The Exploited

Not huge fans of Maggie
*special introductory paragraph!
*Punk's Not Dead
*On Stage
*Troops Of Tomorrow
*Singles Collection
*Let's Start A War... Said Maggie One Day
*Horror Epics
*Live At The Whitehouse
*Live And Loud
*Death Before Dishonour
*The Massacre
*Live In Japan
*Beat The Bastards
*Fuck The System

I know we're ostensibly here to discuss The Exploited, but let's start off slowly and ease our way into it. Okay, so I got into the Hardcore Punk music in the summer of 1989 when I was 15 going on 16, and at that time (a) the 'classic' era was at least three years dead, yet (b) there was no Internet so you couldn't just download every album ever recorded to find out which were good. As such, I utilized three key resources to learn about the classic and not-so-classic bands of the subgenre:

(1) Punkers' Clothes: Every punker I saw at school or the mall inevitably wore either a Black Flag or Misfits t-shirt, and/or leather jacket covered in Exploited, Circle Jerks, Suicidal Tendencies, Agnostic Front and Dead Kennedys patches (2) Word-Of-Mouth: Okay, one guy - Eric Brodnax - who got me into Subhumans, Crass, the Descendents, MDC, DI and probably several other bands I'm not remembering at this time (3) The hardcore radio show that aired on Georgia Tech's WREK-FM every Thursday night: where I first heard Minor Threat, Youth of Today, Reagan Youth and so many other fine bands

The point I want to make is this: these three avenues introduced me to pretty much every 'classic' hardcore band there was -- everything from Husker Du and the Minutemen to the Crucifucks, Hogan's Heroes, Gorilla Biscuits, Nausea, Big Boys, Dicks, Germs, Fear, The Mr. T Experience, Flipper, DOA, Meatmen and on and on and on and on and on.... yet I never heard WORD ONE about Negative Approach or SS Decontrol. In fact, my introduction to these two bands didn't come until years later through the American Hardcore book and movie, where I learned that somehow these two bands I'd never heard of were among the most important and influential hardcore bands of all time!?!

So my question is this: were either of these bands actually considered 'classic' outside of their hometown regions? Or were they just favorites of the filmmakers, who wanted to pump up their national profiles after the fact? Because they apparently weren't considered 'classic' enough for anybody in Georgia, North Carolina or New York City to mention to me that they even existed for the first 25 years of my life!

Okay, now that we've eased our way off-topic, let's discuss The Exploited. When I boldly, drunkenly made the announcement on MySpace that I was planning to review The Exploited, the epithets blew thick and fast and the noise was incredible someone said 'son of a bitch' and I think he said 'bastard' I cannot be sure it was all so confusing, but the main complaint was that Scottish lead singer/bandleader 'Wattie' is a thick-headed, drug addicted, insane racist Nazi who has said many a foul thing about Pakistanis and African-Americans in his day. If true, this is unfortunate. But I don't think he has ever espoused this position in his songwriting (which mostly involves war, social injustice, and how Margaret Thatcher is a cunt), so I'm not willing to write them off as a Skrewdriver-esque Nazi Skinhead band, even if Wattie is as big a creep as has been suggested. No sir, for me The Exploited are a delightful blast of angry, catchy hardcore/metal riffing with a revolving-door line-up (to date, 11 guitarists, 11 bassists and 7 drummers) and a lead shouter so thickly-accented that it is literally impossible to understand a single word he says.

Reader Comments
I could care less about the Exploited, but would agree with the opening paragraph on the jackets and shirts. Out here on the West Coast (foreshadowing) the big mohawked motif was on about half of the punkers jackets. Them and MDC, which were always the best designs due to all the names, and DK, GBH, Black Flag etc. Never saw any Toy Dolls (would have gotten you beat up for sure). So I like you picked up an Exploited record based on a jacket (as cool of a reason to buy a record as I can think of), listened, and to this date, could still care less. Never understood the hype at all, except the phrase Punks not Dead was kind of cool. Now it s a complete joke, but that Waddie clown is still living by that credo (Schtick Trademark for money) today.

Now for the interesting argument you presented. I too was a huge fan of hardcore, but beginning in 1985, when it was thriving. I would have been 14. We had a great college station where I live that played tons of it. I knew tons of bands, many of which I still love today (especially DK and early Black Flag. Trendy I know, but I do live in Cal) and had records from bands from all regions of the US and England, but I never heard of either Boston band until American Hardcore. Well, I do vaguely remember the names, but never saw any records or remember them coming to play or any of my friends owning anything by them. Gang Green was from Boston if I remember correctly, and they were kind of a big deal, so it couldn t be an ignored region. It is Boston for crissakes. So it has to be that this guy is such a big fan. The chapter in American Hardcore just gushes about them, but since noone I know ever actually heard their music, it was pretty boring.

What can you say... Good book, but the dude goes on way to long on New York HC as well, which I always thought was pretty lame in comparison to stuff out of California and DC and the MidWest. NYHC was all about skinhead violence.

So no, SSD and Negative approach were nothing near seminal or required listening. We have covered this from coast to coast, so consider it a fact!
I do the exact same thing. I'm pretty much a lifer when it comes to being a fan of hardcore punk, but there are well-known bands that I inexplicably overlook for years for no apparent reason. It just goes that way sometimes. Case in point- I've been an avid fan of hardcore punk for over ten years, and I only got into fucking DRI three years ago. That's way worse than not knowing about Negative Approach.

Punk's Not Dead - DOJO Limited 1981
Rating = 7

One of the 'fun' things about recording songs off of WREK's old hardcore show was that half the time the DJ didn't bother telling me the name of the songs he'd played, so I'd end up singing everything wrong and looking like an asshole. Examples range from the mundane (Stiff Little Fingers - I still think "Suspect of Vice" makes more sense than "Suspect Device") to the awesome (Suicidal Tendencies' "I Wanna Be A Fascist Pig" -- for like six months, I thought he was saying "I Would Be A Bad Hippy!") to the astonishingly unintelligent (somehow I heard Naked Raygun's "Treason" as "Treezin'" -- as in, "Dude, we went skiing last weekend, and I was TREEZIN' all over the place!). However, only one of my bungled mis-hearings was so timeless that my wife and friends still make fun of me for it to this day (even though I still feel I'm Right).

Do me a favor - if you own this record, put it on right now. If you don't, try to find a download of the title track. Now, pretend that you don't know the song title, ignore that shout of 'Punk's not dead!' at the beginning (I must have started recording late, because surely I would have caught THAT) and just listen to the song. And when you get to the chorus, try to hear it with fresh, unsuspecting ears as if you were a child-man of 16 crouched in front of you stereo speakers trying to make any sense at all out of this catchy two-chord rant. In this context, I guarantee you that you will hear the chorus sung not as "Punk's not dead, oh no!" but indeed, as any intelligent person would, as (ahem)....

"Force your dinner down."

Now I know what you're thinking -- you're thinking, "Say Mark, I'm looking at the words there on the screen and I gotta tell you -- 'Punk's not dead, oh no' and 'Force your dinner down' don't seem like they'd sound a whole lot alike. I mean, they don't even have any of the same letters or anything." But see, that's the magic of Wattie's unintelligible accent. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD he's saying "Force your dinner down!" Granted, he's probably using it as a metaphor, about how Margaret 'Maggie' Thatcher forces your "dinner" (or working man's life on the dole queue) down, but nonetheless I'm pretty sure that "Punk's Not Dead" was a misprint that they keep meaning to correct but then there's a footie match on and it slips onto another pressing again.

Then there are 14 other songs.

Punk's Not Dead is a U.K. punk rock album whose tracks border at times on hardcore and metal. Its songs generally only have two different parts (verse and chorus) and are highlighted by shouted Scottish vocals, a nice crisp drum sound, and trebly distorted guitar that is strangely mixed lower than the bass guitar. It starts strong with several fast, hooky classics and a few bits of light humor ("Blown To Bits" begins with a Troggs-worthy minute of idiotic shouting as guitarist Big John tries to show bassist Gary that he's playing one too many notes in the riff; "Free Flight" concludes with the band humming "The Star Spangled Banner" and making vomit noises; and the chorus of "Cop Cars" includes Wattie imitating a British police siren! "I hate cop cars! I hate cop cars! MEE-MOW, MEE-MOW! I hate cop cars!"), but drags a bit during the second half, mainly due to drummer Dru Stix straying from the high-speed 'doop-chick' beat to experiment with slower marches and roll-driven rhythms that result in songs like "Ripper," "Dole Q" and "Out Of Control" having no forward momentum whatsoever.

Truth be told, the riffs get a bit stale on the second half too ("Dole Q" and "Exploited Barmy Army" for example use the same exact chord sequence, just played at different places on the neck), though it does finally pick up for the killer 1-2-punch of "Son Of A Copper" ("I won't end up like my Dad! I won't end up being a SCREW!") and the dumber-than-shit-can-be-(and-thus-WONDERFUL!) "I Believe In Anarchy," which (a) begins with Wattie telling a live audience "CRASS is a bunch of fuckin' wankers!," (b) continues with Wattie telling a non-existent studio audience "Let's see you POGO!," and (c) puts forth a vision of anarchy as gleefully stupid as CRASS's was sober and well-intentioned: "I'm not afraid of having a fight/I'm not ashamed of getting drunk/I don't care what you say/'Cuz I believe in anarchy!"

As for the record's stupidest moment, that would have to be a toss-up between the intentionally stupid "Sex & Violence," a five-minute, three-chord 'pop song' in which the band joyfully sings the song title over and over and fucking over and over and goddamned over and over and over again, and the astonishingly bone-headed crowd pleaser "Exploited Barmy Army," a Tuff sing-along that showcases exactly how dumb it sounds when you spell a really long word at a very slow clip:

"E!" (beat: 2-3-4-5-6-7-8)
"X!" (beat: 2-3-4-5-6-7-8)
"P!" (beat: 2-3-4-5-6-7-8)
"L!" (beat: 2-3-4-5-6-7-8)
"O!" (beat: 2-3-4-5-6-7-8)
"I!" (beat: 2-3-4-5-6-7-8)
"T!" (beat: 2-3-4-5-6-7-8)
"E!" (beat: 2-3-4-5-6-7-8)
"D!" (beat: 2-3-4-5-6-7-8)
"Exploited!" (beat: 3-4-5-6-7-8)

If it reads dumb, it sounds even dumber. I love the kit-spanning drum roll beat, but otherwise the song is headscratchingly bad.

Punk's Not Dead is overall a good album -- definitely a bit sluggish at times, but when they keep the tempo up and the chord changes slightly above rudimentary, they strike pay gold dirt rush with some truly pulse-pumping tunes. "S.P.G." even sounds HAPPY! (except the lyrics)

Reader Comments
Wow. You're right. It sounds like "Force your dinner down"! As for the music, eh. I'd heard a lot about these guys, and they don't seem to live up to the hype.
It's funny you also got your own "understanding" of the title song. In Serbia, common "misheard Exploited" joke is "pas'o deda travu", which literally means "grampa chewin' grass". So it exists in all language. Anyway, the album is pretty decent, even though some songs drag...and yes, I love it you slammed Sex & Violence, which enjoys some cult status within Exploited fan ranks. I also think it's shite, mind. Army Life has two versions, the album version with the marching boots and machine gun/tanks sample being far superior to the single edit IMO.

Add your thoughts?

On Stage - Exploited 1981
Rating = 6

Four excerpts from a recent Bulgarian interview:

A lot of your songs are a criticism of the different forms of authority and politics.
Wattie: I hate Politics!

The bands that created the "punk movement" like The Exploited, The Sex Pistols, New York Dolls are often compared to early 90's Green Day...
Wattie: Green Day are shit!

Nowadays the new movement, called "emo" is the epicenter of dispute. What do you think of it?
Wattie: Emo's shit! They can stick it up their ass!

What is your opinion of religion?
Wattie: I fuckin' hate religion!

