Eminem

Riding the Hershey Highway
*special introductory paragraph!
*Infinite
*The Slim Shady EP
*The Slim Shady LP
*The Marshall Mathers LP
*The Eminem Show
*Encore
*Relapse
*Recovery

Eminem (real name Marshall Mathers = M&M = Eminem = GET IT?) is a foul-mouthed yet sometimes entertaining white rapper who has set the flame of the world alight with fire through his profane woman- and gay-bashing lyrics, violent situations and adult themes - targeted towards kids! He has been set up as a kind of supervillain in the press when all he really is is a fairly clever songwriter who sings about things that make uptight people uncomfortable for a very good reason - they're the same things that make STUPID people violent. You and I both know that if we hear a song about raping or murdering somebody, it's just a song. But there are loads of unbelievably ignorant, violent, maladjusted freaks out there who may very well take this stuff a little too seriously. Right? So the uptight people are correct, right? And Eminem is just out to make money without concern for our children's well-being? Not necessarily. He just doesn't think that he should take the blame for society's stupidity. The dangers of creating an unintended response in certain listeners is, in fact, the main theme of the Marshall Mathers LP. Granted, he's since gone on to create controversy for no other reason than to keep his name in the headlines, but that wasn't his intention at the beginning. So let's actually talk about the albums now.


Infinite - Web Entertainment 1995
Rating = 7

Our hot topic(TM) today is the debut Eminem CD Infinite, recorded before he'd developed his trademark high-speed, high-pitched, highly-offensive rapping style. Breakdance music fans say he sounds too much like Nas and AZ on here, but I wouldn't know those men from a ground in my hole so that's your call. His rapping isn't embarrassing by any means; it's just not very notable. Still, his delivery (or "flow") is certainly preferable to the guest rappers who keep stinking up the joint (Eye-Kyu, Three, D. Porter and Thyme).

(Remember me to someone who lives there.)

But what really takes the cake and eats it is the selection of great background musics (or "beats") created by producer Denaun Porter. Much closer in sound and tone to classic A Tribe Called Quest than standard Eminem, the melodies (or "beats") are jazzy, bassy laidback organ grooves! You almost expect to hear countercultural '50s poets (or "beats") like Allen Ginsberg and William S. Burroughs reciting their crazy cut-ups over mellow jazzzzzzy jazzzzzness like "It's OK," "Tonite" and "Searchin'." And oh! Don't even get me TALKING about that cool vwoopy swervy bass thing going on in "Jealousy Woes II." Why, I'll be here 'til America's soccer team defeats (or "beats") South Korea!

Lyrics I wrote down include:

- "It's a rough day, but everything is okay/I'm up all night, but everything is alright/It's been a rough week, I don't get enough sleep/It's been a long year, pretending I belong here"
- "You can be Run-D; you'll never be an MC"
- "I never gave a fuck - now I give a fuck less!"

There's also a song about a promiscuous woman with AIDS, so you know it's a classy record for the upper crust set. In addition, one song finds Eminem rhyming "Mathematics," "asthmatic" and "crack addict," which might qualify as 'trying too hard.'

In conclusion shorts, don't expect to hear your beloved laff-a-minute Slim Shady persona on here; he was yet to be born. But do expect to hear lots of jazzy bass/organ grooves, groovy organ/bass jazz and bassy groove/jazz organ.

But UP YOUR NOSE if you think you're going to find any organic jazz/groove bass here! If that's the kind of shit you're after, try some plants in the amaranth family (or "beets")!

That was hilarious, the whole recurring "(or 'beats')" gag. I'm totally gonna get that gig writing for Crazy magazine now.

Here I come, Obnoxio The Clown!

See ya soon, The Kinetic Kids!

What the!? Sylvester Smythe!? Get the fuck out of here!

Add your thoughts?


The Slim Shady EP - Web Entertainment 1997
Rating = 5

This is where Enmenin changed his style and became OTP violent rapper "Slime Shabby." Unfortunately, he hadn't quite perfected his "flow" (or "menstruation") yet, and sounds less like a psycho gangsta than a retarded man making fun of black people. Worsermore, the background music (or "beefs") is no longer jazzy coolness, but corny chintzy keyboards. Can't beat these lyrics though! Heh heh, yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaah words.

This EP features three songs and one skit that would be re-recorded for The Slim Shady LP, three songs and one skit that are unique to this release, and two radio edits. Not unshockingly (sarcastically speaking), the three songs unique to this release are a good deal weaker than the ones chosen for re-recording ("If I Had...," "Just Don't Give A Fuck" and "Just The Two Of Us"). "Low Down, Dirty" includes the touching lyric "Molested myself and got arrested," and "Murder Murder" samples Paul Simon for some reason, but "No One's Iller" is a worthless melange of guest rappers (Swift? Bizarre? Fuzz Scoota!?) all melanging around like a bunch of melangey, melangish melangers.

Now for some comical buffoonery:

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Melange!
Melange who?
I meant 'Melanie' but I'm Chinese so all my 'G's and 'I's sound the same!

What's the difference between a melange and a meringue?
A melange is a mixture or hodgepodge, and a meringue is a mixture that goes 'Plop-splodge!' (when you drop it)

Why did the melange cross the road?
It wanted to be "Home on the Meringue!"

What's the difference between a lemon meringue pie and actress Melanie Griffith?
A lemon meringue pie's pussy isn't swarming with "Miami Lice"!

Sorry, got a little 'blue' there at the end for the late-night crowd.

Add your thoughts?


