Anal Cunt

I like it when you die (right when I'm about to review your band)
*special introductory paragraph!
*The Early Years: 1988-1991
*Very Rare Rehearsal from February 1989
*Morbid Florist
*Breaking the Law 7"
*Everyone Should Be Killed
*Top 40 Hits
*40 More Reasons to Hate Us
*Howard is Bald 7"
*I Like It When You Die
*Picnic of Love
*It Just Gets Worse
*Defenders of the Hate
*Old Stuff, Part 3
*110 Song CD
*Wearing Out Our Welcome
*Fuckin' A

In late April 2011, I posted a status update on Facebook alerting my 1800+ friends that the next band scheduled for review on would be Anal Cunt, the world's most offensive grindcore band. What I failed to take into consideration is that one of my Facebook friends was none other than Seth Putnam, the singer/lyricist/mastermind of that very band. Most forensics specialists agree that this status update was the direct cause of Putnam suffering a fatal heart attack in mid-June.

The Early Years: 1988-1991 - Artemis 2000
Rating = 1

Anal Cunt began its career as a one-joke monkey, parodying grindcore by imitating only its most tuneless moments -- again and again and again, over and over and over. Every grindcore fan knows that the riffs are often buried once the hammering blastbeats kick in, but that's no excuse for Anal Cunt reducing the subgenre to completely unmusical guitar noise and wordless screaming. Seriously, they literally set out to create music with no riffs. Maybe this would've been a hoot for, say, a one-off 7". But Anal Cunt did it for SEVEN YEARS! Seven full years of eeeeeedoodladoodladoodlaWAAAAHWAAAAHWAAAAAH!!!! And quite frankly, that's six years, 364 days, 23 hours, 59 minutes and 56 seconds too long.

This brutally repetitive double-disc features two full hours of this tiresome bullshit, with only a few doom riffs and jokey cover tunes to break up the head-drilling monotony. Here, let's discuss all of its contents in rich, satisfying detail:

47 Song Demo - Vocalist Seth Putnam, drummer Tim Morse, and guitarist Mike Mahan launch the Anal Cunt balloon with nine minutes of lo-fi grindcore noise. There are a couple of actual riffs in here, but only for seconds at a time. INTERESTING NOTE: At no point in its musical career did Anal Cunt retain the services of a bass player.

88 Song EP - Side one of their official 13-minute debut is basically a re-recording of the 47 Song Demo, but with the drums and screaming completely drowning out the guitar. It includes the same two or three actual riffs that cropped up on the demo (as well as the jokey song intro "EENY-MEENY-MINEY-MO!") and none of the material has improved with practice. Side two is mixed so that you can hear the guitar, but all it's doing is screaming white noise at you so fuck it. Literally fuck that guitar.

"Live in Indiana, Feb. 20th 1989" - But the crowd loves 'em! During this six-minute set, surely drunken goons cheer the shortest, most melody-free blasts, and even request, "Do an extended version of that song!" (unless it's Seth who says that -- there's no way in God's Green Hell I'm going to listen to the track again to find out).

"A.C. Stuff from We'll Just Have to Acclimatize Ourselves to the Post-Nuclear Area split-7" with 7 Minutes of Nausea" - Their strongest production yet! Loud and bright studio sound! Same old blasts of crap!

"A.C. Stuff from Apocalyptic Convulsions v/a 10" - Did I mention their four-chord dirge riff? They play it on pretty much every record included here. On this track, they also poke fun at some band called Psycho. Hilarious? Oh MY, hilarious!

5643 Song EP - In a move much more conceptually interesting than even the slightest bit listenable, A.C. recorded 12 minutes of noise onto each track of a 16-track recorder, and then played all 16 tracks at once. And BAMM! It's sixteen times worse than their previous EPs! Just an endless cacophony of horrible multi-tracked racket! Great title though.

Another EP - Lo-fi and awful on the ears, but highlighted by (a) a brief but noticeable riff from Judas Priest's "Breakin' The Law," and (a) a full cover of "The Nightmare" from Jim Henson's 1977 production of Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas!

"Outtakes from Another EP" - Oh COME ON.

"Live in Schwabisch Hall, Germany, April 3rd, 1990" - Seth announces "We're the Beatles," but nobody falls for it. Guess what kind of music they play at this concert? Go ahead! No, go ahead! I'll give you a hint -- it rhymes with "funeless cogshit."

"Live in Berlin, Germany, April 20th, 1990" - Shockingly, a mere 17 days later, the Anal Cunt live set had expanded to include even MORE slight variations on boring grinding noise!

"A.C. Stuff from Another Split EP with The Meatshits" - A few 50's doowop chords and silly guitar licks are no match for the band once again defecating in your ear.

"A.C. Stuff from Split EP with Psycho" - The musical highlight of the disc, this track starts with some minor-key arpeggios, later incorporates a bit of country-western, and makes Deutschland laugh to daisies with brief, awful covers of MC Hammer's "U Can't Touch This" and Edgar Winter Group's "Frankenstein." Nevertheless, at least half of the track still consists of blastbeats, random guitar noise and Seth screaming at the top of his mouth.

"A.C. Stuff from Masters of Noise v/a Compilation" - Don't look now, but they're moving ever closer to playing actual music! Not quite though. It starts with the intro to Black Sabbath's "Iron Man" and once again hits up the same doom riffs they've played on every release, before ultimately boring your ding-a-ding-dang with its dang-a-long-ling-long.

Unplugged EP - By this point, guitarist Mike Mahan had been replaced by Fred Ordonez, who appears to have even less talent than his predecessor. Side one features seven minutes of Fred playing A.C. 'classics' through a clean-toned electric guitar. Side two takes the concept even further, presenting a live 'Unplugged' concert, which in Anal Cuntese means that Fred played with his electric guitar unplugged. So you can't hear it. Oh the whimsical nature of young people and their many ideas!

Live EP - The same riffs, the same noise, the same same.

In short, the musical contents of this entire two-disc collection could've been summed up on one side of a flexi-disc. And it STILL would've sucked.

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Very Rare Rehearsal from February 1989 - Shipman 2002
Rating = 3


Of course! God forbid they should perform a sloppy concert. What would Entertainment Weekly say if Seth were to accidentally scream "RAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" an embarrassing half-second before Tim Morse played his blastbeat and Mike Mahan made a bunch of random noise on his guitar!? Worse yet, how many disappointed editorials would Jan Wenner pen if Tim Morse were to miss Seth's count-in of "1-2! 1-2-3-4!" and fail to begin playing a blastbeat as Mike Mahan makes a bunch of random noise on his guitar? Forget Black Flag! Forget Thinking Fellers Union Local 282! Forget EVERYBODY!

This is a muffled 20-minute recording of Anal Cunt practicing the few actual riffs they'd written by 1989, along with a handy number of tuneless grindcorecophonies. As far as I can tell, Seth doesn't bellow a single actual "word."

It's fun to hear the fellas laughing and joking between songs, but it's also nearly impossible to make out what they're saying through the thick layer of lo-fi fuzz covering the entire recording.

Here are the comments I can definitely hear with my ear:
- Audible Comment One: "The Bruins!"
- Audible Comment Two: "Hey guys, it's Clive!" "Hey Clive, how's it going?"
- Audible Comment Three: "Everybody, don't forget your soda."
- Audible Comment Four: "Do that new slow one."
- Audible Comment Five: "This goes out to the kids!"
- Audible Comment Six: "You should've just kept going. You lost control."
- Audible Comment Seven: "Let's do a cover song - every song that was ever written. Ready?"
- Audible Comment Eight: "It's an infinite song, okay? You missed it."

And there you have it! A record company trying to rip you off.

In a strange twist of fate, I actually saw Paul "Anal Cunt" McCartney live at Yankee Stadium on Saturday night! Here's what he performed from which albums, and why:

Please Please Me - I Saw Her Standing There (with special guest Billy Joel) (and by "special," I mean "tard")
With the Beatles - All My Loving
Help! - The Night Before, Yesterday
Rubber Soul - Drive My Car, I'm Looking Through You
Revolver - Eleanor Rigby
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band - A Day in the Life (with final verse replaced by chorus of Give Peace A Chance)
Magical Mystery Tour - Magical Mystery Tour
The White Album - Back in the USSR, I Will, Blackbird, Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da, Helter Skelter
Let It Be - Let It Be, I've Got a Feeling, The Long and Winding Road, Get Back
Abbey Road - Something, Golden Slumbers, Carry That Weight, The End
Hey Jude - Paperback Writer, Lady Madonna, Hey Jude
McCartney - Maybe I'm Amazed
Band on the Run - Band on the Run, Jet, Let Me Roll It, Mrs. Vanderbilt, Nineteen Hundred and Eighty-Five
Wings At the Speed of Sound - Let 'Em In
Tug of War - Here Today
Memory Almost Full - Dance Tonight
Electric Arguments - Sing the Changes
Singles - Junior's Farm, Live and Let Die
Bullshit - Foxey Lady (instrumental)

It was great. You would've loved his whimsical knighthood and senior citizenry.

Reader Comments

Marc Kreienbrink
No "Spies Like Us"? Macca is gay.

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Morbid Florist - Relapse 1993
Rating = 3

Although the addition of song titles makes it easier to tell one discordant pile of horseshit from the others, this is basically the same old schtick for the 500 hundred thousandth time. The only difference is that Seth and Tim are joined by new guitarist John Kozik, of whom I'm using the word 'guitarist' very, very loosely. I really have to wonder what metal fans must've thought about this thing when it came out. The first A.C. CD I ever saw in a store was Everybody Should Be Killed, and my brain was literally turned upside down by song titles like "Some Songs," "Some More Songs" and "Even More Songs." "What in Sam Hill's Damnation could this music sound like?" I queried the heavens. But the heavens had no answer to give.