From an old Gary Bushell article in Sounds magazine:

"Mention of the old record company raises their latest money-making scheme - releasing a shit live album without the band's approval."

And here we are!

But first, a headline from today's New York Times:

"Cigarette Bill Treats Menthol With Leniency"

Hi, I'm Cigarette Bill. You know, when I'm not smoking and taking it easy on mint oil-derived organic compounds that have local anesthetic and counterirritant qualities, I like to smoke and listen to old live punk CDs released without the band's permission. That's why all this week I've been smoking and listening to The Exploited's On Stage. Many other live Exploited albums are available for you to smoke and enjoy, including Live At The Whitehouse, Live And Loud, Live Lewd Lust, Don't Forget The Chaos and Live In Japan, but there is one major distinction between On Stage and these other records: I own a copy of On Stage.

And another thing: how is it that the Democrats have yet to use Heart's "Barracuda" as a theme song for Barack Obama? It's such an obvious fit! "Ooooo.... Barack, Barack, Barack Obama..." DUN DA-DA DUN DA-DA DUN DA-DA DUN DA-DA DUN DA-DA DUN DA-DA DUN DUN DUN-DAAAAAAAAH! BWEEEEEEEE!!!!! GGHHHEEEEEEEOOOOOOO... And he could come out onstage all banging his head and shit. What better way to win the votes of 15-year-old stoners in 1977? Ooo! Then they could start calling him the "Magic Man" and saying that America's "Crazy On You, Barack Obama!" Then he could admit that his platform is based on "Nothin' At All," and do a shitty duet with Loverbo

Most importantly to our assets, however, is that On Stage features a trebly distorted guitar, inaudible bass, overloud drums, and vocals that would be comprehensible if Wattie were actually capable of speaking like a human being. Basically it's your typical cheap bootleg-quality live recording. The energy level is high, the crowd absolutely loves them, and even the rolling/rollicking drumbeats don't seem so sluggish in the live context. It's particularly fascinating to hear the crowd chant "Exploited Barmy Army!" between every song, as if incapable of recognizing that track as a putrid, horrifying affront against the ears of the world. (It does give Wattie a good set-up though, for when they finally get around to performing it: "Okay! Guess what our next song is!")

Other topnotch pieces of Wattie stage banter include:
- "Hey, do you sniff glue?"
- "Any youse on the dole?"
- "Here's one you can have a wank to!"
- "CRASS are really a bunch of wankers."

I just realized something amazing: I haven't told you what Wattie looks like yet. He has a big ol' gigantic Mohawk! Sometimes he keeps it in Pins(TM) and sometimes tied back in a long ponytail, but mostly it's painted red and worn as a loud-and-proud Mohican! His bandmates have on rare occasion adopted his look (particularly The Massacre's line-up), but this early Scottish version just had your basic Sex Pistolsy scruffy shaved bleached colored short hair. And Big John weighed 9,000,000,000 pounds (or "8 stone" using the metric system).

Recorded live at The Nite Club in Edinburgh, Scotland in 1981, On Stage features live versions of 3 singles and 11 Punk's Not Dead favorites. Someone with a chin should have wagged it at them for skipping "Son Of A Copper," "Free Flight" and "Blown To Bits," yet wasting the crowd's life with weakies "Dole Q," "Ripper" and "Out Of Control," but maybe Dru Stix wanted to 'show off his versatility' or 'rest' or something.

You by no means need this CD in your collection, but just FYI it's pretty good. The sound quality is kind of a drag, but both group and crowd are very enthusiastic, songs like "Cop Cars," "S.P.G." and "I Believe In Anarchy" are among the greatest ever in punk rock history, and only a couple of tunes are negatively affected by the absense of bass (specifically "Punk's Not Dead" and "Royalty," so if you're buying this just to hear "Punk's Not Dead" THING AKAIN!)

Plus, the CD cover exclaims "THE PUNK BAND OF THE 80'S LIVE!" So that's pretty neat, that The Exploited was the only punk rock band in the entire decade.

Black Flag? No, they played Dixieland Jazz

Dead Kennedys? Bahamian Rake And Scrape

Circle Jerks? Sub-Saharan African Folk Music, with a hint of Progressive Psytrance (on Wild In The Streets)

Add your thoughts?

Troops Of Tomorrow - Secret 1982
Rating = 8


If you haven't heard it, it goes something like this:

(bouncy intro music)

(more bouncy intro music)

I'm just a Jigaboo!
And everything I do...
Etc. etc watermelon or whatever

I mean COME ON "WEIRD AL"! It's one thing when Bob Rivers rewrote "Short People" as "Short Jewish People With Some Italian In Them, Possibly Lesbian" but THIS... I mean, COME ON!

As you can see, not all of "Weird Al" Yankovic's ideas quite get off the ground. But now's no time to complain about the earth's gravitational force; let's talk Troops Of Tomorrow!

When The Exploited's second studio LP dropped in 1982, little did they know that it would increase its velocity with 9.8 m/s for each second of its descent because of SOME FUCKING ASSHOLE FIELD WHAT, F=M/G? YEAH MORE LIKE "FUCKING=ME/UPTHEASS!!!!" But at the same time, it was a considerably stronger release than its predecessor. In the first of six hundred thousand personnel changes (actually the third, but I'll get to that in my Singles Collection review), drummer Dru Stix has been replaced by Danny Wheatley. Don't get too excited for "Danny Wheatley and calling his mom up and stuff though, because he actually only plays drums on two songs -- sadly, the two worst songs on the record. The rest are handled masterfully and speedily by the UK Subs' Steve Roberts.

And may God bless Steve Roberts because T.O.T. takes all the sluggish shambling drumrolls of P.N.D. and shoves 'em up your A.R.S.! (e.) Aside from two purposely trudging metal sludgers of foreboditure, this record is filled top to bottom with kickass angry catchy uptempo punk rock. Big John's got a mean new guitar tone, and demonstrates a strong Motorhead influence in his fast choppy 'chugga-chugga-chugga' playing. The mix is a bit trebly and reverbed, but in another interesting first, several of the songs incorporate overdubs of differently-toned, -effected or -accented rhythm guitar. For example, "They Won't Stop" is driven by a chugging rhythm guitar, but also features a reverbed metallic guitar doubling up just part of the riff, resulting in a strange 'SCROWL SCROWL' sound in the final mix. There's all kinds of examples like that I could tell you about, had I written them down.

Popular selections from this record include the anthemic UK Subby single "Alternative," exuberant chaos celebration "Disorder," hilariously blunt stomper "Fuck The USA," tribal metallic chugger "War," creepy chanted title dirge (written by the Vibrators? They outsourced their title track!?), and pissed-off speedster "UK 82." Really stupid selections from this record include aforementioned "Germs," "Sid Vicious Was Innocent" ('He didn't have a problem/'Til he met that bloody cunt!'), and a messy two-chord bonus track in which Wattie yells variations on "WHO ARE YOU FUCKIN' LOOKING AT?!" over and over as the drummer fails to maintain a steady beat.

Many on the Internet proclaim this to be the finest Exploited album. It is indeed very quite good! I suppose the chord changes could be called 'rudimentary,' but they're tough, hooky, speedy and perfect for this type of manic punk rock/hardcore.

But why did Michael Moore fail to use "Fuck The USA" as his theme song for Sicko? Check out this first couplet: "There really is nothing nice about USA/You go to the hospital, you have to pay." Am I right? Who's wrong me? With?

On another note, thank GOD Yahoo! News provides daily updates on Dancing With The Stars because I completely give a shit.

OH NO!!! They booted off Marissa!!! I absolutely and totally give a rat's ass!

YES!!! Kristi and Mark were declared finalists!!! Words can't describe how much I wholly and all-encompassingly give a flying fuck!!!!!!!

"Sarcasm I now see to be, in general, the language of the devil; for which reason I have long since as good as renounced it." - Thomas Carlyle

Well, WHOOP-DE-DOO!!!! Thomas Dickfuckle doesn't like sarcasm!

Reader Comments
Easily my favourite Exploited album. Daily News, Jimmy Boyle, Disorder, Alternative, U.S.A (which I plead guilty on singing in public on several occasions during the '90s), UK 82...on a sidenote, early CD/MC pressings have included the Dead Cities EP tacked on at the end, which has three phenomenally good tracks - Dead Cities, Attack and...well, forgot the third one (I think it's Rival Leaders). Anyway all those tracks are available on the "totally exploited" compilation which is easy enough to find, so give it a listen !

Wait, I just scrolled down and saw you did hear them on "singles collection". Fair 'nuff.

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Singles Collection - Cleopatra 1994
Rating = 8

Everybody thought The Exploited were crazy when they launched a game show pitting America's most eligible bachelors and bachelorettes against each other for cash and prizes, but the 5-DVD "Singles" Collection box set proves th

Everybody thought The Exploited were crazy when they constantly released singles that weren't on their albums, but that's par for the course in the United Kingdom (or "America's Mexico," as we call it here in the United Stapes). But we'll talk more about that in tomorrow's review of Let's Start A War...Said Maggie One Day.

That's tomorrow. And that is it for us today --

Look, I don't know what... whatever it is, it's not right in my notebook. I don't know what that is. I've never seen that.

Okay, but....

I can't read it! There's no words on it!

There's no WORDS there! 'To play us out.' What does that mean? 'To play us out'?

What is - I don't know what that means, 'to play us out'! What does that mean? To end the review?

Alright. Go. Go!

That's tomorrow! And that is it -

And that's tomorrow. And that is it for today! And we will leave you with a.... I can't do it! We'll do it live.



That's tomorrow! And that is it for us today. I'm Mark Prindle; thanks again for reading! We'll leave you with The Exploited and a review of their Singles Collection. Take it away.

(*throws down pen; rips jacket off; sexually harrasses female employee*)

This excellent compilation - a very high 8 on the Prichter Scale - includes all seven of The Exploited's 7" releases (both A and B sides), as well as three tracks from multi-artist singles and one unreleased radio edit of "Troops Of Tomorrow." Although 6 of these 22 songs can also be found on Punk's Not Dead (along with 2 each on Troops of Tomorrow and Let's Start A War), few if any are the same versions that are included here. The live renditions of "SPG" and "Cop Cars" are the same as those on On Stage but you're not going to buy that anyway, so who gives a thump? Besides, even if you don't feel the need for multiple versions of Exploited material, there are still 12 songs here that can't be found in any form on any Exploited studio album. Why, that's a whole album's worth right there!

As it turns out, Big John and Gary were not the original guitarist and bassist; the "Army Life" single here instead features "Hayboy" and "Mark"! (along with backing vocals by "The Fuckits"!?) However, BJ (Blow Job) and Gary show up by track four and stick around the whole rest of the disc, playing their instruments and just having a great time. Playing with a pinata, pinning the tail on the donkey, just having a real good time. Dru Stix and his successor Danny keep up the steady uptempo 4/4 beats too, starting off at Ramones-speed and then getting faster and faster as the disc progresses until they're absolutely flying by "Rival Leaders," a deliriously ecstatic celebration of nuclear warfare.

There are so many great high-energy punk rock songs on here! Sure, a few of the riffs don't cut the mustard cheese ("What You Gonna Do" is just the "I Can See For Miles" chords again, "Dogs Of War"'s riff is so tired it should take a nap for the rest of eternity, and "Exploited Barmy Army" is still Shit-On-A-Literal-Stick-That-Comes-Packaged-With-The-CD), but most of it is just non-stop speedy catchiness. The fast fun great "Dead Cities," bass-interplayed "Crashed Out," Cheap-Trick-gone-punk "Hitler's In The Charts Again," Wattie-sounding-like-Vivian-From-The Young Ones thrasher "Class War," Motorheady scorcher "Addiction," worried bubbly-bassed "Army Style," manically angry "Computers Don't Blunder," twisted 'Jingle Bell' parody "Fuck The Mods" -- all these and "I Believe In Anarchy" too!? Why leave the house ever again? All you need is right here! (if you have an indoor tree offering infinite food, water and sex)

I can't say much more about these songs; it's not like they're out there pioneering the face of music. But they're just so easy to love if you're a punk rock fan! Hooky chord changes, driving beats, indecipherable vocals - heck, even the lyrics aren't bad! As such, common sense would dictate that you begin your Exploited collection here.

