuum
*Dual Forces: Chrome & Helios Creed DVD
*Not Without Sorcery EP
*Galactic Octopi

Helios Creed is a man (file under "C"), formerly one- or two-halves of the bizarre acid punk-type duo Chrome. He is a guitar player who runs his instrument through a briefcase full of about a million different effects (phase, flange, delay, distortion, reverb, wah and approximately nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-four others) to come up with the squiggliest weirdest little guitar tone you are likely to have enjoyed on this fine summer evening. He is a Hawkwind-influenced master of a form that has come to be known as "Space Acid Cyber Punk Metal Ambient Weird Rock Psychedelic Thingy Noise," and he keeps churning out records like they grow in pressing plants. (By the way, check out how many 8s I give this guy - you'll get a good chuckle out of my copoutingness). Read on if words are your passion! Let me make love to you with my Helios Creed record reviews!

X-Rated Fairy Tales - Subterranean 1985
Rating = 8

First thing to note: Helios Creed likes to play chord sequences that make you feel icky inside. Not as icky as Neurosis or the Swans or something, mind your manners. He isn't trying to depress you - he is creating the mood of an acid trip gone bad. His guitars compress and scream, flange, feedback, solo, boil under, flame over -- some have called him a modern-day Hendrix (Jimi) for this reason. He loves to experiment with guitar tones and create the oddest-birded thingies you'd ever think a guitar would be doing. SPACE DEATH FUZZ ROCK! It doesn't help mainstream matters that he often pumps his perfectly pleasant speak-sing voice through just as many effects. The end result is - well shit I've already described it enough, haven't I? Fuzzy acid rock with awesome strange riffs, soaring creepy noises and echoing, twaddling guitar runs on top. It's a very cool style if you're into guitars and weird stuff -- and this is a great album! Every once in a while, Mr. Creed will lose himself in non-guitar slow sucking drum/altered voice manipulation bleariness or ambient fiddledeedee, but this record mostly sticks to the cool uptempo muckrocking (with one excellent veering into unexpected Renaissance Festival material with the title track). Sample song titles for you: "Un-Human Condition," "Sex Voodoo Venus," "Blood Red." Sample dumb thing for you: a weak rewrite of "Johnny B. Goode" called "Johnny B. Cool."

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Superior Catholic Finger - Subterranean 1988
Rating = 7

See up above? How I gave this one a score that wasn't an 8? Enjoy that. It's not going to happen very often. This is one of my least favorite Helios Creed albums though, because it's just TOO experimental and spacey, with less "songs" and more "4-minute pieces of swishy noise with a guitar solo on top." Not nearly as interesting to me as Helios' songs (I really like whow he writes songs!), but he gives us a few more classic fuzzers like "Monster Lust," "Mustard Dog" and "Too Bad." The rest? Mmmm... Ehh.... Like I said, I prefer songwriting to exploration if the exploration doesn't seem to go anywhere. And to my naive ear untrained in the ways of making stuff up on the spot, meandering sonic pieces like "The Bridge," "The Cookie Jar" and the title track seem to just kinda dick around the homestead of progressive space rock.

What the hell is the word for when you make shit up on the spot? Why am I blanking on that? jjfdfkjk not avante garde not ambient... not existential... not exploratory... fuck fuck fuck fuck f


Eggs Benedict?

Maybe it's because I saw Helios for the first time on the Superior Catholic Finger tour, and I was on acid, that I've always loved this album. I went on to see him at least a half dozen other times, also once with Chrome (2000), and once with Nik Turner's Hawkwind even. I bought every album up until Chromagnum Man, and don't think I've even heard any that came out after that. "The Cookie Jar" though, really you don't like it? Are you crazy! What a great instrumental for acid lovers everywhere! Yeah, "Monster Lust" is just OK, and "Too Bad" ain't much better, but "The Cookie Jar" is right up there with the best of them. Or maybe I just took to much acid back then!

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The Last Laugh - Amphetamine Reptile 1989.
Rating = 8


This album doesn't rely as much on improvisation (although all of Helios' "solos" just sound like a bunch of made-up noise, so there's certainly that aspect). Interesting thing here is that, although Helios is back to writing actual songs, there's a real HAPPY (!) feel to several of them (e.g.i.e. "Bend Over," "Road Out Of Hell" and "The Rant" all sound like Tony Iommi enjoying a nice marmalade sandwich). They're still filled with swirling, slicing, fizzing, dicing guitars, of course, but in a happy smiling chug-chug-chug-a-lug way instead of a psycho-nightmare dee-doo-doo-dwap-dwap way. That's not to say that it's all beaches and film -- "Nirbasion Annasion" is one of the greatest psycho-acid-trip songs he's ever written, and SHOULD have been a huge hit on at least heavy metal stations or college radio or something. It should have been a hit somewhere, I tell you!!!! Not the rest of it though. Wah-drenched goodtime distorto-vibes got no place in this world or any other.

Let me stress this about Mr. Creed - not all of his songs sound like he put a hell of a lot of effort into writing them. In fact, the untrained ear (like say, MINE) might suggest that most of his songs follow the same formula - a simple little repetitive bass line and eerily note-bendy guitar riff topped by altered vocals and a bunch more guitars playing echoey, phasey solos until the song ends. But when he spends a little time on the riff, he usually scores a megapony! Check out the aggressorfunk of "Beef" and the sickening queasy vomitriff of "Late Bloomer" on this one - now try to remove the guitar lines from your head without resorting to electroshock therapy (or "the lazy way of getting a song out of your head," as it's called in the medical community). It you love this style, you'll love everything he's done, but the songs that deviate from this formula are usually a welcome relief and proof that he's not a one-trick pony. He just happens to like that trick the best, probably because it's his own creation.

FYI, most of the songs on The Last Laugh were NOT written by Helios...I know, because I wrote about half of the album, if not more...the ENTIRE thing was written, rehearsed, and recorded in the studio over the course of two days...I was an amazing fun experience....but I thought you might want to get the credits correct.

Holy shikes, grief-stricken Batman! Daniel House! The bassist from Skin Yard! Fucking loved their debut release, like funky-prog grunge music with a killer bass line throughout. Definitely one of my favorite albums.

ANYWAYS, yeah, Helios is "da man" and whatnot. Not sure if I like this release or X-Rated Fairy Tales better. But he's one man who makes me feel better for getting into noise rock, right up there with The Jesus Lizard who stole my noise rock virginity.

And! I happen to like those acid-trippy "solos" thrown into those songs. They sound like a shroomed-up Black Flag trying to sound like Hendrix, but stepping wayyy to close to their amplifiers.

Monet Clark
Hi, I was just reading through Daniel House's comment for your record review of The Last Laugh and I want to say that I just interviewed Creed on the making of The Last Laugh, for an upcoming documentary. He talked specifically about the process of making that album. It would appear that actually House only wrote his base riffs for that album, and Creed wrote the melodies, the lyrics, and the guitar parts, and the rest was collaborated by the whole band. Obviously there was a structure there with the synergy of that particular group of musicians that produced the album and the songs that it did, but for House to claim "I wrote about half of the album, if not more" seems is an exaggeration. Since there are 17 releases from Creed on your review list alone since The Last Laugh in 1989, and Creed continues to work currently (now on a new Chrome album) and House doesn't have much more to show in comparison, Creeds musical genius on vinyl over time, speaks for itself.

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Boxing The Clown - Amphetamine Reptile 1990.
Rating = 8

Rey Washam (Scratch Acid, Big Boys, Didjits) drums on this one, and yes he is a powerful rock drummer but is that any reason to make his instrument the centrus focal point for the entire album???? Half the time, I can't hear the bass at all and even the damn GUITAR seems hidden in a lot of these tracks (is there even a guitar or bass in "Sunspots," for crying out patootie?)! So turn it up awfully loud, get terribly close to your quadrophonic speakers and enjoy another horribly hot collection of Helios Creed surround-a-solos.