Until a few minutes later when the Heavens shouted, "It sounds like the worst aspects of Napalm Death and Sore Throat performed by a monkey!"

There is some categorical "music" here -- metallic headbangers "Greatful Dead" and "Radio Hit" and doom dirges "Song #5" and "Slow Song From Split 7"" are about as melodic as Anal Cunt would ever get -- but eight of the 15 tracks are near-identical variations on the repetitive, grating grindnoise that was their raison d'etre at the time. Furthermore, the guitar tone is so metallically trebly and ear-piercing that even the 'songs' aren't particularly easy to sit through. Still, at least they're adding more humor to their worldview, particularly in blastbeat-destroyed covers of Eddy Grant's "I Don't Wanna Dance" and EMF's "Unbelievable." They also do a straight cover of Siege's "Drop Dead," which is kind of interesting. It may actually be a Siege medley; I have the Siege record but am not super-familiar with it. It’s round, I know that much. Or plaid.

Buy this album at your own risk. Then listen to it at your own peril. But for God's sake don't consider it a must-own, because they re-recorded everything but "Siege" and "I Don't Wanna Dance" for Everyone Should Be Killed.

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Breaking the Law 7" - Self-released 1993
Rating = 5

The big mystery surrounding Anal Cunt is exactly how big an asshole Seth Putnam really was. Some claim that his lyrical misogyny, misanthropy, racism and homophobia were just a politically incorrect joke. Considering how hilariously over the top his lyrics generally were, I'm prepared to believe this. However, it can hardly be denied that the guy did have valid rage issues and drug problems. In 2004, he overdosed himself into a COMA, for Christ's sake! Furthermore, it’s common knowledge that he was involved with a neo-Nazi band or two in his day, and the time I saw the band perform live in a small Mexican restaurant in 1995, he had no qualms about violently jumping directly on top of a young woman I knew, slamming her to the ground under his bulk and not even acknowledging her afterwards. It's this aspect of Putnam that is examined on Breaking The Law.

Side two is mostly an indecipherable blur, but is apparently the recording of a small riot that took place at a 1993 A.C. show when the band and audience began hurling objects at each other. The only audible speech is a disgusted woman shouting, "Enough! You think it's fucking funny!?" According to the sleeve notes, this was a bartender who'd had her face split open by a flying chair.

Side one is much more troublesome from a fan's viewpoint, for it's made absolutely clear what occurs: the band begins a 1993 San Francisco gig with "Iron Funeral," an obese woman attempts to take the mic away from Seth, and he responds by punching her in the face with it. This all takes place in the first two and a half minutes. The remaining four and a half minutes consist of the audience members screaming at the band to exit the premises, and Seth responding to the victim's startled reproachment with nonchalant jokes. I've taken the time to transcribe as much of the dialogue as I can make out. Make your own judgments:

Seth: "Fuck you! Fucking pig!"
Woman: "And you're a fucking piece of shit!"
Some guy: "Get the fuck out of here, man! Get the fuck out of here! Get the fuck out of here, dick! Get the fuck out of here, man! Get the fuck out of here! This is our fucking neighborhood, fucking sicko!"
Woman: "Thank you!"
Some guy: "Get the fuck out of here! Get the fuck out of here, man! Get the fuck out of here!"
Some other guy: "Chris, you're not helping."
Some guy: "Get out of here now! Get the fuck out of here now, man! No, man! Get the fuck out of here! Hey! Call the fucking cops! Call the cops! Call the fucking cops!"
Woman: "Seth is a piece of shit! A fat fucking piece of shit!"
Some guy: "Very impressive. Very, very impressive."
Woman: "You're a fucking asshole! Lick my pussy, pal! You're a fat fucking piece of shit!"
Seth: "I know."
Woman: "'I know'!?"
Seth: "Thank you! Good night!"
Woman: "Why the fuck are you making fun of me!? You're the fucking same!"
Seth: "Well, you grabbed my mic!"
Woman: "You're the one who tried to slap me in the face!"
Seth: "I'm trying to do a performance, and I'm so sensitive!"
Some guy: "Get 'em outta here, man! Get 'em outta here! Get 'em outta here, man!"
Woman: "We're not really impressed by your performance, pal, because you make fun of people because of weight!"
Seth: "I know, but you'll get all the wide girls after me!"
Woman: "All the wide girls!?"
Seth: "I'm trying to perform my music!"
Another band member: "Hey guys? I don't think it's working out."
Woman: "You're fat! Okay? You're fat! And you can't play!"
Another woman: "So what?"
Woman: "So get the fuck out of here! Go back to fuckin', I don't know, wherever you're from!"
Seth: "We're from Japan!"
Another band member: "Hey. Hey, guys? Back off, okay?"
Woman: "Good! Then go back to stinking Japan!"
Seth: "We're gonna go. Just chill down."
Woman: "Think you're fat? Yeah, you're fat!"
Another woman: "No, I didn't get hit. She did."
Woman: "Look at your fat ass so far out."
Seth: "My ass isn't fat."
Woman: "Yeah, your ass is fat!"
Seth: "I have fat, okay? But I don't believe my ass is fat."
Woman: "You're such a fucking metal asshole."
Seth: "Yeah, me and Nikki Sixx go back to '81! Me and Nikki Sixx, man! We go back to '81. Me and heavy metal."
Woman: "Well, I don't care. You should have some respect for women."
Seth: "I do, you know?"
Woman: "No, you don't!"
Seth: "'Cause like I give monies for the Women's Feminazi Party."
Woman: "You have no respect for women."
Seth: "I do, man!"
Woman: "No, you don't!"
Seth: "Women are better than men, you know?"
Woman: "No, you don't!"
Seth: "Women are so awesome and men are bad pigs and they're mean!"
Another band member: "Ignore them."
Woman: "No, it's not over!"
Some guy: "Jesus Christ!"
Some other guy: "Call the cops."
Woman: "He tried to slap me in the fucking face!"
Other woman: "No, you're disrespectful to women."
Seth: "Hey, I didn't mean it, you know?"
Woman: "Oh yes you did. You don't even know what it means, because you don't respect women. You have no idea."
Seth: "I know! Because I'm a man!"
Woman: "You have no idea."
Seth: "Men don't have any ideas!"
Woman: "No, you don't. Men don't understand women."
Some guy: "GET OUTTA HERE!"

The side ends with the sound of a jail cell door closing, which is apparently the last thing Seth heard before going to sleep that night.

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Everyone Should Be Killed - Earache 1994
Rating = 3

This CD contains 58 tracks. 35 of them can go fuck themselves.

At this point, Anal Cunt had existed for SIX YEARS. Why on Earth did they continue to record almost nothing but brief snippets of screeching dissonance that all sounded completely identical!? How could they not have tired of it yet? Let me put it this way: in the six years between 1964 and 1970, The Beatles recorded A Hard Day's Night, Beatles For Sale, Help!, Rubber Soul, Revolver, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, Magical Mystery Tour, The White Album, Let It Be and Abbey Road. Conversely, in the six years between 1988 and 1994, Anal Cunt added song titles.

Granted, they're funny song titles:
- "Music Sucks"
- "I'm Wicked Underground"
- "Abomination of Unnecessarily Augmented Composition Monikers"
- "When I Think of True Punk Rock Bands, I Think Of Nirvana And The Melvins"
- "Song Titles Are Fucking Stupid"
- "Having to Make Up Song Titles Sucks"
- "Chapel of Gristle"
- "Les Binks Hairstyle"
- "Brutally Morbid Axe of Satan"
- "You Must Be Wicked Underground If You Own This"
- "Guess Which 10 Of These Are Actual Song Titles"
- "Our Band Is Wicked Sick (We Have The Flu)"
- "Grindcore Is Very Terrifying"

But do you really need to HEAR them!? Speaking for myself and Congress, I'd say probably not. Seth's still not singing any actual words, and the guitars don't even sound like guitars; they're just distorted grinding vacuum cleaners. And the most annoying thing is that, on the rare occasions when they deign to write an actual riff, it's often quite good: Neurosis-y doom stomper "Song #8"; twisted sicko dirge "Alcoholic"; quirky rhythm-shifting funk metaller "Otis Sistrunk"; danceable hard rocker "Guy Le Fleur"; and especially the astonishingly dynamic doom/punk/sludge thrasher "'I'm Not Allowed to Like A.C. Any More Since They Signed to Earache'" are all proof that these guys could be an honestly killer metal band if they'd dump the noise gimmick and just ROLL OUT THE JAMS. But hey, Rome wasn't built in two and a half thousand years.

They throw in some amusing musical and vocal gags every once in a while (ex. a falsetto "Ooo loo loo!" in the middle of "Having to Make Up Song Titles Sucks"), but most of the humor is once again reserved for the cover material.

These include:
- "Eddy Grant" - This ostensible cover of "Electric Avenue" doesn't even reach the word "violence" before erupting into same.
- "Choke Edge" - Remember Choke? From Negative FX, Last Rites and Slapshot? Well, SETH does! And he's IMITATIN' him!!!
- "Unbelievable" - Again.
- "Shut Up Mike" - Okay, this isn't a cover but it's hilarious to hear Seth scream at his guitarist to can the boring stage patter.

So yes, six years into their career, Anal Cunt were still beating the living dickball out of a dead horse. But stick around; I've a feeling that they'll eventually "grow a pair," "get a clue" and "use too many quotation marks."