And that's why I gave the 10 to a different album. Common sense? Fuck YOU! When have you ever helped me out in my life??? Remember that time I didn't have any milk so I made Nestle's Chocolate water instead? It wasn't any good at all! And it was YOUR FAULT! Or how about when I was afraid that the Feeneys' commode would overflow so I left my turd unflushed and threw all the toilet paper in their trashcan? I was so humiliated when I got caught! Why did you have me DO that?

Toilet papering the Springsteens' big front yard tree in the middle of the afternoon? Of course I got caught! Because common sense BALLED ME again!!!

Almost getting caught reading my Dad's Playboy, quickly hiding it under his bathroom rug, and then just leaving it there for several days until he noticed a lump in the rug and discovered his misplaced pornography? Proceeding to date a girl even after she told me "I have to warn you; I'm in the middle of a clinical depression"?? Giving a 10 to a David Bowie album???

If I ever die, blame common sense.

Reader Comments
Oh, and by the way. Before this "We'll do it live!" controversy goes the way of Dan Rather, do check out the video on YouTube entitled "Bill O'Reilly Flips Out: Dance Remix". If the prick (O'Reilly) had any common sense at all, he would cash in on it. I insist this become a number one hit.

Add your thoughts?

Let's Start A War... Said Maggie One Day - Carrere 1983
Rating = 8

You know how I have albums from like 50 years ago that I can still play on my turntable, even though it's admittedly a bit harder to find a decent turntable than it used to be? Well, computer technology jets forward at an astonishing rate. Does this mean that people who maintain their entire music collection on MP3 are going to be 'dick out of luck' when a better technology replaces them? I mean, albums are hard concrete things that can be stuck in a back storeroom for 60 years and then dug out and rediscovered, re-released on CD, etc. But MP3s don't even exist, really. Will they still be listenable ten years from now? How about 20? Will used iPods be available at pawn shops so today's early adopters can keep shifting their digital audio from player to player until the last one peters out? People should really think ahead about these things, unless they plan to get sick of their entire music collection before MP3 technology becomes antiquated in five years.

Let's Start A War is The Exploited's most political record, with side one focused entirely on Margaret Thatcher's Falklands Experience and the horror of war in general. As an ex-soldier (seriously!), Wattie feels strongly that human lives (except Mods) are not tools to be used and thrown away by arrogant upper-class leaders. And like so many other hardcore punk bands of the period (CRASS, Roger Waters And The Pink Floyd), The Exploited were not about to withhold lyrical comment (and sampled media soundbite!) when the bombs and bullets began to fly.

"Let's start a war said Maggie one day/With the unemployed masses, we'll just do away/They won't mind, like sheep they'll go/They won't suss us, they'll never know!"

"I've been made an orphan/No family life have I/My parents were no soldiers/Yet they were killed before my eyes"

"I picture Maggie in my mind/Safe below she's feeling fine/She has no burns, no torn-off limbs/She sits on her arse and plays silly games"

"See the darkened Lebanese skies/Vultures pick on those who died/Bloated bodies stench the air/While Israel solders stand and stare"

"Who is right and who is wrong?/Should we, can't we ban all bombs?/Will we be the first to try?/Can we trust them not to lie?"

"The countdown has started to go/Computers are locked on their foes/Thatcher is on her way/Down to the bunker for another day"

Thus ends side one of Let's Have A War...Said Maggie One Day.

I mean, there are other lyrics and music in there and shit, but as far as pulling one lyric from each song, we've now reached the end of side one.

But don't think you're off the hook with side two! Forget your piffly "Sex & Violence" piffle; this side simply focuses on other horrific aspects of early '80s Britain, including unemployment ("They're out to kill the working class; that means you and me/Maggie knows she can go and stuff her non-working policies"), hopelessness ("Another corpse hangs from a tree/Is suicide left for you and me?/Reared up in a workless zone/Teaches the damned to free their own"), police-driven riots ("Panic, all hell breaks loose/A battered body screams abuse/A plastic bullet ends his youth/A motherless son turns and pukes") and... whatever the hell 'kidology' is. Could somebody please explain to me what "Kidology" is about? You! You there with the hat!

And sure, some might argue that "Wankers" doesn't really belong here, but come on if you've got a song called "Wankers", you have to put it SOMEWHERE! Hell, I'd put it on my ASS if I had to!! You hear me??? I want "Wankers" ON MY ASS!!!! I'm lookin' at YOU, the cast of High School Musical!

But the reason I've quoted so many lyrics here is to attempt to show you that Wattie isn't the complete idiot that his detractors claim. Yes, he's always been an aggressive hedonist (and possibly a bigot, as I mentioned earlier), but there is a strong moral stance running through his lyrics that should be noted. He supports the working class, and hates to see its humble members 'exploited' by the ruling class. WHOA! MAYBE THAT'S WHERE THEY GOT THE NAME OF THE B

The line-up shenanigans continue. I hope you weren't still feeling happy for drummer Danny Wheatley, because he's already been replaced by Wattie's brother Willie (here credited as "Wully"). Similarly, long-time bassist "Gary" has been replaced by "Billy," and there's even a new guitarist around -- "Karl"!!! Don't feel too happy for Karl though; apparently Big John played guitar on this record before leaving the band.

As for the music, it continues the wonderful high-speed assault of Troops Of Tomorrow, with again only a few asides into forboding midtempo material -- namely the creepy as hell "Eyes Of The Vulture," dark bass-driven "God Saved The Queen," bitchy "Wankers" (which would be a much better song if it didn't use the exact same chord sequence as "God Saved The Queen") and ambitious but flawed "Insanity" (they use guitar feedback to create musical notes! Unfortunately, it's slightly out of tune with the guitar playing the actual chords, hurting the ears of those who notice). The other 8 are FAST FAST FAST!

One thing I must note though: for such depressing subject matter, some of the chord changes are far, far too happy-sounding. I understand the ironic cheer of "Rival Leaders" with its exuberant bombing countdown, but I'm not sure "Should We, Can't We" is at its most effective sounding like a gleeful circus bouncy-ride ("No farewells in the field of goodbyes/Soldiers die and civilians cry/Wheeeeeeee!"). Likewise, I enjoy an upbeat GBH-style slamdance as much as the next GBH fan, but for Christ's sake, "False Hopes" and "Another Day To Go Nowhere" aren't about 'sluts' and 'doing the Bellend Bop' -- they're about Thatcher killing her own citizens! I know it seems like I'm complaining just for the sake of complaining, and admittedly these lighter-sounding punk rave-ups do give the album some stylistic diversity, but with lyrics this dark, I just don't think it does them any justice to pair them with (admittedly catchy, but) simple happy chord sequences that sound like 2 minutes of thought went into them.

Having said that, I love this album.

(*feels warm sticky liquid running down lower back*)

What the? Darn you, "Ball" Zac Efron!

Reader Comments
To be frank and truthful, I remember only a few tracks off this one. The title track is a classic, and I also heard Psycho and Insanity enough times (both pop up on compilations).

Add your thoughts?

Horror Epics - SOS 1985
Rating = 5

Electronic drums!? On an Exploited album!?! The Horror.... The Horror!

Mistah Big John? He dead!

But enough of my hilarious Heart Of Darkness jokes to make you laugh and smile as much as the novella itself did. And in all fairness and truth, some guy online claims that these drums aren't actually 'electronic,' but simply buried in so many effects that they sound electronic. Either way, they sound like pippity over-reverbed mid-80's New Order dance-pop SHITITE! Barring maybe an African drum circle, this is by far the most inappropriate drum sound you could ever pick for an Exploited album. What were they thinking!? Were they expecting this 'hot and contemporary rhythm sound' to somehow turn "Treat You Like Shit" and "I Hate You" into popular dance club hits among the kids and their youth? Or were they just so high on PCP that they didn't notice it makes their album sound like Skrewdriver and Thomas Dolby having a Jam Session?

And then there's the problem of the songwriting. Don't even get me started on the songwriting! (although I'm about to talk about the songwriting)

If you've never heard The Exploited, they are a punk rock/hardcore/speed metal band. In other words, fast angry music. Horror Epics, on the other hand, includes 5 fast songs out of 11. All the others are slow to midtempo, often based around tribal drumroll shenanigans that are rendered impotent by the wimpy drum sound. And please understand, it's not that I hate slow songs; it's that most of these slow songs STINK! Placed end-to-end, "Horror Epics," "No More Idols," "Dangerous Visions" and "My Life" total probably 20 minutes and 3 different chords - they do nothing and do it forever. Furthermore, "Horror Epics" is just the "God Saved The Queen"/"Wankers" chord change again! This is no way to run a band. Somebody bring in Steve Lillywhite to help these guys really rock.

Speaking of 'these guys,' Horror Epics finds Wattie and Willie joined by bassist "Wayne" and guitarist "Karl" (he actually plays on this one!), who replaces Big John's trebly chuggling sound with a fuzzy, buzzy, warm and friendly guitar tone that says "Hi, your ears!' and is welcomed in with open tectorial membranes. Wattie's voice is also rendered less caustic through the clever high-tech use of delay (repeat) and reverb (echo). So welcome to the mid-'80s, The Exploited! You sound like overproduced shit with a mohawk now!

The saddest thing in the world is the fact that if you're an Exploited fan, you still need to buy this travesty because it contains the legendary "Don't Forget The Chaos" and "Maggie." The former addresses nuclear annihilation against one of the catchiest chord sequences of the band's career, and the latter features the timeless chorus "Maggie, you cunt/Maggie, you cunt/Maggie, you cunt/Maggie Maggie Maggie - you fucking cunt!" To be honest, a full half of the record is pretty great; the hard rocker "Down Below," weird rolly-poller "Forty Odd Years Ago," and typically angry speedpunkers "Law And Order" and "Treat You Like Shit" all deserve to be heard, regardless of their castrated drum sound. But the record's other five songs are so ass-belchingly rank (and LONG!) that it's almost enough to make you forget there are any good tunes at all!

But here's something interesting: two of these songs mention Adolf Hitler -- and neither in a positive light. It's possible that Wattie was just trying to deflect criticism of his alleged association with the National Front, but then he's never espoused anything but a pacifist left-wing point of view in his lyrics (at least as far as politics are concerned) so it stands to reason that he would disagree with Hitler's policies, regardless of whether or not he is racially prejudiced -- which indeed may be the case judging from lyrics like these:

"Mussolini was a fascist pig/Hitler was no better/Tojo was an imperialistic nip/but Stalin managed to go one better"

Above and beyond the fact that he rhymes "better" with "better" here..... an imperialistic "nip"!? I realize Roger Waters also used the word 'nips' on his The Final Cut LP of Pink Floyd fame, but I'm pretty sure he was using it to reflect the standard British attitudes of the immediate post-WWII era. Not that I'm Bill Politically Correct or anything, but I find it odd that Wattie tosses in a racial slur for no apparent reason here, having just neglected to do the same with two Anglo-Saxon races (ex. "Mussolini was a fascist wop/Hitler a Kraut in a sweater"). Replace the 'nip' line with 'Obama's an idealistic nig' and maybe you'll understand what I'm getting at here.

Heck, I don't even like Cheese Nips, let alone the racist word kind.