The Slim Shady LP - Interscope 1999
Rating = 7

At some point 'roundabouts these parts, Eminem was discovered by an archaeologist named Dr. Dre (first name unknown), who laid down some skinny beats and had Eminem rap over them. Eminem has quite the interesting rap style. To me, he sounds like a wide-eyed innocent urban black child. Which means he probably was at one point a wide-eyed innocent urban white child who tried to fit in by acting black. His voice never really lowered and his enunciation stayed as black and childlike as Gary Colefellow, so it's an incredibly odd effect to hear this silly little sing-song voice saying things like "Got pissed off and ripped Pamela Lee's tits off/And smacked her so hard I knocked her clothes backwards like Kris Kross." And this is in the first verse of the first song! It just gets worse from there too. In other songs, he makes fun of the deaths of Sonny Bono and Kurt Cobain, takes credit for the OJ murders, discusses the fun drug abuse and veneral disease, details the gruesome murder of his ex-wife in front of his small daughter, calls his mother a drug addict, tells his father that "I slit his throat in this dream I had," details the rape of an unconscious 15-year-old girl and so on and so forth before concluding, "I only cuss to make your mom upset."

So how in the hell can I support this guy? Because it's FUNNY. I may not think KIDS should be listening to it (parents? Where are you, parents?), but I'm sure glad I get to hear it whenever I want! It's fiction. He's not out there being some violent, evil gangsta rapper - these are JOKES. It's tacky, overdone, violent, sexist, humorous fiction. Like Hustler magazine! And I'm pretty fond of Hustler magazine. You just have to be a certain kind of person to get a kick out of this type of entertainment. You have to appreciate clever rhymes, ridiculous hyperbole and crude, violent jokes. Because that's what you're going to find here. During the few brief moments when he tries to be semi-straight, he's boring. We don't need some white guy telling us about how hard it is growing up in the `hood. Just give us more politically incorrect, X-rated cartoons!

Unfortunately, it's not the most musically innovative hip hop album you're ever going to hear. However, when they really work together to paint a violent mood (as in "Still Don't Give A Fuck") or a silly novelty-type lope (like "Cum On Everybody" and the classic "My Name Is"), you'll likely find yourself tapping your foot - and maybe even humming along with the bass line!

And no, it's not just "Entertainment For Men." My fiancee loves the disc even more than I do. And she's no man!

(Is she? That little thing isn't a micropenis, is it?)

Reader Comments

bgreenstein@nctimes.net (Ben Greenstein)
I think the best song for your argument that this dude is joking is the one where he claims to be drowning himself and tells kids that they can do it at home and be just like him. As far as I can tell, Eminem spends about three songs per record making fun of people who take him seriously, people who think he actually means anything he says, and worst of all, people who try to emulate his joke act. To my knowledge, he's also never straight out "bashed" gay people - just made fun of that "Ken Kennith" character that I think is one of his friends making a prank call and called the Insane Clown Posse a bunch of fags in makeup. Which is an insult they deserve. And I have no idea whose idea it was to market this guy to kids - when this debut first came out, it was definitely marketed as a "rap" album, until "My Name Is" started getting heavy play on daytime MTV.

As for the album, I love it. I WAS one of the people who initially wrote this dude off as a crude joke act, but he's not any more crude than, say, Frank Zappa, just a little more mean-spirited. The circus-style grooves that provide backing to just about every song do get a little tiring, but Eminem's rapping is REALLY creative, and that's what makes it worth listening to. The lyrics are all really funny and clever, even on "Kim" where the entire joke is the absolute horror of what he's talking about. I'd rate this one higher than a seven, maybe an eight, because I do believe that this guy is really talented and incredibly fun to listen to.

Listen Lady
I bought this album the other day and it is a wicked display of crude jokes and clever rhymes. A few tracks are more pointless than others (namely Rock Bottom, Bad Meets Evil and Still Don't Give A Fuck) but the rest are non-stop. He's really fun to listen to, it's always a real treat to listen to him. I made an album of his B-Sides where he bashes Everlast and Limp Bizkit and also those artist's responses and also, the D12 and Eminem's Freestyle On Westwood, which is fabulous. I like the story songs like Brain Damage, My Fault, '97 Bonnie and Clyde, As The World Turns. The singles are also classics. I listened to Just Don't Give A Fuck, Role Model, and Guilty Conscience, not to mention My Name Is many times over before I even bought this album.

ddickso2@uccs.edu
Speaking of violent things, I just saw Silence of the Lambs last night. OVERRATED. I mean, we all love Hannibal Lecter and his face-eating, cop-disemboweling ways, but like All Movie Guide says, he's only onscreen for one-eighth of the movie. And here I was thinking that the whole film was Jodie Foster and Anthony Hopkins playing verbal repartee for two hours. Heck, even said verbal repartee was just mildly entertaining. For me, the most memorable scene in the movie was the cops storming the building and finding that one guard guy dramatically mutilated and "crucified" against the cage. It makes Passion of the Christ look like Serenity of the Buddha, it does.

What I guess I'm trying to say is this: Eminem's major-label debut album is probably the best '90's mainstream rap album I've yet heard, and the best urban music I've heard for a long, long while. True, more than half the appeal of the thing is Eminem himself and his hilariously over-the-top narrative (Most rib-tickling moment of 1999: "Go go Gadget DICK!" from "As the World Turns"), but the beats themselves are lowest-common-denominator catchy as well (except for on "If I Had," the one moment on the album that lapses into Wu-Tang-B-side-level boring ghetto genericness). In fact, you could say that this is what a lot of Company Flow would sound like, were their albums--er, sorry, ALBUM--cleaned up, prettied up, and sequenced up for mainstream play. Yeah, Dr. Dre's never been able to create a well-flowing album from start to finish, but never you fear, because the BASS Brothers are here to help out. And I DO mean "Bass"--you'll never fail to score with this album on "repeat" and speakers set to "earthquake." And, of course, in my case, lots and lots of Hot Damn!! on tap, but that's neither here nor there.

"'97 Bonnie and Clyde" is, of course, the best song, and "My Name Is" tickles, but everything after "Rock Bottom" is nearly as thrilling. Which reminds me: Why the cluster FUCK didn't Eminem conclude all his other albums with something as epicly bombastical as "Still Don't Give a [Duck]" (quack)? "Criminal"? "My Dad's Gone Crazy"? A fart noise??? Pull-ease.

