Burn Witch Burn


Burn Witch Burn - Lightyear/Razler 2000.
Rating = 8

The sticker on the cover brags that Rodney is the star, bringing his hilarious comedy jokes to a kooky new wacky band on a zany label in the funny town of Laughadelphia, Pennsylvania. And laughs? OH! How you will laugh!

Uproarious Highlights Include:
- "Sweet Angel of Forgiveness look down from above on the people that you say you love" (HA!!!!! MY MANY SMELLS INDEED!!!!)
- "They say this life is a terrible thing/That's why you can never hear the Angels sing" (ANGELS??? AS IN "CALIFORNIA ANGELS"????? HAHAHAHA!!!! CHECK THIS DANCE OUT - IT'S CALLED THE "HONKY"!!!!)
-Sometimes we'd see my Sister's friend sitting on the hood of her car holding a bag of ice up to her eye sayin' "I know he hits me, but he really, really loves me." (*STREAM OF URINE DRIBBLES OUT OF MY PANTIES, HITS FLOOR, ROLLS DOWN GIANT HILL INTO THE UNSUSPECTING MOUTH OF MAYOR BLOOMBERG*)

My goal is to make you see what I see - "American Gothic" they call it. Banjolin, bouzouki, castanets, mandolin, tin whistle, hurdy-gurdy, recorder and.. Err. oh okay, guitar, bass and drums. But MOSTLY the other stuff! The music sounds Appalachian - and the cold, dark stories sung by Rodney LINDERMAN (his new hilarious pseudonym as assigned by his father several years ago) and his wife Vienna Linderman (no relation) fitfully jump and tear at the madness within us all as Bill Fergusson and Rob Piekarski (or, if they decide to adopt the hilarious pseudonyms I made up for them, Bill Swill and Anonymous Rob Talcum Clean-Blood) play the finest, tightest and - it's true - CATCHIEST Appalachian style hoedown traditional music of goodness you're going to hear this side of today's latest hip-hop records (eg Nas' "Bitchass Ho Milkmaiden Suckin' My Shorty"; Pastor Troy's "Whittling a Piece of Wood into a Muthafuckin' Gat, Nigga").

This is not The Dead Milkmen. This is not even CLOSE to the Dead Milkmen. Rodney brings one clear moment of Milkmen-style levity in "Treetop Flotilla," announcing that his sister's friend's boyfriend "dressed like a biker but he rode around in his parent's station-wagon listening to the same Goddamn Led Zeppelin song over & over again. It went like this: `TWENTY-FIVE! TWENTY-FIVE! TWENTY-FIVE!'" But all the other lyrics are murderous evil tales of spirits, witches and murder, unless you choose to read dark humor into them, in which case your ass will crack its ass up at the song about the girl being murdered in the field.

I'm done. Music - old-timey mandolin goodness, but REALLY wonderfully catchy! Lyrics - Me! Vocals - Rodney yakkin' and his wife singing in a very serious tone of voice like a WOMAN. She is no girl. She is a WOMAN. If she were a girl, what Rodney has done would be so illegal. So VERY illegal. Because he's 78 years old! But what do you expect from a guy who calls Adolf Hitler "the most beautiful human being of all time"?

Important word of advice: Listen closely to each melody - take each song as a separate work of art. Otherwise, it may begin to all sound the same to you, with your stupid untrained ear and weak, syphilis-rotted mind.

Add your thoughts?

Buy yourself a copy RIGHT HERE!

Back to Zero - The Most Artistically Influential Song in the Rolling Stones Catalog