special introductory
paragraph!
Tell Me 7"
All I Want Is My Mamma 7"
Mama Womb Womb
Plastic Eye Miracle EP
Dog Show
Join Satan's Army double-7"
War On Everybody
How Low Can You Go 7"
Kill The King
Millenium 7"
Kalamazoo, MI's God Bullies were an eerie, catchy, funny, rockin', strange little concoction led by crying/leering/screaming/pleading/trembling/threatening/speaking-in-a-low-voice vocalist Mike Hard and sample-finder/guitarist David B. Livingstone (along with a rhythm section that replaced itself halfway through their career). Although not as heavy and punishing as some of their AmRep label pard'ners, they certainly had their own style, mixing '70s hard rock riffs, eerie high-pitched guitar dirges, trashy blues riffs, idiosyncratic vocals and spoken-word samples into a big heavily-reverbed wall of feedback-coated psycho-rock.
This wasn't actually the debut God Bullies single, but rather a pair of demo tracks dating all the hell way back to 1986, before David B. Livingstone had even joined the band! Some schmo galoot ran across them in 1992, pressed up 1000 copies and sh-bing! You've got a particularly weak God Bullies single.
This material was simply recorded too early in the band's career; they hadn't established their deranged style yet. Mike Hard speaks all the lyrics in a normal voice, so his occasional bursts into laughter just seem awkward. First guitarist Tommy Shannon plays simple bar chords with a guitar tone so fuzzy, trebly and diffuse, you can't hear what the hell he's playing once the bass line comes in. And the songs themselves, free of such diverting elements as creepy samples and tight playing, just sound like generic midtempo garage rock with a Lux Interior fan on the mic. Hard!
Ha ha! A little joke for the hard-working working man! Also -- UP YOUR ASS, REPUBLICANS! You LOST!!!! (*has abortion; uses dead baby's stem cells to cure everything; Michael J. Fox ends Iraq War*)
"Tell Me" was later re-recorded for an AmRep Dope, Guns & Fucking single (which also includes a rarity called "Mussolini"); b-side "Creepy People" was re-recorded for both Mama Womb Womb and the subhead of this review page, where it sits up there sounding really awesome if you have the text highlighted, your volume turned all the way up, and a copy of the song "Creepy People" playing.
Say! For real fun, note how the three-chord riff on side two is exactly the same as that on side one, but transposed to a different key and begun on the subdominant chord rather than the tonic. Way to write one song and pass it off as two, you Goddamned Bullies of Music!
Here's a cute, boring story about Henry The Dog and his wily ways. He likes to chew on dog-specific treats, see - your knuckle bones, your rawhides, your pig ears, your 'peanut butter things,' for a few examples. So last night he was enjoying a hefty knuckle bone in his Den (a dog cushion under our living room table, where he takes his chewables when we command "Take it to your Den!") as my wife read the new Glamour on the couch and I dicked around on the computer. Meanwhile, on the stereo played a CD-R of early Dead Kennedys demos featuring their first lead singer, Jello "Eric Biafra" Boucher. So we were enjoying our rare "Kidnapped" song and our really, REALLY goddamned slow version of "California Uber Alles" when along came the "D.K.'s"' delightful punk rock cover of "Rawhide." So my wife, as wifes will, suddenly began singing along, "Keep them doggies rollin'/Keep them doggies rollin'/Keep them doggies rollin' - RAWHIIIIIIDE!" at which point our quiet evening at home was rudely interrupted by the 'KERSPLACKETY-BUMP!' sound of a 350-lb knuckle bone falling from dog's mouth height to wooden floor in front of Den. I turned to Mr. Dog in confusion, only to find his eyes wide as a kite and ears high as a saucer as he stared at my wife in excited anticipation. We both thought for a moment before the wife suddenly realized what had happened and assured him, "No no, not tonight! Enjoy your knuckle bone!" Proud of my son's sensitive ears and adorable vocabulary, I ran over and hugged him like a father hugs his son (except my son is trained and doesn't SHIT all over the place like real babies do, the pricks).
Howdy pardner. Take a seat. If my eyes don't deceive me, you look like the kinda feller who likes two songs. Well sir, I've got two songs that'll rip your spurs right off your saddle.
Let me ask ya this, pardner. You ever hear of a famous old travelin' singin' group from way down Kalamazoo-way? Boy, I hain't thought about those sons o' guns in years. Called themselves somethin' crazy roundabouts like 'The One Supreme Being, The Creator And Ruler Of The Universe Blustering Quarrelsome Overbearing People Who Habitually Badger And Intimidate Smaller Or Weaker People.' Yessir, that was one talented posse of cowpokes. And I'll be hogtied if'n they didn't write two of the root-tootinest dang songs ya'all ever done hear. Gather round the bean stove and let me tell you a tale.
The first of these melodies by The One Supreme Being, The Creator And Ruler Of The Universe Blustering Quarrelsome Overbearing People Who Habitually Badger And Intimidate Smaller Or Weaker People is a little jamboree whose name as I recall was somethin' likeabouts "The Whole Of The Nominative Singular Pronoun, Used By A Speaker In Referring To Himself Or Herself To Feel A Need Or Desire For; Wish For To Exist Or Live A Form Of The Possessive Case Of 'I' Used As An Attributive Adjective Female Parent." Now git on outta here, you rascally rodent, if'n you don't already know this hyar song from its prominent position on the Female Parent Uterus Of The Human Female And Certain Higher Mammals Uterus Of The Human Female And Certain Higher Mammals long-play player piano scroll. But neverthelessin', the version I'm weaving a tale about on this Western campfire evenin' is of a whole 'nother stripe. In fact, you might say it's "a zebra of another relatively long, narrow band of a different color, appearance, weave, material, or nature from the rest of a surface or thing:" Let me susplain you:
See, this hyar shorty-disc version of ""The Whole Of The Nominative Singular Pronoun, Used By A Speaker In Referring To Himself Or Herself To Feel A Need Or Desire For; Wish For To Exist Or Live A Form Of The Possessive Case Of 'I' Used As An Attributive Adjective Female Parent" is much, MUCH creepier than the long-circle version. Mr. Mike Hard SCREEEEEEEEAAAAAAAMMMMMSSSSSS all the verses in a high-pitched insanity-ringed voice through an echo effect, and then is backed in each chorus by a woman or child singing behind him. It's wiggly, disturbing and great! His voice goes higher, lower, warbly, screechy - it's NUTS! Plus the song itself already has a great guitar riff - all reverby and diffuse in tone, but morbid and threatening in phantasy. Why mister, I'd say this version beats the already-great Female Parent Uterus Of The Human Female And Certain Higher Mammals Uterus Of The Human Female And Certain Higher Mammals version like a rattlesnake with two mongooses on his ass!