How come no one cites this album as his best? Dammit, I didn't even listen to this album until now! But I listened to all the others!! Because Adrian Denning said they were all better than this one!!! Damn that Adrian Denning and his Beefheart. Fuckin' Beefheart with his fish mask and his recording a bush. Ew.

Great goddamn album, anyway.

Add your thoughts?


The Marshall Mathers LP - Interscope 2000.
Rating = 7

The joke's mostly over, unfortunately, but he's replaced it with lots of neat songs about what it's like to be him right about now. Accidentally convincing stupid kids to beat up girls and slit their wrists, driving an obsessed fan to imitate the ex-wife murder he described on the last album, getting asked for his autograph every time he goes to clear his penis, influencing a generation of pre-teen boys to act just as stupid and violent as the fictional character he portrays on record and just, in general, being treated like a hero by half of the population and a devil by the other half -- all because of nothing more than WORDS. He never committed any of the disgusting acts described on The Slim Shady LP - you can tell just by LISTENING to him that he thinks it's all a big joke. Why should he be held accountable if a few idiots take it to heart? Do we blame The Bible when religious zealots kill somebody (which, by the way, is ALL THE FUCKING TIME)? Of course not. It's ludicrous. People must be held accountable for their own actions. The minute Eminem rapes or murders somebody, lock the guy up. But he most likely never will. He's just a skinny, goofy white rapper. That's all.

Makes for a strange, two-faced little record though, what with half of the songs telling his fans not to take him seriously and the other half presenting a new-fangled SERIOUS look at violence, homophobia and murder - for example, the murder of his ex-wife is presented yet again on this album, but through an eerie, "serious" presentation instead of a jokey one. I'm not sold on the idea that we need yet another rapper preaching the same old crap about street violence, but since it's his first time doing it, I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt that he's speaking about something he actually encountered. If he's lying, well, let's hope he doesn't do it again. One thing I can't tolerate from Eminem is non-truths.

Music? The music is even less eventful than last time.

Final conclusion? Eminem has given us humor on one album and serious social commentary on the second. Will his third just be a rehash of one or the other? Or will he begin rapping in Olde English like I've been suggesting to him for decades? He'd better do so. Or I will not purchase his album. I don't care if he wins a Grammy. But isn't that weird? He must be the most antisocial performer to have ever been up for one, right? Back in my day, parents were afraid of The Beastie Boys! And the worst they ever did was drink beer and have sex with women! Now we've got Eminem cussing up a blue streak and taking pills and raping women and having hit singles with guest appearances by female singer Dildo - is America slipping towards frank, open discussion too quickly? Or is America slipping towards frank, zappa discussion too quickly? Will Eminem become as inconsequential and assholish as Kid Rock and Vanilla Ice? Or adopt a stupid moronic throwaway religion like that guy in the Beastie Boys? Which reminds me - there was a big Hare Krishna carnival in Washington Square Park this weekend and it struck me - they're exactly right; why would any God ever accept a human being that doesn't have a shaved head and a pony tail? And when I say "Religious Freaks are fucking idiots," please don't think that I mean it literally. Only figuratively. Because obviously there's some force out there strong enough to scare me into doing things that I don't really want to do. I can't litter for example, because something will happen to my fiancee or puppy and it will be my fault. I can resist a chain letter though, thank god, because I couldn't when I was younger. I think one of the reasons that I like Eminem is because I kind of relate to him on an infinitesimal scale. Just like the 58 billion people who love or hate Eminem, my Web site attracts a good three to four people a week, and of those people, maybe 1 will remark that he really likes my site for this reason or that, but then there's always a person who thinks that my humor is disgusting, that I have bad taste and basically that I'm an asshole. I just pissed off several people on a message board by suggesting that perhaps Eric Clapton isn't the soulful guitar god that they all think he is. It's a big problem trying to please all the people all the time while trying to stay true to yourself. Especially when your true nature is pretty fucking offensive to the majority of society. I'm not comparing myself to Eminem, please understand. I am better and far more successful than Eminem.

Reader Comments

bgreenstein@nctimes.net (Ben Greenstein)
I really, really like this one. I guess it is a tad more serious, but it's not preachy or anything. Just a little darker. The rhymes are still really funny and smart and dirty in an MC Paul Barman sort of way, but Eminem is now pissed (and rightly so - his face has been on the cover of "Eminem & Friends" magazine, which implies that his "friends" are Britney Spears and Pink as opposed to Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg). My favourite song is that "Remember Me?" song, but I like just about all of the others. Except the overplayed Dildo duet (what kind of a stupid name is "Dido," while we're on the subject? If that's her REAL name, she should adopt a stage alias, and if it's her STAGE name, then she's certainly as retarded as her dipsy, neo-Phil Collins music implies) which I'm just a little sick of. But Eminem sang it at the grammies with ELTON JOHN. And people still believe that he hates gays? Elton John is the BIGGEST gay! Anyway, the album is one of the best rap albums I've ever heard, it's tempting me to look into some of the guest rappers like Snoop Dogg who I always wrote off. An easy ten.

As for response to your breif religious philosophy, I seriously believe that the world would be a better place if everyone came up with their own ideology, rather than believing whatever one church or the other tells them they believe. Church mentality is similar to mob mentality, and throughout history, religious mobs have committed crimes like the crusades, the inquisition, lynch mobs, the Ku Klux Klan, Proposition 22, and countless other atrocities. I'm not saying that people have to stop worshipping Jesus, or stop reading the Bible (although that would help), I just think that we should decide what, who, and where we worship on our own. Anytime someone subscribes to a certain church's line of thinking, they are giving up a certain amount (I don't want to say all) of their free will. If you subscribe to that church, you subscribe to EVERYTHING they believe in. I don't see why the religiously inclined can't read up on Buddhism and Jesusism and Jewishism and, I don't know, Leary-ism or something equally stupid and modern, and pick and choose which elements of each they respect. That, to me, seems like the TRULY enlightened thing to do. But I'm not enlightened and could never claim to be, so my opinion is obviously a bit less valid than someone who has read the Bible and discovered that it is, in fact, the true sole word of God himself and not, like I had considered it, a fictionalized historical account which has been tamped with by generations of corrupt church officials for use as a brainwashing tool. I'm not anti-Jesus - I consider him to be a great philosopher and revolutionary thinker for his time - but you're being taken for a loop if you think that the Christian church shares ideas at all similar to that of their namesake.