Having said that, the rest of his lyrics are chockful of compassion and concern - even for third world (i.e. brown) citizens - so maybe he just thought 'nip' was an acceptable nickname for Gook the Slanty-Eye. For additional insight into what really makes Wattie tick (tic), see the final verse in album-closer "My Life":

"Sex and drinks and lots of drugs
Passes the time when you're on the dole
There's nowt to do so you start your own band
And tour this godforsaken land"

Reader Comments
happy to be the first to write about the exploited since I saw the update on my myspace profile. Why would Wattie use a racial slur like nip? Because he's the idiot you marginally try to defend him against being! Wattie has said he's not a National Front supporter but he has vehemently expressed anti-Jewish (check the 'jew bastard' comment in some late 80s exploited e.p.), anti-Pakistani, anti-Mexican statements in the press. Check an old Flipside article for that. He's like the GG Allin of Glasgow, a total ignorant redneck. And what of his pacifist views? What pacifist views? He's completely reactionary ("Fuck a Mod"?). In addition to that, I'm sure you know that most neo-Nazi skinheads hold leftist beliefs - not right wing Republican beliefs. Sorry to sound so angry. I'm Jewish and it's disconcerting that the leftist beliefs and anti-Israel attitudes have translated a few people in the punk scene to be as antisemitic and as reactionary as a left-wing person would be after listening to an Exploited record.

I do listen to some Exploited when I'm really drunk because I find them really funny.
What the buggering fuck? What are they teaching over in those American universities, that someone could with a straight face talk about 1970s/80s Britain, or even just the UK Punk scene during that time, and SERIOUSLY claim the Neo-Nazi's were on the Left? Has Oslane gotten into the Jonah Goldberg Juice again?

I actually sat down to do some research just to point out, with sourced footnotes, the staggering historical illiteracy and politic naivety involved in Oslane's claims; but well, I only got as far as trying to source the first claim, "check an old Flipside article on that", before giving up in complete amazement. Are you ready for Mr Dumb? Here he comes... If you do the following Google searches trying to find the claimed interview,

"Wattie Exploited Flipside"
"Wattie Exploited Racism"
"Wattie Exploited Mexican"

There's only ONE webpage online which even refers to the Wattie and the claimed article, or the issue of racism within the band, or his views on Mexicans, and it appears in all of the searches. Can you guess what it is? IT'S FUCKING "STORMFRONT". Which, for those who don't know, is a Neo-Nazi/White Nationalist webpage. Spot the fun comment about Nancy Spungen being a disgusting "Jewess", for instance. Which would be astounding enough if Stormfront was used as a valid source for anything at all, but even more staggeringly, the Neo-Nazi's there who are longing to believe the story was true, that the Exploited were clearly White Pride in their lyrics, ALSO SAY THAT THEY WEREN'T. So the only online source for the claim , that Wattie in Flipside expressed racism, doesn't even support the implication of that claim...

And what's worse, the posters ALSO say things like: "The commie and leftist punks I've met say Wattie and The Exploited are Nazis but they are NOT." And they don't mean that in the "and how good it is too that the are not!" way either... So in other words, instead of being driven into an anti-semitic rage by the Exploited, the left apparently hated them... but the genuine Neo-Nazi's didn't think the Exploited were Nazi ENOUGH. But apparently Osame didn't even read the rest of that thread and spot that; or perhaps even read anything about it the subject at all; He certainly wasn't a punk rock fan in Margaret Thatcher's Britain. Maybe he just heard someone else say that they'd heard someone else say that in some episode of "Flipside" Wattie had said...? Good nob gobbling god, someone locate Osane's lecturers over Grand Valley State University at once... THEY MUST BE PUNISHED FOR CLEARLY NOT DOING THEIR JOB AND TEACHING PROPERLY.

None of which is to say that Mr Wattie wasn't a racist asshole; It's quite possible he was. But one thing we can be certain of; the Democrats are about to nominate a black man for President. And the Republican's have nominated an old white man who used to be in the military. So which modern American party would Wattie, a former squaddie, be most comfortable with voting for if he was a racist, do we think?

Jesus sodomizing FUCK.
I just read that response. Fair enough. I have actually read every single thread on the Storm Front web page one night. I'm not going to make claims about what the neo-Nazis thinking of Wattie's 'not being racist enough.' I just called him an ignorant punk rocking redneck, like GG Allin. You don't have to be swastika tattooed, boot boy to be a racist (like GG Allin or Wattie). And I agree that the 'Flipside' article is indeed hard to locate. But this guy is quite mistaken when he says National Socialism is NOT a left inspired political movement. I did not learn that in an American University (quite honestly, I haven't learned much at an American university).

But National Socialism is Socialism, the nationalistic kind and the racist kind. The kind that says, "we believe in socialism FOR OUR PEOPLE", which in Hitler's case, was Germans or people of Germanic decent, not Slavs, not Gypsies, not Negroes, not Jews... none of those are German. Hitler said, National Socialism is a product of the Germans and International Socialism is a product of the Jews.

I'm glad that the punk rock left are anti-racist, thanks for pointing that out. But people have unfairly accused the American Right of being fascistic. This is incorrect. That they don't harbor racist views is wrong too. They have their share of Archie Bunkers and arm chair racists. But Matt Hale, the leader of the American Neo Nazi movement, is NOT a Republican because he DOES NOT support the United States, Israel, Israelis, Jews or anyone who is supposedly controlled by them (all other minorities, except those liberated Arabs who blew up the world trade center).

I'm not a right or left supporter but it's not the Jonah Goldberg Juice either... left = big government, right = small government, and sorry to say but neo-Nazis are more left than right.

And what's so astounding about Nancy Spungen being Jewish?

In regards to who Wattie would vote for president? Probably Ron Paul.
OSLANE: Are you retarded or something? I'd hate to make fun of a retard, but what the hell. Nazism is not socialism, it's fascism. Calling it socialism is just a way to get it to appeal to working-class people. Shit, I don't know why this is a point that needs to be expressed in god damned 2008.

Politics doesn't go along a line, it goes along a square, like this:




With the left and right being libertarian and authoritarian, respectively. To say that Nazism is leftist is

oh fuck it you're a fucking idiot.

Ron Paul and Israel both suck because they're both racist as hell.

Mark your page rocks asses, I've been reading it for years keep dreaming the dream.
This is the last time I'll comment on this. The square political model does more to support my claim than debunk it. This article does a way better job of articulating it than I do.

I know that comparing Commies and Nazis is a scary thing. Sorry for challenging the punk rock paradigm.
horror indeed. It took me a lifetime to find this album (tape trading in '90s Serbia is a story on its own, but not for those pages), and when I did, I permanently retired it to the shelf after two listens. Maggie sticks, the rest is ignorable.

Add your thoughts?

Live At The Whitehouse - Snapper 1999
Rating = 7

Say what you will about Wattie, but as this 1985 live recording demonstrates, the man's dedicated.

The man's dedicated nearly every song to a public figure or audience faction, that is! Here, look at all the dedicating Wattie conducts during this 15-song performance:

"Let's Start A War" - 'This song's dedicated to Argentina!'
"Jimmy Boyle" - 'This song's dedicated to a guy who fucked the prison system - his name is Jimmy Boyle!'
"I Believe in Anarchy" - 'This song's dedicated to everybody that was here last year!'
"God Saved The Queen" - 'This song's dedicated to the Queen of England - she's a fuckin' wanker!'
"Alternative" - 'Is anybody unemployed? Well, this song is dedicated to you!'
"Wankers" - 'This one's dedicated to Pushead!'
"Dead Cities" - 'This one's dedicated to Boston. Or it's dedicated to the promoter of the club - for being a wanker!'
"Rival Leaders" - 'This song's dedicated to Maggie Thatcher and Ronald Reagan - both fuckin' jerkoffs!'
"I Hate You" - 'This song's dedicated to me, from Jello Biafra. 'Cuz I fucked his wife!'
"Dogs of War" - 'This is dedicated to everybody whose dad, grandfather or uncle fought in Vietnam!'
"Daily News" - 'This song's dedicated to Maximum Rock 'N Roll - it's a fuckin' wank!'

It'd be funnier if he'd gotten confused a few times (ex. 'This song's dedicated to Argentina - for being a fuckin' wanker!'), but either way his bizarre insistence on introducing almost every song with a dedication should be noted by today's top performers. For instance, when was the last time Eddie Vedder dedicated "Jeremy" to 'all the lonely kids out there - you're a fuckin' jerkoff!'? And after all his years in show business, has Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen even once dedicated "Born In The USA" to 'all the Vietnam vets out there - 'cuz I fucked your wife!'? And this is exactly why I think Wattie should run for President. Hey, if Obama "Osama bin Laden" "Saddam" Hussein "Muslim Army" Barack "s" is allowed to run, why not Scotland's favorite Scot?

The Exploited perform a number of hot and heavy hits on this sweaty April night, including two singles, four from Let's Start A War, and three each from Troops of Tomorrow, Punk's Not Dead and Horror Epics. The guitar tone is too trebly - sometimes even headache-inducingly so - but the set list is pretty strong and the energy level is exuberant. The terrible rendition of "Punk's Not Dead" was clearly edited in from a different show, and they probably could've planned better than placing "Horror Epics" and "Wankers" right next to each other on the set list since they are after all the same song, but other than that it's non-stop classics just hitting you in the ear over and over again with their catchiness. Plus, Wattie opines that "The King gets shit blow jobs."

And sure, the guitar is inaudible for the first half of "Let's Start A War," the drummer screws up severely in both this song and "I Believe In Anarchy," Wattie either forgets a verse or loses his mic in the middle of "Don't Forget The Chaos," and the group vocals are nauseatingly out of tune in "Alternative." But what do you expect from an Exploited live album? Perfection? Technical prowess? A guitar tone that doesn't make you want to drill a hole in your brain to pour the treble out? SHIT no! You expect death and destruction - and don't forget the chaos! Also, songs dedicated to people.

Reader Comments
This was my introduction to the band around age 13, and I too found the banter and energy quite hilarious and driving. To be honest though I was never that interested in the rest of their catalog as much as Peni, Subhumans, GBH and the like. Still better than a million abortion-of-a-bands out on the tour circuit as we speak!

Add your thoughts?

Live And Loud - Harry May 1987
Rating = 7

One thing's for certain: you can't get much LIVER or LOUDER than an Italian horror film! Yes, whether it's cannibals, zombies, ghosts, Nazis, nuns, women in prison, mistreated animals or black-gloved slashers you're after, look no further than a fine Italian horror film! What's that? Which Italian horror films have I seen? Is that what you're asking? Well, here is just a teensy sampling, separated by director (with a few editorial comments thrown in):

Massacre Time
One On Top of the Other
A Lizard In A Woman's Skin
Don't Torture A Duckling
Four of the Apocalypse
The Psychic
City of the Living Dead
The Black Cat
Seven Doors of Death
The House By The Cemetery
New York Ripper
Manhattan Baby
The New Gladiators
Murder-Rock: Dancing Death
Dangerous Obsession
Touch of Death
Sodoma's Ghost
Zombi 3
The House of Clocks
Voices from Beyond
Door Into Silence

The Bird with the Crystal Plumage
The Cat O' Nine Tails
Four Flies on Grey Velvet
Deep Red: The Hatchet Murders
Two Evil Eyes
The Stendhal Syndrome
The Card Player
Masters of Horror: Jenifer
Masters of Horror: Pelts

Death Smiles at Murder
The Arena
Emanuelle in Bangkok
Emanuelle in America
Emanuelle Around the World
Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals
Emanuelle and the White Slave Trade
Papaya: Love Goddess of the Cannibals
Images in a Convent
The Pleasure Shop on 7th Avenue
Buio Omega: Beyond the Darkness
Anthropophagous: The Beast
Erotic Nights of the Living Dead
Porno Holocaust
Caligula: The Untold Story
Unleashed Perversions of Emanuelle
Deep Blood

The Mask of Satan (Black Sunday)
Hercules in the Haunted World
The Girl Who Knew Too Much (The Evil Eye)
Black Sabbath
The Whip and the Body
Blood and Black Lace
Planet Of The Vampires
Kill, Baby... Kill!
Danger: Diabolik
Five Dolls For An August Moon
Hatchet For The Honeymoon
A Bay of Blood (Twitch of the Death Nerve)
Baron Blood
Four Times That Night (oh alright, this was a comedy. But it wasn't funny, so it was a 'horror' in that sense)
Lisa And The Devil
Kidnapped (Rabid Dogs)