Speakin' of 'ass,' I see Ol' Whiskers done sat on a cactus while fixin' our beans n' fixin's. If that don't beat all. Well, seein' as we'll be waitin' another long while for our chittlin' and vittles, let's mosey on up this here cattle trail and talk about the second olde One Supreme Being, The Creator And Ruler Of The Universe Blustering Quarrelsome Overbearing People Who Habitually Badger And Intimidate Smaller Or Weaker People song I wanted to run your way.
Now this'n ain't so great. I reckon I don't hanker for this 'un quite as much as I do the other. If I recall correctly, it's called somethin' akin to "Physical Union Of Male And Female Genitalia Accompanied By Rhythmic Movements Leading To The Ejaculation Of Semen From The Penis Into The Female Reproductive Tract The Possession Of Control Or Command Over Others; Authority; Ascendancy Any Circulating Medium Of Exchange, Including Coins, Paper Money, And Demand Deposits." Unfortunately catchy titles don't mean catchy songs 'cuz this un's about as boring as a coyote chasin' a tumbleweed if you catch my drift. It's certainly weird-soundin', ya understand. It's just that it's basically these three dang ol' ascendin' chords over 'n over, then two nuthin' chords in the chorus. Oh, I don't know. It wound up bein' re-recorded for Female Parent Uterus Of The Human Female And Certain Higher Mammals Uterus Of The Human Female And Certain Higher Mammals so obviously somebody likes it, but as for me - why, I've heard more compellin' sounds comin' from my horse's ass!
Speakin' of 'ass,' I see Ol' Jake's hankerin' for some sexual intercourse that is not the union of the genital organs of a man and a woman. I prefer a good passage leading from the uterus to the vulva in certain female mammals myself, but if any o' you fellers are lonely and missin' the touch o' your woman, feel free to mosey on into his tent.
And by "Ol' Jake," I of course mean "Jake Gyllenhaal, a gay actor."
Livingstone's in, Hard's on, and the sick stench of mental decay permeates the entire record. Mike H. alternately trembles, giggles, croons, growls and shrieks on such sordid topics as "Fear And Pain," "Sex Power Money" and "Red Blood." David plays a fuzzy, trebly, effect-drenched mixture of 50s blues, 60s garage rock, 70s hard rock, 80s metal, and 90s grunge, often coated with a sheen of strange feedback. And a vast array of disturbing spoken-word samples bludgeon you face-first between and during the songs, pulled from what I guess must be:
- Exploitation movies (Either Jim Jones or an actor portraying Jim Jones: "It's HIM! It's HIM! ON, you huskies! ON, you huskies!")
- Tards, either on recorded media or live in person (Tard: "Ah'm a Grade-A Numbah One Mama Boy! Ah luv mah Mama with all mah hhh...eart.")
- Incredibly Strange Records also owned by Negativland (The Angel Of Mercy: "Welcome to Interworld Airlines' Flight F-I-N-A-L: non-stop supersonic service to the New Jerusalem"; Angry Minister: "It was the BEAT! Louder, faster! Louder, faster!").
And the drums are too slow.
Yes, much like the first Kiss album, MamaWombWomb's songs seem to schlib-schlob marjorie-dobb along at a less-than-optimal rate of motion. The tighter re-recording of "Creepy People" has a solid punky drive, and the moodier, morbid material sounds fine as it is, but ostensibly rockin' songs like "Follow The Leader" and "What Reason" could really use a bit of peppy zest in the rhythm section. Come on, Adam Berg! Pick up those drumsticks and make them go "doo-chick doo-chick doo-chick!" And then LITERALLY doo a chick!
After you've defecated an adorable, smelly chicken, do more of that neat mesmeric drumming like in "Act Of Desire."
The songwriting is for the most part extremely simple, as if the band members haven't been playing their instruments for very long. However, the sum is more than greater the whole of its combined sum though, parts, because the phased, delayed, distorted guitar ah fuck a pile of nuns' shi
MamaWombWomb is a wonderfully diverse and deranged little AmRep record - PERIOD (.). Although David Livingstone would call the mix "shitty," I'd go with "strangely watery" -- and I like it! It adds to the overall bizarre feel. And from its tribal drumming/guitar feedback intro through the unforgettably eerie guitar line of album-closing dirge "What Are You Looking For," the album fascinatingly merges Mike Hard's idiosyncratic delivery and insanity/murder lyrical obsessions with the other musicians' wide palette of influences, resulting in an unpredictable collection of songs that touch on psycho-rock, electric blooze, twisted metal, Ramones punk, beach/surf, garage rock, pastoral hymns, '70s boogie rock, and noise/grunge while all sounding like nobody else in the world but the God Bullies.
"What Reason" sure is a listless piece of dullery though. Who put THAT one on there!?
On a related note, did you ever notice that when you mix up the letters in "Big Smelly Penis," you get "Glib Yes-Men Lips"? That's because the two go together -- in CEOs' offices all over the nation, every day!
Boy, I zinged Corporate America on that one. Will they ever recover?
This EP features three new studio tracks (one of which would later be re-recorded for Kill The King), three live tracks (two Mama Womb Wombs and one soon-to-be-Dog Show), and a disturbing collage built from the supposedly inspiring words of a Southern minister with a plastic eye. While the new studio tracks are strong masterworks in the fields of surf rock ("You Cry Now"), eerie death music ("She's Wild"), and complete & total shit ("It's Over" -- and by the way, THANK GOD when it finally is over, the ugly piece of pointless nogoodnickery), the live material just sounds empty, amateurish and out of tune. NOTE TO BANDS: If you're going to release live material, try to use tapes that don't sound like they were recorded by some guy driving away from the venue.
FURTHER NOTE TO BANDS: Break up. You STINK!