Hey, how come Eminem has written at least five songs about the fact that his name is "Slim Shady," when is name is, in fact, NOT "Slim Shady"?

chowndey@hotmail.com (Robert Chaundy)
This record fits perfectly the definition of bad prog rock: you listen and marvel at Mr Nem's technical virtuosity, but not once in the course of this endless album do you feel entertained or thrilled or happy or sad or anything that you by rights should be. For once I wholeheartedly agree with our host - this guy needs a load of distorted guitars and a drummer drumming at ninety miles an hour. THEN he'd be amazing.

Dido is actually Dido's real name, so it's a bit unfair to laugh at her for wanting to use it. Her music is unspeakably dull, though

Ben, in a perfect world everyone would follow their own beliefs and only their own beliefs, and we could each tailor our personal religions to fulfil our minds and bodies and make us better people. That is unfortunately the definition of anarchy and the world's churches and politburos, above all the evil empire of Rome, are hardly likely to go for that scenario any time soon. In any case organised religion is pretty much a dying idiom these days. Something will eventually replace it but what I do not know.

I hear Eminem is covering 'Arriving UFO' on his next album - won't that be cool?! I reckon he's gay, too.

katsman7@hotmail.com (Madd Hunter)
Sucker sucker motherfucker (Good poem; am I the next Eminem?)

amcquill@home.com (Andrew McQuillan)
To the dude who thinks Eminem's name is based on the candy, M&M are his initials. Marshall Mathers. Get it?

ROSEFSRHP@aol.com
oh come ON people. the whole world is reacting to eminem just how he wants us to. so WHAT if he swears in his songs?! its not like nine year olds havent heard it all before because believe me they have. so WHAT if he pretends hes homophobic - he's blatantly NOT otherwise why would he perform with elton john? he's just trying to be provocative and piss everyone off (similar to madonna) and its WORKING. i'm not saying i dislike him because quite frankly although he may not be one of my favourite artist and although i don't listen to him i think he's probably an overgrown-adolescent genius who has managed to build up huge amounts of publicity for himself while writing some lyrics that are incredible. but do you REALLY have to take so much notice of him? if you like his music then listen to it and if you don't then leave it but he himself really ISN'T that interesting - he's making us all look like fools. he's NOT dangerous and he's probably not even a bad influence so why do you ALLOW him to piss you off???!!! he probably looks on at us all and laughs. for fucks sake.

Listen Lady
Obviously, Madd Hunter has never heard Eminem, as he would 'get hit so hard and have his clothes knocked backwards like Kriss Kross' if he was to face him in a freestyle competition.

smgcjb@alltel.net
You're absolutely right Mark! Eminem's are just crude, violent jokes. And like all crude and violent jokes only vast minority (Whoa! I just made an oxymoron.) will get them. And yes, if a parent dosn't want their kid to listen to Eminem's music, it's their job to monitor them. Oh and by the way Mark. That is not a micropenis, it is the clitoris andit is your friend.

amcquill@shaw.ca (Andrew McQuillan)
I got this album yesterday (time of writing is December 26, 2001). I have to believe that this album has a little more filler than the last album and it seems like every single goddamn track except for a few is about him being famous. The other few are just about how he's so tough. Like he can't fucking shut up about making millions of bucks and being contraversial. We already know that you think you're contraversial, but obviously you've never heard of GG Allin. You may be controversial here in the mainstream, but until you actually burn a church down like Emperor or do something really extreme, I'll believe it. Some of the songs are really good though. I do really like 'Kill You', 'Stan', 'Who Knew?', 'The Way I Am', 'The Real Slim Shady', 'Marshall Mathers', and 'Criminal' (That song was sounding really good until it faded out and started skipping. My mom got me a used copy for Christmas. I think I'll just download Criminal and put it on a compilation instead of buying another copy of this.). Slim Shady LP was better than this and made a more impact on me because the songs were more catchy and had more consistent lyrics. He wasn't talking about being famous so much. His better songs are the ones with the cartoonish violence. And I do like the parts where he talks about wanting to fuck JLo.

foland_ratzl@hotmail.com (Roland Fratzl)
Hey, has anyone heard the cover of "The Real Slim Shady" by Barry Williams of Brady Bunch fame called "The Real Greg Brady"?? It's hilarious! He's even a better rapper than you'd think! This, along with his campy role on the S Club 7 tv series, seems like Barry is slowly successfully turning his career into something along the lines of legendary bad-but-self-depreciating-actors such as William Shatner and Adam West. Go download it!

ndo11@hotmail.com (Nick Orlosky)
all of eminems lyrics are jokes . hes never said anything about killing anyone and actually been serious with it, as goes for anything else hes aver said. in most of his songs he actually says that he is joking and that most people take him way too seriously. personally i think hes the best out ther right now because most every song on all of his albums is really good. all the people out there who still continue to put him down because of his lyrics can just fuck off

soul_crusher77@hotmail.com (Mike K.)
I've only heard the first two eminem albums a couple of times during my great experiment with rap music via looking through my college roommate's cd collection when he's gone (as a result I have a burned copy of Stankonia by outkast and the possibility of buying a wu tang clan album that isn't The W). Still I think it's enough for me to make some general statements on him and this album. I liked the first one better because it mostly sticks with the crass jokes and story songs that are his main strong point, even though the occasional OJ joke just seems incredibly dated now and the music was occasionally too damn circusy, but this one is pretty interesting. The autobiographical thing, though occasionally a bit too much, is mostly handled pretty well. He paints a good picture of writing songs in which he tries to vent his frustations in the form of dark exaggerated humor and then getting blamed for all of society's ills for it. He even manages a fairly convincing take on the "just leave me alone... with my millions of dollars" celebrity stance that made me get pissed off at Eddie Vedder ages ago. And it's not all serious, I laughed at the thing about Vanilla Ice trashing him and then getting his exact same hairstyle, and the simulated meeting between Eminem and a record company guy who says something like "do you know why dre's new record was a hit? that record was all about ho's, 40's, blunts, and big screen TVs. This record is about valium and lesbians!". I probably misquoted that horribly, but that's besides the point. The boy band jokes are kind of going the way of the OJ jokes of the last album already though. They might have been provocative in 1999, especially considering the fact that the videos appeared on MTV often right after the groups they were mocking, boy bands have already become the most over-mocked genre of music on the planet. And who the hell remembers who LFO is anymore?