I will provide thee with a brief description of the nine songs located on this compact cassette album. "Go Blind" sounds like Gaye Bykers On Acid, "Hyperventilation" sounds like The Stooges, "Master Blaster" features a screwy guitar break that has gone done in underground history just as famously as Jimmy Page's spectacular "Radioactive" break, and "Sister Sarah" is one of the greatest goddamned songs I've ever heard in my life. I'm not even going to describe it because there's no way that you could possibly enjoy it as much as I do. Although I would have enjoyed the song even more had it been named "Sunny Funny Sarah," I nevertheless enjoy it a "hella" lot AS IS (no refunds). The rest of the songs sound like Heeeeeeeeeeeelios Creed!

But very drummy. Cymbally. In the words of Pink Floyd, "It's high time - Cymbally." While we're on the subject of early Pink Floyd, Floydophiles might find themselves singing "Corporal Clegg" to the bass line of "Big Clown" on this record. STOP DOING THIS!!!! YOU'RE RUINING THE ALBUM FOR EVERYBODY IN THE THEATRE!!!!

Including that guy in the back who whacks off every time Matthew Broderick comes on the screen!!!

Since you brought up Matthew Broderick, I have a quick question for you: is it just me or does Sarah Jessica Parker look about seventy-five years old? How the hell did she end up on a TV show with the word "sex" in the title? That is so gross. That'd be like screwing your grandmother.

Which is no fun, believe you me. Your grandmother's Satisfaction Gap is like seventy-two square feet big.

Reader Comments

Rey Washam
it's mark right? i never do this shit but anywho, i'm bored and i'm trying to move and get a website going and blah blah...

boxing the clown was a record written and recorded in about a week. i know becouse i played drums on the fucker. helios just wanted to kind of throw things together, in the studio as well as life. the guys a fucking genius when it comes to recording backwards guitar, i would find this out when we started to mess with sister sarah. i too LOVE this song. it is one of my favorite recordings of all time. still sends shivers. anywho, that song was MY baby. i didn't really give a shit about the other stuff cause H was in such a damn hurry and didn't want to put much thought or time into things. i started a drum beat and H played the original and only forward tracked guitar line of that song. the drums needed to be up front for that one to keep time cause there was very little rythm going on. i guess he just left the drum mixes that hot for the rest of the album. i know that H loved the drums loud. so we had a basic drum track and rythym guitar track and I asked H if he could do some backwards shit knowing that chrome records of which i was a big fan had cool guitar effects on them. i had no idea had incredible H would be at that. the bass line was simple, tonic and the fifth i believe. when we turned the tape over to let H track guitar, it was like the guy new exactly how it would sound backwards. there is no editing at all on that track. everything is precisely how it was tracked. one take for the vocals, it just flowed out, very simple lines inter twining (HA). H just made it up as the tape rolled. we slapped some stupid phase shifter on the drums and mixed it. that is where the time came into it. i listened too and played with levels for hours on that song, bringing out the cool backward phrases that i liked. it's the only song on that record that i like. again, i love that song and i don't listen to my own work but that one i think is cool. it was all Helios. if you give a shit.

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Lactating Purple - Amphetamine Reptile 1991.
Rating = 8

Finally Mr. Creed gets some strong mixing production on his record album! The bass is pumped up and you can hear everything just dandy, lion. Almost like a real band! The songs are more of the same and that's good. Always good to have a Helios Creed in the heeeey-ouse. Booyah! Let me say something here. It's very easy to enjoy a Helios Creed record if you like distorted guitars. However, it's very hard to say, "Holy christ, this Helios Creed album is incredible from beginning to end!" Because no matter how simple it is to love what you're hearing, you still kinda have to admit to yourself that half of the riffs are simple little hard rock things pulled straight from the Grand Funk Railroad School of Musicology, founded by respected professor Mark Farner. Mr. Creed may play these riffs at punk speed or dress them up in swirling, phasing electronics and glee, but at the heart of darkness lies a history of pretty basic hard rock riffage. Not always -- like I said, when he sits down to write an evil nauseating acid-drenched classic, he succeeds. But he generally only does this for about half an album, leaving the rest to two-chord riffage/soloing and one or two slow messy pieces of crap like "Spider." Ugly!

So that's my story! Remember, I'm Brickman! I tell stories and I'm made of bricks! They call me Brickman!

I tell stories!

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The Warming 7" - Amphetamine Reptile 1991.
Rating = 8

In 1991, I went away to college. I said goodbye to my old friends, hopped in the family two-by-four and ran ragged through streets of azure while lilting bonnies wisped me away to a land of independence and cotton. This land was Chapel Hill, NC -- home of Thomas Paine's alma mater and also where Michael Jordache went to school before becoming America's favorite sports supervillain. 1991 is not a year to be forgotten. Those sunny Autumn days and me shaving the sides of my head every day while the back remained hippy-long. These are times to cherish. The time a big hunk of soap got stuck in my ear and I hit on this girl and didn't notice the hunk of soap until later and it looked like a huge ball of wax. The way I didn't drink or have any fun at all. The way I hung out with a bunch of other guys who also didn't have terribly active social lives. These were good times. DAMN bad times. But at the end of the day, all we have to cherish and replenish as adulthood calls to us, beckoning to us to "Stay Demented!" - No that's not adulthood. One sec.

Ah, I see. My subconscious read the word as "An Adult Hood," which Barry Whatsisname sure as sack of shit is, blues expert or no whatever. Hansen? Hanson! We all see the connection - if we didn't, we'd be six feet under just like everybody who fought in the War of 1812. Everybody who fought in that war is now DEAD. That's the curse, see. The Curse of the War of 1812. Thank God it's now 1991 and we can listen to a Helios Creed single featuring two songs that sound exactly like you'd expect them to if you've ever heard a Helios Creed song. "The Warming" features very loud drums, very affected guitars and uptempo repetitive fun chords -- this almost counts as "catchy" for a Helios Creed song! Side two is "I'm Your Spaceman," which starts out sounding like a ripoff of the Subhumans' "British Disease" before a wall of bassless distorted noise smacks you fresh in the kisslips and a weird slithery bottom-end-that's-NOT-a-bass creeps around like a siren-wielding UFO zooming around underwater in another dimension. Then the "guitar solo" sounds like a hairdryer being shifted on and off between two different speeds, much like avant-garde 20th Century Composer Mark Prindle did in his brief concerto "That's A Hot Tamale."

Bottom Line: A popular comedy club.

I discovered something important tonight. I have absolutely no interest at all in being a rock journalist. I don't like journalism. I don't get a kick out of the "research" process or "investigating" shit I don't care about. I like talking about albums. As I told a zine editor in an email tonight, "My opinions of records are safe because I know what I hear, but my opinions of other peoples' motives and lives are necessarily stunted by my lack of knowledge about and/or interest in the events that have actually occurred." And nothing's worse than a journalist who gets his facts from a secondary source. What use is he/she? (probably "he," since women can't spell) To be a true journalist, one must get right to the source and interview Fred Durst about this whole dating Britney Spears thing. Who the hell would date Fred Durst? And more importantly, isn't Britney Spears a faggot? She sure sucks DICK like a faggot!

I should point out that about a month ago, my mom asked me while I had to use such "filthy language" in my reviews, and I told her it's because the kids like it. So if my mom asks you, LIE and say you LIKE IT. Thanks!

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Kiss To The Brain - Amphetamine Reptile 1993.
Rating = 8

Some funky slap bass added to a couple of tunes. Otherwise more of the same, and all hail marys to bejezus for that! I actually met Helios Creed while he was touring for this record. He's an odd dude. He was all stuck on the topic of this "XL-35" drug, which is supposedly made in outer space or something and will give you the trip of your life. He wasn't the most lucid human being in the world, but then I guess you wouldn't really expect that from a guy who plays essentially the same guitar solo in every song he's ever recorded.