When I was back there in high school, there was a person there who put forth the proposition that you can go to a club called the Masquerade to see a local band called King-Kill/33 perform their hits. This was in 1990 by the way, and King-Kill/33 was playing in the middle level of the club -- wittily entitled "Purgatory." Before their set began, I decided to wander into the upstairs room - cleverly nomenclated "Heaven" - to see what was going on in there, with the harps and God and all. So I walked in and what did I happen upon but the unforgettable sight of four people onstage!
No, hold on! There's MORE! One of these four people was a disshevelled-looking man with huge paranoid eyes who was wearing a nice corporate suit and rubbing his groin with a newspaper. "Say, this isn't your ordinary everyday pop combo," I thought to myself, walking closer to the stage for increased enjoyment of Mr. Groin Newspaper. Also, some songs were playing and he was saying things into the mic.
Yes, the God Bullies put on an awfully strange stage show back in the olden times. Unfortunately, that show isn't visible on a record album. And without the studio trickery and production gadgetry offered by the studio LP recording process, their 'vibe' isn't nearly as effective. It's a whole package you get with the God Bullies, see, and every part of the package is as important as the actual 'hooks.' This is why "Act Of Desire" sounds so much sicker in its drum-heavy, buried-reverbed-guitar studio version than in its 'tepid beach song' live rendition. This is also why "All I Want Is My Mamma" sounds so much more stifling and uncomfortable in studio form than in the muffled, out-of-tune 'bad metal' live version featured herein. Having said that, I'd certainly never noticed the verse "I tried to fuck my little sister/She wouldn't even let me kiss her/I tried to fuck my daughter/Everything she knows, I taught her" before. So that's certainly a plus, as far as incestuous child molestation goes.
A low 6 is a fair grade; three of the four new compositions are pretty terrific. It's just disappointing that they chose to complete the package with such lousy live recordings. Surely these weren't the best they could find!? Didn't they have a tape somewhere of Mike Hard rubbing a newspaper on his groin? THAT'S what God Bullies fans want to hear. Also, if you can find a cassette of the guitarist simultaneously wearing an AmRep cap and AmRep t-shirt like when I saw them live, that'd be hilarious and we could all make fun of that.
Now let's close the review with some jokes.
Knock knock!
Knock knock!
Knock knock!
Knock knock!
(And by 'Eliot,' I mean 'Eliot Spitzer'!!!)
Oh okay, I voted for Eliot Spitzer.
So FUCK YOU, Eliot Spitzer!!! Ram the dildo of life up the face of your ass because now you have to be Governor of the World's Biggest Bunch Of Pricks!!! HA HAHAAHHAHAHH!!!A!
Anyway, the record is pretty cool ("It's over" excepted-they REALLY ripped off the Butthole Surfers at times, see also "I am invisible" and "Automaker" and it didn't come off well IMO, they were better with more straight rock songs) and I actually like the live-songs but "Mamawombwomb" is IMO the definitive God Bullies-record. I think there is too much gothic rock and "industrial" (well, samples and shit) posturing on their later Amrep records. The slower tempos don't bother me because I like the sludge and the bad mastering and sound actually make the record better in my opinion, it sounds raw as hell. Mamawombwomb=one of my favourite albums from the noise-rock era. Their other ones=good but somewhat gimmicky and "corny", "Kill the King" sucks...
Yer' wrong on this one. You reevaluated Black Flag - My War and Dwarves - Lick It (and perhaps Jesus Lizard - Goat, if memory serves me) and got it right, and this one should also attain a higher rating with another listen. As the previous reviewer noted, this is the God Bullies best album and definitive work.
So much fuzzed-out mayhem with vocals and samples that reach the perfect insanity/intensity level. The guitarist plays 50's stripper riffs that would make any player on the Las Vegas Grind jealous. Even the slower dirge numbers hit the mark.
Have you heard anything as raw, disturbing, and twisted as this chit? If so, point me in the direction of Albuquerque, cause' I'm a still a searchin'.
Here is my assessment:
It's Over - A foretelling the violent explosion of political extremism (read: World Order generated terrorism of all stripes. Makes ya wonder if Mike Hard is Illuminati???) and violence that would engulf the US in the 1990's and beyond (Waco, 93' World Trade Center Bombing, Ruby Ridge, 9/11, etc. The moment I saw the rubble of the Murrah Building in OKC, this song came to mind.
You Cry Now - Rockabilly rumblin' that would make Link Wray proud. Images of stripper girlfriends worried about getting smacked by their meth-dealing biker boyfriends if they don't bring home the bacon come to mind. The version with the Geraldo intro was the most sinister and was late 80's trash/ tabloid TV perfection.
She's Wild - Psychedelic paen to an out of control femme fatale.
Plastic Eye Miracle - Twisted tale of a preacher that can see out of his empty eye socket. Even better because you can't tell for sure if it's a sample.
Freefall / Act Of Desire - Another sludgy mouth full of hair with a more aggressive, uptempo rave up. Will of God.
Like It Like That - Rated PG account of debauchery. Best creep-o psych riff on the whole record.
Live Sex (Mamma) - Not so sure what this cat's gettin' at here, but I'm not leaving him alone in a hotel room with my kids...or even my parents.
Rating...uh...C+, I guess. Those two studio songs and the collage are really good, so it's too bad everything else bites it in one way or another.
First Man: Hello and welcome to The Home Depot! May I help you?
By the peals of laughter with which you are currently disturbing your entire workspace environment, I see that we are in agreeancement that sometimes the greatest comedy can arrive at the most inopportune moments. For example, I was performing an unspecified activity with some genitals the other day when it suddenly occurred to me, "Say! Wouldn't it be hilarious if I reviewed the God Bullies' Dog Show as if it were an actual Dog Show?????"
So lock your office door and grab a bag of oxygen from the snack machine because for the next 25 minutes to an hour, you are going to be laughing your socks up.
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Well, it's a beautiful day here at the God Bullies' annual Dog Show. We've got eleven dogs taking part in this year's show and from the look of things, they're all nicely reverbed and boasting a veritable "tail" of samples! In addition, their "paws" are beating on the Earth at a much more interesting and less sluggish pace than the participants in last year's show, which focused on Mamas and wombs.
Well, right out of the bat we've got a tough buzzy swingin' simple catchy hard rock dog that's not too "ruff," yet not "covered in ticks"! As simple as it is, I quite like this dog, even though if you told me it makes you want to slam dance in the "pit, 'Bull!'" is what I'd say back to you.