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Top 40 Hits - Earache 1995
Rating = 5

Getting back to the whole "How big an asshole was Seth Putnam?" question, I read a number of online interviews with the man this afternoon, and he was indeed QUITE an asshole! In discussion upon discussion, he claimed to hate Jews, blacks, gays and foreigners; raved about how much he loved to shoot heroin and smoke crack; and stated emphatically that he didn't care about anything or anybody. One interviewer referred to him as "the grindcore GG Allin," and I guess that's a pretty good description. He didn't shit on the stage and eat it, but his ravenous misanthropy and prodigious appetite for drugs and violence definitely marked him as Mr. Stinky's spiritual twin. The only difference is that Seth didn't take himself seriously at all. While GG Allin was writing idiot poetry about the machine gun of his mind, Seth was cracking himself up while writing the most ludicrously offensive songs of all time. What's especially weird is that at certain times he hinted that the whole thing was a joke (read ahead for discussion of the song "Being Ignorant is Awesome") and that he in fact did have gay and Jewish friends. The most likely truth is that he was a sociopath with a sense of humor. You'd have to be a sociopath to so desperately want to be hated, right?

With terrific CD artwork designed to emulate those cheap old K-Tel compilations, Top 40 Hits marks the point when Anal Cunt began to abandon their boring original vision and transform into an uproarious ass-kicking scream machine. However, it's also one of those albums (like Sore Throat's Unhindered By Talent) that I can't recommend whole-heartedly because half the songs are interchangeable blurs of screaming noise.

The humor is increasing exponentially, as are the gay slurs (for some reason, A.C. inevitably equates homosexuality with 'having a mustache'). And, with the addition of second guitarist Paul Kraynak, the band has added headbanging thrash metal to their arsenal of ear-weaponry. However, 15 of the 40 tracks are still the same old throwaway shit (ex. "Some Hits," "Some More Hits," "Even More Hits"), with the caveat that the guitars are so bassy and muddy that they sound like a thunderstorm booming over the mountains. Luckily, the actual *songs* allow the axework to blast through thick and heavy!

Notable song titles include:
- "Pepe, The Gay Waiter"
- "Living Colour Is My Favorite Black Metal Band"
- "Morbid Dead Guy"
- "Fore Play With A Tree Shredder"
- "Old Lady Across the Hall With No Life"

Public figures publicly mocked include:
- Brutal Truth vocalist Kevin Sharp ("Benchpressing the Effects on Kevin Sharp's Vocals")
- Discordance Axis vocalist Jon Chang ("'Stealing Seth's Ideas' The New Book By Jon Chang")
- Former Anal Cunt guitarist Mike Mahan ("Shut Up Mike, Pt. 2")
- Alleged psychic Gary Spivey ("Hey, Aren't You Gary Spivey?")
- Too Close For Comfort star Jm J. Bullock ("Breastfeeding Jm J. Bullock's Toenail Collection")
- Earache Records founder Digby Pearson ("I Liked Earache Better When Dig Answered the Phone")
- Mixed martial artist Steve Berger ("The Sultry Ways of Steve Berger")
- Current Anal Cunt guitarist Paul Kraynak ("Shut Up Paul")

Laugh-out-of-your-fall-chairing (LOOYFC) cover tunes include:
- "Stayin' Alive (Oi! Version)" - The Bee Gees classic performed as a British punk Oi! Gary Bushell slamdance
- "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" - The Rupert Holmes shitfest converted into vomiting grindcore noise
- "I'm Still Standing" - An eight-seconds-long Elton John cover! Apparently whenever Seth saw handicapped people at A.C. shows, he would dedicate this song to them. He was a classy, classy man.
- "Theme From The A-Team" - Credited to "Some Guy"
- "American Woman" - Check YouTube for a hilarious video that dubs this screaming metal rendition atop footage of The Guess Who performing their original version live. It makes Burton Cummings look completely insane!

Although Seth is still mainly screaming nonsense syllables, audible lyrics include:
- "Ma, can you take me to the mall so I can get a new Green Day shirt?"
- "Naked men! Naked men!"
- "The dolphin's in the jacuzzi. I'm gonna get a credit card, and I'm gonna buy a stereo at Cambridge Soundworks. I was looking up my ass this morning. You call yourself a man of the cloth?" "SHUT THE FUCK UP, SHUT THE FUCK UP, SHUT THE FUCK UP -- MIKE!"
- "Oh, Gary! Your power's really kickin' today, bro!"
- "I'm wicked broke! Oh hey, there's a record store, pull over" "SHUT UP PAUL!"

The lyrics to "Art Fag" include:
"He listens to the fucking Smiths
He's got a mustache
He wears a trenchcoat
He's got a mustache
He wears black tights
He likes poetry
He wears black lipstick
Under his mustache
He's got a rollercoaster haircut
He dyes it jet black
When his hair is really brown
Just like his mustache
He wants to be Robert Smith
But with a mustache
He's a fucking art fag
He's got a mustache"

Again, this is where Anal Cunt finally made the shift from "Amelodic Grindcore Noisemakers" to "Hilariously Offensive Extreme Metallers." There are still far too many examples of their earlier style here but, for the first time, over half of the disc can be honestly enjoyed as melodic novelty/doom/thrash/grind music.

And yes, that's Seth doing a "Chinese" voice in "#19 To Go." Don't bother being offended; it just gets worse....

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40 More Reasons to Hate Us - Earache 1996
Rating = 7

We've now reached the era of Prime Anal Cunt, man! (PAC-man). With this album, the 'Cunt mostly tosses the "tuneless noise" gimmick into the ding-dong room, replacing it with an arm's fist of thrash, mosh, sludge and grind. Seth's annoying high-pitched shriek-scream is now being used in the service of actual lyrics (laugh-out-loud mean-spirited ones!), new guitarist Scott Hull of Agoraphobic Nosebleed fame rips out catchy chord changes aplenty, and guest vocalist Phil Anselmo of Pantera fame adds a hilarious layer of angry shouting to enunciate key lyrics Seth wails incoherently. At times the drums drown out the guitar, but for the most part this disc definitely falls into the category of "actual music, for a goddamned change." Still, not every song has a riff, and even some of those that do aren't particularly inspired. Nevertheless, Anal Cunt records don't get much better than this: a high 7 it is!

Notable song titles include:
- "Face It, You're a Metal Band" ("You're not fucking hardcore, you're not avant garde/You're not punk rock, you're just a fucking retard")
- "Steroids Guy" ("His mustache is big, his muscles are bigger/His mustache is big, his penis is smaller")
- "Everyone in Allston Should Be Killed" ("That fucking faggot with the gay-tee..../Everyone in Toxic Narcotic")
- "I Noticed That You're Gay" ("I saw you buying a Pearl Jam t-shirt, and I noticed that you're gay")
- "You Look Divorced" ("You'll never get her back because you're a fucking loser")
- "Phyllis is an Annoying Old Cunt" ("You're a crusty old bitch, I hope you fucking die")
- "I Just Saw the Gayest Guy on Earth" ("He hangs out with Toxic Narcotic, he's got a tribal tattoo")
- "Van Full of Retards" ("You couldn't even win a bronze in the Special Olympics/Your parents are ashamed of themselves and you")
- "Everyone in the Underground Music Scene is Stupid" (???)

Public figures publicly mocked include:
- Local music critic Joe Bonni ("Punching Joe Bonni's Face In")
- Former Anal Cunt guitarist Mike Mahan ("I Got Athlete's Foot Showering at Mike's"; "Mike Mahan Has Gingivitis"; "Mike Mahan's Sty")
- Local restaurant critic and convicted gambler Al Stankus ("Al Stankus is Always on the Phone with His Bookie")
- Some guy named Bill Scott ("Bill Scott's Dumb")
- Hollywood funnyman Harvey Korman ("Harvey Korman is Gay")
- Themselves ("Everyone in Anal Cunt is Dumb")
- Earache Records techno artist Johnny Violent ("Johnny Violent Getting His Ass Kicked by Morrisey")
- Music industry stalwart Howard Wulkan ("Howard Wulkan's Bald")
- Some guy named Marc Payson ("Marc Payson is a Drunk")
- Novelty grindcore band Deche Charge ("Deche Charge are a Bunch of Fucking Losers")

Wacky cover tunes include:
- "Theme From Three's Company" - Done the grindcore way!
- They also cover a Manowar song but it's long and boring.

Disturbingly unfunny racist jokes include:
- "First you fucked a nigger, you ugly fucking whore/Ran out of men in Canada and came here for more/You could shower all your life and you'd never get clean/Because you fucked someone that wore Afro-Sheen" ("I Hope You Get Deported")
- "You want to look just like a nigger/So you wear pants 30 times bigger" ("Big Pants, Bigger Loser")

But that's part of the territory, I guess. Seth Putnam was witty enough to make you laugh as if he were harmless rock comic Tesco Vee, but once you got comfortable and felt like you were in on the joke, he'd smash you in the ear with no-holds-barred hate speech. Everybody has their own line in the sand regarding which topics are and are not appropriate for humor; Seth was hellbent on crossing them all. Was he really a homophobic, sexist, racist anti-Semite? If so, it's only because gays, women, blacks, foreigners and Jews are all members of the human race. That's the key -- he hated the human race, and wanted to make people as uncomfortable as possible.

But regardless of where you stand on the topic of abrasive humor, I think we can all agree that "Bonus Track" is hilarious. A brief music-free dialogue, it completes the disc with the following exchange:

Effeminate male #1: "Can I help you?"
Effeminate male #2: "Umm.... Can I get thome Thoundgarden ticketh, pleathe?"
Effeminate male #1: "Yeth."

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Howard is Bald 7" - Self-released 2001
Rating = 7

When I was but a wee tyke, I used to love watching my older neighbor Bryan Feeney "making tapes." I can't remember much about them except that they would often make me laugh until I wet my pants (even though the bathroom was literally feet away). I believe he did audio parodies of TV shows, movies and the like, as well as the occasional fake book-and-record. When I grew a bit older, he and I collaborated on some parody songs (we'd play instrumental records and sing our lyrics over them). An example? Why of COURSE I'll give you an example!