An Ideal Place to Kill
A Quiet Place to Kill
Seven Blood-Stained Orchids
Man From Deep River
Eaten Alive!
The Secret Killer
Nightmare City
Cannibal Ferox
Hitcher in the Dark
Welcome to Spring Break

Women's Camp 119
SS Girls
The Other Hell
Hell of the Living Dead
Violence in a Women's Prison
Women's Prison Massacre
Rats: Night of Terror
Strike Commando
Strike Commando 2
Cruel Jaws

Live Like a Cop, Die Like a Man
Last Cannibal World
Cannibal Holocaust
The House On The Edge of the Park
Cut and Run
Body Count
Phantom Of Death
Dial Help
The Washing Machine

A Blade in the Dark
Demons 2
Midnight Killer
Delirium: Photo of Gioia
Body Puzzle

The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh
The Case of the Scorpion's Tail
All the Colors of the Dark
Your Vice is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key
The Suspicious Death of a Minor
Mountain of the Cannibal God

The Big Racket
The Heroin Busters
The Inglorious Bastards
1990: The Bronx Warriors
Escape from the Bronx

Fistful of Dollars
For a Few Dollars More
The Good, the Bad & the Ugly
Once Upon a Time in the West
A Fistful of Dynamite
Once Upon a Time in America

Horror Castle
Castle of Blood
The Long Hair of Death
Seven Deaths in the Cat's Eye
Blood Money
Cannibal Apocalypse

Navajo Joe
The Hellbenders
The Great Silence

Texas, Adios
Gunman of Ave Maria
Black Emmanuelle, White Emmanuelle

Light the Fuse... Sartana is Coming
Sartana's Here... Trade Your Pistol for a Coffin
The Case of the Bloody Iris

Naked Violence
Slaughter Hotel
Being Twenty

Caltiki, the Immortal Monster
The Horrible Dr. Hichcock
The Iguana with the Tongue of Fire
Murder Obsession

Django the Bastard
SS Experiment Love Camp
SS Camp Women's Hell
Hell Penitentiary

Africa Blood and Guts
Goodbye Uncle Tom
The Last House on the Beach
Savage Beasts

The Church
The Devil's Daughter
Cemetery Man

Day of Anger
The Price of Power
My Dear Killer
My Name is Nobody

The Devil's Wedding Night
Nude For Satan
SS Hell Camp

Strip Nude For Your Killer
Nights of Terror

Dorian Gray
What Have You Done to Solange?
Colt 38 Special Squad

Women in Cell Block 7
Werewolf Woman
Deported Women of the SS Special Section

The Forbidden Photos of a Lady Above Suspicion
Death Walks on High Heels
Death Walks at Midnight

The Eerie Midnight Horror Show
Play Motel
White Slave

Short Night Of Glass Dolls
Who Saw Her Die?
Night Train Murders

Arizona Colt
Weekend Murders
Ben and Charlie

Five Women for the Killer
Convoy Busters
Arabella: Black Angel

The Reincarnation of Isabel

Death Occurred Last Night
The Bloodstained Butterfly

The Passenger

Beyond The Door

The House with Laughing Windows
Revenge Of The Dead

They Call Me Trinity
Trinity is Still My Name

The Fifth Cord
Le Orme

Fists in the Pocket
Devil In The Flesh

Watch Me When I Kill
The Bloodstained Shadow

The Black Belly of the Tarantula
Plot of Fear

The Killer Must Kill Again

The Dead are Alive

A Bullet for the General
How to Kill a Judge

Mill of the Stone Women
Night of the Devils, The

After Death
Troll 2

Mad Dog Killer
The Sinful Nuns of Saint Valentine

Bones and All

Giallo a Venezia
Patrick Still Lives

The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave
The Red Queen Kills Seven Times

Adios, Sabata

Salo, Or the 120 Days of Sodom

Death Rides a Horse
Life Is Tough, Eh Providence?

Death Laid an Egg
Django Kill... If You Live, Shoot!

Run, Man, Run

Massacre in Dinosaur Valley
Women In Fury

The Last House In The Woods

A Whisper in the Dark


Dark Waters

Black Jack

The Perfume of the Lady in Black

Man, Pride & Vengeance

The Killer Reseved Nine Seats

In the Folds of the Flesh

Killer Nun

Kill the Poker Player

Eye in the Labyrinth

Caligula Reincarnated as Hitler

Queens of Evil

God Forgives... I Don't!

Messalina, Messalina

Hungry Hearts

The Red Nights of the Gestapo

Killer Crocodile

A Classic Horror Story

Blood Link


Ricco the Mean Machine

$100,000 for a Killing

Kiss Me Kill Me

The Spider Labyrinth

Zombie Holocaust

10,000 Dollars for a Massacre

Werewolf in a Girls' Dormitory


The Designated Victim

Crypt of the Vampire

The Weapon, The Hour, The Motive

French Sex Murders

The Sister of Ursula

The Pyjama Girl Case

So Sweet, So Dead

Escape From Hell



Price of Death

The Visitor

Creatures from the Abyss

The Crimes of the Black Cat

Eyes Behind the Wall

Investigation of a Citizen Above Suspicion

Death Carries a Cane

Eyes of Crystal

Crazy Desires of a Murderer

Castle of the Living Dead

The Killers are Our Guests

The Cat in Heat

I'm Not Scared

The Grand Duel

The Laughing Woman

Deadly Inheritance

The Killer is Still Among Us

La Scorta

The Mad Butcher

Admittedly some of these films are more 'exploitation' than 'horror' -- but then this album is more 'Exploited' than Horror Epics!!!!!! That was great, that segue.

But before we get to the Exploited, I wanted to share with you a few things that I learned while vacationing to, at and from Huddleston, VA last week. Keep in mind that I don't watch TV or listen to the radio, so these are all amazing and wonderful things I've learned, all of which you already know:

A. Classic rock radio still exists all up and down the East Coast. I heard three Bad Company songs during a single 7-hour drive -- from three different albums!!! Not only that, but everybody's still 'Getting The Led Out' every ten minutes. Unfortunately, this also means that REO Speedwagon, Lynyrd Skynyrd and Supertramp are being introduced to a new generation as I write.

B. Back in my day, classic rock radio played a track from Who's Next every ten minutes. These days, they play the title track of Who Are You every five minutes! I heard this nine-thousand-year-long song a full three times in two car trips. I also learned that "Who Are You" is the theme song of a popular TV show called CSI. Call me a katiebird certifiable crazy person, but I bet you a dollar these two facts are related.

C. There are even stations that play zany old '80s songs I haven't thought about since the zany old '80s! These include Night Ranger's "Don't Tell Me You Love Me" and Honeymoon Suite's "New Girl Now." Apparently the latter was recently featured on a TV show called Bones, so that probably explains that one. Could the time be ripe for a Honeymoon Suite reunion?!

No, because they never broke up. Canadians still see them live every Friday night to this very day.

D. If you're constantly switching stations looking for a good song, you very often hit a classic tune at just the right moment to make you realize how fucking long they drag the endings out for. We experienced this with such songs-I-used-to-love as "Sympathy For The Devil" (there's seriously like three minutes of 'hoo hoo's and Mick Jagger bullshit after the lyrics end!), AC/DC's "Touch Too Much" (if you want to hear the phrase "Touch Too Much" repeated 15,000 times in a row, start this song at the halfway point), and others too but my mind is blocking access to those memories in order to protect me from self-mutilation.

E. Led Zeppelin's "Trampled Underfoot" is way too goddamned fucking long. The song has like ONE PART!

F. Every dance, hip-hop and r'n'b song released in the past ten years features an Auto-Tune effect on the vocals (ala Cher's "Believe"). Mark my words: this gimmick will never sound dated.

G. The song title "25 Or 6 To 4" isn't just hippie gibberish. The song is about writer's block, with the narrator staying up all night trying to write a song. The time? Either 3:34 or 3:35 AM, he's not sure.

H. Virginia has its fair share of obese people.

I. Jesus christ does modern radio metal sound like shit! I never understood the problem with overcompression because I generally don't listen to that type of music. But flipping back and forth between stations for a week, it's impossible not to notice that today's 'aggressive' radio rock has no dynamic range at all! That's enough insight for now. Let's get to The Exploited's Live And Loud!

Speaking of 'live and loud,' isn't the brain an interesting organ? I simply never know how mine is going to react in a given situation. Take last night for example, since that's the reason I started this paragraph in the first place. The wife and I were following Henry The Greatest And Most Beloved Doggy In The Univalerse around the Central Park jogging track (the one Dustin Hoffman's on at the beginning of Marathon Man) when suddenly the wife spotted several raccoons in the distance. "Raccoons!" she shouted, for Henry loves chasing raccoons. He turned and gave chase, running several meters ahead of us, but still being a good little doggy because that's his nature. So the wife and I finally caught up to him, only to find a short skinny middle-aged brunette lady standing over him. Let's join the conversation, already in progress (please note that dogs are allowed off-leash in Central Park after 9:00 PM. If there's some rule that they're not allowed on the jogging track, I haven't heard it and I guess nobody enforces it because I always see dogs up there after 9:00 PM):

Lady: "Is this your dog?"
Me: "Yep!"
Lady: "Dogs are never allowed up here."
Me: "Oh, he's a good dog."
Lady: "Dogs are NEVER allowed up here!"
Me: (walking away from her) "He's a good dog."
Lady: "Well, I took a picture of him on my phone, and I don't think the police will be very happy when they see it!"

And this is where my brain decided to go off on its own, just willy-nilly doing whatever it wanted to do. My wife told me later that she saw it coming, but I honestly didn't.

Me: (walking quickly and threateningly towards her): "WHY DON'T YOU FUCK OFF AND DIE, YOU STUPID OLD WHORE!?"
Lady: (nervous but still bitchy) "Well, now I'm going to take a picture of YOU on my phone!"
Me: (walking away from her) (*holds up two middle fingers for her camera*)
Lady: "The police are right down there and I'm going to talk to them right now!"

So my question to you is this: should I have grabbed her phone, thrown it in the reservoir, and told the police that some crazy woman on drugs was yelling at me?

No but in all seriallessness, I just have no tolerance for small meddling people like that. Henry wasn't hurting anything - he doesn't bark at the joggers or relieve his bladder on the track, so why can't this woman just mind her own business? And what is up with all these New Yorkers who think they can say anything they want to a complete stranger with no fear of reprisal? How did she know that I wasn't a rapist or murderer? How did she know I wasn't going to follow her home and burn her apartment building down? People just amaze me. The wife tells me she has a similar lack of tolerance for arrogant yet inept men, and that's pretty much all you'll find in the business world so I guess I got the handier stick of the dint!

Also, The Exploited put out an album called Live And Loud a while back. Comprised of material from several different live shows, it features six Punk's Not Dead tracks, four each from Horror Epics and Troops of Tomorrow and two from Let's Start A War, as well as three non-LP singles and a cover of the Sex Pistols' "Belsen Was A Gas" (sung by a non-Wattie band member!). The sound quality goes up and down (the first five songs feature a great loud vicious non-trebly raw distorted guitar sound, then suddenly the guitar gets all tinny and the bass is really loud, then there's a section with gross echoed vocals from a hoarse sore-throated Wattie, and Oh! You know?), but the song selection is pretty nifty throughout.

Wattie's still dedicatin' and procreatin', but it's a bit harder to make out exactly who he's dedicating the songs to. Here, look:

"Law & Order" - "This is dedicated to the Vaders!" (?!) I don't think he's actually saying 'Vaders' here, but if so, good on ya Darth!

"I Hate You" - "This is dedicated to Jello Biafra - he's a fuckin' faggot!"