Hay, this next dog is singing "I'm glad I'm a Christian!" Now he's "howling" a dark metallic thing that sounds like a harder rock verson of an old Buzzcocks song. The "fur" is flying now! You people from Ruby "Ridge, back" away from him please!
Ah Christ, these next four dogs are covered head to toe in "dog shit"! Where'd they find all that "poo? Dle"rium is taking place here!
Then the other five dogs "sniff each others' ass" I don't know.
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Ha ha! Well, we've had a tremendous day at our hands today so be sure and check back tomorrow when I review War On Everybody as if it were an actual war!!!
And Kill The King as if it were an actual killing of a king!!!
And a Tool album as if it were actually any good at all!!!
On a related note, in addition to hosting an actual Dog Show, The God Bullies' released an album called Dog Show. Its strong moments are strong indeed -- particularly side two in its entirety, which finds our boys from Liverpool combining electric blues, AC/DC rock and ethereal space psychedelics in "2+2," attacking '70s stutter rock in the danceable "Do It Again," combining a sadly beautiful arpeggio with tribal beats in "Shallow Grave," churning out an excellent studio version of uptempo choogler "Like It Like That" and closing up shop with (this may floor you) a country-western love song called "Abigail." Much of side one, however, is disappointing and amelodic. The last three tracks of that side are particularly rank - just a bunch of endless Butthole Surfery noisemongering and fucking around, along with a second, boring appearance of a not-all-that-interesting-the-first-time local character who appeared on Mama Womb Womb. Who's with me?
That's the important thing - how many people are with me.
It's still a solid album, with a 7-fingered handful of strong material and that classic God Bullies production sound (oddball, watery and reverbed); it's just that the song selection is slightly less consistent than that of the debut. Noise for noise's sake can wear a bit thin to people like me whose small minds can only comprehend simple pop music. go back and listen to my fucken Spice Girls some more me fucken fagot
This album is a real disappointment in comparison to the God Bullies' debut,
the unforgettably twisted "Mamawombwomb," which took rock and garage-punk
conventions and injected them with massive overdoses of mental sickness,
Midwestern perversion, backwoods hatred, and completely whacked out speech
sampling. This could have easily gotten campy and boring, but since the
riffs were amazingly catchy, the playing, effects-soaked guitar tones and
band chemistry were absolutely vicious, and since Mike Hard's vocal
performances sounded about as convincingly insane as your local child
molester watching the Teletubbies, it never got even close to crap for a
second. It was about as intense as a home invasion. Understandably, a
follow-up to that kind of album would be difficult, but I was hoping they'd
have far more left in the songwriting department just from the talent
displayed on "Mamawombwomb." They didn't, unfortunately, and what "Dog Show"
has to offer, in the end, just isn't that much. All the songs are close to
the same style as "Mamawombwomb," and they all benefit from somewhat cleaner
production (though that observation may mean nothing, as the copy of
"Mamawombwomb" I have is a vinyl transfer and the copy of "Dog Show" is a CD
transfer). But the songs are just not as good as before. The riffs aren't
nearly as excellent (no riff here comes within ten feet of "All I Want Is My
Mamma" or "O Shit"), the band's energy occasionally sounds drained, and Mike
Hard's performance style, overall, has lost a good part of the intensity of
before. He seems to be "preaching" more on this album, to fit in step with
the lyrics, which, on first listen, seem to focus much more on religion than
before. While he is OK at that, it isn't what he's best at, and that can
leave this listener hoping that he'd just let go with a real gut-rumbling
screech and really get down with the devil. A lot of it feels like posing,
especially when he isn't as intense as he can be - there's not a huge amount
of diversity lyrically: Jesus, Satan, sex, death. While these are also most
of the topics on "Mamawombwomb", they felt fresher and far more convincing
there.
Much of the first side is really disappointing. Not many of the songs are
out-and-out awful, but in comparison to the first album, most are just kind
of indistinct and not at all memorable. "Let's Go To Hell" feels labored and
like the band is trying to be strutting and scary, but they just come off
like chumps. Same deal, in the end, with "Monster Jesus", even though that
one has one of the creepiest song introductions I've ever heard; a little
girl who sounds brainwashed singing "I'm glad I'm a Christian, I'm trusting
the Lord" over stale organ and orchestra music that soon becomes overrun
with scary, muddy chanting and guitar distortion; given this kind of
beginning, it's even more annoying when the song turns out to be unmemorable
and lacking. "Cemetary" follows, which is, in contrast, a great,
near-straightforward punk song, and just rocks out for a minute and 52
seconds. The video that was made for this song which came out on an AmRep
"Dope, Guns, and Fucking Up Your Video Deck" VHS compilation is hilarious,
with a lot of cartoonish blasphemy done in good humor and Mike Hard and
David B. Livingstone trading places in a wheelchair. You can actually see it
on YouTube now. The best song on the first side is "I Am Invisible," which
breaks new ground for the God Bullies, in that they sound an awful lot like
the Butthole Surfers on this track - great tom-heavy, repetitive drumming
from Adam Berg, megaphoned vocals that do sound a LOT like Gibby Haynes,
grinding Livingstone guitar riffs and crazy guitar solos from guest Michael
Cergizan - and they sound really nasty and strange on this track. Minimal
lyrics, but that's fine - it adds to the atmosphere: with the occasional
mid-song sample thrown in for the hell of it ("This is God Almighty!"), this
song is actually creepy as hell, which is what the God Bullies are supposed
to be. The intro and outro are completely unrelated to the actual song, and
consist, respectively, of what sounds very much like a Wurlitzer electric
piano mechanically playing "Do-Re-Mi" from "The Sound of Music", and an
extremely warped tape loop of the chant "Everybody's got one! Everybody's
got one!" from the end of "I Am The Walrus". The last song on the side is
the worst of the disc, which is three minutes of time-wasting called
"Buddha." There simply isn't a melody or riff to be found within this
rhythmless pile of unrelated samples, discordant guitar-twangs, Mike's
random, dorky-sounding proclamations of "The Buddha!" and disconnected drum
rolls. It is absolute trash, and should not have been laid to tape,
especially when the band had killer songs like "Tell Me" and "Mussolini"
that they ended up putting on AmRep compilations. The side ends with the
reappearance of John Ferris, Jr. - the Godfather from "Mamawombwomb" - with
"The Godfather Moves To Hell, Pt. 2," which is just 46 seconds of the guy
talking about how he put a spell on his wife. What sucks about a lot of the
material on this side is that it feels obvious and somewhat campy instead of
totally sincere, and therefore astoundingly terrifying, as it did on the
first album.