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Your Choice Live Series - Your Choice 1994.
Rating = 8

Any man who would begrudge a live album that begins with "Nirbasion Anasion" and "Master Blaster" is no man who deserves to have me fist him in the fanny. Helios puts on the same type of live show that he puts on a record album. Fizzly guitar effects, synth blurbles and a tight-as-a-nun's-crucifix rhythm section. Not sure why anybody in the audience would have wanted to sit through the urkly non-songs "Cat Fight" and "Anubis Warpus," nor why Mr. Creed would opt to do a cover of "Knockin' On Heaven's Door," but I'm not ogling to Doogie.

Instead I'm ogling to how "clever" it is for kooky old Stephen Malkmus to write an entire song about Yul Brynner. Tee hee! You're so pomo, Mr. Malkmus!

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Busting Through The Van Allan Belt - Cleopatra 1994.
Rating = 8

Pssht. Cleopatra. THERE'S a real label for you. I guess Helios felt de same way he dood because this is not your typical Jelios Beed release. Starts off with some synthesizer noises, moves into a couple halfassed but catchy as hell new songs, then moves into cool live versions of three Heppeios classics (including "Late Bloomer" on its third release! Experience yet again what it's like to feel carsick from the comfort of your own parents' home!) before turning to shit with two long boring "jam-a-thons" with former Rollins Band bassist Andrew Weiss and his drummer brother. I'm all for Andrew Weiss, please. The Rollins Outfit went totally downhill when he splitted. But these two songs don't go anywhere!!! It's a good thing the other seven songs are sah gewd. I give it a low LOEWE's EIGHT! A wiser man would give it a 7. But I pride myself on never even threatening to become that wiser man.

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Planet X - Amphetamine Reptile 1994.
Rating = 8

I know you're sick of me saying the same things about every Helios Creed album, even if it is true that he's basically just re-recording the same album over and over and over again. And I know you're sick of me giving out 8's like they grow on my enjoyably oversized phallus. So instead of saying the same old crap, I'm going to describe every single song on here, so you can get a really good feel of what a typical Helios Creed LP experience entails for the listener, that of course being me.

"Tele-Vision" - Weird as hell song. Where you would normally expect to hear a guitar line, you are instead invited to enjoy a weird looped piece of scraggly white noise. The drums sound fake. Helios recites indecipherable lyrics through a distortion pedal.
"Fire In The Head" - Ugly ascending four-note riff keeps switching back and forth between midtempo and slow. Helios recites indecipherable lyrics through a distortion pedal. Shocker: lots of guitar soloing. I don't like this song at all. I consider it dull.
"Dog Star" - Midtempo catchy three-chord riff you've heard a million times. It's still catchy! Guitar is very much phased and fuzzed out. Lyrics are a little easier to make out, even though they're totally echoed and distorted all to Poop Palace, MI.
"Kurt Zombie" - Nice title for 1994. Classy! Bass line almost sounds like a trashing of "Polly." Slow, ugly. Pretty, swooping keyboard line in the back, acid-drenched guitar tone will remind you of Iron Butterfly! Chorus sounds like "So Captain Marvel zapped him right between the eyes!" Catchy sickening shittle tune.
"Waves" - Another three-chord riff you've heard a million times, but this time it's played at punk speed with creepy swooping synth and guitar noises piled on top! Helios likes sticking one or two of these high-speed wah-screeched rock tunes on each album. God bless you, H. Creed!
"First Encounter" - Another fast one. Headbanging "jig-jig-jig" guitars, soothing keyboard flourishes, thumpity fun bass, ridiculously un-make-out-able "lyrics" if you can call them that. Like Iron Maiden, but on LSDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
"Plato's Cave" - Slow, great repetitive bass line drives the song. Echoey swooping feedback loops, slowed-down voices. Typical spacey weirdness. Eerie hoop!
"Won't Kill Myself" - Another Kurt reference maychance? More excellent sci-fi nonsense from the Ios-master. Slow. Two-note bass line forbodes, gorgeous lead guitar comes in, chiming and echoing you to Prettysville. Church organ. In an unexpected twist of fate, he recites the vocals through a distortion pedal.
"Next Encounter" - A sequel to "First Encounter," this alternatives between an oddly-tempoed bass/eerie creepy noise bit and a 4/4 screaming-guitar bit until halfway through when it returns to the Iron Maiden chug-a-lug jig thing I described five hours ago in Mark's Bible.
"The Ascent" - Gibby Haynes!!! Yep, this is just looped, multispeed wordplay from what MUST be the Butthole Surfers singer (probably as thanks for Helios' appearance on "Clean It Up"). It's not a song. And it's not particularly interesting.

Another low 8! I'm easily amused! And sleazily abused!

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Cosmic Assault - Cleopatra 1995.
Rating = 8

I don't mean to be a dimskull, but Helios just can't LOSE! He's too consistently goodly good! This may be another Cleopatra release, but it ain't no half-butted pile of shim and such. Nose, this release is a full-fledged brand new album of awesome studio tracks by Mr. Creed and his friends in the diamond business. There's a lot more fake drums than before, but the song stylings are more diverse than the rainbow of fruit flavors you'll find in a bag of Skittles (original flavor), ranging from typically Helios fuzz-space-punk to skrrreeeeee'd hard rock up to LOTS of prog. More prog on here than any other Helios release besince or fore -- you can almost hear Geddy Lee displaying his utter lack of pleasant singing talent atop such Renaissance-inflected fare as "Leaving The Body," "The Need" and the last bit of "Pounders"! Especially since all the songs SOUND like instrumentals, with Helios' voice so distorted and buried in the mix, he'd might as well be reading out of a Richard Scarry book. Perhaps The Greatest Little Storybook Ever or Lowly Worm Is A Good Solid American.

That was just a joke, of course. There is no such human being as "Richard Scarry" and Lowly Worm is just an acronym for "Lost Orgasm While Loving Your Wife Orally, Rectally, Manually".

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Dark Matter: Seeing Strange Lights - Hypnotic 1996.
Rating = 6

This is a different sort of project for Belios Need. A far cry (wah! (but really far away)) from his normal guitar god work, Dark Matter is ambient keyboard Brian Eno late-period-Hawkwind music. Nything byt synths, keyboards, samples and "guitar textures," which are how a guitar feels (e.g. lumpy, scratchy, bald). Everything is a wash, with an occasional melody. Just a big gushing ocean wash of soft noises. Some tunes are as gentle and relaxing as a cloud, others scarier than a space death cloud, others as pretty and gothy as an old Cure song about a cloud, one as Christmasy as a Christmas song (which it is), still others long and dull like a clod, many more very pretty and sad like a clown, thousands more Indian sounding and kind of eerie like a cloud. But it's all instrumental and as soft and gentle as a sci-fi nightmare like Helios Creed can manage (which is to say that even when the melody is as pretty and romantic as "Death of a Star," he feels compelled to creep it up with these disturbing "knives scraping against each other" noises.

I like this CD, to be honest. The songs do drag on for a while (4 of the 7 are over 12 minutes long), but that's to its point: to lure you into some sort of druggish-like state of insecure relaxation -- pleasantly dead to the world but unsure about Helios' intentions: Does he want you to relax in his Heavenly arms so slumbre, or is his goal to scare the crap all out of your ass and on your girlfriend's dad's couch? Because if it's the latter, I totally have an excuse now.