The record was Wham!'s "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go (instrumental)." He wrote the first verse and chorus, I the second. And it's probably pretty obvious which of us was in the fifth grade and which was in the ninth:

"You put the boom boom into my fort
You shoot my plane when I'm flying high
Your gun goes right to my brain
It goes-a bang bang bang until I'm insane
Let's kill each other, it's wartime
Yeah brother, your head is mine
I'm American, you're a Chink
I'm gonna shoot you man, 'til you can't even blink"

"Blow me up before you go-go
Don't leave me living, not even so-so
Blow me up before you go-go
Let's kill each other tonight"

"I got a jitterbug on my fishing pole
If I can't get a fish, I might get a mole
I got a few fake red little worms
I'm glad that they're fake so they won't squirm
Someone said, "You can't fish here"
I told them to go drink a beer
Someone said, "The fish are dead."
I told them they'd better leave or I'd punch them in the head"

"Oh these fish are really slow-slow
If I don't catch one, I'd better go-go
Oh these fish are really slow-slow
I really hope I catch one tonight"

It was in this same spirit of jovial brotherliness that Seth Putnam, Tim Morse and possibly Scott Hull left heavy metal in the dustbin for a minute to "make a tape" about their bald music biz associate Howard Wulkan. I wouldn't know the first thing about being bald or what that nightmare could possibly be like (Hell on Earth, I have to imagine), but they nail the rib on the jig with these hilarious homemade parodies and ladyskins!

In a mere seven minutes of Earth time, you get:

- "Howard Is Bald" - The song title sung over a disco version of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. One band member repeatedly says "Yeeeeah boyeeeeee!" as if he were Flavor Flavor of Public Enemy fame. SAMPLE LYRIC: "I'm tellin' ya, he's got no fuckin' hair!"

- "Bald To The Bone" - A bluesmerizing acoustic guitar accompanies Seth's stunning parody of George Thorogood's "Bad To The Bone." SAMPLE LYRIC: "I know this guy named Howard, and he's bald/He's got a goatee, but not on his head."

- "A Conversation with Howard Wulken" - With this spoken word track, the 'bruddahs' clue us in on a curious behavioural tick of Mr. Wulken: his habit of responding to any comment with a nasally high-pitched peal of hysterical laughter. SAMPLE DIALOGUE: "Hey Howard, I was breathing some air today." "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!"

- "Ballad of Baldness" - This acoustic ballad is reminiscent of your mother, in that it sucks dicks in Hell. SAMPLE LYRIC: "Howard Wulkan is bald/He's got no hair on his head, because he's bald."

- "Howard Wulkan is Bald (Acoustic & Jazz Version)": Fourteen seconds of groovy jazz. SAMPLE LYRIC: "I know this cat named Howard/He's fuckin' bald."

- "Night on Bald Mountain" - From the same Disco Classical Record from whence came track one. SAMPLE LYRIC: "Howard is bald, BALD, BALD!"

- "You Should Be Balding" - Remember those hazy '70s days when it was all the rage to wonder, "Who's better: the Beatles or the Bee Gees?" Well, this track remembers! It's a parody of "You Should Be Dancing," sung directly on top of the actual record! SAMPLE LYRIC: "Hey, who's that bald guy?/Walking down the street..."

- "If I Can't Have Hair" - This track ALSO remembers! It's a parody of "If I Can't Have You," sung directly on top of the actual record! SAMPLE LYRIC: "If I can't have hair, I don't want no implants baby/If I can't have hair, oh-oh-oh!"

- "Howard Wulkan (Wesley Willis Version)" - These four lads from Liverpool have done their homework! This is a bone-accurate parody of America's Sweetheart Wesley Willis's songwriting and performance style. It even has the long keyboard solo in the middle! SAMPLE LYRIC: "Rock over, Rogaine! Rock on, Finasteride. I'm not only the Hair Club President; I'm also a client!"

If your childhood was a time of rape and incest, this record probably won't help much with that. But if you had a whimsical childhood filled with glee, candy cakes and water logs, then head on down to your Record Bar and pick up a copy of Anal Cunt's "Howard is Bald" single! But you'd better hurry -- they only pressed 53 copies and it came out ten years ago.

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I Like It When You Die - Earache 1997
Rating = 7

Listening to this album is like staring at one of those 'Magic Eye' pictures. At first, it just sounds like a bunch of noise. But if you take each individual track and listen to it over and over, concentrating very closely, you will eventually realize that there *ARE* actual chord changes taking place. They're just very hard to hear because the guitar tone is so heavy and bassy, and the blastbeats so ever-present. Nevertheless, once your brain finally learns to hear the riffs, you'll wonder how you ever missed them in the first place!

Although Seth Putnam had always been the focal point for Anal Cunt, this was the first release that blatantly proclaimed that he *WAS* Anal Cunt; not only had Scott Hull left to join Pig Destroyer, but long-time drummer Tim Morse hit the fucken road too! In their steads, Mr. Putnam hired A.C.-level guitarist Josh Martin and a staggeringly phenomenal drummer named Nate Linehan who easily handled the thrash, mosh and doom variations of 40 More Reasons to Hate Us, as well as rendering the grindcore passages insanely fast, tight and technical.

Say! Have I mentioned that, in addition to their blast-out-your-ass heavy metal, Anal Cunt also enjoyed throwing in a singalong novelty tune here and there? On Top 40 Hits, they gave us the playful carnival joy of "Flower Store Guy"; 40 More Reasons to Hate Us included childlike singalong "I Got Athlete's Foot Showering At Mike's," bizarre military swing jazzer "02657" and gentle fairie blessing "I Just Saw the Gayest Guy on Earth"; and I Like It When You Die continues the giggly fun with cheerleading chant "Y-O! U-R-E! G-A-Y! You're gay!," funky sludger "You Look Adopted," call-and-response "Rene Auberjonois" and hilariously retarded Down's Syndrome impression "I'm In A.C."

Notable song titles include:
- "Recycling is Gay" ("My garbage can is filled with plastic, cans and glass/If you tell me to recycle, I'm going to kick your ass")
- "Pottery's Gay" ("You couldn't afford college, you took a night class/You made a clay dildo and shoved it up your ass")
- "You're Gay" ("You volunteer for charity work - you're gay/You care about the environment - you're gay")
- "Windchimes are Gay" (umm.... the title)
- "The Internet is Gay" ("The Internet is fucking gay/You fucking faggot, loser, queer, nerd, etc.")
- "Technology's Gay" ("Let me fax you my email address")

Notable song titles without the word 'gay' include:
- "You Keep a Diary" ("You pompous asshole dickface/You'll probably write a book/Only another asshole would publish it/You dumb stupid fag")
- "You Have Goals" ("You're boring, you're gay, you're old, you have goals")
- "You Play on a Softball Team" ("You fucking fag, you have a mustache/You hang around with other men and stare at their ass")
- "You Sell Cologne" ("You have a mustache, you called me on the phone/You wear a beret and you sell cologne")
- "You're Old (Fuck You)" ("Please die, you're old/Fuck you")
- "You Go to Art School" ("Fag, fag, fag - you go to art school")
- "You're in a Coma" ("You're a fucking vegetable, we tried to pull the plug/But you still wouldn't die, you're a dumb stupid fag")
- "You (Fill in the Blank)" ("Fill in the blank is dumb/Fill in the blank is gay/Fill in the blank's a cunt/And Tom Pascual is short")

Public figures publicly mocked include:
- Sound engineer Rich Goyette ("Rich Goyette is Gay")
- Popular alternative acts Dishwalla and Everclear ("You Went to See Dishwalla and Everclear [You're Gay])
- Local food critic Jay Weinstein ("You are a Food Critic")
- Dokken guitarist George Lynch ("Your Cousin is George Lynch")
- Grindcore band Drop Dead ("Locking Drop Dead in McDonald's")
- Incantation drummer Kyle Severn ("Kyle from Incantation Has a Mustache") (PLEASE NOTE: Kyle was in on this joke; he played drums on the track!)
- Renegade star Branscombe Richmond
- Benson star Rene Auberjonois
- Hootie and the Blowfish

Wild and woolly cover tunes include:
- "We Just Disagree" - an absolutely ridiculous attempt to shoehorn the Dave Mason FM classic into a grindcore framework
- "Hungry Hungry Hippos" - Your favorite '80s toy commercial, updated for the Scum generation! (Credited to "Some Asshole")
- "Just the Two of Us" - The Bill Withers soul classic played on inept keyboard and sung by a couple very much in love (Credited to "Some Fucking Retard")
- "Richard Butler" - Seth exercises his hilarious Richard Butler imitation on this medley that includes Psychedelic Furs' "Pretty in Pink" and "Love My Way," as well as (for some reason) Missing Persons' "Mental Hopscotch"
- "311 Sucks" - This may very well be my favorite A.C. cut of all time -- a mocking parody of 311's "Down" that screeches to a halt with an abrupt "YOU FUCKING SUCK!"
- "Your Favorite Band is Supertramp" - An old school grindnoise cover of "Give A Little Bit" that only ends in tears

Disturbingly unfunny racist jokes include:
- "At least the plane was filled with white trash, Jews and blacks/Now you're Valujet alligator snacks" ("Valujet")
- "Your eyes aren't straight, it's you I hate - gook, gook/You pick rice, we bombed you twice - gook, gook" ("You Own a Store")
- "Your fat fingers don't fit the trigger/You're too slow to catch a nigger" ("You're a Cop")
- "Your fucking name is fucking Vinnie/And you're a greasy fucking guinea" ("You Drive an Iroc")
- "No one cares about what you wrote/You're nothing but a spic, a 5-foot joke/Every show you book is a fucking flop/You're a fucking midget and your broad's a wop" ("Your Best Friend Is You")
- "The singer's a nigger, the other three are geeks/We'll get front row tickets and show up in sheets" ("Hootie and the Blowfish")

If it makes you feel any better, Seth later overdosed himself into a coma, from which he returned a mumbling, twitching freak. Go look on YouTube for any interview of him dating from 2008-2010. Looks like God's a gay black Italian Chinese Hispanic Jew after all, har har!