"Troops of Tomorrow" - "This is dedicated to everybody who's been coming to the last couple of gigs!"

"Sex & Violence" - "This one's for the birds who play catch!" (!?) I don't think he's actually saying 'play catch' here, but maybe he's a big fan of America's Pastime - who knows? Nobody does! Because Wattie's an enigma.

"Crashed Out" - "This one's for youse - cuz you sniff glue!"

"Exploited Barmy Army" - "This one's for all youse cunts with Glasgow!" (?!) No idea what he's actually saying here.

"Dead Cities" - "This is dedicated to places like London!"

"I Believe In Anarchy" - "This next one's for all you Scots into chaos! Fuck anarchy & peace!"

"Punk's Not Dead" - "This is dedicated to NME and the spandau cuntnin real!" (!?) I am absolutely certain that he's actually saying 'the spandau cuntnin real' here.

A few other notes of crucial importance:

- The guitarist screws up "Law & Order" at one point. Perhaps this is why the TV show went with "Who Are You."
- The bassist is playing "Let's Start A War" wrong. The riff's supposed to hit a high dissonant bass note at the end.
- If I were Bill O'Reilly, I'd say "Fuckin' thing sucks!" whenever "Horror Epics" comes on.
- At the end of "Hitler's In The Charts Again," Wattie charmingly states, "John! Get the fuckin' guitar in that monitor! I told ya fuckin' 10 times, ya cunt!"
- The Ramones appear to have ripped off the "Weasel Face" chorus from "Belsen Was A Gas." Not sure why I never noticed this before. But better late than (aaron) neville!
- In "Maggie," you can't hear the guitar at all!!! Still rules though because that chorus is hilarious.
- The guitar is phenomenally out of tune during "SPG" and "Exploited Barmy Army." Furthermore, Wattie holds the mic out so the crowd can do the spelling bit ("E! X! P!" etc), but he doesn't hold it out far enough so you can't hear them and thus there's like a minute and a half of three boring chords where the lyrics are supposed to be.

I had some other notes too, but they're of less crucial importance. I've already given you enough to keep you up half the night anyway!

Yep, Insomnia-Causin' Jim. That's what they call me! Insomnia-Causin' Jim.

Insomnia-Causin' Bill? HELL NO!!!! WHAT SENSE WOULD THAT MAKE!!???!

Reader Comments
Went here re: your Italian gore movie link on the Motorizer review.

Greatest 4 nights of my life were spent at an early '90's Dario Argento retrospective at the old LA Cinematheque; all of his films were screened in un-cut pristine prints, (including the ultra rare "4 Flies on Gray Velvet," greatest last shot in the history of Italo-horror) and the man himself was there in person (with a teenaged Asia in attendance, not yet famous, I was beside myself at her gorgeosity...) Dario spoke at great length, witty and demented and gracious, answered every audience query in detail (I asked him about his use of animals in his films, he went off on a 20 minute monologue, biographical sketeches of the dogs in Tenebrae and Suspiria, the ravens in Opera, the monkey in Phenomena, the cats in 2 Evil Eyes and Inferno...), gave full face time to every creepy fan who came up to him at breaks. Mind you, this was between Opera and Trauma, so his decline had not yet begun.
"(there's seriously like three minutes of 'hoo hoo's and Mick Jagger bullshit after the lyrics end!)"

And what's wrong with Mick Jagger bullshit?

Perhaps I should rephrase.

What's wrong with Mick Jagger (at his prime) bullshit?

"Led Zeppelin's "Trampled Underfoot" is way too goddamned fucking long. The song has like ONE PART!"

It's still one hell of a part.

And, I don't care about the Exploited and likely never will.

Lucio Fulci: If there is a director on this Earth who HATES women, it's got to be this guy. I don't understand how any actress on Earth would have wanted to appear in some of his films! He makes David Lynch look like Andrea Dworkin! "The House By The Cemetery" had really cool scary piano music though. And that part where the yellow eyes showed up in the basement was great too.

Dario Argento: Yes Mark, "The Phantom Of The Opera" is indeed a thoroughly wretched, worthless, stylistically pathetic film. It looks like it was made for all of $5, whatever that is in Italian lira. I only saw it because it was Argento. I wanted to vomit when they got to the part about the rat chasers. I also watched the hilariously stupid "Masters Of Horror" episode "Jenifer" starring that chucklefuck from "Wings". COMPLETELY WORTHLESS SHIT! My brain screamed "The clown who directed THIS SHIT once directed 'Deep Red'"? I mean, yeah, "Deep Red' had hilariously awful gore effects like that necklace going through that lady's throat, but at least they held your attention!

"Trampled Under Foot" is good but it is pretty repetitive, yes....Don't know whether I consider it one of their greats or's hard to call.

Just walk away from dumb ladies like that.
Someone above belittled the gore F/X in Deep Red, and I beg to differ -- even for the era, they were pretty well-done, but moreover, Argento had the gift in his heyday of using cutting, camera movement, music, and really inventive and disturbing ways of killing people, that his big gore scenes manage to keep the viewer so off-balance and disoriented that even given F/X limitations, they still work. They are actually shocking and scary. Today, you get really realistic gore effects in any movie you see, but unlike Argento films, they almost never shock, disturb, delight. They just make you go, ho-hum, a decent gore effect. Give me '70's-'80's Argento over Eli Roth and his ilk any day. It's like the 1933 King Kong versus any modern CGI variant - the older film had a mythic sense of wonder that trumps today's literal minded technocratic plodding.
I saw 'Cannibal Holocaust' at a midnight movie showing and can honestly say this is the only movie I've ever watched that made me feel wretched. I know that when the monkey's head was sliced in half that it was not 'documented' but staged.

on the other hand, big ups to Lucio Fulci and Dario Argento. I saw 'Suspiria' on a midnight movie showing as well and it was magnificent. Did you know Troma was the only company who would release 'Stendal Syndrom' completely uncut?

Add your thoughts?

* Death Before Dishonour - Combat 1987 *
Rating = 10

I tend to focus on 'melody' in my reviews, but there are also of course other sonic qualities that affect one's enjoyment of a particular work. One of these is 'timbre,' or 'the characteristic quality of a sound.' For example, although I enjoy some of Elvis Costello's 'melodies,' I can't stand the 'timbre' of his voice and thus hate his music so much that I want to strangle the stuffed-nosed bastard with his own tie. Similarly, I would rather listen to 10,000 fuzzy guitars for 16 hours a day than sit through a single 1-second Miles Davis trumpet brapp. I'm telling you this because Death Before Dishonour isn't exactly the most melodic album in the world, but the overall 'timbre' of the record is so gritty, angry, raw and vividly militaristic that it has shocked, awed and killed my towelheads for oil since the day I bought it in 1989.

It's difficult to imagine a more appropriate record label for Death Before Dishonour than "Combat," because the entire record sounds like a military assault. Beyond the war-focused lyrics of "Power Struggle" and the title track; beyond the drum march segments of "Don't Really Care" and (again) the title track; beyond Wattie's drill sergeant "Hut!"s in the intro of nearly every song -- the music itself sounds like an army stomping through a dusty foreign land and decimating everything in site. The guitar tone is neither orange-trebly nor metal-heavy, but a mid-range, dark, murky, weird, wiry, aggressive and heavily reverbed sound that new guitarist "Nig" (hopefully pronounced like the first syllable of "Nigel") wields like a machine gun. And I'm not just trying to sound like Circus magazine; the mixture of this angry guitar tone, Nig's insistent "jigga-jigga-jigga-jigga" thrash picking, and Willie's lockstep drumbeats literally sounds like machine gun fire strafing back and forth across a battlefield. Add to this Wattie's most shredded-throat vocals ever and a production style that eliminates all color and dynamics from the mix -- and WhamBamThankYouSpaceman you've got the perfect album to march off to war to!

Presumably reacting to the depressing softness of Horror Epics, Wattie replaced Karl with Nig, Wayne with bassist "Tony," and retarded slow boring garbage with crossover thrash speed metal. But again - if you're getting visions in your head of the thick distorted guitar sound of Suicidal Tendencies or DRI or something, don't. Although The Exploited unfortunately would adopt a sterilized HEAVY METAL(TM) guitar tone as early as their next album, Death Before Dishonour is mixed like a GG Allin record -- this turns some people off, but I for one would much rather hear a cheaply-recorded album with a unique sound and personality than a 'well-produced' one with instrumental tones and performances so faceless that they could have been played by session musicians (see Beat The Bastards). I'm not trying to be elitist; that's just my personal taste. This is also why I prefer the messy playing of Jimmy Page to the flawless noodling of Joe Satriani - more personality!

8 of the 12 songs are high-speed thrash (3 of these are actually closer to punk/hardcore than thrash, but why nitpick), 3 are midtempo metal, and album-closer "Sexual Favours" isn't metal at all, quite frankly. Although even I must admit that some of these tracks are nearly identical (it takes quite a few listens to "Don't Really Care," "Death Before Dishonour" and "Police Informer" to realize that they are, in fact, three different songs), they all kick tremendous headbanging razor-sharp ass - plus the band is kind enough to install little bits, sniggles, beeps and fluzzles to help you separate one song from the other. Here is a handy bulleted list to assist you in your efforts:

- "Anti-UK": Begins with a loop of Wattie shouting "THEY'RE ANTI-UK!" in such a thick accent that you'll most likely hear it as "THEY'RE AT IT AGAIN!"

- "Power Struggle": This is the one that Wattie actually sings (if you define 'singing' as 'lowering his voice twice in each line, to no apparent pre-determined notes'). The middle of the song invites you to enjoy a dramatic missile countdown and Ronald Reagan quotation. Look, I'll be honest with you. This song isn't very good.

- "Scaling The Derry Wall": The scary thrash one, with the scary note changes between the chords.

- "Barry Prossitt": The slow headbanger that starts with a distorted bass noise that sort of rises a little bit. For no reason.

- "Don't Really Care": Includes one of the finest dramatic breaks of any song ever recorded: the song suddenly screeches to a halt halfway, then the rhythm section starts up an insistent march.... towards..... march.... towards...... march..... towards.... (*STOP*) Wattie: "MAGGIE, YA FUCKIN' CUNT!" (*song starts up again*)

- "No Forgiveness": This is the one with the bomb explosions scattered throughout -- presumably taking up one of the tracks where the drums normally go, because you can't hear the drums at all.

- "Death Before Dishonour": The one that starts with a dark carnival-esque military march on guitar and drums

- "Adding To Their Fears": The punky one where the verse and chorus have the same chord sequence. Normally I hate that sort of thing, but if you listen really closely, you can hear that Nig adds some high harmonics picking to the chorus, as well as a little note sequence after the first chorus.

- "Police Informer": This one begins with an interesting echoey two-note intro (possibly the most 'musical' moment on the entire album!), and includes another hilarious break, this one involving (a) Wattie bitching at a police informer, (b) the 'police informer' responding as an Arnold Schwarzenegger Terminator sample ("Fuck you, asshole"), and (c) Wattie cleverly retorting, "Die!"

- "Drive Me Insane": One of only two DBD tracks whose music was not written by Willie Buchan (the other is "Adding To Their Fears"), this is one of my favorite punk rock songs of all time. I constantly find the chord sequence running through my head, even when I haven't listened to the album in years. I love the opening lines "They're trying to drive me - drive me insane/They make my life so fucking mundane!" and am heartily amused by the REALLY stupid break in the middle: the guitar disappears, replaced by a loop of Wattie's voice saying "They're drivi-drivi-drivi-drivi-drivi-drivi-drivi-dri-They're drivi-drivi-drivi-drivi-drivi-drivi-drivi-dri-They're drivi-drivi-drivi-drivi-drivi-drivi-drivi-dri-They're drivi-drivi-drivin' me completely insane!" It's awkward, poorly-thought-out and wonderful! If I were "Weird Al" Yankovic, I'd pen the hilarious parody "Drive Me To Drink," featuring the opening lines "They're trying to drive me - drive me to drink/They make my wife hang out in the sink."