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"NUGG" The Transport - Dossier 1997.
Rating = 8

The keyboards play a more prominent melodic role in this one, but not at the expense of the tunes. The bass player on this one is Jeff Pinkus, formerly of the Butthole Surfers, and there are three drummers - including Rey Washam again! For Larry Fuck's sake, what the hell else can I say about goddamned Helios Creed? Like I said, more keyboard riffs on this one, but they're good ones. Disarming album cover looks like a happy little fantasy record, when in fact it's the same old nightmarish sci-fi (but not dorky sci-fi like Star Trek and anything else that dorky sci-fi people like) rock inside. You may not like Helios Creed. You may consider it worthless to fill songs with sampled and spoken lyrics that can't be made out while a guitar just wails away pointlessly in the background. All I have to say to you is (spoken with a chuckle of obvious superiority on my part): You wouldn't understand. Go back and listen to your "Radiohead" some more - obviously the "intellect" and "craftsmanship" they display in their music is more your speed.

Stupid. You're so stupid. You with your "songs that took more than 20 seconds to write." Give me a call when you grow the hell up.


Look at how stupid you are!!!! I simply cannot get over it!

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Chromagnum Man - Dossier 1998.
Rating = 8

Around this time, Helios Creed for some reason got a butt in his hair about reminding the world that he was the guy in Chrome. He actually even recorded a new CD or two under the NAME "Chrome," offensively enough. This is another installment in that there series of records (hence the name of the CD and the appearance of the "Stench Brothers," who I guess were in Chrome, though I must admit that I don't give a shit). Also the music is more Chromey than Helios Creedy - more turned over to metallic sound collages and repetitive instrumental guitar riffs than actual songs. And by "metallic," I don't mean "heavy metal." I mean that the electronic noises sound like little metal robots have come down from Marsland to record a delightful record album for you to smell with your nose.

And it's great! I guess the old man felt he had something to prove to old Chrome fans so there's no joking around on here. No happy little simplistic hard rock riffs or goofy voices. Just very serious, excellent weird musical expression of different types. Some rely almost solely on cold keyboards, others feature guitars that yell at you in odd time signatures and one even offers multi-layered FEMALE vocals singing an actual voice melody! I would almost go so far as to give this one a slightly higher grade than an 8, but that would ruin the fun of giving this guy 8 after 8 after 8. Plus a bunch of 8s pretty much defines the Helios Creed creed. He doesn't put out perfect records of intense thought and expression. He puts out records that contain a mix of incredible creativity and zooming simplistic space punk. Always (and i mean ALWAYS) entertaining, but very often predictably so. Don't ask me "Which Helios Creed record should I buy?," because they're essentially interchangeable aside from slight differences in each one. Just buy ANY of them and see what you think. If you like it, buy more and you will undoubtedly like them! Helios Peed may be playing the same musical game of checkers over and again, but he always wins.

Hey, that metaphor actually almost went somewhere! Somebody mail me a bag of happy thoughts!

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Dark Matter II - Dossier 1998.
Rating = 4

Helios expresses his intentions quite eloquently (aside from the downright horrid misspelling) in the liner notes: "Dark Matter II will definay relax every cell in your dark-age, abused self. Come experience space & light. Inside yourself." So that's his game with this second electronic trance meditation CD, which unfortunately relies more on ambient nothingness than it does on melody, making it quite literally the ONLY unsatisfying release that Helios has ever issued, either under his own name or that of Chrome. And you have to admit that's a pretty good run - the guy has about a million albums. As Paul McCartney once said, "Everybody makes a duff album now and again. Even Bob Dylan has made some duff records." And it's true. Bob Dylan produced Duff McKagan's third solo CD, I'm Not The Duff That Had Breast Cancer.

You REALLY have to be into corny sci-fi soundtracks to get into this Dark Matter material. On this one, Creedmaster Jinkerton has gone so far as to surround himself with a Korg Army (Rex Houston on Korg Prophecy, Bart on Korg Poly 800 and Morris Code, Chris McKay on Korg Poly 800 and Z Sylver on Korg Prophecy, in addition to the Heliographtastiker on Korg Prophecy, Korg Poly 800, Yaaha DX7, SPX-50D and Keys. Then there's this other guy, but he doesn't play a Korg so I'm not going to waste any more space on my web site talking about or even thinking about him. Thank you for visiting the Unoffical Korg Fan Club Site; if you want to IM me, my screen name is "KorgMas2bater."

If you love synthesizer noise that doesn't go anywhere or do anything, you'll LOVE tracks like "Emulsion" (fart), "Visual Noise (Circus Of Mind)" (pile of crap) and "Resurrection" (lost erection)! (the lower-case words in parentheses are the actual song titles -- the capitalized words in quotation marks are my hilarious "Weird Al" Yankovic-style parodies of them.) In conclusion, usually Helios Creed avoids the science fiction nerd tag just by being so druggy, loud and r(d)okken'. But synthesizers don't rock, aren't very loud and are too set in their ways to sound terribly druggy no matter how many flange and distortion pedals you pump them through. And therein lies the downfall of Emilio Peed. On Dark Matter II, he'd might as well be John Williams, he's such a pussyass glasses-wearing computer nerd piece of shit that I would beat the hell out of because I'm a football player who drinks beer and has sex. I go to Columbine high school and it's currently four years ago.

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Activated Condition - 1999.
Rating = 8

Back to a sock full of songjuice! Guitars a-flarin', melodies a-singin' (one song is even almost unpluggedish sounding!) and rings a-modulatin'. But why is there a song called "NUGG The Transport" on here? Oh I don't like this. I don't like this at all. This just reeks of AC/DC-esque "putting title tracks on the wrong albums". It's to his best carnage that the song is more of a joke than a song. You get off easy this time, Mr. C!

Strangely, this might be the most accessible album he's ever made. The songs seem slightly less off-kilter, the guitar sounds just a little less screaming and fuckin' weird. However, this just makes the silly voices sound like... silly voices. My fiancee compared it to Yes, and then to Ween. If that gives you sinny vindication. But it's great to see that the man still has not lost his taste for flat-wah speedpunk ("Pissing On The Produce") or ridiculous subject matter ("Pissing On The - HEY YOU TRICKED ME YOU SON OF A GUM!!!!!). Keep on Heliosin'! Don't stop Heliosin' on my account! You're great at it! You're the best Helioser in Heliosville! And that INCLUDES Bob "Helios" Costas!

Reader Comments

rbuckley@sympatico.ca (Robert Buckley)

Helios Creed rocks! However, I have never seen an original Chrome LP, and I've looked (in Detroit anyway). I have a few comps on Dossier, one with Helios (Tripods), and one featuring Damon Edge (Juicedome). I much prefer the former. As Trouser Press once 'warned,' "One puff of Helios Creed's powerful stuff will give you the fear!"

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Colors Of Light - Dossier 1999.
Rating = 7

Not to knock Creed (having never heard the band), but wait let me start over.

Not to knock HELIOS, but I think that the SUn God could do a better no hang on let me start over.

Not to knock Heloise, but her helpful hints got my finger stuck up my no hold on.

Tthis is the weakest record Helios Creed has done in years, but it still has MANY GREAT SONGS! Description: Lots of corny keyboards (shitty dumb tone - buy a new organ, Z Sylver!), danceable rap beats apparently designed to win over the urban ghetto gangs that for some reason have to this point failed to notice that Helios was ever born, a couple of tracks highlighting the ACOUSTIC guitar (oh yeah - lots of great feedback noise comes from THAT piece of shit -- Excuse me while I make that "wanking" motion with my hand -- OH SHIT, MY DICK GOT IN THE WAY! OHHHH SJSARPBLEARGGHHH!!!!)>

To get back to that sentence -- and, in my opinion, several melodies that would have to count as "no great shakes" or "Smelly Sock-esque." The first half of the CD is especially iffy, and NO place for a beginner to introduce himself to the man's work - the guitar tones are incredible, of course, and they're all well played, but I'm telling you, I just kept saying to myself, "There's nothing CATCHY there. Or SCARY. Or BEAUTIFUL. That's just an UGLY melody." But then the chorus would be catchy or it would suddenly change halfway through or develop into a lovely guitar solo or whatever. And it DOES have two great songs - "Mace" and the uptempo hard rockin' "Paradise."