The second side is appreciably better, but not by all that much. Granted,
"2+2" is a great way to start - a real song, sad and scary, with a
delay-soaked guitar arpeggio and a descending Mike Corso bass line that
really defines it. Mike Hard's vocals are really great on this track -
growling in the back of the mix, trading off with samples - watch for the
unsettling-as-all-hell sampled laughter that crops up near the end of the
track. "Do It Again" kind of sounds like a much slower, '70's cock-rock
version of "Cemetary," which is a good thing. It's a fun song about screwing
like rabbits. The end is particularly interesting, as the tape slows to a
nauseating lurch. "Shallow Grave" may be the best track on the disc, with a
well-defined and beautiful (!) guitar melody, soft chordal synthesizer,
rolling, tom-focused drumming, and a somewhat understated Hard performance
which concerns a sad, depressed, probably mentally ill loner suddenly
finding a dead girl's body in a shallow, hastily-dug grave. This is standard
lyrical material for the God Bullies, but what separates it from their
others is the fact that the band somehow makes it touching. You actually
start to feel for that poor loner and that poor girl, which is something the
band doesn't often try to achieve. "Like It Like That" is another song about
fucking, and while it's fun, upbeat, and has a good David B. Livingstone
guitar solo, it's nothing really special. It's just okay. Finally, "Abigail"
is a completely surprising way to end. Who would have expected the God
Bullies to be more than decent at country? As far as I'm concerned, they're
better at country than any country groups currently making country music
(this is probably a gross overgeneralization, but if you've heard Gretchen
Wilson without managing to puke, you either have a better sense of humor
than I do, absolutely no standards, or both). With great lead slide guitar
from guest Peter Houpt, the song lopes along in true western fashion and
slowly builds to a well-managed crescendo. I believe the lyrics are about
Manson Family victim and coffee heiress Abigail Folger, though I'm not
positive.
The second side does make up for some of the flaws of the first side, but
overall this album, sadly, gets a 6 on my scale. While I may be comparing it
way too much to "Mamawombwomb", it could definitely have been better than it
turned out to be - there are at least three songs the band did around this
time that are far better than many of the songs that eventually appeared
here.
Join Santa's Armchair ain't no joob! In fact, it represents the debut of the God Bullies' brand new rhythm section, featuring former Cow Tony Oliveri and future Thanato Eric Polcyn. Three of the songs are covers, but they'll still make you want to Join Shirtless Anagram. My job is to make you know what a record sounds like, so you can decide whether to purchase it or not. That's what my boss says when I go to work at the office everyday. "Hay Mark," she says. "Stop doing your work and let people know what some shitty GG Allin live EP sounds like." So I do. This one sounds like a double-single with 1 original and 3 covers. The original is "Join Satan's Army," a two-chord hard rock schlocker with an intro sample that you know you've heard in Ministry's "Psalm 69," but that was YEARS LATER! One year, to be exact.
The other three sides include Godbullitastic covers of Link Wray's swamp rock "Preacher Man," which fits perfectly into this band's lyrical concerns with lines like "If you hear him talk about Jesus, you'll swear they're the best of friends" and "Backwoods preacher man/Doin' the best he can/Backwoods preacher man/Tryin' to give the Lord a hand." It also features some of Livingstone's finest playing ever, with this AWESOME swampy, slidey lead part that rules dickpud. Mike just says all the lyrics through a distortion pedal, but that's life in the big city apple.
Side three is a noisy distorted take on Hot Chocolate's disco-rock hit "You Sexy Thing," which I for years have hilariously sung as "I believe in sphericals/Where you from, you Round thing?" The God Bullies' cover is probably the least effective song on here (mainly because Mike doesn't bother singing the awesome vocal hook that has wowed us all for centuries -- 21!), but it starts with a chainsaw which is goddamned hilarious while making no sense at all. Nice lead guitar line on this one, but they replaced the disco-rock drums with tribal rolling! Ha, right? Who's with me? Steve? Is Steve with me?
Side four is a cover of the GREAT Poppy Family's "Which Way You Goin' Billy." If you're unfamiliar with The Poppy Family, Now Is The Time to purchase one of their albums. They were some STRANGE hippies who had sex with each other and wrote some incredible songs. I don't know much about Hot Chocolate though, except that they were Negro-Americans (hence their name) and they had a great hit song rocker called "Every 1's A Winner."
David B. Livingstone sings "Which Way You Goin' Billy" and sounds great. He wastes the first verse by just speaking it through a distortion pedal like Mike Hard would, but then he starts singing and it rules so much cock-dick, you'd might as well just throw your pud in the commode because nobody's going to want to use it anymore. Especially since it's covered in horseshoe crabs.
Here's a funny note on the back of the single cover: "Thank U to God Bullies Emeritus A. Berg & M. Corso for helping write 'Satan's Army' & for 4 years dedicated service. Die." HEAR THAT?!?!? "DIE"!!!!!!!
Also, the production is miles above the wispy watery first two albums, so if hi-fi is what you're after, you're in luck. And look at YOU. Can you release a double-single with dumb-o metal, swamp rock, tribal disco and hippy pop on it? Most can't, but YOU DID! And your name?
STEVE!
Actually that's not true. But this is a terrific double-single, even better than that one by........... The Dots.
Today is me and my wife's 5th wedding anniversary. We've been married at the hip for 12 years. So send a gift, you piece of shit! No, don't really. I like you. Mao Tse-Tung! Egg Foo Young! That's an MDC song.
Have you ever seen people take a Black Belt Test in Tae Kwon Do? Holy JIT SHIRT it looks hard! Two hours of non-stop doing stuff! I can't do that! I guess I need to learn to do that, since I'm due to take a Black Belt Test in Tae Kwon Do in a mere 6 months -- the same amount of time it took George W. Bush to bankrupt the country.
But who doesn't love the country, bankrupt or not bankrupt? Come on, I know! Rednecks, tobacco and hating black people -- Goin' Up The Country indeed, the surviving members of Canned Heat! Also, while I've got your eyes handy, read this and weep: "NAFTA is destroying the American working man." Some little kid told me that last night, so let's go with it.
