The Accused

Official Diarists of Martha "Splatterhead" Stewart
*special introductory paragraph!
*The Return Of Martha Splatterhead
*The Archive Tapes 1981-1986
*More Fun Than An Open Casket Funeral
*Martha Splatterhead's Maddest Stories Ever Told
*Hymns For The Deranged EP
*Grinning Like An Undertaker
*Straight Razor EP
*Baked Tapes
*Splatter Rock
*Oh Martha!
*The Curse Of Martha Splatterhead

The Accused is a Seattle thrash band that, until recently (late 2006), shared a vocalist with a hardcore punk band called The Fartz. They created a form of music called "splatter core," which was screaming speeding punk/metal with lyrics that focused almost solely on cartoonish death and destruction. Some folks claim that The Accused were one of the first grindcore bands - this is NOT true. Grindcore, as I know it, is stuff like early Napalm Death and Cannibal Corpse that's just like 50 billion beats a minute and a guy screaming in a low voice. The Accused NEVER did this. When you're playing with a 4/4 beat, there is a certain speed the drummer can hit when the music is no longer rhythmic, but just incessant drilling. The Accused never reached that mark - at their fastest, they stopped RIGHT before hitting it. So the music is fast and insane without turning into unlistenable noise. And the songs were great? Great! But that's for another era to diminish.

Reader Comments
Man,i've been looking for a site on this criminally over-looked band!More Fun... is the album that introduced me to this band.I read a review on it in a shitty magazine(Hit Parader),and they just trashed it.I knew I had to hunt this down!I was already listening to some of the cross-overs of the time(D.R.I.,Cro-Mags),but theres just something totally special about The Accused.Wickedly savage,yet with a sense of humor about the horrors they scream about.The music is just full throttle hard-core thrash with a slight punk edge to some of the tunes.And Blaine's vocals are in a class all by themselves.One of the best cross-over blasts of the '80s. (John Dahlin, original Accused singer)
Hi, I was reading your page on the Accused and wanted to clear up a small historical inaccuracy. We were a hardcore punk band for 2 years (1982-84) before I left and Blaine took my place as 'singer'. The Accused played with the Fartz several times. The other guys wanted the 'metal' direction and I didn't, so I left and the Wizard took my place. Before I left, we released a ton of demo tapes and a split LP with the Rejectors, another Seattle band(500 copies pressed). I am totally supportive of what those maniacs accomplished, they truly forged a new sound way beyond anything called 'crossover'. It was cool to be a part of that early Seattle scene. It looks like Brian/GTA might be releasing that first LP along with a bunch of extra goodies. Hope we can get it together.

* The Return Of Martha Splatterhead - Subcore 1986. *
Rating = 10

Thrash metal at its most insane. The band seriously sounds like the undead come to life - they're playing too fast to be human! The singer screams in the hysterical voice of a person about to murdered. And this weird reverb over everything makes it sound like they're playing in a tomb. The Accused indeed often sound like the undead come back to life to hunt you down, kill you -- and LAUGH about it. This is not morbid death metal to make you feel bad; it's moronically fast hyperspeed thrashcore designed to make you run around, bang your head and go "FUCK YEAH!!!!! SHOW NO MERCY!!!!!"

Which is, of course, a Slayer album, but also a killer song on this album. And yes, I'm using the word "killer" in a double-entendred manner.

In a nutsac, if you don't own and cherish this album, you're a member of The Dave Clark Five.

Reader Comments
Return of Martha Splatterhead set the stage for what the band was about to unleash.Wrong side of the grave is the best song on the album,and a bitch to cover.

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More Fun Than An Open Casket Funeral - Combat 1987.
Rating = 9

The reverb is gone, but the cool riffs haren't. This is more metal-sounding than the last one, mainly due to the very tight and rigid metallic guitar tone, but the riffs will still make you snap your neck with dlite. They no longer sound like crazed corpses on a rampage, but they're still a top thrash contender, kicking the patoot out of both slow-down-speed-up mosh bores like Overkill and high-opera-singing buffoons that you make fun of behind their backs like that guy that ruined Anthrax. See, Accused singer Blaine doesn't sing. He doesn't even come close. As I said, he shrieks the lyrics as if he is bleeding to death on a warehouse floor. Some have said they think he sounds like a muppet, but I can't imagine Jim Henson ever coming up with a scream quite this intense and bloodcurdling.

I mean, besides that ONE time.

Reader Comments
An Instant classic that kicked the shit out of everything that was out then.A must have. (Travis Wilson)
When my brother said that he bought an album that he totally hated and he would just give it to me, I never thought it would become one of my favorite ablbums of all time. the ACCUSED's More Fun... He couldn't believe that I loved it. As far as Grinning... I love it too. The Accused were never afraid of doing something different. Look at the remake of I'll Be Glad When You're Dead! And who can not love the crushing "Voices!" Love this band! God, I wish they were still around.
Back then I was a real metalhead and after schooltime I went often to the lp-library in our town (Rotterdam - Holland) to borrow albums 'cause I didn't have the money to buy everything. After a year I had taped every metal-album in store overthere and I started to borrow lp's with funny or horrifying sleeves. And that's when I heard 'the accused' for the first time. 'More fun.....' made me realise there was more than speedmetal. I was and still am a metalhead but they opened my eyes, uh ears, and made me listen to punk and hardcore. I often listen that old tape, it gives me the blues. No I'm not glad their dead....
When i first heard this band i was into metal like slayer,venom,exodus. then i heard crossover bands like D.R.I.,Crumbsuckers,C.O.C. then i heard of the accused. I'm from the same area that they are,and seen them numerous times,and this album is a crucial part of the musical history of this genere.It has all that you could ask for in a punk/crossover album. if you haven't heard this release, do your self a favor,and go get it,but if you have you know what a treat it is.