However, the second half is something else entirely -- all full of awesome Zeppeliny rockers, spacey Boston-style guitar fluidity, funky jiveness, evil bowels of hell darkness of Baal, psychedelic mesmerizing riffage -- even an acoustic song with MONK-STYLE BACK-UP ECHOEY VOCALS! GOD, I LOVE MONKS! MONKS KICK SO MUCH FUCKIN ASS!!!!

Okay, all the monks have left the room. So now I can tell you what I REALLY think about the butt-fuckin' bald pisscockers.

Reader Comments

lovelelanda@msn.com (Yolanda Alt)
I love your reviews!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! been a fan of Helios a really long time, but not much nowadays

Samb Hicks
Agreed! He might as well have spelled it COLOURS Of Light like a British fop, cause this is undoubtedly his lamest effort. For diehards, you gotta get it for the 2 or 3 decent tracks and then flush the rest.

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On Tour 1999 - Staticwhitesound 2001.
Rating = 7

You can actually understand the vocals! This is a plus if you're a Lyric man, but a minus if you prefer Helios's dazzling guitar pyropsychiatrists to his loud, undistorted off-key voicesmithery. The guitars are too quiet in the mix, see, raising the question "Hay why are the guitars so quiet in the

My head is absolutely killing me. I can barely sit up straight, let alone string words together in a way that make sense. I don't know whether I'm sick or turmeorous but I think Helios is too soundscape-specific for a live "recording" to work in his favor. The songs are still great, but I'd hate for anyone to intorudece his world to them through this with batter too normal with effects but much less, sounds like slight failure, which his studio albums don't. OOOOOWWWWWWWOOOOOOWWWWWWWOOOOOWWWWWOOOWWWOOOWWOOOWWOOWOWOOOWOOWOOWOOWOOWOOWOOWOOWOOWOOWOOWOOWOWOOWOOWOOWOWOOOWOW There's no reason for this headache. I must just be sick; I'd might as well be drunk off my ass if I'm going to get a headache like this. CHRIST does it hurt. Like Peter Gabrial is in there with a sledgehammer, just banging it back and forth and singing in his gross inhuman voice.

Here's the breakdown for all you nips and tuckers: three songs from X-Rated Jerry Vales, three from Superior Colonel Klinger, 1 from The Laughst La, 1 from Shakes The Clown, 1 from Lactating Urkle, 2 from Kiss At The Brain, not a NOTHING from Planet X, 2 from Cosmetics Assault and 1 from Nagg: The Transvestite. Speaking of which, I saw A Mighty Wind tonight and personally laughed quite a bit. Maybe you have to be a big music fan to find it funny? Dunno. But I DO know this -- there are far too many great Helios Creed studio albums available for you to go out of your way looking for this one first. After you have all his others, THEN go back and consider it. It's 7 good, but not 8 very good.


Having never heard the original studio versions of a single ONE of these songs(the only other H.C. record I've been able to find just HAPPENS to be Planet X!), I'd naively award it an applaudable 8(or an "8 very good", as Mark eloquently puts it). Sure, the guitars are sort of buried, but his tone & solos are still riff-o-riffic! And yeah, the vocals are probably nowhere near as insanely whacked-out(His complaint about "bad microphone karma" just before kicking into "So What" is classic) as he'd want them to sound, but most of these songs are way too assfuckingly great to turn down. Plus the fact that it's, as the liner notes state, a "complete & unedited" recording is pretty impressive(aside from the fact that they couldn't even remember WHERE the fuck in California it was recorded). Besides, he just sounds like a fun live performer! I hope he's able to come back to Hawaii someday.

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Spider Prophecy - Dossier 2002.
Rating = 8

Ahhh, well here I go again, reviewing a CD. The Review King! At your service! That's what I call myself now - "The Review King." It's what I put on my tax forms and what I say when I answer the television. "Hello? The Reviewer King at your service! What can I review ya for?" So today's offering is the brand new Helios Creed cd! The ONLY new Helios Creed cd. He must not be doing much these days, because this is his ONLY new CD under ANY NAME. Don't bother looking elsewhere for new Helios Creed CDs under different names because you won't FIND 'em! Not here - not ANYWHERE!

Now then. This CD seems a bit more heroin-flaked than the other two CDs that Helios Creed released under the name "Chrome" in 2002. The songs are produced more bassish and muffled (with the guitar noise buried UNDER the dull bass thumps if you can believe your eyes and ears, mamas & papas), the overall mood is slow and ugly (although obviously there are exceptions to every rule, especially the one about brushing your teeth twice a day - talk about OVERDOING IT! It's just like a bunch of piano keys in your mouth - do you wash your PIANO twice a day? HA HA! I THINK NOT! Fuck you, the American Dental Association!) and your stomach gets a negative chuggly queasy feeling if you sit through the whole thing without adjusting your woofer/tweeter level (the woofer controls the bass tones, the tweeter flies around and poops all over the place). This sickeningly bottom-heavy production style doesn't exactly accentuate the guitar insanity strengths of Helios Creed, but it also doesn't stop his acidic psychotic songwriting leanings from exacting its revenge on the lowly, either.

And lest you think the focus on bass guitar was some kind of mistake on somebody's part, the Bass God on this release is none other than ANDREW WEISS!!!!!! If that name doesn't excite you, it should. The Rollins Band was one of the most kickass bands in the world when Andrew was a member. The very minute he left, they started turning to shit. Ask anybody. Especially Henry Rollins - to his face. Rumor has it he's really short! And those muscles? Those are just balloons that he taped on and drew fake veins all over!!!!

There's still no excuse for Helios including a song about anal sex though. Especially sung by his WIFE! Who in Christ's world wants to imagine the SpaceMan forkin' his wife up the poo chamber? Do you honestly think he has the wherewithal to wipe the shit off his prick when he's done????

Christ has my vocabulary taken a turn for the filthy since Kenneth Starr started coming over to jerk me off into his mouth every night. That man curses like a steam trailer!

Bottom line: Helios's new CD is full of six- and seven-minute "vamps" that give him a chance to spread his disorienting sci-fi noise weirdness all over repetitive rhythms (with ANDREW WEISS!!!!) for long long stretches at a time. But they ARE real songs with real riffs (even when drowsily performed), and if you turn the CD up REALLY loud, you'll experience what Pink Floyd probably meant for you to experience back in the hedonistic drug days of The Final Cut when you could hardly walk into a PF recording session without stepping on a marijuana syringe. Warning though - Helios's latest works are REALLY hard to find in stores, so your best bet is to visit http://default.staticwhitesound.com/store/ and order them there. Don't delay - miss out and pay!

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On The Dark Side Of The Sun - staticwhitesound 2003
Rating = 8

I originally gave this CD a 10, but I'm lowering it to an 8 because I don't want anybody to think that it's actually *better* than any other Helios Creed albums. It's not! So just BUY THEM ALL, please! Here is my original review, explaining why I gave it a 10:

Okay, before you go crazy and start thinking that Helios has created his lifelong masterpiece, let me explain why I gave this a 10. It is, of course (it being Helios Creed and all), the SAME OLD STUFF. However, (a) it is absolutely unconscionable that I allowed this page to sit for so long without awarding a single "10" to one of the most consistently entertaining guitarists and songwriters in the psychedelic space acid punk rock universe, (b) everything he does best is represented here -- the fuzz punk, the guitar god leads, the acoustic dark folk, the warped pop-esque psychedelia -- WITHOUT the long-winded improvisation and ambient tendencies that marred a few of his earlier recordings, (c) there are NO weak tracks -- I personally think "The Summit" sounds too much like the Flaming Lips' "Scratching The Door" and thus have trouble enjoying it for that reason, but what the hell are the odds that Helios Creed has ever even heard that song, let alone felt the need to copy it? and (d) not only do you get 14 great new representative Helios tracks, but if you have one of them fancyass computers all them big-city slickers at college have, you get to see Helios onstage performing the classic numbers "Late Bloomer" and "Lactating Purple"! This is quite the bonus treat for those of us whose feelings are hurt by Helios' refusal to put his photos on CD jackets. What the hell does he think I'm supposed to staple to my walls? Pictures of girls? No thanks! I'm many things, but a FAG is not one of them!