But regardless of where you stand on the topic of a violent white trash asshole espousing racial intolerance just to be shocking, I think we can all agree that "Bonus Track #3" is hilarious. A brief music-free dialogue, it completes the disc with the following exchange:

Female DJ: "You're listening to 85.3 FM, and you just heard my two favorite bands: Filter and the Refreshments."
Seth Putnam: "SHUT UP!"

Reader Comments

Josh Martin of Anal Cunt
Hey Mark,

This is Josh Martin from Anal Cunt. I always liked yer site. Heard you were FINALLY gonna do an AC section (tho, if memory serves, you used to have one, but it was written by someone else) Anyways, I'm drunk (which I am more often than not) read through the reviews and 1)found several mistakes I'd like to correct, 2) I'd like to offer a few explanations so certain things may make more sense to you and your readers and 3) since Seth is dead I'd like to write a kind of mea culpa on AC, since I've got nowhere else to do it, fuck Facebook, and again, I'm drunk, and also bored. I'm only going to comment on the albums I had something to do with.


First of all, THANKS A LOT for refering to me as an "Anal Cunt level guitarist" Based on your reviews of some of the later albums I assume you (slightly) revised that opinion but I can play better than any of 'em. Scott Hull can play better leads than me, but I'll outgrind his ass any day of the week (and this is Anal Cunt, not Van Halen) And to go off on a tangent (which YOU do constanly, so I assume that's OK) right before 40 More Reasons to Hate Us was recorded the replacement for John Kozik was down to me and Scott Hull. I was just about to start my senior year of college. I told Seth that I'd totally join the band but he'd have to hold off any touring til I graduated the following Spring (I mean, I'd put up with that college shit for 3 years, I wasn't gonna give up so close to the end) so Seth went with Scott. Shortly after that Scott announced that he didn't want to tour. (God knows why, touring is the funnest thing in the world, free booze, free drugs, and loose women, gee who'd want that????) So Seth waited until the day after Scott finished his last guitar lead on 40 More... and fired him, got John Kozik temporarily back for immediate tour commitments and then I joined. I did all the touring for 40 More. Scott lasted 3 months and played a total of 10 gigs. (end long, Mark-Prindle-like tangent) Back to I Like It When You Die:

Yes, you are correct the riffs are hard to make out unless you really pay attention. I was pretty goddammed green in the studio at the time so Seth did all the guitar overdubs (Seth actually played some guitar on every AC release from Morbid Florist to I Like It When You Die) for some reason, we just couldn't get our guitar tracks quite in tune with each other. But fuck it, its Anal Cunt. What you hear is what you get. Most AC fans either name Morbid Florist or I Like It When You Die as their favorite AC album, so I guess we did something right. It was also something of a comeback for AC as 40 More sold like ass and the tour for it was a financial disaster (even with Phil Anselmo guesting

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Picnic of Love - Off the Records 1998
Rating = 8

Regardless of the many things they had in common, one important aspect separating GG Allin from Seth Putnam is that Putnam was actually somewhat intelligent. GG thought he was a transgressive visionary, but he was really just a white trash nut job who loved loud rock music. Putnam, on the other hand, as self-destructive and loathsome as he could be, was also a seriously clever and witty human being. This album, more than any other in the Anal Cunt catalog, is proof.

Picnic of Love is the anti-Anal Cunt album. Instead of blastbeats, it has no drums at all. Instead of creating indecipherable distorted noise, Josh Martin plays gentle chords and arpeggios on an acoustic guitar. Instead of high-pitched screams and shrieks, Seth sings in a childlike falsetto. And best of all, instead of gay jokes and race baiting, the lyrics are a collection of ridiculously innocent and sensitive love songs that espouse attitudes toward male/female relations so Victorian and antiquated that they probably never even existed.

Obviously, examples are called for:

I was watering my rose garden and you walked by my place
I almost ran up to you in a lustful, unsensitive haste
I almost cried cause I acted so insensitive
But I wanted you to know about the feather-soft warmth I could give

You dared to ask me for a date alone
I was shocked you didn't want a chaperone
You were attractive, but way too fast
How could you expect this to ever last?

After four years of dating, I decided to take a risk
I held both your hands, and kissed your rose-petaled lips
We stared into each others' eyes, wondering what was next
But we knew not to ruin our love with pre-marital sex

I'd love to have your daughter's hand in marriage
I'd love to push around a baby carriage
I wanna shake your hand & call you Dad
I'll never make your daughter sad

I showered you with love, flowers and pearls
And you've given birth to our baby girls
You're my succulent sweet buttercup and, more importantly, my friend
We're inseparable love cuddlebunnies til the very end

The most incredible thing about the record is that nearly every song has a great pop/folk melody. I’d never argue that Seth’s wavering falsetto would make the grade on a ‘serious’ album, but it’s perfect for this one. He sounds like a little girl! The sensitive guitar lines are lovely, the vocal melodies are extremely hooky (just TRY to get the chorus of “I’m Not That Kind of Boy” out of your head!), and – although I acknowledge that the album makes no sense out of context – it is by far the most enjoyable-to-listen-to release in the Anal Cunt discography.

PLEASE NOTE: I realize that I gave this album a higher grade than any other A.C. release. However, because much of the album’s humor derives from its ludicrous contrast with traditional Anal Cunt material, I do not recommend making it your first purchase. Second or third though? Definitely!

Reader Comments

Josh Martin of Anal Cunt
Picnic of Love you got right on the nose. Its probably my fave, or 2nd fave, too.
GG Allin was too "somewhat intelligent"! A prison shrink gave him an IQ test and rated him "at least average intelligence". To me its obvious listening to his ramblings that he wasn't dumb. He was able to manipulate people like those talk show audiences to get precisely the reaction he was looking for, and get some of his fans to believe he was a "transgressive visionary" as you put it. He pulled this off despite being frequently intoxicated and perhaps, as you suggest, not entirely mentally stable... I don't know AC's stuff as well as GG's, but it seems to me the difference is irony, not IQ. Maybe AC were more like the grindcore Mentors? El Duce's shit was intentionally over the top for bad-guy wrestler effect, ie- he was pissing people off on purpose in a humorous (I laugh at many of the lyrics), extreme, anti PC way, but doing it with a straight face (whereas GG's lyrics were more or less authentic expressions). Now, if that ANALogy is correct, was Seth more intelligent than El Duce? Hahaha, yeah, that he sure was!

Willie Simpson
Mark, I've been following you since I was 17 years old. I'm now 27. You're a great reviewer, but its kind of unfathomable that its taken you this long to get to one of the greatest acts in musical history. This is coming from a Beatles/Bob Dylan obsessed liberal jazzy know it all geek with glasses, but Seth Putnam of Anal Cunt should technically go down in the history of world culture as a pioneer. The music he made... had to be made. It has to exist. The racism, homophobia, woman hating, people hating lyrics found in his poetry had to be written, and set to this exact sort of music. The universe perversely demanded it to balance out its extremes, and Seth Putnam was there to satisfy the whisperings (or indecipherable shriekings) of this muse. Seth Putnam was a sociopath of some kind, sure, but despite his supposedly genuine hatred of humanity, he still set the worst notions one can dream of to the worst music imaginable. That says something to me. If he set his twisted lyrics to listenable, catchy, or even beautiful music, then it'd be easier to dismiss him as an evil human being. But because the ugliness of his words match the wretched ugliness of the sound he produces, it gives the effect of him being..well... an honest musician. It's like he's an extreme chameleon, just blithely matching his words and music on instinct, and that's exactly what he does on Picnic of Love. It's the work that proves he had aspects of artistic genius. The music on this record is dandy folk, but instead of spewing his typical hate poetry as one might expect, his words just blend perfectly with the atmosphere, all without sacrificing his extreme wordplay. It'd be one thing if he had generic folk pop lyrics, but the lyrics on Picnic of Love are anything but. They're the work of somebody with an incredibly vivid imagination who had the ability to translate it into needlepoint comedy. It's a record that justifies his entire catalog, and the man himself. It doesn't matter if he really was a horrible human being who hated everybody and really wished ill will on all people, because artistically, he proved his point through the consistency and truthfulness of his aim. The unique wit displayed on this record allows you to appreciate the lyrics of his most abominable songs, because beyond their obvious horribleness, lies hilariously cutting word play. I know I've just described the typical avaunt gaurd argument for Anal Cunt's existence that's been repeated a thousand times, and I know its the argument the band has personally disavowed and hated, but the passing of Seth Putnam genuinely made me sad. When I was 16 and first heard them in my friends basement, we couldn't stop laughing because we never heard music like this. First he played me their grindcore stuff, and then played me tracks from Picnic of Love; it was just the perfect punchline. I've never needed to ever listen to them since because, honestly, what's there to listen to, but I never forgot how much fun I had that day, and the strange perspective it gave me on the infinity of music that exists.

Billy Barron
I could never get into Anal Cunt and was kinda bummed when I found you were reviewing them. Then I read your review of this album and knew I had to hear it. I've listened to it on Spotify many times since then and it completely rules. I think it is hilarious even without the context though that makes it even better. Thanks for helping me discover an album I would have never heard otherwise.

John Cable
By far, Anal Cunt's most offensive album.