- "Pulling Us Down": MEAN!!!! If you thought the rest of the album sounded mean, well... you were right. But THIS one has a finger-tap solo!

- "Sexual Favours": This is the one that doesn't sound like the rest of the album. Actually it kinda resembles the beginning of Pink Floyd's "Let There Be More Light," but with girls in the chorus. Which is nice because there were no girls in the chorus of the beginning of Pink Floyd's "Let There Be More Light."

There you have it! Now you've got a handy-dandy Cheats Guide and Cliffs Notes and you're all ready to enjoy my favorite album by Scotland-on-England's The Exploited Band And Combo (With Strings). So the next time somebody complains to you, "Hay, these songs all sound the same!," whip out your Mark Prindle Bulleted List Guide and say "Look, there are clearly 10 seconds in each song that don't sound identical to every other moment on the record. ASSHOLE."

Always add "ASSHOLE" at the end, for respect.

POST-SNICKERTY-SCRIPT: Spitfire's CD re-issue of this album also includes the Jesus Is Dead and War Now EPs - both featuring Nig on guitar! 1986's Jesus Is Dead (featuring "Deptford" John Armitage on bass) distills the strongest aspects of Horror Epics into two great speedy punkers and two slower goth-metal songs, and 1988's War Now is a deliteful continuation of Death Before Dishonour's militaristic trebly thrash madness (along with a 'Dub Version' of "Sexual Favours" for god knows what reason). I give each EP an 8, for a total of 16 out of 10. They're good!

Or perhaps just too short to be bad!

Even Post-Scriptier: Apparently Tony and Nig both passed away in 2007 - Tony of cancer and Nig of a heart attack. :7(

Reader Comments
Okay, I hated this album on the first five listens, and the sixth one never came, probably because I was too busy relistening to Fresh Fruit for the Rotten Veg. So naturally, I was a bit surprised when I saw you rated it so high. The only song I do remember liking was, incidentally enough, Sexual Favours. I guess I'm gonna have to check this one out again.

Add your thoughts?

The Massacre - Triple X 1990
Rating = 6

Nig, Willie and Tony have been replaced by "Gogs," "Smeeks" and a drummer named Tony, and normal haircuts have been replaced by self-parody. Two of these new members have Pins that are TWICE the size of Wattie's, for Christ's sake!! Now I'm no opthalmologist, but I'd swear that the Pin-Mohawk-Mohican hairstyle wasn't exactly the height of fashion in 1990 (one year before Nevermind came out). So did he simply hire the first two guys he saw on the street with gigantic colored hair!? One of them even has not one, but two anarchy symbols on his jacket -- along with the word "ANARCHY"! (The other is wearing a "Bl'ast" t-shirt, strangely enough) (And just for the record, both Wattie and the sole normal-haired member are wearing Exploited t-shirts) (which is pretty fuckin lame, quite honestly - can you imagine Paul McCartney wearing a Beatles T-shirt? If Paul McCartney wouldn't do it, it's WRONG)

This is where The Exploited turned into a heavy band. Death Before Dishonour was thrash metal, true - but it wasn't heavy. THIS (and the albums that followed it) is (are) heavy (not very good). The guitar tone is thick, loud, bassy and heavily distorted, the drumbeats are nearly all thrash and hardcore speed, and the mix is crystal-clear high quality modern metal. As a result, it sounds like about five million other CDs. Or Wattie with session musicians. It sure as hell doesn't sound like The Exploited.

Still, it's not a bad album - especially compared to its successors. It sort of sounds like a particularly metal-flavored Bad Religion album. Or one of those Epitaph Agnostic Front CDs. They get a good live drum sound, but the guitar tone is so faceless and generic in its monolithic heaviness that I really have to give guitarist "Gogs" credit for actually managing to squeeze a few unique riffs out of it here and there. Wattie's voice is lower and less raspy than on Death Before Dishonour, but he's mostly singing about the same old war and police brutality issues. Except in "Porno Slut," of course.

Open letter to Wattie: Look, it's bad enough that you wrote a song called "Porno Slut," but did you have to place it right after "Sick Bastard"!? Here you've got this song about a child-raping, grandmother-murdering psychopath - and you follow it up with 'goodtime' lyrics like "Nipple clamps bite your skin/But your pain turns me on/Pubes are shaved, your cunt is pierced/But it's your face I love the best"!? Come on, at least AC/DC would have used a euphemism there.

The music is a frustratingly inconsistent combination of:
- Basic but super-catchy punk/hardcore chord sequences (ex. "The Massacre," "Now I'm Dead")
- Depressingly generic punk/hardcore chord sequences (ex. "Porno Slut")
- Very cool original speed metal riffs (ex. "Dog Soldier," "Police Shit")
- Predictable and corny 'tuff' speed metal riffs (ex. "Fuck Religion")

The other six tracks are a mixture of these styles, with only a couple of surprises to delight your senses (the chorus of "About To Die" is straight out of the early '60s!; "Blown Out Of The Sky" features choir vocals and funky bass in its chorus, as well as an echoey clean guitar break and guitar harmonies!; that about covers it) (oh, and "Porno Slut" has a sample of some woman saying "I wanna swallow your cock," which I think was an early Ramones track).

The constant high-speed beats make the album sound much better than the songs actually are, but there are at least some creative ideas here, which is more than can be said about their next three releases (Beat The Bastards, Fuck The System and Drink The Eggnog, a collection of Christmas Carols by Wattie and Miley Cyrus).

Here's a little knock-knock joke for America:

Knock knock!
Who's there?
The Exploited!
Which line-up? There's been like five million of them.
Come on, open up! It's raining on our Mohawks.

Here's another little joke I thought up for you:

Man A: "Hey look, it's The Exploited."
Man B: "Exploited? More like SEXploited, if you ask me!!!!"
Man A: "What the hell does that mean?"
Man B: "Look at all those big pointy dicks on their head."

And here's a little knock-knock joke for the District of Columbia:

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Wattie who?
Wattie ya doin'?! Open the door!!
Oh, sorry.
Also, Maggie's a cunt

Yes, you're never hurting for laughter when old Dave Burps-a-lot is around. BUUUURP!

Reader Comments
Loved it. LOVED IT. Much faster and meaner than DBD, it was easier for my 15-year old brain to accept and digest at that timeframe...I especially love the opening for the title track. "Helpless people were murdered like animals in the slaughterhouse...". I mean, AWESOME ! And the dodgy sampling in Porno Slut ? "I wanna swallow your cock !" I mean, weeeee ! It's everything a rebellious teen dreams of in, I loved this album. So much I never bothered with Beat the Bastards, because I was afraid it was gonna ruin the impression. Turns out, I was right.

Add your thoughts?

Live In Japan - Rough Justice 1996
Rating = 7

I don't know if you've ever been to Germany, but "Ich Liebe" means "I love." And I'm telling you -- EVERYBODY there LOVES DICK! Women, men - even children! Just listen to conversations you hear around town - it's all "I love dick this" and "I love dick that". It's like they're all a bunch of dick-lovers! But this album was recorded in Japan.



"I want you - to want... me!

Yes, all these things and more were heard the night The Exploited played this fevered gig in Japan, by a guy who stayed home and listened to a Cheap Trick album.

And you know who ELSE is pulling a "cheap trick" to make their fans feel "exploited"? England's YES! Having booked a five-million-city tour to celebrate their 40th anniversary, only to have it fucked up the ass by Jon Anderson developing an illness, they've decided to forge ahead with some guy nobody's ever heard of! Supposedly they went to YouTube, typed in 'Yes tribute bands,' found a singer they liked, and hired him. Believe me, I'm all for hiring a gigantic nobody to replace your famous lead singer (ie Journey, Judas Priest, Misfits, Dead Kennedys), but how is this guy supposed to go out there and say, "Hay man, we're celebrating our 40th year as a band!" when he's only been around for like 2 days? Is anybody even going to GO to this show? What if The Exploited tried to pull a bait-and-switch like this, hiring some guy named "Bortie" to sing for them? Do you think their fans would take it sitting down? Hell no! They'd all be like "Hay, that's not Wattie's mohawk!" and "Hay, this guy's not batshit crazy!" End result: a Boot Party with Wullie Buchan's face all over it.

Luckily I convinced them not to replace Wattie on that fateful Japanese night so they came through with another winning set of high-speed thrashers, classic punkers and "Exploited Barmy Army." The set list this time features 5 from Punk's Not Dead, 3 from Troops Of Tomorrow 2 each from Let's Start A War, Death Before Dishonour, The Massacre and Horror Epics, 2 singles and "Belsen Was A Gas." This being a particularly high-speed incarnation of the band, the tempos are way WAY up, and the strong first half of the set list just shreds by like a big trebly greatest hits album. Then sadly they get bogged down near the end in some tired old flatties ("Exploited Barmy Army," "Sex and Violence," "Army Life") and great studio songs that've just never worked in concert for some reason ("Troops of Tomorrow," "Punk's Not Dead").

Worst of all, the darned CD compiler cut out all the space between the songs, deleting potentially DOZENS of excellent song dedications! Only two survive: with "I Hate You" having left the set list, Jello Biafra now has the honor of receiving a "Fuck The USA" dedication; and "Punk's Not Dead" is introduced with the brilliant and literary "This one's for all youse here - this one's for all the fuckin' magazines that say punk is dead. Fuckin' bollocks! It's called 'Punk's Not Fuckin' Dead'!" This must've been a truly devastating moment for the audience -- to be granted the gift of a Wattie Buchan song dedication, only to have it immediately JERKED AWAY Indian Giver style and presented to the print media. I hope they're all doing well, or at least as well as possible considering.

THE CD'S FINEST MOMENT: Some other band member sings "Belsen Was A Gas" but at the very end, right before the cut-out, you can hear Wattie suddenly yell "GO FUCK YOURSELF!" To the singer? To the audience? To an imaginary Margaret Thatcher apparition floating in the air around him? If only God would return to Earth and tell us.

Oh no, wait. He has. As Barack Obama!

A Republican

Speaking of which, here are a couple of MySpace bulletins I posted earlier this week during various stages of inebriation:


Actually that's a bit general. It's specifically "Gay People Who Support The McCain/Palin Ticket" that I hate.And why? Because they're TERRIBLE CANDIDATES! Why would a gay person want to vote for them???

Actually, I guess it would be more accurate to say that I hate "All People Who Support The McCain/Palin Ticket" since sexual orientation doesn't really have anything to do with it.Why would ANYBODY want to vote for the lying old war bag and the raving nut religious lady?

Actually, I guess 'hate' is a bit strong. But I'm definitely 'disappointed' with "All People Who Support The McCain/Palin Ticket."


please please please don't vote for McCain. The whole world hates us and rightly so because Bush's regime has been completely immoral. The only way that we'll ever settle ANYTHING is by electing Obama.

Am I saying that Obama is a genius? No. Am I saying he's a completely moral person? No. I have no idea whether he is or not.

But to elect McCain/Palin is telling the rest of the world, "Fuck you! We're warmongers and pit bulls and you have to do what we say!"

My fear is simple: Every single goddamned empire in history has been defeated except the U.S. That means WE'RE DUE. This is not a joke - check history. EVERY SINGLE EMPIRE has been defeated. If we keep acting like arrogant pricks, WE WILL BE DEFEATED.

Please vote for Obama - not because he's a savior (he's not) but because the election of McCain would tell the rest of the world, "Hell yeah! We LOVE George Bush!"


Wattie says "Cheers!" a lot.

And let this be a warning to you - don't buy the Live Lewd Lust album. It's just a compilation of tracks from all their other live albums! What's up with THAT tits!? Come on Exploited, have a harp!