His horror-science-fictiation appears to be still hangin' tough, with song titles like "The Probe," "Trailer Park Zombies," "The Machine," "Evildevilmonster," "Sea of Glass" and "Space Sexy" -- the latter of which features the highest audible tone I have ever heard in my life - repeated rhythmically over and over and over again all throughout the song. It made my dog Henry sniff the speaker! He NEVER sniffs the speaker! (Except for that time a giant stick of butter was a guest speaker at my graduation) Otherwise, you have here more of the same phased-out, flanged, delayed, echoed, distorted, fuzzed guitarwork -- aside from a few forays into cold medieval acoustic plucking with violin-ish synth accompaniment. Most of the vocals are inaudible, strewn as they are through fifty bajimmidydillion effects, but chances are he's just singing about girls anyway like he always does. But you can't blame him - a teen pop sensation has to sing about what he knows! And if there's one subject that Helios Creed can't get enough of, it's all those screaming teenaged girls fainting and crying at his concerts! Chasing his limo, ripping his clothes, showing up naked in his hotel room. Ah, the life of Helios Creed - it's one thing to -- oh, one sec.

Oh no, I'm sorry, that's not "Helios Creed." I meant "Orville Redenbacher."

By the way, if you're having trouble finding this CD in stores, you can purchase it for $11.00 at staticwhitesound's GEMM store

zytgyst@quicktel.com (zeitgeist WA)
Hey i enjoyed your helios reviews. hahaa. averaged 8 in the stars but sounded like 3's in the text. well at the least, no one can accuse you of beingt an ass-kissing entertainment tonight typa critic. My only thought to add was that you should be aware that "Helios Creed" is also the name of the band at any time, not just the guy. He's stated that himself several times, and they did function as an interactive band at any point in time, so maybe remember that next time!

Thanks for providing the link to the staticwhitesound store, Mark! You are The Man! I'd been dying to hear it ever since you gave it the ten. After it came in the mail BEFORE I got the transaction confirmation in my email, I immediately dropped it into my CD-spinning machine and put my headphones on to determine: is it as good as he said it was?

Well, since this is only the 3rd Helios Creed album I've bought, I can't say whether it blows away everything else he's ever done. It's definitely the best I've heard from him so far though, and therefore I can't imagine him having done better than this in the past. This album rules!!!! Consistent all the way through just like you said, no weak tracks. "Lady Deville" is an amazing psychedelic/medieval acoustic song, "Trailer Park Zombies" & "Another Heartbreak" are so catchy they should become hit singles(but of course, they WON'T), "The Summit" may somewhat resemble that Flaming Lips song, but unlike that Flaming Lips song, it doesn't suck a fat bag full of cocks, "Evildevilmonster" & "Sacrament" are both great repetitive sickening heavy acid death dirges, and "The Eagle" & "The Probe" do the fast space punk thing about as perfectly as I could ask for. The only song I could possibly think of as "lesser" is the title track, simply because it's nothing more than a space-acid-fuzz update of "Sweet Leaf". But hey, if he was going to apply his trademark style to a Black Sabbath riff, he couldn't have possibly picked a better one, now could he??? Aren't you glad he didn't decide to cover "War Pigs"?

This album rules. Production = awesome, rhythm section destroys, songwriting top-notch, I'm in brain-melting-guitar-noise-solo/distorted vocals heaven every time I blast it. Deserves the 10, and certainly one of my favorite CDs of last year along with Read Yellow & The Blood Brothers(And those are both YOUNG bands!! Helios is OLD, yet still rockin'!). And I can't believe I referred to the song "Who Cares" as "So What" in my comment for On Tour 1999. How the fuck stupid was that?!?! Go back & change it for me, will you please???

jjunea2@lsu.edu (Jason P. Juneau)
I finally got hold of some Helios Creed - namely the most recent CD. I really do love it though it takes time for me to really decide where a piece of music stands with me - especially with new listens. The sabbath riff at the end was a surprise but a pleasant one. The music is quite eclectic and he plays acoustic as much as electric. Thank you for reviewing him and Chrome. Otherwise I would have never known about them.

while i enjoy the company the man keeps, and Lactating Purple and Boxing the Clown are amoung the greats, he has been more inconsistant than Ken Griffey, Jr.

Nugg the Transport has a stellar line-up, Pinkus and Washem rhythm section, but it doesn't matter, the production (and the songs, fer that matter) pretty much suck. I want to like it, i've put it on a million times trying to like it, but it sucks.

Last Laugh has it's moments, mostly in the first track, then the pace slows to the same mid-tempo borefest that plagues many of his other efforts.

Activated Condition gave me hope that he could put out a solid record, so i ran out and got some other shit by him. but nope...He's great live...maybe it's because I was high on dust...'cause the records BLOW...

Washem is my favorite drummer, so i figgered i'd love Helios, but a fuzzbox and a wah-wah pedal does not a genius make....and the watered down mix on NUGG buries the luminaries in electronic bullshit. nice to make one of the most innovative drummers in rock sound like a fukkin' casio...

oi!! i really don't hate the man, but yer review of Kick Out The Jams, along with a fukkin 10 fer a Helios Creed LP just b-b-b-burned me up.

Hey just saw mR. H here in San Antonio ,Texas.... Great fuckin show Btw...

Of course I had to get his New Cd "Deep Blue Love Vacuum"....

I so far am realy enjoying his latest effort....

Jeff Pinkus(butthole surfers) and Jerry Page (Crust) are along for the ride as well as Fabienne (Damon Edges former wife) They do a cover of the Velvet Under Ground "all tomorrows parties" with her doing the vocals of course....So far the tracks "Fields of Green" and "Cowboy" have me listening to it from beggining to end....

I would give it an 8 ....its not perfect... but its damn good.....also its nice to see a Legend like Helios still belting out songs...He looked healthier than the last time I saw him play live which was maybe a couple of years ago....He looked in good spirits and happy....which was good....Jerry page from Crust/Bontempi bROS fame played rythyme guitar and Fabiene joined Helios on stage for a few songs....They did a couple of Chrome songs....."March of the Chrome Police' and a Chrome song that I cant remember the name of but I know I have it on the 3rd cd of the Chrome box set....any Hoot.....thats my review....

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Deep Blue Love Vacuum - Noiseville 2006
Rating = 7

This CD would easily -- EEEEEEEEASILY -- get an 8 if not for the fact that Mr. Creed has picked up the bad habit of extending perfectly catchy 3-minute repetition-anthems to inexcusably pointless lengths of 6 and 7 minutes. A song with only one part can still sound great if the riff is cool enough and the song is compact enough. Helios knows this; he's done it dozens of times before. But on this one, he for some reason gets a ball hair in his eye to finish each song with about three minutes of noisy, seemingly random fucking around with his infinite delay pedal. Spaced-out psychedelic guitar solos have always been a signature part of his sound, but rarely have the solos dragged on quite so long and unmelodically. As a result, the CD's 15 songs wind up taking a full 70 minutes to sit through rather than the 45 minutes they deserve. Speaking of "deserve," your wife's so fat, you should "de-serve" that dinner you just brought her! HA HA HA!!