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It Just Gets Worse - Earache 1999
Rating = 4

Well, this is certainly disappointing. On the cusp of mainstream success as America's most melodic pop band, Anal Cunt decided to mix an album in such a godawful way that the guitar sounds like a weak bassy rumble. As such, whenever Nate plays a blastbeat (pretty much 100% of the time), you can't hear the guitar at all, let alone decipher whether it's playing a riff or just making random noise. Worse yet, on the few occasions that the drums calm down and you can hear what Josh is playing, it's usually pretty basic three-chord cliches. Even worst yet, there's not a single cover tune! (aside from Phil Collins' "I Snuck a Retard into a Sperm Bank")

On the plus side, holy frijole are these lyrics offensive! Good Christ Almighty Jesus In The Chapel of God!

Notable song titles include (this is going to take a while):
- "I Became a Counselor So I Could Tell Rape Victims They Asked for It" ("You should've worn a chastity belt/You should've volunteered to fuck him/You should've been ugly/I hate you because you're a woman")
- "I Like Drugs and Child Abuse" ("I smoke lots of crack and my girlfriend has a kid/When she's in the bathroom, I kick him in the balls")
- "I Sent Concentration Camp Footage to America's Funniest Home Videos" ("I didn't win the $10,000, so I sent internment camp footage/I didn't win again, so I sent Birth of a Nation")
- "I Pushed Your Wife in Front of the Subway" ("I was in a bad mood because my crack house got busted/I saw you and your dumb looking wife waiting for a train/I could tell it was true love/So as the train pulled in, I pushed her into it")
- "I Sent a Thank You Card to the Guy Who Raped You" ("You just came from a Bikini Kill concert/You felt like a strong independent woman/Two guys were having a 'rape the ugliest cunt possible' contest")
- "I Lit Your Baby on Fire" ("It wouldn't shut up, so I lit it on fire/For 30 seconds it was louder, then it shut up")
- "Body By Auschwitz" ("You hoard calories like Dig hoards cash/Here's the Final Solution for your fat")
- "Women: Nature's Punching Bag" ("You didn't get me a beer/You were 1 minute late with dinner")
- "I Snuck a Retard into a Sperm Bank" ("Instead of a bright poet offspring, you're stuck with a drooling retard")
- "I Ate Your Horse" ("When you came to the stable the next morning/You found a pile of hair, teeth and hooves/I hid around the back to listen to you cry/Then I beat an old lady to death with the leg bone")
- "Hitler was a Sensitive Man" ("If Hitler were alive today, he'd listen to The Cure, The Smiths and Depeche Mode")
- "You Robbed a Sperm Bank Because You're a Cum Guzzling Fag" ("You're fucking gay, you're fucking gay/I only wrote this song to piss people off who are gay")
- "I Made Your Kid Get A.I.D.S. So I Could Watch It Die" ("You spent your life savings putting your kid through college/Then he died of AIDS, so you wasted your money for nothing")
- "Domestic Violence is Really, Really, Really Funny" ("If I was a cop, called to your house/I'd congratulate you for beating your spouse")
- "Dictators are Cool" ("Mussolini got pissed on by his people/Hitler had a Charlie Chaplin mustache/Dick Manitoba grabbed my girlfriend's tit/Mark Mendoza was in Twisted Sister")
- "Being Ignorant is Awesome" ("I like assuming black people stole something/I like assuming Jews jerk off to photos of banks")
- "I Got an Office Job for the Sole Purpose of Sexually Harrassing Women" ("If you work with me prepare to get harassed/When you're standing at the copier, I'll pinch your ass")

Public figures (etc.):
- Late NWA rapper Eazy E, late Queen vocalist Freddie Mercury ("Eazy E Got A.I.D.S. From Freddie Mercury")
- Imprisoned Native American activist Leonard Peltier ("Laughing While Leonard Peltier Gets Raped in Prison")
- Punk legends The Clash, punk poseurs Rancid ("Rancid Sucks [and The Clash Sucked Too]")
- Eagle's Wings Ministries co-founder/reformed wife beater Jim Howell ("I Paid Jim Howell to Rape You")
- Death metallers Extreme Noise Terror ("Extreme Noise Terror are Afraid of Us")
- White blues legend Eric Clapton ("Your Kid Committed Suicide Because You Suck")
- Lynyrd Skynyrd drummer/accused child molester Artimus Pyle ("I Gave NAMBLA Pictures of Your Kid")
- Gentle folk singer-songwriter David Buskin ("I'm Really Excited About the Upcoming David Buskin Concert")
- Cannibal Corpse/6 Feet Under vocalist Chris Barnes ("Chris Barnes is a Pussy")
- Former Anal Cunt drummer Tim Morse ("Tim is Gay")
- Brutal Truth vocalist Kevin Sharp ("B.T./A.C.")

On the positive side, Seth mostly stays away from racist epithets this time out. On the negative side, he also mostly stays away from memorable riffs this time out. Your best bet is to just go online and read the lyrics. The album sounds plenty deranged, brutal and grinding, but it's just not particularly musical. In fact, out of 39 songs, I can honestly only claim to love five: disturbingly sick swoopy "I Paid Jim Howell to Rape You"; angry as hell "I Ate Your Horse"; mosh/death/sludge ode to a Thanksgiving turkey "Into the Oven"; catchy vicious screamer "Dead Beat Dads are Cool"; and audible heavy metal song "I'm Really Excited About the Upcoming David Buskin Concert." You might want to check to see if those five songs are on YouTube; the rest of the album is just a bunch of incoherent blastbeats and screaming, interspersed with the occasional funny group vocal (ex. "Hit-ler! Was a sensitive man....") or quick little chord sequence.

I've read that this CD's brutally mean-spirited lyrics led to the band's dismissal from Earache Records, but for all I know, it was simply the last record in a five-album deal or something. Whatever the case, it would be over a decade before Anal Cunt released another full-length album. In the interim, Seth would fulfill his artistic needs in side projects like acoustic Black Metal gag Impaled Northern Moonforest, sludge doomers Full Blown AIDS, and (reportedly) extreme White Power band Vaginal Jesus. He also fell into a coma in 2004 after ingesting two months' worth of Ambien sleeping pills. Unexpectedly, this world-loathing miscreant also suffered from severe depression and wanted to die!

Reader Comments

Josh Martin of Anal Cunt
This should've been our greatest album to date.But you're right, it sounds like shit. This was our 5th album for Earache and thus our biggest advance to date. Instead of making an awesome studio recording, that would've topped I Like It When You Die, Seth took the $5000 advance and spent most of it on cocaine with his first wife Alison. Nate and I were relegated to recording our tracks in Seth's mom's basement (our practice space at the time) and then Seth took the little bit that was left over and did his vocal trax in a real studio. The SONGS on that album were amazing. Seth just did everything he could to make them sound like shit. Live, those songs sound great and Hitler Was A Sensitive Man, and several others have been crowd pleasers and staples of our set ever since.

Oh, and you TOTALLY have Jim Howell confused with OUR Jim Howell. We have no idea what Eagles Wings Ministries is. The real Jim Howell, unless you lived in Boston in the mid-90s and watched channel 68 a lot, you'd have no idea at all who Jim Howell is. Here's a clue for people that may have been here ........"This is Jim Howell, pulling up the dipstick on the economy" BELIEVE ME, you wouldn't want to get raped by this guy.

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Defenders of the Hate - Menace to Sobriety 2007
Rating = 5

Ignore the release date, because all of this material was actually recorded in 2000 and early 2001. Hence, it's unsurprisingly mixed every bit as poorly as It Just Gets Worse, with the massively intense blastbeats of new drummer John Gillis all but turning off the guitar amp and throwing it out the window. Still, almost every song *does* have an actual riff lodged somewhere within its tuneless grindcore din, so that's an improvement. Also, Seth has adopted a new singing style in which he doesn't even try to sing the lyrics as written, instead just emitting loud wordless squawks like a giant crack-smoking bird.

The first 11 songs were originally released as a 7" (which in and of itself would only receive a 4/10), which was later reissued on CD with ten additional songs pulled from (a) a split-single with Flachenbrand, the Thrash of the Titans V/A compilation and the 13 Bands Who Think You're Gay V/A compilation -- for a total of 21 songs in 19 minutes. Again, the work as a whole is slightly more tuneful than its predecessor, but only slightly.

- "I’m Glad You Got Breast Cancer, Cunt" ("Guys always used to buy you drinks/And they’d always kiss your ass/Now you have just one tit/Ha ha you stupid cunt")
- "You Were Too Ugly To Rape, So I Just Beat The Shit Out Of You" ("I drank a case of whiskey and you looked like Jeanine Jizm/I drank another case of whiskey and you looked like Roseanne Barr")
- "Even Though You're Culture Oppresses Women, You Still Suck, You Fucking Towelhead" ("I hate women, you do too/But you have a mustache, you fucking towelhead")
- "If You Don't Like The Village People, You're Fucking Gay" ("All death metal songs were ripped off from Village People/'Evil Dead' by Death is actually 'Liberation' from the Village People")
- "You Converted To Judaism So A Guy Would Touch Your Dick" ("No one would touch you, now you're a Jew/You fucking hebe, now you're a kike")
- "Ha Ha Holocaust" ("I got bored of writing rape songs/Then I remembered the holocaust/I couldn’t write because it was so funny/I’m glad lots of people died")
- "We’re Not ‘In Da House’ You Fucking Wigger" ("Talk like a white man/Or I’ll beat your face in")
- "The South Won't Rise Again" ("What could you possibly gain/By breaking the country in two?/Your overalls are gay/Let go of your sister’s tit")
- "You Quit Doing Heroin, You Pussy" (???)