However, none of this is important, because the thing that inspired me writing this kind of overlong thing to begin with is that I have in fact heard "the real greg brady" by barry williams. Live and in person no less. Just recently I went with my mom, my sister and some friends to a free outdoor oldies station sponsored monkees concert, and he just happened to be the opening act. And in between various songs from the brady bunch, lots of 60's covers, and a show tune for some reason, he broke out the song, in front of people who for the most part i couldn't even imagine being familiar with the original. The Monkees, despite really just being half of the Monkees and a backup band, did a fun and spirited performance, but for me this was the highlight of the night. I'd probably find it kind of dumb and annoying otherwise, but after that I couldn't possibly not enjoy it. Incidentally, I've downloaded the song already and while he does keep rythm fairly well on that, in concert he kept falling completely behind the beat, which somehow made it even better.

rdebaissi@optusnet.com.au (Ralph Debaissi)
to the guy who says he is the next eminem..i dont think anyone is the next eminem your just the next faggot..and for those people who dont like him..i think you call all shut your mouths and let him rap about whatever he wants to i mean after all you arn't buying his album's so why the hell are you talking? And plus being white didn't stop him from rapping so i dont think some faggots are eigther.

Add your thoughts?

The Eminem Show - Aftermath 2002.
Rating = 7

No change. This is pretty similar to the last one, only the anger and self-righteousness is starting to sound more like arrogance and self-pity. It's still a good record though, full of his great, fun vocal attacks and catchy samples.

THE - END!

BOO FUCKIN' HOO!

Is that okay? I think so!

So wheeeeeeeeeeeere aaaaaam Iiiiiiiiiiiii-eeeeeeee?

By the way, I became very angry at Rolling Stone magazine for a moment yesterday as I perused David Fricke's review of the new Bowie album. What irritated the Jesse Jackson's penis out of me was the way he said something like, "this is the least affected Bowie release in two decades, quite a relief after the cyberpunk Outside and electronica of Earthling." WHAT ABOUT HOURS, YOU PRICKE? DID YOU EVEN KNOW IT EXISTED? HOURS is a fucking great album, with Bowie just being Bowie just being a man -- in my opinion, it's the most enjoyable album he's ever released. So keep that in mind every time you read something written by a professional rock critic -- they're blowhards who are happy to make sweeping pronouncements even if they don't know what the hell they're talking about. Not me though! Everything I write is based on knowledge gleaned from listening intently to every single recording ever made by every artist of every genre in the history of Christ. So if you have any questions about The Replacements, just let me know!

Back to Eminem -- I still think he's a great lyricist and rapper, even if his stories about the negative side of infamy are wearing a little thin. Especially since he talks about how he's "really a good guy who loves his daughter" out of one side of his mouth, while out of the other he brags about fucking women and beating them up in "Superman," one of the most surprisingly humor-free misognyists rants he's ever done. He DOES love his daughter though, both singing a ballad to her and letting her sing the goofy chorus of the otherwise cute, violent "My Dad's Gone Crazy." Plus there are lots tunes on here that are impossibly hooky and hard to resist, including his threat to "White America," his frightening "Cleaning Out My Closet" account of what life was like with his mother (apparently a victim of Manchusen's Syndrome, meaning that she constantly, purposely took him to the hospital with ailments just to get attention), the oddball "Square Dance" and the wonderful, hilarious single "Without Me" (featuring a a classic attack on Moby, who apparently "dissed" him in the press or something: "You 36 year old bald headed fag blow me/You don't know me, you're too old/Let it go it's over nobody listens to techno." I LOVE making fun of old people who really aren't that old!

It ain't all whose-your-mother though, and some of these songs don't do anything at all. "Soldier"? Enjoyable Iggy Pop record, nondescript Eminem song. "Hailie's Song"? Sweet idea, atrocious Backstreet Boys-style execution. "Sing For The Moment"? Sad, touching lyrics about youth wasting themselves away, but the chorus is "Dream On" by Aerosmith. The ENTIRE CHORUS of "Dream On" by Aerosmith. On the bright side, maybe this will help point some young rap kid into the direction of early Aerosmith, some of the greatest rock and roll ever made.

Besides Just Push Play, of course. Rock doesn't get much stronger than Just Push Play.

Oh hell, did I say "rock"? I of course meant "The case for euthanasia."

Reader Comments

xschlitzx@yahoo.com (John Kiehnhoff)
whatever. the desire to see harm come to an ex mate who has hurt you is not divorced from the kind of love you can feel for the spawn your two sorry asses were responsible for. your divorced father wants to fuck just as bad as marshall mathers does in 'superman'. it may come off as really glib (although im a little drunk for elaboration) this is pretty simple summation for the charm in eminem's trajectory lyrically. that may be why i get a little vexed when people gripe about him doing "more of the same, just as well". who the fuck else keeps that up? how many artists stopped feeling hungry and spit some beige shit? although i find it a little hard to defend a white rapper when, in the visual arts a minority gets eyes rolled in their direction for 'identity' art at this point, and some white boy talking about his upbringing (identity art, yes? if not more indulgent!) gets reviewed at all, i feel some need to publicly (as publicly as this small time shit is) embrace this fellow. there are so many fucking boooring rappers out there. eminem avoids the simile trap (i do *this* like *this*) and tells a story. look. i'm putting my dick in your ear so i can fuck what you heard. i'm so bored.