Jesus, I'm exhausted after thinking up that great joke, and then laughing at it. Laughter doesn't grow on trees, you know. Though apples are funny.

Other than the Too-Long songs, this is definitely a Helios Creed CD, featuring his always-enjoyable mix of tough hard rock bar chords, fuzzed-out punk rock, ugly sociopathic blues riffs and minor-key acoustic ruminations, all soaked in a festering stink-puddle of distortion, phase, flange, wah, chorus, tremelo, ring modulator, delay, octave, reverb, vibrato and if there are any other guitar effects on the market, those. His 'partners in Chrime' this time around include long-time drummer Paul Della Pelle, thereminist Blair Bovbjerg, bassist/banjoer Jeff Pinkus (Butthole Surfers, Daddy Longhead, Honky), producer/guitarist/electric doorspringer/organist/Moog Liberation player Jerry Page (Crust), and - in a REALLY unexpected turn of events - vocalist/Damon Edge's wife Fabienne Shine (Shakin' Street, Damon Edge's Chrome). Yeah, I bet she did a LOT of "Shakin'" down the "Street" of "Damon Edge's Chrome," IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!!!! (assuming Damon Edge's penis was made of chrome)

Recorded in January 2006 in Austin, TX, Bathing With A Vacuum Cleaner was apparently originally going to be released under the "Chrome" name - which, come to think of it, is probably why he dragged all the spacey psych noise solos out so godforsakenly long. If you're unfamiliar with the dichotomy, let's just say that long-time "Helios Creed" fans are attracted to his catchy riff-driven material, while "Chrome" fans are daily LSD users who see space aliens. It's worth noting that Helios Creed is a "Chrome" fan.

According to Noiseville's web site, several people have told the label that this is the best Helios Creed release of all time. These people are badly, badly mistaken. And possibly charred in some sort of fire. However, Jeff Pinkus brings true talent to his bassist position, infusing the record with some of the busiest and most interesting bass lines to be heard on any Helios release. On the other hand, they do a Velvet Underground cover. That's the yin and yang of the album.

Song titles include "His Murder Machine," "Harry J. Krishna" and "Help Me Bitch." Vocals include 5,000,000 impenetrable layers of distortion and warbly effects. Lyrics include ".....?"

Basically, if you've heard Helios Creed, you know G.D. well what to expect so I'm not going to go track-by-track or, in fact, into any detail at all. However, fans of smiling should know that there are some surprisingly poppy, optimistic riffs on here alongside the usual drug-infested space creature meltdowns. So if you're looking for an album to accompany the birth of your first child, pick this one up and blast it at the baby as he pops his head out of the big smelly vagina he calls home.

And then "de-serve" his dinner!!! HA HA HA!!!

No, but seriously. I don't know how I got so far off the topic, but I just wanted to say that it is a horrible, horrible tragedy that your entire family perished in the avalanche. Also, there's this song called "Got To Have Someone" that TOTALLY kicks ass.

Look, I'm sorry. When you asked me to perform the eulogy, I thought you meant talk about the new Helios Creed album. Maybe you should be a bit more specific when your next family dies.

Reader Comments

dmnfrkh@yahoo.com (Mikey)
hey, yo mark.

i just wanted to say about you complaining bout the too long songs wich you suppose to be short, uhh, well helios explains it all in to 2012:

"it has to be a long time..."

so, it has to be a long time.

see. very easy.

i llike the new album, not quite ass much ass the dark slide of the scum butt i think its a decent album. i features fabienne shine, the girl who yoko´d chrome!

well, cheers anyway, yours sincerely

ps. excuse my english please, i am not from hier!

johnsmoke104@hotmail.com (Brent)
Are you kidding? I think this is the best Helios Creed record of all time! It's got a mix of all his best stuff. From the weird freak out intro of Deep Blue Love Vaccum, launching into the swirling "Beginning Of Light." This is the best acid punk out there! It's an incredible record, listen to it on LSD and it's even better, but it's H's best record to date.

I pheeillll this is thee H- LSD album. Great peaking or coming down writhing on the floor in some pitch shifting black room.
Yoko's Nico vocals on V.U.'s "All Toms Parties" is ON! Nico fans might disagree but she always made me want to ride into the desert on a flying envelope of china white and die. The 2 disc vinyl is what you want and the trip is getting up and trying to flip the record as it melts and re- engages the imploding warp drive. It is real fucked up, psychOdelic,freakout.
They are on tour now (Half HC 1/2 CHROME!) so go and see the band wince when H tunes up. And then proceeds to tear it up into little perforated squares of chemical fun paper. Don't forget to see the silver pen! H. appreciates frop offers.

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Dual Forces: Chrome & Helios Creed DVD - Music Video Distributors 2006
Rating = 7

Featured Musical Videos Include:
-- Chrome's "New Age" (from Red Exposure)
-- Chrome's "Meet You In The Subway" (from Ralph Records' Subterranean Modern V/A compilation)
-- Chrome's "Danger Zone" (from No Humans Allowed)
-- Chrome's "Firebomb" (from Third From The Sun)
-- Helios Creed's "The Rant" (from The Last Laugh)
-- Helios Creed's "Your Spaceman" (from 7")
-- Helios Creed's "Sandbox Jungle" (from Deep Blue Love Vacuum)
-- Helios Creed's "Exodus" (from Activated Condition)

Featured Live Performances Include:
-- The 1998 Chrome line-up performing "Armageddon" from Third From The Sun
-- Helios Creed's 2006 line-up performing "The Beginning Of Light" from Deep Blue Love Vacuum

Other Enjoyable Doohickeys Include:
-- Two Chrome music video bloopers involving fear, pain and laughter
-- A TIMELINE, spanning thirty years, covering the discography and history of Chrome and Helios Creed

Mark Prindle's Comments Include:
-- Most of the videos are just blurry colored negatives of different things, and band performances.
-- "Exodus" is not listed on the box or title screen; it is a hidden 'Easter Egg' that pops up after the Helios Creed videos when you press "Play All." Also, it features cartoon aliens abducting chickens, so you don't want to miss that.
-- "Sandbox Jungle" isn't listed on the box, but is included on the disc; it features Fabienne Shine's face, through the magic of computer animation, merging with that of a kitty cat. So that's not something you're not going to want to view in its entirety.
-- I love these songs, but the videos are terrible! Just amateurish blurry colorized obscure pixellated video artworks that don't do much and then end after 3 minutes. Highly recommended.
-- This morning I had my blood taken for a 6-month cholesterol check. Then I went to the bathroom a couple hours ago and discovered that both my nose and buttock were bleeding. Although I was not 'put under' or 'knocked out' prior to having my blood taken, I'm fairly certain that the medical technician 'froze time' and 'fucked me in the ass and nose'
-- Although I neither use MySpace nor can verify that this is actually *THE* Helios Creed, there's a Helios Creed MySpace page at http://www.myspace.com/therealhelioscreed. If you have that kind of free time, you should visit. Alternately, you could find a hobby of some sort. If your name is Jim Laakso, this hobby might include transcribing the Tom Troccoli interview tape I gave to you like four fucking months ago.
-- The disc is Region 0, so you can watch it no matter where you are!!!! (as long as you have an NSTC player; it won't work on PAL, the format used in most European countries) So ENJOY!!!!! No matter WHERE you are!!!!!!
-- I fuckin' LOVE "Moving In Stereo" by The Cars. I'm listening to it right now is why I brought it up. But this version has Todd Rundgren singing so it's not quite as good. But hey! I'd like to see Ric Ocasek cover TR-I: The Individualist!!!!!
-- Christ, no I wouldn't. That's a terrible record.
-- Coming soon from Ric Ocasek: RO-I: The Individual Investor
-- The DVD's total running time is approximately 43 minutes, and the list price is $14.95.
-- If you are either a fan of Chrome or Helios Creed, or not a fan of Chrome or Helios Creed, THIS CD IS A MUST-OWN.
-- There, now everyone in the world will buy it and I'll be a hero. (*clears space on trophy shelf for Music Video Distributors' "Best Reviewer Ever" statuette*)

Reader Comments

Jim Laakso
yipes. SUNDAY. definitely and absolutely it will be finished on this day.