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The Archive Tapes 1981-1986 - Unrest 2004
Rating = 6

This double-album features 34 live and demo recordings of The Young Accused as they worked their way from a bedroom punk trio into the slaughtering speedfreaks that created The Return Of Martha Splatterhead. And Thank God Damn for thrash metal because The Accused were a terrible punk band! Seriously, it's hard to hear any potential at all in generic, amateurish, lo-fi simplisticies like "Un-named," "Live Our Own Lives," "No Reason," "Like You," "Kill Hurt Destroy" and (check out this awesome title) "Reagan's War Puppets." But indeed they eventually learned their instruments, found their niche, and unleashed screaming bloody splattercore all over some lady's bosom at the supermarket.

Because I am an idiot savant, I added up some things. This double-album features 7 songs sung by original singer Chibon "Chewy" Batterman (who later switched to bass before quitting altogether like a baby after the first album), 11 by second singer John Dahlin, and 16 by third and longest-lasting singer Blaine Cook. 3 of the songs are cover tunes pulled directly off of the rare Hymns Of The Deranged EP, 16 are demos of future album tracks (10 Return, 3 More Fun and 3 that would be radically reworked for Maddest Stories), and 15 were left to die in the vaults. In addition to the three singers, the double-album also features a few tracks from second bassist Alex Sibbald's first performance with the band. Granted, the tape's so bad you can't even hear his playing, but supposedly he's in there somewhere, playing songs on a bass guitar.

Which brings up my next point, in the manner of a natural segue. Because these recordings are all from demo and concert tapes, the sound quality is a bit rough. I don't have a good segue for my next point.

The Chewy-sung material is actually halfway-decent shouted hardcore. He sounds like a little kid (which is what he was), but the music was at least fast and aggressive, similar in style to the Beastie Boys' early hardcore material. But once John Dahlin took over the mic, they turned into one of the worst punk-metal bands in the short history of the universe. Not only did the tempos stiff and the riffs get boring, but John (another little kid) sang the exact same notes or chords that the guitarist played -- IN EVERY GODDAMNED SONG. And sure that style helped make Thurston Moore a billionaire oil tycoon, but it sucks any remaining possibility of 'ass kicking' out of the already weak material. The strange thing is that just when the Accused finally found their sound ("Take My Time"! "Distractions"!) and his voice had grown into an aggressive throaty scream, HE QUIT! So remember - quitters never win and Wim Wenders has a quim.

Which brings us to the Blaine era, represented here by early demos of all those hits you hate to love, as well as the rare track "Sex Slave," a basic 4-chord midtempo jiggidy-joo that would have sounded appropriate for Motorhead, but doesn't really fit the Accused's style. This other crappy punk song, "Child These Days," is marked as a Blaine one on the cover, but I don't think it is. It sounds too much like John.

In fact, this whole ALBUM sounds too much like John! A John full of SHIT, that is! HA HA HA!!! HA HA HA!!

Actually, that's not true. It's a pretty good record, and particularly valuable for those who don't have $80 to buy The Return Of Martha Splatterhead on ebay. Ten of that album's songs are RIGHT HERE! In inferior early versions! RIGHT HERE! Buy it cheap at Tell 'em "Google" sent ya.

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Martha Splatterhead's Maddest Stories Ever Told - Combat 1988.
Rating = 9

More SPLATTERcore! This one is a lot more out of control than the last one, due to heavy cymbal use and a different style of songwriting. Rather than the straight metal/punk riffs they used on the last one, this one relies mostly on fast as hell hardcore tunes with head-jerking drum/guitar breaks at the end of each line. Like you'll be boom-chick-boom-chicking along with great abandon when all of a sudden the line will end and "ja-bam!ja-bam!ja-bam!" - everything comes to a herky-jerky jerk-herk! It's a lot of fun and helps transform pretty basic hardcore riffs into entertaining as hell exercises in making your neck hurt. I like it! Also lots of good humor on this record - covers of "Lights Out," "Sick Boy," "The Hearse" and (HA HA!) "I'd Love To Change The World"! With those grotesque screaming vocals! HEEEE!

Have you ever seen an Accused album cover, by the way? They generally feature grotesque horror comics like a blue monster biting a person's head in half or The Family Circus. And that is a really accurate indication of what the music inside sounds like. Oh! And one other thing, while my fingers are tap-tap-tapping away on the keys of love - The Accused make shitty background music. Their sound is just too intense and noisy to ignore while you're trying to do something else. But sit down and LISTEN to the music, and enjoyment will come to you, to me, and to that naked man in the tree!

Wait a minute.

Reader Comments
Cool. One of the only sites I've found on my favorite band - the Accused!! Were can I get some live stuff from them - totally impossible to find.

Martha Splatterhead's Maddest Stories Ever Told is one of the best records EVER! Great songs. Great "punk" production and it just rocks! I can't count how many times I hurt myself or broke something moshing in my living roon to this one. This is one of those rare albums that makes you bleed. Great stuff. EEEEEEEIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOUUUUUAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!! (Michael Grefski)
Blaine Fart had the sickest voice ever to grace a punk/metal/thrash/death/grind microphone. And this is the shining moment. Maddest stories ever was a refreshing blast after the rather subdued OPEN CASKET FUNERAL release, which was quite a letdown after MARTHA SPLATTERHEAD. "She's Dead" is a classic, and the band's unholy mutilation of Ten Years After's "I'd Love To Change The World" (a sick plea for intolerance) is desecration par excellence. Anyone who thinks the deathgrinding acts of today are the end all and be all of brutality should check the Accused out. And if it's real brutality you're seeking, check out the following bands: Master, Death ("Scream Bloody Gore"), Slaughter, Hellhammer, Discharge, Asphyx, Disembowelment, Terrorizer, S.O.B., Nuclear Death, etc.).