Taxikab182@aol.com
I think Eminem is a great singer and that MAYBE Haley Jade will be just like him

snouters@earthlink.net (Sandra Terry)
There's this guy I used to know and his name is Skip. Skip, as you have undoubtedly guessed, is a white boy. Wonder bread white. Cracker white. Underbelly of a dog white. Skip, however, fancied himself a badass ethnic. His "barrio tag name" was "El Loco Flipper", presumably implying that he was one insane motherfucking dolphin...or something. Skip liked to "tag" his "gang name" in his "hood", in which I happened to live for a time. One night after a friend and I had slurped down a case of PBR, we fetched the red spray paint from the garage, lurched down the street to the nearest wall and slashed a big red X through "El Loco Flipper". Sho' 'nuff, the very next day The Crazy Dolphin himself came skipping up the driveway, wriggling with puppyesque excitement. "Oh DUDE!", the disturbed porpoise ejaculated, "Maaaaan! I was coming home last night and a bunch of Santana homies (brief explanation: Very violent gang members of Hispanic extraction who dwell in Santa Ana, CA) were crossing out my tag, maaaan! I just about SHIT myself, dude! Fuck! I hope they didn't see me but I guess if they did I'd be dead by now, so I guess they didn't!", he gleefully declared. "Man, I knew it would happen, dude! They're fuckin' OUT TO GET ME!". Because, and only because we were severely hung over, we managed not to laugh; I wouldn't want to give the impression that I am superhuman and could've restrained my mirth without the aid of physical discomfort.

So anyway, the first time I saw Eminem I thought, "Boy, does he remind me of Skip!". A few weeks ago an old friend of mine happened to mention, "You know who Eminem reminds me of? Skip!".

Through no fault of his own, I cannot take M & M seriously. It would be different if he was black so apparently I'm a racist. Fortunately, that doesn't bother me.

Oh yeah, we did finally tell Skip who really marked him for death that night.

NICKbbbfg@aol.com
m&m is a good rapper and you who think hes not your ________ retards

susie7@nbnet.nb.ca
I'm 9, I like Eminem. It's not like us kids haven't heard it.He's a good rapper.I don't think he's that bad(swear to much). He does care about Haley,his grandmother said if Haley wanted a hamburger at one in the morning,he'd go get her one.I think he cares about Kim to.Alot of people think he's the most talented rapper today, he is.He makes clean versions of his songs, if there's to many swear words.He's said that Kim was the first true girlfriend he ever had, and that he's known her all his life.

EMINEMLOVER07@msn.com (Ana Hernandez)
I'am 13 ans I love eminem he's my role model and he's so fine I don't care what those haters think about eminem all I know is that eminem is fine and I will always love him

julie@halhead2034.freeserve.co.uk (Julie Halhead)
i am 13 and i think m&m is ace he is a fukin well gud rapper e is so fine n i wana make im mine(even doe dat is impossible)lol!!! he loves lots of people and people kill dem selves 4 him which get m&m in trouble but neway i love him!!!!!!!!!

ANDYNEMINEM@aol.com
I LOVE ALL OF MARSHALL MATHERS ALBUMS HE IS THE BEST RAPPER OUT THERE AND I LOVE HIM HE IS MY FAVORITE RAPPER AND HIS MOVIE 8 MILE WAS THE BEST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN MARSHALL IS SO SEXY

gtrman88@msn.com (billyboy thornton)
hi, i be 10 and likin da eminem. eminem da bomb he so smart and i wish he be my daddy. he album all emoshunal and stuf. he teach me da joy of rapin da hoes. peeple say he bad man who hate on his wife but i kno he just good man who love he daughter even doe she not realy his. eminem had hard time in da geto when he was just a liddle black boy but, now he be big white supastar ands evree1 love him. if me had no heard da eminem albums, me may no have smoked me first doobie. me no compreehend why no 1 like mariwana. it no hurt me in da brane ever.

mrivera2844@msn.com (Maria Rivera)
well i did see 8 mile it rocked! thoogh not my kind of movie still i kinda liked seabiscut eminem shatters the myth of wiggers who cannot act in movies take this vanilla ice!

Rojasandres6@aol.com
Man, the best thing about Eminem and the rest of the Rappers, is the infinite intelligence of those that only listen to Rap......

zanetta_moore@yahoo.com
i think that Eminem is the hottest and BEST RAPER OUT THERE. Hay I think that Eminem is the best and the koolest...o and cant forgit the hotest!!! I rote him and never got a nuther thing back...but o well and Eminem if you what to know you better wach out for my friend Ian he is doing a dimo and he is going to be rely big so ya be ware...lol.....and the good thing is he looks like you....well i think that is good nuff bye!!!!!!!!

Rojasandres6@aol.com
As much as I dislike today's rap, I just can't say that Eminem doesn't have any talent. Of course he has talent. He's a good songwriter. But that's it. I still can't even listen to and entire song. What happens with Rap is pretty funny. The main economic source of the Rap, are the white kids that love what is "dangerous". I wasn't around in the 80s but I think that the buffoon 50 Cent would've been kicked out of the stage in less than 10 seconds back then. I don't know, that's what I think.

Nobody in a big magazine or TV program is gonna say that today's rap sucks. None of the socialist wannabes that work in the Rolling Stones magazine is gonna say that today's rap sucks. That would've been like somebody in the mid 90s saying that Nirvana sucked. In my opinion, Rap will live being strong during at least, 5 more years.