Reader Comments
I'm sure that none of the Palin supporters would know this since apparently the limit of their knowledge of the world consists of knowing that Russia is next to Alaska. One widely held theory that the Roman Empire declined and fell during to demographic changes in the Empire. Over time, the Empire was taken over by Barbarians from the inside who did not have the same values as the original Romans. Well, the same demographic change is happening within the US. The population that is growing the fastest doesn't share the republican values, and by being pro-life, they are speeding up the process. That should make some of them start feeling paranoid about now.
Man, I was supposed to see Yes on tour, this past summer. Shit, I was gonna greyhound it from Guelph to Toronto on a fucking Sunday night, just to see 'em. And there would have been no guarantee that I'd be able to Greyhound it back in the same night, thus leaving me stranded on the streets of Toronto on a Sunday night. Now, having to stay up 'til 8:00 AM is not much of an issue for me, but being on the streets of Toronto at night is not a good thing. What was once "Toronto the Good" has recently been getting more violent by the year. (though it wouldn't surprise me if everywhere was like that)

On top of having to put up with all that, I was also a half-hour late for work the morning tickets went on sale and pay nearly $100 for a half-decent seat. That amount of money is no small thing, for me, and missing work on top of that is yet another kick in the nut. Again: not that bad, but not at all good, either.

Then I find out on fucking 4Chan of all places that the whole thing was fucking cancelled. I swear, that whole tour has probably brought about some degree on inconvenience/bad luck upon everyone involved.

Also, why does it always have to come back to Yes? Not just for you, but for me, too! I'm hoping you could help me shed some light on this.

Now to finish reading this Exploited review...

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Beat The Bastards - Triple X 1996
Rating = 2

Imagine the worst Ministry album of all time. It's called Rio Grande Blood.

Now, imagine it even worse.

Some time has passed since The Massacre, so it should surprise nobody that "Smeeks" and "Gogs" have been replaced by guitarist Jamie Buchan and bassist Jim Gray. Don't get too excited for Jim Gray though, because he only plays on one song; drummer Willie plays bass on all the rest. AT THE SAME TIME HE'S PLAYING THE DRUMS! HOLY SHIT HE'S RUNNING BACK AND FORTH AND TAPPING THE FOOT PEDAL WITH HIS DICK AND TH

Oh, I see. They used overdubs. Still, it's quite fun to know that 98% of this record was created by three members of the Buchan family. Like Simmons & Garfinkle used to sing, "Old Friends/Sit on the park bench like Buchans." Sadly, Jesus Christ is this a terrible album. The production makes it sound exactly like a late-period Ministry album -- over-produced heavy-but-slick super-tight industrial-tinged thrash metal. Wattie's even sounding a lot like Al Jourgenson in some of the songs! Unfortunately, though the CD is extremely fast and gargantuanly heavy, it is almost completely artistically bankrupt. In comparison, The Massacre sounds like Revolver; there are nearly no riffs on here that you haven't either (a) already heard 40 times by godawful heavy bands they play on the radio (Pantera, etc) or (b) written yourself and discarded as 'strangely lacking any qualities at all.'

It's all supposed to sound angry, but it's absolutely 'blah' (or, alternately, 'eh') in both songwriting and presentation. There are literally no musical ideas in 12 of these 13 songs; it's just a series of dull repetitive 'angry' chords set against high-speed drums. Cliche's, emptiness, ascending chords of predictability, a gigantic vacuum where 'hooks' or 'anything other than three shitty chords being repeated over and over again' used to be. Utterly awful and instantly forgettable. And to take the Ministry comparison a little further, "Serial Killer" is a poorly-revised "Burning Inside" rip-off.

"Sea Of Blood" is great though! They interject a few extra chords, putting into practice an actual IDEA!!!! Or at least it seems like an idea, compared to the rest of this worthless void of sonic gonorrhea. I actually quite enjoy "They Lie" as well, but to be honest it'd might as well just be called "Whiplash Pt. II: Lipwash."

Wattie does come through with a few intriguing lyrical ideas though, including:

"It's sad to say that children
No longer scared of dead bodies
Pass corpses every day
No longer affected by them"

"It's a wonderful world they tell you
Arsehole try some reality
Tears of depression that cover your face
You come across a lonely man who looks in pain"

"I go home and watch what I did on the telly
It makes me cry just like a baby
This is not a sex act I can tell you
Child cries paedophile fuck you"

Granted, these lyrics are paired with music that I describe in my notes as "Three dull uncatchy chords and a nothing chorus," "Dull hookless ascending chords alternating with some other dull chords" and "Utterly hookless, go up one chord then ascend some more. Awful!," but it's the thought that counts. Especially if you're a mathematician!!! HA HA HA AH!!!! HA HA AHAHHA!!!! (because you're always thinking about counting) HA HA HAAH!!!! HA AHA AH!!!!!

Say, here's a little experiment you can do: have somebody tune your guitar to an open D chord. Now hold it behind your back and smack your bare buttcheek against the strings a few times while moving the guitar to the left and right. Congratulations! You just wrote this entire album!

Everyone wrote in about my great jokes in the last review, so here are some more:

How many copies of Beat The Bastards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It doesn't screw in lightbulbs; that would just shed more light on what a gigantic piece of crap it is.

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Beat The Bas!
Beat The Bas who?
Beat The Bas TURDS! (because this album is terrible)

Why did the copy of Beat The Bastards cross the road?
It was frightened by an original idea.

What do you get when you cross Beat The Bastards with Sarah Jessica Parker?
The shocking revelation that Sarah Jessica Parker can get even uglier.

What are you, on a ship way out at sea? Okay, I'll write it in Morse Code for you:

dash/dot dot dot dot/dot dot/dot dot dot
dash dot dash dot/dash dot dot
dot dot dot/dot dot dash/dash dot dash dot/dash dot dash/dot dot dot
dash dash/dash dot dash dash
dash dot dot dot/dot dash/dot dash dot dot/dot dash dot dot/dot dot dot/dot dash/dash dot dash dot!!!!!

What are you, blind? Okay, I'll write it in Braille for you:

** *0 ** *0
*0 00 00 00
00 ** 00 *0

** *0 *0
0* 0* 00
** *0 **

*0 *0 0* ** ** ** 00 00 00 00
*0 *0 *0 0* 0* 0* ** ** ** **
00 *0 00 *0 00 ** *0 *0 *0 *0

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Fuck The System - Spitfire 2003
Rating = 6

Jamie Buchan and the bass player who only played on one song are both gone, replaced by a bald man and a long-hair named "Robbie" and "Mikie" who presumably play guitar and bass. Say what you want about The Exploited, but I'll tell you one thing: there is certainly no shortage of people willing to join the band. On a related note, there is certainly no shortage of people wanting to quit the band.

This album is as loud, fast, heavy and professionally-produced as the last two, but the songwriting is definitely more "punk rock" than those two. It still has a few terrible metal songs ("There's No Point" and the title track belong on Beat The Bastards, and the experimental "You're A Fucking Bastard" and "Noise Annoys" may be the worst songs in the entire Exploited catalog -- and remember, this is the band that wrote "Exploited Barmy Army"), but the majority of the compositions are straight-up punk, with speedy chord thrashing and a sense of fun that was entirely missing from the last record. And catchiness too!

The quality consistency level is still running lower than their national average, but any punk band able to come up with songs as hooky as "Lie To Me," "I Never Changed" and "Chaos Is My Life" is still worth lending your ear at, to. There is something a little suspicious going on here though, and I can't imagine I'm the only person in the world to notice it (though who knows - maybe I'm the only one who even bought this CD in the first place!). Tracks 2 and 3 -- "Fucking Liar" and "Holiday In The Sun" -- sound exactly like brief segments of two different Dwarves songs, extended into full-length songs. Specifically, "Fucking Liar" is the end of "Back Seat Of My Car," and "Holiday In The Sun" is the chorus of "Who's Fuckin' Who." It's certainly possible that The Exploited have never even heard these Dwarves songs, but what kind of coincidence would that be? They're right next to each other on the album! The important things, however, are that (a) "Fucking Liar" is goddamned motherfucking catchy as all hell and The Dwarves should be ashamed of themselves for only using the riff as a coda, and (b) the chorus of "Holiday In The Sun" is even better than the part they possibly stole from The Dwarves.

The most intriguing thing about the release is that for basically the first time ever, Wattie is writing personal lyrics about his own life and feelings. "Fucking Liar," "There Is No Point," "I Never Changed," "Why Are You Doing This To Me" and "Was It Me" all deal with the horrors of failed relationships and lost friendships -- experiences that are just as painful and soul-searing as anything that Maggie could conjure up. And if Wattie of all people is writing these words, you'd best believe he's not just another cynical faux-punk trying to ride Green Day's coattails to an MTV hit. Generally, one doesn't score a hit album by titling it Fuck The System. Examples:

"You know I've never lied to you
Why fucking do it to me?
I really want to trust you
Don't fucking lie to me!"

"You're right you're right - there is no point
So what's the point?
We argue, scream and start to shout
So what's the point?"

"I'm still fucking here for you
No matter what you say or do
Cos that's the way I've always been
And you know that's fucking true"

"You said I made you happy, and I loved you
You hurt me badly, so fuck you!
Why are you doing this to me?
I fucking loved you - can't you fucking see?"

"I've known you now for the last 20 years or more
We fought for fun; we know the fucking score
I would have done anything at all for you
You're my best friend; why can't you see?
You never told me what we fell out about -
Was it me?"

They aren't the most eloquent or poetic passages in lyrical history, but they're real. Wattie wrote these songs about and for specific people whose presense he misses in his life. I know that's nothing for most people, but WATTIE!? The guy's been singing about nothing but war, unemployment and Margaret Thatcher for the past 20 years!

Granted, he also wastes our time with unwritten slop like "You're A Fucking Bastard" and "Noise Annoys," but hey we can't all be Leonard Cohen.

Speaking of which, here are the lyrics to "You're A Fucking Bastard":

"You're a fucking bastard
You're a fucking bastard
A shit fuck too
You're a fucking bastard
You're a fucking bastard
You're a fucking bastard
A shit fuck too
You're a fucking bastard
You're a fucking bastard
You're a fucking bastard
A shit fuck too
You're a fucking bastard
You're a fucking bastard
You're a fucking bastard
A shit fuck too

And a shit fuck too
And a shit fuck too
And a shit fuck too
And a shit fuck too

You're a fucking bastard
You're a fucking bastard
A shit fuck too
You're a fucking bastard
You're a fucking bastard
A shit fuck too
You're a fucking bastard
You're a fucking bastard
You're a fucking bastard
A shit fuck too
You're a fucking bastard
You're a fucking bastard
You're a fucking bastard
A shit fuck too

And a shit fuck too
And a shit fuck too
And a shit fuck too
And a shit fuck too

You're a fucking bastard
You're a fucking bastard
You're a fucking bastard
A shit fuck too
You're a fucking bastard
You're a fucking bastard
You're a fucking bastard
A shit fuck too

You're a fucking bastard
You're a fucking bastard
You're a fucking bastard
A shit fuck too
You're a fucking bastard
You're a fucking bastard
You're a fucking bastard
A shit fuck too

And a shit fuck too
And a shit fuck too
And a shit fuck too
And a shit fuck too"

I know, I can't figure out why Leonard Cohen wrote such a substandard song either. Maybe he's just getting too old to sing about nudity?

Well, that's my Exploited page. Now I'm off to Amsterdam to smoke some dope. I figured while I'm there, I'll smoke some dope. Maybe get some dope and smoke it. Smoke a little dope. I've only smoked dope one time and I fucking hated it with all the passion I possess, so I'm really looking forward to going to Amsterdam and smoking some dope. "Wham Bam - Amsterdam!," as Rhodes Scholar Sammy Hagar once sang. So have a good time in Amsterdam, Mark Prindle, smoking dope!

According to Wikipedia, the latest incarnation of The Exploited (featuring guitarist "Gav" and bassist "Irish Rob") may release an album called Fuck The Society at some point. Odds are good the cover artwork will feature at least one skull with a skeletal mohawk.

Come on guys, get a focus group.

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