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Hymns For The Deranged EP - Splatter Music 1989
Rating = 7

Hey - a popular British magazine of the day invited me to perhaps submit a piece of original work. I made one up in the pooper, but it was rejected as "not being any fucking good at all." As such, I reprint it here, where nothing ever goes to waste:

By Wayne Moester

Hello, the British! Your editors tell me that many of you are "on the dole" no thanks to Maggie, and thus cannot afford to make a transcontinental trip to the greatest country in the world, The USA (America). As a proud American citizen from the Heartland, this attitude sickens me. As such, I've offered my services this month to give you just a sort of 'bird's ear view' of all the joys and specialties that America has to offer.

The United States is a true salad for the senses. First of all, our cuisine is bon magnifique, with a taste for every range. Our odors are equally appealing, with apple trees, snowdrops and candy corn aromas wafting through every vista to and yore. Thirdly and last, wait 'til you hear the many sounds of America! And not just on the TV, I mean out in public too.

But America isn't all bread and roses. As anybody will be the first to tell you, it's very dark and extremely bumpy here. As you try to make your way through the impenetrable jet-black gloom, it's impossible to ignore the angry shouts of "Get a cane!" and "Stop touching me!" Also, gigantic speeding robots whizz to and fro at all hours of the night, honking at you and knocking you down.

Otherwise, 'put another shrimp on the barby' and come on down to America, the British!


I also totally made up a joke today that I liked. Apparently Brian Wilson will personally call you if you donate $100 to Hurricane Katrina victims through his web site, so a feller on a local message board mentioned that he was going to ask Mr. Wilson to record an answering machine message for him. I came up with a couple of stupid ideas, but the third one was the Charm as far as I'm concerned. Check this out, and imagine it on somebody's answering machine:

"Hi, this is Brian Wilson!"




Is anybody there?




Oh wait, I'm sorry - Wrong ear!


Get it? Of course you do! That's because we're all music fans here, especially the Accused fans who love the Beach Boys.

The Hymns For The Deranged EP is a long out-of-print collection of demos and cover tunes by Seattle's flaming The Accused. The first three tracks are early ass-kicking tough metallic demos of tracks that would wind up on Grinning Like An Undertaker, and the last five are covers of today's hits by such artists as Heart, Germs, Thin Lizzy, Deep Purple and Black Sabbath. Unfortunately, the sound quality of most of the cover tunes is comparable to a man named H.O. Rrible. The muddy waters of time and incessant cymbal crashes of an overzealous drummerman has resulted in a wretched "PISH! PISH! PISH!" sheen of acidic shit covering every alleged chord played and word sung. But who am I to complain?

Mark Prindle. I'm not sure what the hell's up with "Highway Star," but as wonderfully overspeedy as they play the track, the final mixdown is a muffled monophonic mess, as if recorded off of an AM Radio onto a brick. And is that even Blaine singing? I recently found out that The Accused released a split-album with some other band before Blaine even joined - how's that for today's hottest headlines? But let's complain some more. Tommy plays the timeless proto-thrash "Symptom Of The Universe" WRONG!!!! The fuckin' thing has THREE CHORDS, and he plays it WRONG!!!! YOU STUPID ASSHOLE!

But enough about the Angry Samoans. So let's say you're a thrash band created from the dust of two hardcore bands: Which Germs song would you cover? "Let's Pretend"? "What We Do Is Secret"? "Strange Notes"? "Manimal"? Well, I'll tell you what you don't pick -- "Our Way," the slowest, boringest track in the entire Germs discography! Unfortunately, you did pick this track.

It's easy to complain though. Let's talk Turkey here. Two of the three originals are awrsome headbangers, and both "Cold Sweat" and (especially) "Barracuda" kick some hard tough rock and rollin' cover tune as. They KICK AS! I think we all congree that they "kick but", but I say they also "kick as"!

The rest of the album is a pair of labels with words or drawings on them. On the outside of the album is a cardboard-manufactured sleeve in which to place the album to prevent dust follicles from catching in its beard. Be sure to shave your albums every day, and don't forget to floss the little hole in the middle, where little apple bits get caught sometimes when your albums eat apples, or corn on the cob.

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Grinning Like An Undertaker - Nastymix 1990.
Rating = 6

The letdown. I thought so when it came out and still do so I do think to do will. If I'm not correct, NastyMix is a rap label. Which may explain why The Accused try to incorporate some godawful funk metal and rap delivery into what should have been a straightforward thrash album (similar to their second album). But then darn it, the songs that AREN'T funky and shitty are prone to be a little slower than usual with close to nothing interesting going on. Yes, there are still some wonderfully catchy headbanging thrash tunes on here - for example, I LOVE "Cut & Dried" and "Dropping Like Flies." But so much of this is The Accused trying to be something they aren't (did they think it would help them sell records?), it can't help but disappoing.

I know that's a typo, but look at it! "Disappoing"! What an adorable word I've created!