Also, who's with me that there are a lot of people in the world? Goddamn, I'm always challenging the status quo. One final thing to LbOw YoUr MiNd tonight: "FOR GOD'S SAKE, FINISH COLLEGE." Otherwise you will most likely never be able to make SHIT for money. Seriously. A college degree is a necessity in today's world. I hated college with every core of my being, but I never dropped out and now look at me - I'm making $225,000 a year!
Well okay, my wife makes most of that money. But if you think of me as a sort of 'gigolo' who 'charges' upwards of $1,500 for a single 'unfulfilling sexual act,' then I'm making $225,000 a year! With my BIG SMELLY DICK!
(When I bathe, I keep my dick wrapped in tin foil)
The Wooly Bullies are back with a big frashy all-enveloping wash of distorted trebly reverbed guitars! Although the mix isn't quite as squashed as the previous two albums, War On Everybody features the same bizarre production sound, with that indefinable electric/metallic sheen, raw playing, religious/violent samples, and vocals so heavily effected it's nearly impossible to make out more than one line at a time. More importantly, there's not a single bad song on the album! It's that same solid mixture of forboding and fun diversity yet again - "Book Report Time" brings the tribal-psycho-rock of "Act Of Desire" into the 91st Decade; "Ordinary Man" takes the dancey rock hook of "Do It Again" one step further (or one string further, to be exact); there's even a reiteration of the "Flight F-I-N-A-L" gag! - but this time, there are absolutely no weak spots. No bum riffs or draggy tepid-rockers or tuneless noise jams. Just hit after hit after hit for 40 minutes. And by "hit," I mean "song that was never ever played on the radio, ever, even once."
Dude, you know what would be awesome? If Michael Jackson were to write a book called If I Did It, Here's How It Happened. Somebody get my agent on the phone!
No, not THAT Agent!!!! (*develops prostate cancer, respiratory cancers, multiple myeloma, type II diabetes, Hodgkin's disease, non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, soft tissue sarcoma, chloracne, porphyria cutanea tarda, peripheral neuropathy, and spina bifida in child*)
Heh heh. Good old making fun of serious diseases. Check this out:
Knock knock!
War On Everybody's material sounds like the God "Ferris" Buellies have been practicing their chops; the songs have more going on melodically and instrumentally than before, and you never get the feeling that they threw something on just to fill up space. Additional highlights include the gorgeous harmonic-assisted "Magical Butterfly" (based on an old cartoon where a guy follows a beautiful colorful butterfly only to have it turn into a monster and eat him), '70s Aerosmith ugly-swing-PUNCHer "Pet Monkey," improbably heavy sludge-trudger "Automaker" and grim, minimalist "Saw You Dead," as well as all the other songs on the album. Like always, you never know what you're gonna get next (sleazy grunge? tribal anger? soft arpeggios? cocktail piano!), but Lord Knows it's going to be sick in at least two or three ways.
Here are a few great lyrics I was able to decipher:
"The color of blood is the color of war/The color of war is the color of money"
"How old are you? 19!? Oooo! Goodness gracious!"
"Yeah, I've read the newspapers, I've seen the milk cartons: 30,000 missing people a year. Where do they go? What happens to 'em? Probably join some Satanic cult or get involved with pornography. I'm not taking the blame for this one!"
"I dreamt I was at your funeral/I stood in line... just to see you dead."
"These creatures cannot be considered human. They prey on humans. They do not prey on each other. That's the difference."
Oh okay, that last one was a sample from Dawn Of The Dead. And to be honest, if there's anything negative at ALL to say about this record, it's that the Dawn Of The Dead pastiche (strangely entitled "Forbidden Zone" and not "Dawn Of The Dead" at all) probably drags on a bit too long. Otherwise, it's smooth sailing on Good Ship God Bully!
Buy this album. There's no stranger, catchier or more consistent God Bullies album to be found anywhere. Particularly since they apparently "Put The Kibosh" on the big 2004 reunion album David B. Livingstone was all telling me about 'n shit in my interview widdim (www.markprindle.com/livingstone-i.htm). Anyone know whatever happened to that thing?
1. shellac /dis/brick layer cake sept. 1994
Thanks for reviewing them and helping me find them.
By the way, I know you don't watch TV. Thought I'd point out that
Southpark had a whole episode called "Jared has Aides" where they made
the same AIDS/Aides joke over and over again.
If you like The Cows, you'll LOVE this single! And if you hate The Cows, you'll LOATHE this single! And if you like The Cows but hate this single, you'll...
Hmm.
To be honest, I don't know exactly WHAT you'll do if that's the case.
Perhaps you'll...
Or just maybe you'll...
But then again, there's no saying for sure that you won't...
Yes, there is no conclusion to the many things that you can do if only you believe in yourself. Also, side one of this single is a catchy mean bouncy fast blues-rock-cowpunk song, and side two is a light-hearted punk rock cover of Kenny Rogers Chicken's "Ruby, Don't Take Your Love To Town" featuring a distorted bass and (surprise surprise) Mike Hard just SAYING all the lyrics. The mix is surprisingly clean and clear by God Bullies standards and, as I mentioned, if you like The Cows, you'll LOVE to
Tell a joke! Ride a rail!
I'm a poet
Actually, I'd originally written "They're covered in Frost" but little kids read this site.
I think this is the coolest review you've ever written. Anyway: You used the Frost gag eight or nine years ago, and Emily Dickinson's funnierer.
This girl who told me not to post her comments will be the first to tell you that this CD actually sounds more like Mike Hard's post-God Bullies band Thrall than his during-God Bullies band The God Bullies. Let me count the ways:
(1) It's produced like a normal alternative rock album. No more super-treble guitar "frash" or zingy coating of raw electricity on top -- you can even hear the goddamned BASS lines on this album!
(2) It's on Alternative Tentacles, not Amphetamine Reptile.
(3) Mike Hard uses little or no effects on his voice. You can actually HEAR the WORDS that come OUT of his MOUTH!
(4) The first seven songs go by without a single spoken-word sample.
(4) A lyric sheet is included.
(5) No David B. Livingstone!