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Not Without Sorcery EP - Transparency/City Hall 2008
Rating = 6

Hey everybody, this is Mike Love of The Beach Boys. You know, sometimes when I'm sittin' at home drinkin’ a nice cold Bud, I get a call from an upset Mark Prindle, Record Reviewer, asking if I can do him a solid and review a new album for him. Well, I'm a genius too so I figure, "What the hey, let's do it." Then I transcendentally meditate for half an hour and punch my wife in the face. Ha ha! No, I'm kidding. But seriously, without meditation she'd probably be dead.

So this time 'round, Mark asked if I could take a listen to Helios Creed's Not Without Sorcery EP. Now, I've been followin' Helios Creed for my whole life. Listening to those early Chrome albums, I always figured if Helios and The Beach Boys got together and did a Super Session album, it would be a gas. We never got it worked out though, possibly because I secluded myself in the studio for a year and half working on guide vocals for the legendary 'Abandoned Beach Boys Masterpiece' "Kokomo II: Kokomo Sunrise." People have been waiting to hear that thing for years. But you know me, with my drug problems and schizophrenia. Living with my kind of genius – all these ideas runnin’ around in my head -- will drive a man crazy.

So it was a real kick to hear what Helios Creed has to offer after all these years. And I'll tell ya something: Helios has what appears to be a dynamite sound, but the ego music has to go. He needs to understand that the public want the classic Helios Creed sound. "Master Blaster," "Late Bloomer," "XL-35" -- I'm not telling you what I want to hear; I'm telling you what the public wants to BUY. And what's more important - your art or your bank account? Instead Helios put out an instant non-charter here -- number 175 with an atom bomb.

First of all, three of these five songs are instrumentals. And speaking as one of the premier vocalists of the 20th and 21st Centuries, I don't appreciate him trying to put me out of work! Ha ha! No, I'm kidding. But seriously, without meditation he'd probably be getting his ass kicked right now, by me and my fist.

Secondly, these songs are far too long and repetitive. Now you'd have to be shit-sherlock crazy not to be moved by the beautiful guitar riff of "Lion's Gate" or driven to shake your booty by the fat Motown beat of "All The Love (Vocal)," but what truly makes these songs rise head over heels above the others is their BREVITY. "Lion's Gate" is 3 1/2 minutes. Perfect. "All The Love (Vocal)" is only 2 1/2 minutes. That's 1 minute MORE perfect. It's no coincidence that when the great Beach Boys drummer John Stamos called me up the other day, I said to him, "John, baby, you have to hear this new Helios Creed EP. And by 'EP,' I mean 'the two songs on the EP that don’t drag on so long that Paul McCartney’s likely to call me to say hello before they reach their end!'" Ha ha. No, I'm kidding. But seriously, that guy is so egotistical he hardly ever calls me. And if it weren't for us, The Beatles wouldn't even exist. They stole all their material from us. "Back in the USSR"? Come on, Paul. Try again. That's my song. "Simply Having A Wonderful Christmastime"? That's just a ripoff of my Beach Boys Christmas Album. And I imagine my fans won't be surprised to hear that your big comeback hit "Freedom" was nothing but a thinly disguised plagiarism of the legendary 'Abandoned Mike Love Masterpiece' "Rockin' The Man In The Boat II: This Time I Jacked Off."

Also, and I should've mentioned this earlier: there's a song on Not Without Sorcery called "All The Love (Vocal)" - clearly a tribute to me, and an understandable one considering all that I've done for the genre of space rock. Then there's another song called "All The Love (Instrumental)," another tribute to me. But get this -- the songs have nothing to do with each other. In fact, the instrumental version is just one guitar riff played by itself over and over one hundred thousand times for almost six minutes! Don't get me wrong; I like an epic rock song as much as the next guy. I mean, who do you think wrote "Strange Things Happen," am I right? But you gotta have something to sing along with in there, man. And don't even get me goin’ about "Win You Over Again" - that sounds like a Damon Edge song. And believe me, no one knows Damon Edge better than me; I hung out with the Moody Blues all the time in those days, and we were smokin' dope. He was a terrible drummer though. He's much better on guitar, like in that new U2 band he's got going. Those guys really know how to play. And I shouldn't be surprised; I taught them everything they know, and then some. It's like I said; I'm a genius too.

Still, let’s be honest: it’s always great to hear a new record by one of the hottest young guitar players in San Francisco. Helios is back!!!

That’s the opinion of the rock media anyway. Personally, I never knew that he was gone. Regardless, my lawyers are on the way over, so I'd better wrap this up. Apparently Brian Wilson's about to release an album of Disney songs, so I'm suing him for plagiarising the time I visited Disneyland. But I'll leave you with this thought: the history of mankind is a history of war.

Also, you’re a web surfer, right? Aren’t all you web surfers fags?

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Galactic Octopi - Transparency 2011
Rating = 7

I've always given Helios the benefit of the doubt when it comes to his political stance, but this Galactic Octopi Wall Street thing is taking it a l

Helios Creed is back in your belly button with another thirteen tracks and two vinyl albums worth of eerie sci-fi, bad acid trips and Jimi Hendrix corpse! The drumming seems a bit less driving and energetic than usual, but the phase, echo, flange, delay, pitch manipulation and guitar super-gyro-pyro-ultra-technics are in full effects pedal! If you're all like, "A 7? Fuck you! An 8!," then let me stand up for myself and suggest that this album falls into the same self-flagellating trap as Deep Blue Love Vacuum. In other words, I've no problem with hypnotically repetitive riffs, but half of these songs seem to drag on for eight minutes just so Helios can solo longer! And sure, if you have to listen to some guy play guitar solos all night, better it be a psychedelic space alien than a blues-rock old person, but some of us are in it for the SONGS!

Which isn't to say that Galactic Octomom doesn't have the songs too: anthemic hard rocker "We'reFlying.com" outbullies the God Bullies, sick woozy sleazeball "Red Chopper" outlubes Lubricated Goat, and both "Psylent Encounters" and "Stranger in the Manger" are so eerie that you'll literally think you've fallen into Lake Erie and are now being dragged to your watery grave by a really big sand dollar.

Oh, and the weirdness? Jeepers creepers, where'd Helios get those Creedpers? What the hell is that creepy little whining noise in "Stranger in the Manger"!? Why are the vocals in "Galactic Octopi" run through so many effects that you can't even hear them!? They just sound like intermittent radio static! And don't even MAKE me formulate a rhetorical question about "Observation Outpost," wherein Helios wiggles his guitar strings so severely out of tune with the bass that the effect is literally NAUSEATING! (In a GOOD vomit-inducing way!)

On the downside of nausea, the ridiculously long "XCIII" sounds like a Jimi Hendrix/Yoko Ono pukefest, and I'm not clear on why the tuneless "Warp Slip" even exists. Perhaps somebody left the tape rolling as Mr. Creed visited the men's room? Come on, sometimes in life we all use the men's room. It's nothing much to be ashamed of, barely.

It's true that as a youth generation hardcore punk rocker 38-year-old young man just out of school, I wish the tempos were uniformly a bit speedier. But that's a minor complaint about an otherwise blistering psych-fuzz space rock nightmare phantasy created by 58-year-old underground legend Helios Creed. So get off your DICK and BUY IT!!! Then take your DICK to go see him LIVE!!! Then have your DICK buy you a T-SHIRT!!!

But enough about your private detective. Quit showing off.

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