Reader Comments (Nick Durazo)
This is definitely my favorite Accused album. Each song not only has killer musicianship and Blaine's usual gurgling vocals, but there are some great hooks here that make me come back again and again. How could you not love the swaying rhythm of "The Corpse Walks" or the sheer intensity of "When I Was a Child"? I don't see how you could say they are "trying to be someone they aren't", I really don't see a drastic change between this album and the ones previous except for a few hooks which only help the music. Maybe it's Prindle's punk leanings that keep him from loving this album, but metal fans should definitely check this out!
Definately their most metal sounding album,but a killer nonetheless.The funk song threw me for a loop at first,but hey,Accused have never been afraid to try new shit,right?The production was a bit to clean for a Accused record(Jack Indino),but thats a minor complaint.All in all,agreat album.

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Straight Razor EP - Nastymix 1991.
Rating = 4

Pointless, stupid EP featuring two less-than-stellar tracks from the last album, a live version of a less-than-stellar track from the last album, a Leonard Skinnered cover, a song that would end up on the next album and two otherwise unavailable tracks - one of which sucks Daddy Longlegs cocks and the other of which is great! God, it's so great! Look at my face light up every time I hear it or think of its title! Wow!

dum de dum

WHOA! I just thought of it again! Wow!

Reader Comments
Normally I don't bother buying EPs,but with these guys,I made a exception.Not my favorite Accused record,but I liked the Skynard cover.The prodution sucks,way to polished for a band like this.Thankfully,this one was the last one Indino produced.

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Baked Tapes - Unrest 2004
Rating = 8

Hey, who's baked? Tapes Johnson, of course. Peace, my brother. This album is demo versions of 9 More Funs, 2 Grinnings and 1 Splatter Rock, plus four additional covers pulled from Hymns, a single, and a multiple-artist compilation. All material was recorded by Tom Neimeyer and Blaine Cook between the years of 1981 and 1986, with the assistance of two different bassists and three varied drummers. One of the drummers is nicknamed "O-Ring," which is a lot more homosexual-sounding than he probably intended. "Not that there's anything wrong with that!" "Yadda yadda yadda." "No soup for you!" "Hello... Newman." There, you just watched the entire series.

This album is a great buy for both those who can't find an affordable copy of More Fun Than An Open Casket Funeral and those who already own it but feel that the mix is a bit too tight, clean and un-Accusedy. You see, these demos have really good, loud sound - to the point where they might as well have been released - yet they're raw and garagey (in the 'garage THRASH' sense) rather than Metal Bladey slick. The only downside is that the guitar hasn't been doubled yet, so there's none of that all-enveloping stereo riffing going on. Strangely though, the vocals are doubled, with Blaine's usual scream of torturedness accompanied by a lower spoken voice to interesting effect.

Aside from "Devil Woman" and "Barracuda," The Accused Cover Band Choir herein perform an entirely incorrect version of the Buzzcocks' "Lipstick," a musically fine but sung-all-on-one-note cover of The Rolling Stones' "Paint It Black," and a fantastic energetic mean fast rendition of The Damned's "Neat Neat Neat." A couple of other brief notes of mention; "W.C.A.L.T." doesn't have any lyrics yet (except for the five-word chorus), "Splatter Rock" has an awful hissy mix, and "Bethany Home" features over-trebly shushy vocals that completely drown out the guitars. All important points for collectors. Yes, if you've been looking for an over-reverbed version of "Splatter Rock," your search is over. You've hit the motherlobe!

The section about Baked Tapes has now reached cessation.

Yesterday the wife and I went to a martial arts tournament at Manhattan College, and came home with three gigantic first place trophies!!!! (because no other advanced belt women showed up and my wife won by default) Because we kicked ASS!!!!!

What really went on there? We only have this excerpt....

BREAKING: I performed all my board breaks perfectly (Jump 180 front kick really high up in the air, above my head; back-hand punch through two boards; turning-back-kick through two boards) but - as you've already surmised if you have any background in this type of thing - those aren't exactly the most exciting breaks in the world. But see, I didn't even know I was COMPETING in the breaking part until about 36 hours before the tournament started. I didn't have time to dream up a fancy routine and practice crazy jump spinning breaks and things. I could only go with what I already knew I could do without messing up. Because when you mess up, that's subtracted points galore! So I did clean breaks on all three and looked very smooth and strong and jumpy and whatnot, but the difficulty/creativity factor just wasn't there. For example, one contestant dove headfirst over three chairs and through a board. He came in fourth. For the record, the judges gave me grades of 8, 7, and 7, for a lowly worm 22 out of 30.

FORMS: I skipped the forms section. I have them all memorized (11 at this point), but what's the point of doing something where you don't get to break things or punch somebody? Come on people, enough with the art and ballet!

SPARRING: In sparring, I really only have one schtick. I'm 5'11, my legs are pretty long, and I'm an expert at aggressively attacking the opponent with a maniacal series of fast, unbroken roundhouse kicks -- most people can only do one or two before dropping their leg; I can do it for seemingly ever as long as I'm hopping forward with my other leg. So while normal competitors tend to bounce around strategizing the perfect time to stick in a kick or punch, I just charge in with my kicky leg right when the judge says 'go'. Then after I force my competitor to the corner of the ring, I attack with a fast series of hard punches to the torso. This is a surprising, menacing and effective technique if you have any common sense whatsoever. I, unfortunately, do not.