- Rap metal artistes Limp Bizkit ("Limp Bizkit Think They're Black, But They're Just Gay")
- Amistad director Steven Spielberg ("Obviously Adopted")
- Aging action star Chuck Norris ("Walker, Texas Corpse")
- Math metal experts Dillinger Escape Plan ("Anyone Who Likes The Dillinger Escape Plan Is A Faggot")

- "Bonus Track #5" (An anti-Semitic parody of Kiss's "War Machine" about a Jewish man who owns a "bank machine")

It also features the most fascinating admission of artistic intent that Seth had ever -- or would ever -- write: "I'm Glad Jazz Faggots Don't Like Us Anymore," which is worth quoting in full, so I will!

"We just wanted to sound like shit
You thought we were avant-garde
You thought we went to art school
But we worked at gas stations

You thought we were cool
But you didn’t know we hate you
You thought we were cool
Fuck off all you fucking faggots!

You didn't know we were a bunch of assholes
You thought we were liberal and arty
You tried to act weird and pretend you were violent
When I whipped chairs at you, you ran off and cried.

Once you realized we hate people like you
You finally stopped coming to our shows
Now there's less faggots, less people with glasses
Less know-it-all eggheads, no more jazz fags

Musical highlights are few, but I definitely recommend checking out the grind'n'riff interchange of "Limp Bizkit Think They're Black, But They're Just Gay" and the twisted tiny weirdo "The Word 'Homophobic' is Gay." Otherwise it's a mish-mash of disappointing but not awful "blastbeat noise/brief chord sequence/blastbeat noise" formulaics.

Eyewatchers may note that the last seven songs were produced by non other than Mr. Steve Austin of Today Is The Day fame. Bonepickers may note that the album title is typed in the "Slayer" font even though it's a Judas Priest reference. Gobstoppers may wish that the band would can the blastbeats and get back to kicking some ass!

Say, you've been divorced so let me ask you something: will I ever get over it? It's been 15 months since my wife left me, and nine since I began dating a new woman, but I still feel extremely scarred and continue to have nightmares about being abandoned. Maybe it's just my OCD acting up? I don't know. Being left hurts badly.

Reader Comments

Josh Martin of Anal Cunt
First of all, Defenders of the Hate was a 7" ep origanilly released in 2001 as all new material. So you got the whole basis for this wrong; The CD version was the 7" plus some comp trax and a split 7" recorded around the same time. I COMPLETELY disagree with you about how this record sounds. First of all, from a technical standpoint (maybe not an AC standpoint) John Gillis was the best drummer we ever had. No ONE can out blast him. NO ONE!!. I gotta straight up disagree with you about the sound of this record. We broke up (albeit temporarily) at the end of 2001 and at the time, my big regret was we didnt get to record a full length that sounded as good as this record. The KISS War Machine cover wasnt about just some "jewish man" but about Gene Simmons himself. Gene is the most stereotypical jew ever. How could calling him out on that be considered anti-semetic??

I am glad you got the jazz faggots song though, you have NO idea how annoying it was having Village Voice type people thinking we were Jon Zorn type, avant garde, Jazz fags, when all we wanted to do was hurt people, or at least make them run home crying,.

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Old Stuff, Part 3 - Wicked Sick 2008
Rating = 7

Now here’s a fun CD you can really wipe your socks around! The Best Of Live, Chapter 3 compiles rare A.C. (Animal Collective) songs from the following outlets:

- An unreleased Boston hardcore compilation: Six of these songs were re-recorded for I Like It When You Die and the seventh for Defenders of the Hate. But they’re even bassier in these early versions!

- An A.C. (Air Conditioner)/Raunchous Brothers split-7”: More grinding, squawking ass-blasting madness! Three of the songs have Nazi themes, one concerns AIDS, and the fifth is an old school grindnoise cover of Paul McCartney & Michael Jackson’s “Say, Say, Say.” As for the Raunchous Brothers, I’ve no clue who they are or why their name is a parody of “The Righteous Brothers”. Perhaps all their songs are “Weird Al” Yankovic-style parodies of Righteous Brothers classics? I know at least ONE pair of ears that’s dying for a dishing dallop of “(You’re My) Bowl and Perspiration!” And “You’ve Lost That Oven Feeling”? Just the title gives my entire BODY get a boner!

- Eight V/A compilations: Covers of Dead Kennedys, Slapshot, The Meatmen, Pantera, Black Sabbath and Morrissey, as well as a tiny blast blur and a song about some buffoon my girlfriend used to know.

- Nothing: The stupid gay-a-long “Bonus Track #2” and thrashing grindcore “I Thought Hitler Was Cool until I Found out He Didn’t Drink” are exclusive to this release! Holy Jump Up And Do Things!

If you’ve searched your entire career for a song entitled “I Went Back in Time and Voted for Hitler,” you’re in luck! If you’ve been on hold for six years as the operator looks for a song entitled “The Guy Who Shot Up His Kid with A.I.D.S. is Awesome,” get ready to hang up that dial! If you think it’s insensitive to bitch at the Jews for “Hogging Up the Holocaust,” that’s unfortunate!

Aside from “Say, Say, Say,” the only joke cover here is a laugh-out-laugh medley of Black Sabbath’s “It’s Alright,” “Sabbra Cadabra” and “Blow On a Jug” (that really quiet thing at the end of Sabotage). But it’s interesting to hear A.C. perform *straight* covers for a change; they actually sound quite good! Not that I’d ever request a Pantera cover from anybody at all, but if you like terrible screaming garbage, you’ll have to agree that A.C. do a pretty faithful rendition.

SUMMATION: Eight originals, eight cover tunes and seven demos of classic LP material = 23 tracks of music, laughter and horrifying Nazi references!

Now here’s a little joke I just made up:

What’s white and racist?
A glass of milk squeezed out of Seth Putnam’s nipple, I don’t know fuck you.

Reader Comments

Josh Martin of Anal Cunt
Don't have much to add here. I Thought Hitler was Cool Until I Found out he Didn't Drink was for a compilation of songs about drinking called I Drink To Be An Asshole. It never came out.

If you don't get the ending of the Pantera cover, you need to track down their Power Metal LP and it will make sense.

You also need to track down the Ranchous Brothers side of our split 7" with them. GENIUS!!!!

Edwin Oslan
I don't agree with Josh Martin at all about the Raunchous Brothers. If you haven't listened to them on youtube yet they are an awful band of Mentors wannabes who play the same, basic metal. The one big difference between them and the Mentors is that while the Mentors play the role of goofy, chauvinist pigs, the Raunchous Brothers sing songs about killing gay people, advocating rape and having unprotected sex then throwing a girl down the stairs if she gets pregnant. I'm not offended by such material; I just find it lame. It's not funny at all and if it's not meant to be funny then these guys are essentially sociopaths, woo hoo!

oh and speaking of horrifying nazi references, here is the original cover:

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110 Song CD - Wicked Sick 2008
Rating = 4

Let's say you OD yourself into a coma, and when you wake up you can't walk without a cane, your head won't stop jerking ridiculously up and down, and your speech is so slurred that you sound like Dee Dee Ramone. Would you feel comfortable going onstage and making fun of people? Nell ho!

Seth was no dumb-dumb. He let the insults wait and got himself back in the performance groove by reuniting the original song-free version of the band (Tim Morse and Mike Mahan) and playing a bunch of screaming wordless untitled noise. This CD was recorded in front of a small audience in the band's practice space on November 17th, 2008 (you can actually hear another band rehearsing next door!) and features both old doom/thrash/grind riffs ("Iron Funeral," "Guy Lombardo," the beginning of Judas Priest's "Breakin' The Law," Jim Henson's "The Nightmare") and some of what I'd almost swear were brand new ones! (I could be wrong)

The happy surprise is that you get more actual *music* than you'd expect from this line-up, but the predictable let-down is that a good 12 or so minutes is just straight grindnoise so poorly recorded that the guitar is completely lost under the cymbals and screaming. Thankfully this was a one-off, and they returned to offending us shortly afterwards.

More crucially, however, here are some of my recent Facebook status updates. See what you're missing by angrily blocking all my sexts?

A mere 13 years after first hearing the song, it just occurred to me that the Replacements' song title "Kissing in Action" is a play on the phrase "Missing in Action." Maybe it wouldn't have taken me so long if the song weren't completely awful.

Mark Prindle is currently listening to an album by "Greenslade," who I'm pretty sure is an environmentally-friendly version of "Slade".


Mark Prindle just watched "Grave of the Vampire," which took 1 minute of plot and dragged it out for what seemed like 500,000 years. I'd swear I grew old, died, was reincarnated and aged another 38 years while it was piddling around not doing anything.

"Hello, Father. I see that it's the middle of the night and you are sleeping, so I will make a plaintive whine over and over again until you wake up and pet me, and then I'll slap my paw at you and moan if you stop petting me for even one second. In this way, I will ensure that you are exhausted and miserable at your temp job all day tomorrow." - Henry The Dog, Every Night For The Past Week

If a job listing asks for 'salary requirement,' is it okay to respond, "How much you got?"

MTV hit the airwaves 30 years ago TODAY! And last played a good video 26 years ago TODAY!

If I opened a Twitter account for Henry the Dog, he'd be a woofer tweeter.

What really hurts is that I'm currently the only person in the United States without a full-time job. All the employers are just hanging out a bar, laughing at me.

Mark Prindle has a profound warning for you all: if you ever hear a little voice in your head saying, "Say, maybe you should pick up that new Steven Tyler autobiography," JAM A SCREWDRIVER INTO YOUR SKULL. I love old Aerosmith, but good holy Hell is he an annoying human being.

Just seconds after finishing Steven Tyler's autobiography tonight, I began reading Greg Graffin's "Anarchy Evolution". The sudden influx of IQ points was startling.