Actually, I should be a bit clearer about number 5. It's a very pretty number, with a neat pair of perpendicular lines on the top and a sexy boob-esque curve down below where you'd normally expect to see a numeral's vagi
Also, I should be a bit clearer about my fifth point. David B. Livingstone does play on the CD, but only as an afterthought. I've no clue what the political internal affairs of the God Bullies might have been, but I guess when Mike Hard decided to hold a reunion, it was the original, very first incarnation of the band that he wanted. So it was hello Berg/Corso/Shannon and UP YOUR ASS Oliveri/Polcyn/Livingstone.
Not that the rejected ex-members recorded an album called UP YOUR ASS -- but they SHOULD have!
So anyway, at some point in the process Mike Hard contacted David B. Livingstone and said, "Say, ol' bean. How's about a stinky?" I would love to be able to say "But by that point it was too late and the CD was an irreparable pile of erection juice," but unfortunately the two new compositions helmed by Livingstone are the WORST SONGS ON THE ALBUM!!!! I mean, I love the guy, but the way-too-goddamned-long "Hate" is three ugly cliche'd chords and "You Have Been Warned" isn't so much a sonic collage as a guy talking about something boring behind a bunch of whistly noise. Thankfully, his only other songwriting contribution is a re-recording of the excellent Plastic Eye Miracle spooker "She's Wild."
The other eight songs are hit-and-miss, mostly sticking to the safe zone of AmRep-style distorted bass punk-metal with a couple of interesting asides into straightforward pop-rock and emotional crisis sorrow. Mike is in good shaky form though, and "King Of Sling" is one of the meanest, coolest songs ever to claim to be by the God Bullies.
And then there's "Pretty On The Inside." Oh, dear dear "Pretty On The Inside." I don't even want to talk about "Pretty On The Inside." Just take it from me - "Pretty On The Inside."
In other news, the chorus of "Artificial Insemination By Aliens" is: "I'll help you if you'll help me -- JACK OFF!" So be sure and write that in icing on your child's birthday cake. Kids LOVE aliens!
Not Hispanics so much, but the other kind - hell yeah!
Yes, children do indeed love East Indians.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Hay Mark, in your David B. Livingstone interview, you told him this record stinks just because you knew that's what he wanted to hear. You're a real asshole." But it's simply not true! I mean, the asshole part is true, but not the rest of it. At the time I interviewed Mr. Livingstone (and btw, wouldn't it be awesome if he actually were a Living Stone?), I had only listened to the single one time and I HATED it! But listening to it a bit more closely for review, I discovered something unexpected: side one is awesome!
See, on first listen, "Millenium" sounds like a 3-minute intro to a 1-minute guitar solo. This wild illusion is created by the drum line of half the song being comprised of "BUM! BUM! (pause) BUM! BUM! (pause)" over and over again. And then there's the 'guitar line,' which sounds on first listen like two chords and amateurish harmonics scratching. But what they don't teach you at that fancy school of yours (Yaooo) is that the little harmonics flicking during each pause is actually adding two distinct chords to the melody. It's not "CHORD1 CHORD1 (scratchy high noise) CHORD1 CHORD1 (scratchy high noise) CHORD2 CHORD2 (scratchy high noise) CHORD2 CHORD2 (scratchy high noise)," but in fact "CHORD1 CHORD1 (low harmonics) CHORD1 CHORD1 (high harmonics) CHORD2 CHORD2 (low harmonics) CHORD2 CHORD2 (high harmonics)." I know it doesn't seem like much of a distinction on paper (or screen, as it were), but it totally means the difference between 'halfassed bullshit' and 'actual songwriting effort,' an especially welcome differentiation considering that the other part of the song (the part where the drummer doesn't just sit on his ass every couple seconds) is filled with some of the most haunting, well-written and professionally-performed guitar work in the band's entire catalog. So suddenly, just by listening a bit more closely, I realized that a song I thought was half-garbage was actually full-gold! And I realize that sounds a bit like "Fool's Gold" if you say it out loud, but homonyms are for assholes. Why do you think they're called "HOMOnyms" anyway?
Well yes, I realize that the prefix "homo-" means "same," but I'm pretty sure they're called homonyms because they fuck each other in the ass. Take "male" and "mail" for example. That guy's totally shoving a postcard up his ass.
Having said that, side B ("I Forgot Where I Live") might just as well be called side BM ("I Forgot Where I Left My Notebook With The Decent Song Ideas In It"). Standard descending bass line, ugly loud out of tune lead guitar, lopey beat, dopey-chord chorus - not a classic. So I'm still totally with David B. Livingstone on side B! Yeah! You TELL 'em, B.!
The vet says one of Henry The Dog's kidney values is mildly elevated and his urine isn't as concentrated as she'd like to see in a dog. It could be nothing serious, it could be a urinary tract or kidney infection, or it could be the beginning of a kidney issue. If it's the latter, expect to see a lot of crying in my future reviews.
The first one I heard was "Millenium." I don't know - it was alright, but
the vocalist sounded a little forced on being weird and the song itself was
kinda...ehh. I mean, I liked it, but it wasn't earth-shattering.
The second one I liked far more. It was called "Bullet," and it started and
ended with samples of McDonald's orders...sweet. The song itself kicked much
ass, and the vocalist now sounded convincingly like the child molester he
obviously wanted you to think he was. Creepy! But great!
The Cows song was, as usual, retarded genius. It was a cover! The title was
"My Girl," but, it was not the Temptations cover I was expecting. (To even
think of a Cows cover of THAT...) Most would know the song better as
Leadbelly's "Where Did You Sleep Last Night," which was covered by Nirvana
as their grand finale on the "Unplugged" album. It's brilliant! The band
rips through it in true slow Cows fashion, complete with Shannon's
trademarked incompetent junior-high trombone antics farting during the
middle of Thor's guitar solos. God, I love this band - thank you SO MUCH for
reviewing them, Mark.
So I think I'd like to check the God Bullies out a little more. Where should
I start?
Who's there?
A turdy genital!
A turdy genital who?
A turdy Genital Eliot Spitzer, you corrupt insurance brokerage! (*shakes fist angrily*)
Who's there?
Goober!
Goober who?
Goober Nutorial Candidate Eliot Spitzer, you price-fixing computer chip manufacturer! (*fires angry gun into the air*)
Who's there?
Erection!
Erection who?
Erection Winner Eliot Spitzer, you stock price-inflating investment bank! (*puts on favorite suit - his LAW suit!*)
Who's there?