I won my first sparring match on the strength of this single technique. The other guy couldn't figure out how to get past my leg, so I beat him pretty handily (this was point sparring, by the way -- first to make contact in a target area gets the point), at one point punching him so hard that he fell backwards out of the ring into a low wooden barrier! I'm an asshole! Okay, I didn't do it on purpose. I was just "in that zone." This is also why I always kept punching the guy long after the judges yelled "Point" or "Stop." I didn't hear them! That "zone" had me! You know that "zone"? I think it's called "Ignoring The Judges."

But there's a problem with my schtick. As it turns out, there is one way to stop a guy with long legs who is charging in on you: perform a quick, perfectly-timed and well-aimed turning back side (or hook) kick. Because when I'm charging in, I'm bouncing on one leg. So if you turn around really quick and shove your (formerly) back leg straight out at me, I'm still coming in and can't jump out of the way! This is exciting, by the way, and exactly what you look for in a review of an Accused album.

So my second opponent had apparently been practicing his turning back side kick. I charged in, he caught me with a turning back side kick. Honestly, it shouldn't have been a point because he kicked right where my hands were and thus never actually hit my body. However, it was such a solid, perfect kick that I couldn't really argue with the call. So at this point, my genius thought process was "Okay, now I know what to do. The exact same thing. But faster." In retrospect I can laugh at this inept plan, but I'm still confused about how exactly I thought I was going to do "the exact same thing, but faster," when the "thing" itself consisted of "Hop in at the guy AS FAST AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN." How fucking quickly did I think I was going to be able to hop!? I am no rabbit!

Uhh, so yeah. He got me with another turning back side kick.

So now I was down 2-0, and the first one to 3 wins. And I had no clue what to do, because I never bothered asking my instructor, "Say! What should I do if my opponent has a really good turning back side kick?" So I just started acting like everybody else does, moving around and trying to time a kick or jab perfectly. This actually worked, believe it or not, and I planted a side kick right into his tummy when he wasn't protecting it. 2-1. So now what did I do? Sigh. Exactly what I was afraid I would do. I stood there thinking, "Hmm, what should I do now?" and he kicked me in the ribs. 3-1. FUCK!

I received a third-place trophy due to a number of stupid random factors, but I didn't earn it. It turns out that what I should have done was continue to use my hoppin'-and-kickin' move against the guy, but incorporating "fake" lunges as if I were diving in on him. This would almost certainly have made him react with a turning back kick. Anticipating this, I could have taken a quick step back right after faking (thus avoiding his turning back kick) and then immediately jumped in with a side kick or punch the second he put his foot down. Sounds obvious, doesn't it? Or at least, more obvious than "Go as fast as you possibly can, but, you know... faster"? It didn't occur to me until I asked an instructor after the match.

But now I know! And there's NO STOPPING ME NOW!!!! (unless you have longer legs than me, in which case I already forfeit because I can't beat you, even if you're 8 years old and in a wheelchair).

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Splatter Rock - Nastymix 1992.
Rating = 8

The comeback. Out of nowhere, The Accuseds burst back forth with an album that is neither thrashy nor misguidedly diverse -- instead, it's the closest the band would ever come to the genre of 'death metal.' It's one of those albums you have to listen to about six or seven times before you know how any of the songs go. But they're tight, rigid, tough, sharp and VERY mean - whether fast, slow or midtempo. Great metallic riffs that don't sound like songs you've already heard (as much as I loved their second album, even I have to admit that stuff like "Bethany Home" isn't exactly "innovative"). No stupidity either - that may mean a reduction in the sick humor that the past albums contained, but it's worth it to avoid a repeat of that lackluster, lackadaisacal last leffort. And best of all, hardly any dull riffs ("She's Back" doesn't move my bowels, but it might move yours, especially if you've been eating beans! Ha ha! Hee hee! Ho ho! To the luncheon barn! Where wives are cute-iful, flasfd

Reader Comments (Troy Lyons)
Anyone else ever order the 36(or so) demo songs in the mid to late 80's from them? Some of the tracks are really killer!!

You got any of these converted to MP3 format that can be downloaded?
the of my mostest favoritist bands in the world........luckily enough, they were the first show i ever got to see (with gbh and cromags)...nuf said.............i think grinning like an undertaker deserves a little more respect.....yes nasty mix is a rap label, actually its sir mix alots label(strange indeed that the two were paired up).......the drummer on grinning is absolutely one of the most bad assed drummers and is captured nicely........the mix on the album is great and the composition rocks compared to the splatter rock is a release out there( i own)....called hymns from the deranged.......killer release.....crazy live tracks and cover tunes like barracuda/heart......and highway star/deep purple.......good x2.....the fartz are playing at the satyicon here in portland on dec 28th.......guess where ill be
here here!111111111111 the accused left all the others for dead............the most influential band in my punk/hardcore/metal upbringing..........great review (Jeff Robertson)
they smoke...
This album's is the one I listen to most!It reminds me of Maddest Stories..due to the sheer intensity of it.Killer production,they finally gave up Indino.Brutality and Corruption and Blind Hate,Blind Rage,are my favorite tracks,sadly this was the last album this awesome band put out.I was sad to,man.I recently got in touch with Blaine,and he is going to send me a cd of his post-Accused band,The Black Nasty.When I recieve it,i'll get in touch.Contact Blaine,he's selling 'em for ten bones each,and it was produced total DIY. (Sean Bruce)
they were a hardcore punk band how can you compare them to shit . (Jarrett Pritchard)
Easily my favorite band of all time and my biggest influence. Every album is great for different reasons. I remember one of my girlfriends freaking out and screaming at the top of her lungs "I hate this album and every song on it" after being subjected to the return of martha about 5 times in a row. We all owe the Accused one because chances are if your into fast heavy music one of your favorite bands was influenced by them too. To this day Tommy's right hand is still one of the trickiest ever!!!!
fyi: The Accused have a new cd coming out soon, titled 'Oh Martha'.