Mark Prindle tonight watched "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang." Funny movie! Val Kilmer had just begun overeating.

Mark Prindle saw posters and trailers today for upcoming films "The Thing," "Footloose," "Fright Night" and "Straw Dogs." I can't wait to see what wild new ideas Hollywood has in store for us next!

Mark Prindle used to think Metallica's "Battery" was actually a song about an evil "Factory," and that the lyric "With the four horsemen ride" was actually "Waiting for husband's rights." However, I made no similar mistake upon hearing the line "My lifestyle determines my deathstyle." Tragically, that's the actual lyric.

Mark Prindle refuses to relinquish his rose-tinted notion that one of the lyrics in Led Zeppelin's "Misty Mountain Hop" is "Please, hey, whoopee cat." Seriously, can you imagine how awesome it would be if you had a cat that made fart noises when you sat on it? Come on, genetic scientists; think outside the box.

I enjoyed the bojangles out of tonight's Paul McCartney concert, except during the first encore when he invited Billy Joel onstage and ruined my lifelong pledge to never let Billy Joel leave my sight alive.

Mark Prindle just watched Troma's fishing slasher "Blood Hook." SPOILER: It ends without you enjoying it.

Mark Prindle just watched the 1958 "The Fly" with Vincent Price. It wasn't as good as the 1956 "Videodrome" with Peter Cushing, but it was alright.

Mark Prindle just watched a K-horror film called "The Ghost." If you've ever seen a K-horror film.... well, you're pretty much covered.

Mark Prindle doesn't want to cause a mass suicide here, but he's only planning to give Quarashi's 2001 soundtrack for the Icelandic play "Kristnihald Undir Jokil" a 4/10. NO! PUT DOWN THAT KNIFE!!!

Mark Prindle last night dreamt that I suckerpunched somebody, and simultaneously (in real life) punched my fist into the wall next to me. Then an hour later I dreamt I roundhouse kicked somebody, and simultaneously (in real life) kicked my foot into the wall next to me. Tonight's dreams should really kick ass because I'm sleeping with my gun.

Happy Independence Day, America! Up your ass, England!

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Wearing Out Our Welcome - Wicked Sick 2010
Rating = 7

It's really unfortunate that Seth Putnam died when he did (SPOILER) because the band had finally returned to writing actual music! And not just grindcore/thrash/doom music either; Tim Morse and Josh Martin were now playing punk and '70s metal riffs! Upon completing a 40-minute, 21-song album entitled Wearing Out Our Welcome, they realized that the double-jointed, two-faced affair made no sense as a single album, so they split it into two: Fuckin' A and this.

Originally to be entitled The Same Old Shit, it really isn't. Although blastbeats still rear their speedy face, the guitars have never sounded so grimy, reverbed and GG Alliny, nor the overall sound so hookily punk rocky! Seth has even returned to his race-baiting hatred and astonishing meanness ("I'm glad that faggot from Nasum is dead"!?!?), though it's usually hard to tell since he's still squawking like a bird.

I've thus far been unable to locate printed lyrics for this disc, but thanks to the loud and rhythmically enunciated co-vocals of band friend Dan Harrington, I can at least verify that the following words appear in the following songs:
- "Beating Up Niggers That Sell Fake Crack": "Niggers!"
- "One Man Ghetto": "Pile of garbage! Smell like shit! Make me nauseous! You're less than human! Nigger!"
- "Cop Calling Faggot": "You called the cops on me! (x12)"
- "Tsunasum": "I survived my coma; you got killed by water"
- "Get On Your Knees Cunt" - "Cunt! Cunt! Stupid fucking cunt!"
- "Don't Offer Me Weak Drugs Or I'll Kick Your Fucking Ass" - "Hard drugs!"
- "Nothing's Offensive Anymore" _ "Nothing's offensive! Fuckin' nigger! Nothing's offensive! Fuckin' Jew! Nothing's offensive! Fuckin' fag! Nothing's offensive! Fuck you too!"
- "Caring About Anything is Gay" - "She got raped! He got raped! It got raped! Yes, fucking raped! Caring about anything is gay! They have AIDS! They have AIDS! They also have AIDS! Yes, fucking AIDS! Caring about anything is gay!"
- "We are Anal Cunt" - "We are Anal Cunt - and you're not!"

Racist or just politically incorrect? Probably racist. But can't I like Anal Cunt even if I disagree with their racism? Because I do. I may not agree with Seth's all-encompassing misanthropy, but I certainly agree with mean punk rock riffage, which this little record has in SPADES!

Dammit. Don't quote that part.

One final note: the title track and "Cop Calling Faggot" have the exact same music. Did they just not notice they'd already used it!?

Reader Comments

Daniel Harrington
hey mark!

i just noticed your AxCx reviews, I noticed you mentioned me on Wearing Out Our Welcome. I just wanted to clarify that I was only on the title track “Wearing Out Our Welcome”, the rest of the backups were done by the dickheads in V.J./Mudoven while I wasn’t there. This was a second recording session in 2011, the lyrics from “Wearing Out Our Welcome” were lost and made up by Seth, Josh & I in the studio. I should also mention, an unreleased EP was also recorded during that session. I paid for the session, but now that Seth’s dead, his ‘intellectual’ property is owned by the estate and it will never be heard.

This was supposed to be the tracklist:
1. Who’d Wanna Fuck Bruce Vilanch?
2. I Like Getting Fucked
3. Whiskey In The Morning (Buckcherry cover)
4. Women, Nature’s Punching Bag
5. I Want To Be Joe Jackson’s Friend

thanks, enjoy the rest of the weekend!

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Fuckin' A - Patac 2011
Rating = 7

Apparently, near the end of his life, Seth became a fan of Motley Crue and the second Buckcherry album. This led to an overwhelmingly large number of the band's final songs falling into the subgenre of "hard pulsating cock rock" -- or as close as they were willing to come to cock rock without turning into girl-friendly hair metal. These tracks wound up on Fuckin' A, inside a cover that is absolutely identical to that of the first Motley Crue album. Surely this is completely legal.

Let's address that term 'cock rock' first; this doesn't mean that Anal Cunt has suddenly started sounding like Poison and the Bullet Boys. This is raw, reverbed, mean, sick and fast '70s metal -- Motorhead and Judas Priest mixed like early Venom. A few of the songs have happier 'party hearty'-style riffs, but the mix is so street-level and filthy that you never feel like you're being pop-songed in any way. Furthermore, though it grows a bit samey and predictable over the course of 29 minutes, half of these riffs are as great as anything you'll hear from Turbonegro, Jucifer or any of those other Scandinavian nouveau-cockers making the rounds in their leather pants. In fact, sources say you're a big ol' asshole if you don't bang your head to "TV Party"-style crowd-pleaser "Fuck Yeah," vicious riff rocker "Cranking My Band's Demo on A Box at the Beach," NWOBHM thrasher "Whiskey, Coke & Sluts" or depraved uglyball "All I Give A Fuck About is Sex." Heck, the haunted epic "I Wish My Dealer Was Open" probably even betters "For Those About To Rock" for melodramatic bluster tragedy!

One complaint I've heard leveled at the record is that Seth doesn't stray from his usual grindcore delivery to fit the cock rock style. This is PATENTLY UNTRUE. He enunciates a lot more on this record, which results in his high-pitched shriek sounding like a deranged Brian Johnson! This is perfect for a lyrical suite in which nine out of ten songs are about fucking.

Here, look:

(from "Fuck Yeah")
You said you're eighteen but you're only twelve
Fuck Yeah! Fuck Yeah!
You said you're racist and you've got big tits
Fuck Yeah! Fuck Yeah!

(from "Cranking My Band's Demo on a Box at the Beach")
I like girls
I like metal
I live for pussy
I like getting laid

(from "Loudest Stereo")
I've got porn stars and junior high girls hanging out
My game of Blackjack's a 9- and 12-year-old putting out

(from "Kicking Your Ass and Fuckin' Your Bitch")
I punch his face in then I pull down her pants
I start to fuck her in her fucking ass
She starts screamin' and yellin' my name
She fucking dumps you cause you're fucking lame

(from "Hot Girls on the Road")
I saw this stupid cunt in the front of the stage
I got hard because she was underage
I had a dumb roadie give her a backstage pass
I had her deep throat me while I watched Tango & Cash

(from "Whiskey, Coke & Sluts")
Who knows. Look at the title though! Am I right???

(from "All I Give a Fuck about is Sex")
On my tour bus or when I'm backstage
There's a never-ending line of cunts that want to get laid
Every bitch is blonde, dumb, and underage
Gonna give each one herpes, hep, and hopefully A.I.D.S.

(from "I'm Gonna Give You A.I.D.S.")
I'll let you let me fuck you in your fucking ass
I'll give you A.I.D.S. while I shove it in your ass
I'll fuck you over and over again in the ass
And then I'll fuck you in your fucking ass

(from "Yay! It's Pink!")
“YAY! It's pink!” when she saw my cock
“YAY! It's pink!” she was used to niggers' cocks

And of course there's that racism we were talking about earlier. But why stop there when there's a whole tenth track to devote to Latinos?

(from "I Wish My Dealer was Open")
You stupid spic, why aren't you open?
You fucking spic, why won't you answer your fucking phone?
You goddamned spic, why aren't you open?
You worthless spic, I know that you're fucking home

Then Seth died of a heart attack and Anal Cunt was no more. But some day when our children's children's children look back at the turn of the 21st century, they'll all nod in agreeance that it was awesome how you could mix up the letters in "Anal Cunt" and get "Nut Canal." Ha ha! Can you imagine? A whole canal of nuts?

Look, I'm not saying our children's children's children are going to be all that bright.

Reader Comments

Anal cunt is fucking funny. End of story. Haven’t heard this one yet though.

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