Eliot Spitzer!
Eliot Spitzer who?
Eliot spits her tongue out after he's finished chewing it from her screaming 9-year-old mouth!
You may know this but from what I remember, this was actually God Bullies debut. It was originally released as a cassette on Mad Queen Records in 88 (89?) and got reissued by glitterhouse in europe (amphetamine reptile's european distributor) in 89 or 90 (after Mamawombwomb), I don't think amrep released it in the US. I haven't found anything on the net other than the Trouserpress to verify this (well, I haven't checked much really) but unless my memory is completely off, your chronology is somewhat wrong.
Mark,
This EP seems to get a lot of praise from the true God Bullies faithful, but don't be fooled - this is quite a flawed record, and it's probably the band's worst. Since I'm not feeling particularly creative today, let's go song by song... The first song is abjectly awful, powerless, directionless bullshit. Who were they trying to kid? Even "Buddha" off Dog Show was better than this. The next song is pretty great and has some nice mid-tempo drive but sounds a bit too close to the Cramps' "Human Fly" for my tastes. The third song is the best one here and features a great, great slow delay-soaked arpeggio riff while Mike Hard hems and quivers and growls under the surface. The title track is a hilarious and creepy noise collage that features either an extended sample or a faked sermon by Mike Hard or another member (?) about a preacher who can see out of his empty eye socket with his fake plastic eye. (I have no idea where they found these samples, if they are samples.) The next three tracks are, for the most part, empty, draggy and patently average to lousy live recordings. They do a mostly okay job on "Act of Desire" off MamaWombWomb - neat to hear the tribal drumming live, and Hard's improvised vocals get really freaky mid-song when he starts raving about blowing up different buildings as an act of God. It doesn't measure up to the studio version, because they just bang it out live - there's no sense of buildup or increasing intensity, it just starts off and finishes some time later. The version of "Like It Like That" is average, because it sounds leaden and doesn't book it fast enough. And the live recording of "Mamma" on here is just terrible - it's an out of tune, draggy version with Mike Hard shamelessly hamming it up through a harmonizer. There are far more intense, heavy and together live performances from the band on Youtube. A lot of those performances feature the Polcyn/Oliveri rhythm section. The Corso/Berg rhythm section excelled at slower material, but they just didn't do that well at faster tempos a lot of the time in the early days, and it can be really annoying. I'm not sure why that is, because they're good at what they do, for the most part. But they just didn't play fast enough most of the time during the early period. All those problems were fixed around the time of Kill The King - "King of Sling" proves that without a shadow of a doubt - but songwriting was the problem on Kill The King...
Second Man: Yes, I'd like a hammer, four nails and a tuba.
First Man: What's the tuba for?
Second Man: It's a common length of lumber, in which I'm planning to hammer four nails.
What the hell happened to this band? God-Dammit!
Who's there?
Full-blown AIDS!
Full-blown AIDS who?
Full-blown AIDS (aides) of Mark Foley!
So some buddies and I were living in Dubuque Iowa and decided we couldn’t handle the boredom. We rented out the local 4H building, National Guard Armory, as well as a dive bar, and an individual named Joel Jackson and I were successful in booking a handful of great bands during the mid 90’s…I have included most of our bookings below. The most memorable booking was Shellac with Brick Layer Cake and Dis. I won’t get into details now but am willing to answer any questions you might throw at me. Anyways, I had heard of Godbullies but hadn’t heard Godbullies at the time. Before the show we were chatting with Steve and when all was said and done I had a copy of War on Everybody. To this day this album is by far one of my favorites. I have lost and discovered or lost and hunted down this album more than any other. Thanks for the excellent review…as always. Lata…
2. guzzard/arm/moon gadget 35 oct?? 1994
3. mule/croatoan dec. 1994
4. god bullies/croatoan/??? 1995
5. chokebore/love 666/beneath
oct. '96
6. thrall/likehell/beneath nov '96
7. chokebore/calvin krime/flux capsitor
8. hammerhead/gnomes ofzurich/beneath
9. cows/cooper/??? jan.26 '97
10.thrall/likehell/pachinco/beneath feb. 14th '97
11. p.w. long & brick layer cake (todd) ??? '97
12. vaz/freedom fighters/calvin krime ... ???? '97
13. Lebowski/strych9/Om/666 moringings after/exit point
I've never heard of the God Bullies, but I went to check them out. Wow
is this band incredible? Why aren't they more famous? Sure, none of
these songs would ever make the radio, but they should be a well known
underground classic. Allmusic doesn't even have any reviews on them
but somehow gave ratings on two albums (I hate them doing that). My
favorite is their list of Similar Artists including Mojo Nixon and the
Stray Cats!!!!!
Bounce a ball! Ride a boat!
Shove some gumption down your throat!
Eat a bee! Snort a beer!
Guide jalopies up your rear!
Bite a car! Turn a trick!
Meet your favorite Beatle: Mick!
Smell a shoe! Fuck a bum!
Zip your lips cuz word's the mum!
See the sun! Watch it shine!
Dine and wine with Daly, Tyne!
Stub a toe! Bust a ball!
Listen to Pink Floyd's The Mall!
Paint a yard! Mow a house!
Thank your friendly pubic louse!
Kick a cat! Punch a horse!
Marry just for fun divorce!
Quit your job! Leave your kids!
Buy some stock in trashcan lids!
Type a toot! Tap some hash!
Poop and make a fake mustache!
Rent a carb! Read a box!
Parsley Sage Rosemary Cocks!
Say your prayers! Pass the salt!
Call your favorite Shitman "Walt"!
Something something Crystal Gayle!
Worship drugs! Do a dance!
Fuck you, Pompous Circumstance!
Feed your tie! Honk your horn!
Watch some vegetarian porn!
Lose a leg! Break a watch!
Valentine's Day gift: Crotch Splotch!
And I didn't know it
But my feet show it
They're Dickin' Emily, son!
Mark:
I just heard these guys for the first time tonight, cause I wanted to hear
another thing from the stables of AmRep. So off I cruised to the Hype
Machine, which is basically Google for mp3 blogs, and soon I had found 2 God
Bullies mp3's and a Cows mp3! (It was in the same download listing, so I had
to download it.)
I guess God Bullies CDs are rare, so buy them here for whatever they request you pay for them. Thanks!
What? That's not an insult; people like boobs.