More info on the band's message boards (their vocalist Blaine has the screen name 'the wizard' on the boards...the guitarist Tommy posts occasionly as well):

A video for one of the new songs, 'National Embalming School', can be found here:

Just thought I'd share....enjoy. (Ina)
Wow, that takes me back! I remember it was my first proper hardcore live concert, seeying them playing in the Goudvishal in Arnhem, Holland. That must have been in 1988, when i was heavily into punk and hardcore. It was an awesome concert, got a lot of good memories..

Nice to see someone keeps that memory alive!!

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Oh Martha! - Condar 2005
Rating = 8

Have you ever flipped a bird in life? This morning I saw a woman flip a bat and it was no jovial sight. He (I assume it was a he because he had a huge fuckin cock the size of my arm) was lying on the ground of the Central Park bridle path, half-dead, rabid or sick, just flappin' those awesome Batwings and waiting for a BatSignal, and this lady found a big branch and flipped him over with it -- actually come to think of it, it was probably the branch I was looking at and not a cock so it might have been a girl bat. At any rate, she flipped the poor sick rabid murderous bat over the fence so (in her words) "at least a dog can't get it" (racist) and (in my words) "yeah, or a jogger run over it! Heh." (I don't know why I added the faux-chuckle). So I and Henry The Dog, who saw the bat and gave exactly two shits about it, wandered about on our merry way, with the old bag in tow a few moments later, shouting, "He flew away! I guess he was just stunned by something!" Which is good because she was going to call the ASPCA when she got home. You know, to come perform an operation on a stray rabid bat.

And the crazy thing is... it was a baseball bat!

(*laughter ensues*)

The Accused have been out of work for THIRTEEN YEARS (except for Blaine Cook who reformed the Fartz, Tom Niemeyer who joined Gruntruck and Alex Sibald who formed the Hot Rod Lunatics - the rest of the band was DESTITUTE and RAINY!), so you'd expect them to suck like a bunch of wrinkly old Circle Jerks upon their eventual reunion. But NO NO NO! This music is FAST, this music is THRASH, this music is GORY, this music is INTERESTING and CURIOUS, and best of all this music ACTUALLY SOUNDS LIKE PRIME-ERA ACCUSED!!! Tommy is still playing his tight, lightning-speed jigga-jigga metal guitar lines with no concessions to age or slick '00s production, Blaine is still on the verge of hysterical fear-tears with every word yelped, and - aside from a couple of cover tunes and a...errr... sort of "funky" song - this is probably the most uniformly speedy and ass-kicking Accused release since the debut. Just straight-up speedpunk thrash up your podunk ash!

On first listen, I thought to myself, "These chord sequences are a bit simple, aren't they?" But I think I was comparing it in my head to Splatter Rock, which was kinda their "intelligent, let's try some weird stuff" album. Not until I reached the end of the disc, which secretly hides re-recordings of five Return Of Martha Splatterhead songs did I realize, "Wait a minute - their BEST STUFF sounds like this! Just a few killer sick chords and note runs!" Thus, on second listen, I caught the little touches that make the Accused the Accused -- the strange percussion breaks and instant stops, the oddball guitar touches (harmonics tossed in out of nowhere, up-down notes played at breakneck speed, creepy melodic ideas - all while cleanly picking at probably 400 million miles an hour), and best of all, the way that they always play the good parts multiple times rather than playing 500 different parts one time each like many a death metal song will do. I love The Accused, damn you!!!! Can you believe this album doesn't suck?! It's fun as shit! Put on your headbanger and hang up your beadhanger because you're gonna be banging your head and hanging your beads "All Night Long," as Lionel Richie might say! Because it's "All Right Now," as Free might say! And it'll keep you awake if you're an "All Night Worker," as Otis and Carla might say! And it's better than the "All Man Brothers," as Lynyrd Skynyrd might fly into a tree!

I don't think they actually flew into a tree. At any rate, it was a tragic event for fans of that band, and for the family members left behind. Remember this -- I can hate the shit out of a band's music, but that doesn't mean I want the performers to crash their plane into a tree. I hope you feel the same way, even about Sonic Youth.

"So what's the catch?" is what you want to know. "If it's so great, why didn't you give it a 9 out of 10? You only gave it an 8 and that makes me suspicious," you might be thinking. "I'm not going to buy this unless you tell me exactly why you only gave it an 8, so start talking," you might be threatening. Well, I'm here for the consumer so I'll share some negatives with you.

Okay, this one's a picture of my dog wearing a pair of sunglasses. He's not really dark-colored like that; he's more of a greyish-brown color. And the sunglasses are (obviously) actually black, not white. Okay, this next one's of my penis. It's not really black like that, nor is it only three inches long as it appears in the negative. Okay, this one is - AUGH! WHO LET IN THE ANTEATER!??!

(*five minutes later*)

(*recommended: don't advance in the text until five minutes has passed - to give it that "real-time" "I'm right there" feel*)

You know what sucks on this album? Well, none of the songs actually SUCK, but people don't turn to the Accused for blues-rock licks ("Dying On The Vine"), Tank covers ("Filth Hounds of Hades"), unfunny slow spoken parts ("Stay Dead"), terrible funk intros ("Scream And Die") and Me First And The Gimme Gimmes-style pop-punk covers of old Olivia Newton-John songs ("Have You Never Been Mellow?"). People don't turn to the Accused for any of those things. Do you see my point? I'm talking about people here. NOT MY OWN INSCRUTABLE, INCONSISTENT MUSICAL PREFERENCES, BUT PEOPLE!!!!