Today. People like to make fun of the mid 80s. The long hair and the jeans and all that. I'm sure that in 2025, people will make fun of the culture that "keeps it real". The stupid pants and the guys they can't say a word without moving their arms like pathetic and incompetent monkeys. I don't really know if Eminem is "real". Maybe he doesn't even hate gay people after all. Maybe he was anally raped by a gay guy in the past or who knows, maybe he's gay and he likes black thugs(The last two theories are probably true) or maybe he says the truth and he actually hates gay people. This album was really popular a couple of years ago. Many people bought and they became "cool" with it. Whatever, I think rap fans are pretty stupid most of the times and usually those that only listen to rap are either thugs or really ignorant guys and girls that act, speak, dress and think in the way that others do. I live in Miami so I know about that. Is full of those fucking cunts. A person can like Rap of course, but trust me, nothing is more stupid than listening to only Rap.

CBH41658@aol.com (Kelly Wagner)
I think Eminem the show is the best Cd he has ever written and sang in concert or on Cd or even the Music Awards

hot_shot999_999_99@hotmail.com (Tesla Dingus)
I think The Eminem Show is the best and who ever says it ain't then they sould lisen to it again because maybe they just don't get it so yeah..Thats what I think! Eminem Rules!!!!

Kchall91@aol.com
Eminem and his new cd is alot better. he talks alot about bush in 1 song and makes fun of more people.

the eminem lover needs to get a life.My best friend is like that.eminem went real far with his new cd.its real funny,the funny songs are BigWeenie, and Ass Like That,if you get this cd listen to all of the songs cause there all good.

thedexyweather@hotmail.com
This is crap. The album, not the review. Why do people buy this shit? And why hasn't this douchebag been shot yet? If all these white kids want to compare him to Tupac, well, goddamnit...

And I completely agree with zanetta_moore@yahoo.com. Eminem is my favorite raper as well.

Add your thoughts?


Encore - Interscope 2004
Rating = 2

Hay look everybody! It's my imitation of the new Eminem CD!

Everybody misunderstands me, and I grew up without a father. You know I love you Hayley, you're my world. But your mother, who contributed half of your DNA, is a fucking bitch!!!! But the reason I feel that way is because I grew up without a father. Fuck shit asshole you suck! (*fart noise*) Fag joke! (*belch noise*) The war is wrong, and if I get killed now, you know why it happened? It's because I had the BALLS, the GUTS to be the ONE person in entertainment to speak out against the war! (*vomit noise*) Here are some Michael Jackson jokes I heard ten years ago. "Boy -- oops! I mean "girl"! HA HA! (*belch noise*) I'm so angry at that guy who does that insult dog puppet character. I think I'll make fun of that guy, but without being funny at all, because somewhere along the line I completely lost my sense of humor. "I keed! I keed!" And the rest of this song makes NO SENSE AT ALL! (*vomit noise*) Look how crazy and wacky I am! I'm crazy! My weenie is bigger than yours! To say that, I must be CrAzY! (*belch noise through an effects processor*) I never meant to make anybody die. I grew up without a father! I was white, and black people didn't like me. Don't you feel sorry for me and my sad youth? Here, let me talk about fucking some girl. Also, let me take care to not make a single fucking one of these songs danceable. Yeah! I'll fill them all with slow clunky beats and simplistic synth "riffs" that sound like Dr. Dre b-sides from the early '90s! Also, I totally and completely suck now!

At some point the imitation lost its way. Regardless, to sum up: (a) Eminem assumes people still give a shit about his minor rivalries and boring memories, (b) both his raps and his music have gotten lazy and bored-sounding, and (c) he can't remember how to be 'Slim Shady,' so he replaces that character's tacky but intelligent witticisms with such "shocking" content as curse words and gross body function noises (he makes fart noises in THREE different songs!!! Belch noises in at least two. And I guess the song "Puke" is self-explanatory). It's rare that an album both bores the shit out of me and grosses me out at the same time, but by trying to be both a pained artist and a jokesmith without having any ideas left on how to play either role effectively, Eminem has managed to create just that phenomenon.

There are very few positive things that a person over the age of 12 could say about this record, but I'll try: "Never Enough" and "Big Weenie" are both quite catchy, the title track and "Like Toy Soldiers" have their moments, and my wife claims that the Michael Jackson song at least has a beat (though I fail to find one). The only other positive thing I can say is that at least Eminem's fall from grace was instantaneous rather than drawn-out like the endless mediocre-but-never-quite-dead career of Public Enemy. Hopefully Eminem's fan base will agree with me that this is one of the worst hip-hop records ever recorded by a major artist, and we will never have to hear from this self-important dumbfuck again.

Reader Comments

mtlhead@mchsi.com
Ah, Eminem. He's my favorite rap artist you know, and that's coming from somebody not really into hip-hop. I really enjoyed his first three albums; they were really hilarious with all kinds of catchy beats and rhymes with intelligent lyrics as well. Of course, he's been getting steadily less humorous, and talking himself too seriously, you know, an "artist type", but I when I heard he was releasing a new album, my expectations were high.

Unfortunately, I heard the album before seeing the two vomit-inducing, retarded music videos, which I'll talk about first. Lose It tries really hard to be comic and funny, but it's one of the lamest, dumbest, most retarded videos/songs I've ever seen/heard. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Same goes for Mosh. What, now he's acting all serious, pretending to be some kind of great political leader to "gather the masses and revolt against the president"? It's a bad, bad song, and is it just me or does he look like some kind of Jedi warrior in that stupid black sweatshirt. And the rest of this album is terrible as well, so terrible I thank whichever god I happen to believe in at the time that I didn't go out and buy it. This album is mind-numbingly retarded, and I'm talking Dick Vitale retarded here folks.

(Dick Vitale in his retarded way of speaking): I'm Dick Vitale! Derrrrfff! I wanna suk cok of evwyone on Duke basketbaw team! Derrrfff!

Oh, and to all the Wake Forest fans out there: WE KICKED YOUR ASS! ILLINI ALL THE WAY! WAKE FOREST IS: OVERRATED! OVERRATED!

Seriously though, this is a terrible album.