Lyrically, the Accused are still icky-gross ("Hooker Fortified Pork Products," "National Embalming Society") but still with a social conscience ("Of The Body" condemns a couple who let their child starve to death, "13 Letters" threatens vengeance against a child molester, "Fast Zombies Rule" preaches the importance of running away if fast zombies come out of the graveyard after you). And the songs are ASS-short -- 19 of them in only 40 minutes! In other words, if you've ever been "Accused" of passing "Fartz" in the workplace, Oh Martha! is the

Christ, my fingers are freezing. Is the air conditioner on too low?


Oh, Steve did? I guess it's okay then, if Steve did it.

Wait a minute. WHO LET IN STEVE??!?!!


(*keyboard unplugs self; hides behind the couch*)

Reader Comments
you have become a veritable pain in the hole to read, honest to god. I don't know why you apologise for your earlier reviews. at least they showed some semblence of trying to relay an honest consideration for the music. now its just a bore to read your nonsense. when the switch in policy from music to your ego? signing out cos i no longer have the patience.
PS- please do me the honour of re-reading that accused review and explain to me why you think someone might actually find that worth two minutes of their time.i'm sure you'd say if you don't like it don't read it. but more's the shame cos i used to enjoy it.
I'm sorry, I just read the reader comment that other douche wrote and I feel forced to make a firm rebuttal. In short, I love your site, it's one of the only sites on the interwebcomputernet that I make it a point to frequent. I've read everything on there and am always checking for updates and the such and you never fail to make me laugh while also informing me about various musical selections. Upon reading your reviews I've gotten into a few bands I'd never intended to enjoy and purchased albums I desperately needed but wasn't aware of, but more importantly your site makes me very happy and I wouldn't change a thing about it if had my druthers. Point is; I know I'm only some jerk from the internet expressing an opinion but you and your site amuse me to no end and I'm very glad I stumbled upon it (by searching for Blag Dahlia interviews). There are a billion of other worthless record reviewers spewing their hackneyed opinions about whatever in a completely boring done-to-death fashion and we don't need any more of them. Ok, I've written way too many words for anyone to want to read but I truly love your site and it's given me hours of enjoyment regardless of if I'm even interested in the particular band you're writing about (why the hell else would I spend hours reading about David Bowie's entire catalogue?). Thanks for all the free hours of entertainment and please know that some people really enjoy your site and your writing style more than you realize.

P. S: I don't believe in paragraphs.
I think that first commenter girl-man was in a rotten mood. When I'm in a bad mood, sometimes reading your stuff really pisses me off. I think I read a Rush review and then killed a small dog. But after feeling immense guilt for doing something that will surely send me to Hell, I read another one of your Rush reviews. Oh my Blazing God (Flaming Lips album title worthy?), I fell in love with life again!!

Mark, I like your writing. We have a very similar sense of humor. You know, that sophomoric (I don't know what that means) juvenile poop and dick joke humor. That was a long sentence and I hope you forgive me for typing it.

But you do have to sort of understand where that man-lady's coming from... if you're in a grumpy, self-important, er, pretentious mood, reading something like the above review will probably make you mad. Or, maybe not? I'm just trying to.. wait, what I am I doing?


Hee hee. Herm.


You should go to.. wait. I was going to say Allmusic. That'd be weird. You're like the complete opposite from Stephen Thomas Ereeleledmeled. Hey, yeah. You don't like They Might Be Giants, do you? Just wondering. Can you tell me why and stuff? If you're not going to critique them on your website? Okay. I'm bored.
You say the rest of the band was DESTITUTE and RAINY. Actually Josh (the monstrous DRUMMING demon) was the SINGER of Hot Rod Lunatics while Alex played guitar. And as I can remember from all my nites of drinking with them, TOMMY made Gruntruck. Not Joined. Made Gruntruck!! Years earlier Dana the founding drummer left the band and tried his hand at producing rap artists. Never to be seen again. Thanks.
I stumbled across your sight on the Accused, looking to replenish my collection. They are by fare my favorite band in this vien,(Hardcord-Hybred). I love every thing they did (Straight Razor & Splatter Rock, not so much). Now after reading your review of their new one (Glad to hear they told the record producers to f-off so they can keep the song righting in the band), I am sold on buying their new one. I can't wait. I was scared it was going to be and even further departure from what made them so f-ing amazing. I first got into them in 89 and followed them until they released Straight Razor, of course checking back every now and then to see if they would return to the old formula. Now, 20 years latter I have lost all my "Tapes" (maybe a blessing in disguise). I have purchased Maddest Stories(cd) & waiting the arrival of Oh Martha(cd). Yet, that is all that I can find!!! I guess because the other albums are out of print. This really fucking, BUMBS ME OUT!!! Please, help me if you can. Tell me where to, how to, or point me in the right direction to re-obtain these tresures.I don't care if I have to download the sounds and piece the albums back to gether. I forgot just how incredible this band was. I feel that the Accused were geniuses, fucking punk-thrash-metal rocket scientists!! They were way before their time and truly disserve their own self labeled category, "Splatter Rock". I wish that I would have upgraded my collection sooner, but you know how it is when your always finding a new band or have a new favorite artist. You dig and collect all you can, then play the hell out of them. Now my tastes have moved back to angry aggressive horroresk music and nobody does like the Accused. I am glad though, they are back together doing it right!! I hope to here more from them. I hope to here from you. Thank-you for your time....
the first two releases by the Accused have been re-released by Unrest Records.

Just some info for the fans
I met Dana Collins in Junior High, which means basically after he moved to Oak Harbor from California. I knew the guys from the Accused because we would hitchhike to Seattle every weekend in a true Punk Rock migration to explore the scene, hit every show, and shroom out and take as much drugs as possible and run the gauntlet of punk rocker haters (so much for the tolerant Seattle myth). Anyway, I had much respect for these guys, because they, and everyone like us in that kind of scene, had to fight every longhair, jock, bum, straight, black, intolerant jerk who stumbled along the street or drove by. Other than that, I love Dana because he was the true individual and was who all the losers who needed a reason and something to believe in gravitated to, and as a great drummer, at least at that time, he attracted like minded musicians, youths, into the forum. It was there that the subject matter of the music, emerged, because people loved to push the limits, Reagan era, and shock was the genre. Abortion for example was an easy target of course, I knew Chewy, I loved to skate, him and me and Dana shared many a bowl of Whidbey Island's finest. I had to fight or break up many a fight which was started by Chewy's big mouth. So, these memories fade, cherished though they are.

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The Curse Of Martha Splatterhead - Southern Lord 2009
Rating = 7

As you should know if you keep up with the interview section here on MarkPrindle.communistparty, three quarters of The Accused headed out to the highway in mid-2006, leaving guitarist Tom Niemeyer high, dry and filled with lye. According to Blaine, Niemeyer couldn't be trusted; according to Niemeyer, the mass exodus came as a complete surprise to him. The former three quarters founded a new band called Toe Tag, and Tom -- if only to prove that he could -- hired new musicians to replace them.

Well, the debut release by The AcNEWsed is a little disappointing (that is an EXTREMELY low 7 -- but yes, Curse is still better than Grinning Like An Undertaker), but not for the reasons you might expect! Honestly, the new rhythm section sounds great, and vocalist Brad Mowen sounds like Blaine Cook without the personality -- PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS NOT NECESSARILY A BAD THING. One of my friends in fact dislikes The Accused only because, to him, Blaine sounds like "a muppet." Brad on the other hand tears his throat to pieces like Blaine but without injecting the high nervous squealing notes that define his tone. Personally, I prefer Blaine's voice because it's so unique, but Brad is about the best replacement that Tom could've found. He sounds absolutely fine.

The real problem, strangely enough, can probably be laid right on the front stoop of Mr. Tom Niemeyer himself. It's the songwriting. Though there is not a single 'bad' song on here, most of the songs only have one good part. And it may be an excellent part, but it nearly always gives way to a midtempo shitbag of two basic chords being played boringly over and over again. Be it the exhilirating high-speed splattercore of "Die Violently" and "Bodies Are Rising," the killer pull-off riffage in "By The Hook" and "Martha's Disciples" the grows-on-you funky swing of "Festival Of Flesh," the recurring DRI-metal riff of "Hemline (A Waste Of Skin)" or the foreboding Jaws-esque bass hook of "Splatter Rock II," it is inevitably going to be replaced by a couple of midtempo basic chords doing nothing at all. Why? WHO FUCKING KNOWS!? Laziness? Mosh breaks? Out-of-shape drummer? It'd be one thing if the midtempo parts were any good, but they're not: they appear to be thrown in simply because the band feels a change is needed, even if they don't have any ideas for one.

As for lyrics, I'd love to share some with you but I can't make out a single word the guy says.

Hey, tonight I made a joke so bad that it made my wife stop in her tracks for close to thirty seconds. We were walking with Henry The Dog around the Central Park Reservoir when suddenly I heard a noise I couldn't quite place. Here then is the ensuing conversation that made headlines around the world:

Me: Was that Henry?
Her: What?
Me: I heard a noise that sounded like a radio.
Her: Oh, I heard a noise that sounded like ducks.
Me: Maybe it was ducks laying EGGS on a HAM radio!!!!

I know, I would've divorced me too. But see, that's why love is such a special penis.

Reader Comments
The replacement version of The Accused in 2009. Nothing wrong with that. Although, I admit to having a special fondness for bands that just walk away, at some point. Nothing wrong with that, either. They're on Southern Lord records, too. The main band on that label - Sunn O))) - proves that a group absolutely does not need a drummer in order to sound heavily creepy. Myself, I always thought Accused's "More Fun" album was their best. Something about that one stands out the most. The songs themselves are all good. The rhythm section sounds like 3 brothers (I can't imagine many other guitarists keeping such perfect pace with such an un-metronome-like drummer). The production has a weird 'dripping wet' quality to it. Anyway, though I followed the band well beyond that period, none of their other releases hit me like "More Fun". Possibly due to my growing "quit screaming at me" response to vocals. Nevertheless, that one album I can still get into. This review thankfully addresses the band's internal situation in its opening paragraph. This is something that's important to point out. Bands can write songs about hate, violence, and evil, but sometimes it's beyond lyrical. Sometimes those feelings get directed towards your very bandmates, even families. In that sense, The Accused transcend gory hardcore thrash because the members' lives carry real feelings of true betrayal. By comparison, it would seem as though the magnificent band Slayer are really tight bros who have good relationships with their families, etc. In the end, I'm more apt to seek out new material by the latter band. Slayer keep the riffs and speed up consistently, and love them or not, few vocalists stand out like Tom Araya. Kudos to Tom Niemeyer, anyway...

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