And when I call this album and Dick Vitale retarded, I know that's a real insult to people who really are mentally handicapped. In no way do I think that Dick Vitale and Eminem are on the same plane as mentally handicapped people, who are all much smarter than both of them.

Shit, did I actually write that much?

lgraves1@cogeco.ca (Larry Graves)
If you didn't like the new Eminem cd, just say so!!! :P

Er...I actually liked it but I'm Canadian.

pedroandino@msn.com
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! prindle you are a king! encore fucking sucks! THIS IS HIS VERSION OF AMERICAN LIFE! OK THIS CAN BE A RETARDED CONCEPT ALBUM! JUST LOSE IT IS RETARDED! HE IS MAKING FUN OF JACKO! HE SHALL STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM KIDS! MOSH IS A BLOATED TURD! PUKE IS SICK! EVERY YEAR EACH ARTIST MAKES A BAD MOVIE OR A BAD ALBUM! BATTLEFILED EARTH! GLITTER! PLUTO NASH! GIGLI! CATWOMAN! MARSHALL MATHERS! ESCAPE! JUST WHITNEY! THANKFUL! AND ENCORE ARE THE WORST MOVIES AND ALBUMS OF THIS SHITTY DECADE! DECADE OF RETARDS! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! OH I SUPPOSE TEENYBOP FUCKWADS SAY PEDRO SHUT THE FUCK UP1 EM IS MY BABY ! GO TO HELL! EAT MY COCK FUCKER! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU BUY SHITTY MUSIC! I WENT TO A CHURCH AND I PRAYED AGAINST SHITTY MUSIC! DICK BIZKIT CRUSHED MY POOR WHO SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! R.KELLY SAPS IT UP WITH U SAVED ME! BOOOO HOOO HOO MUTHERFUCKER! ANYWAY I HEARD OF TOY SOLDIERS THE MOVIE I NEVER HEARD OF THE SONG BUT I LOVED THE MOVIE! FUCK HIS SAMPLE! SEE ONE THING FOR SURE DO NOT BUY SHITTY MUSIC! NOT EVEN COUNTRY SHIT LIKE TOBY KOCK! OR SHANIA TITBRAIN!! UGH! SPEAKING OF UGH! SAY MAKE EM SAY UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA! OR PUMPS AND A BUMP! PUMPS AND A BUMP! GIMME THE HO'S WIT DA PUMPS AND A BUMP! I DON LIKE EM FIGGTY FAT! I LIKE EM STIGGTY STAKCED! SAY YOU WIGGTY WIGGTY WACK! MICKETY MIKETY MACK! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! SHANIA COCK! OOOO HE SPEAK AGAISNT THE WAR! OSAMA MAY KISS YOUR ASS! AND KILL YOU! SHITTY ANIMATION IN THE RETARD VIDEO! I FUCKING HATE VH1! COCKSUCKER SLAMMED SILENT LUCIDITY! FUCK OFF ! EAT COCK! REALITY SHIT SUCKS COCKS TOO! I HAVE NOT SEEN SHITTY ANIMATION BILLY OCEANS GET OUTTA MY DREAMS! DUCK SAX! TEENYBOPPERS SAY PADEROANDINO DO NOT KNOW EMINEM! NYAH! NYAH! NYHA! VH1 OLD NAVY SUCKS COCK! BEST WEEK EVER SUCKS COCK! HOLLYWOOD SUCKS COCK AND MOST OF ALL RYAN STARR IS AN ASSHOLE! BOO HOO HOO! AMERICAN RETARD ALL OVER AGAIN! SHUT UP! I FUCKING HATE CIRCUIT CITY AND THE CARS SONG! GODAMNIT! I GROW TO HATE THAT FUCKING SONG! RAP SUCKS COCK! ANY WAY THIS ENDS NOW MAINSTREAM PUSSYS! WHY DON'T YOU SHEEP FUCK OFF! (runs away before any teeny bop fuckwad kills me! jumps in car vrooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom!)

stevendavis11@msn.com
i am a gratee fan of emienm and it hasent changed in 40 yers i sill lisin and buy allm yor abems

skateboard_fan_4eva@yahoo.com
I COMPLETLY AGREE WITH PEDRO I FUCKIN HATE RAP AND ALL THAT SOBBY SHIT SO IF U R SO FUCKIN CONSERNDED ABOUT THE KIDS KEEP THE DAMN MUSIC AWAY FROM THEY U STUPID FUCK FACES GOD DAMN GET A FUCKIN LIFE U DUMBASS FUCKIN RETARDS AND ONE WHO LISTENS TO THEY DICK SUCKING WHITE WIGGER ARE ALSO FUCKIN FAG CAUSE SO IS EMINEM HE SUCKED THE BLACK DUDES DICK TO GET IN THE FUCKIN MUSIC BUSNESS U FUCK DIM WADS DESERVE TO BE FUCK SHOT!!!!!

Jv76v@aol.com
is Eminem gay?

Annafrank460@aol.com
HO EVA' DONT LIKE EMINEM FUCK U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ferly_12@hotmail.com
EMINEM IS COOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

galbreath.debra@comcast.net
he is a good singer my parents think that he is bad but he is relly good at wat he does

PSMITH85@nycap.rr.com
Why do peps think the man is gay he not even close to it! Dam he, Plus he has never even given A hint that He is!

paul-dixon._@tiscali.co.uk
i think he is cool 4 wat e duz n shudnt stop!! u realy thnk kids slit dare rists n beat girls jst coz e says so?

yeh e is cool n fit but kids rnt dat dum!!!!!!!!!!!

well exept da crazy 1nz!!!!!

ppl shud stop critersizein im jst coz e is white n a mega gud rappa i cnt get enough of da songs n da 6 pack!!!!!!

Misfufu921@aol.com
first off I say anybody who doesn't like him FUCK OFF!! he is a great rapper and is constantly harrassed about his lyrics and it just isn't fair. I mean he has a right to express his feelings toward gays, women, and any body else!! they are just songs. and then these tight ass reporters they are the reason like the whole fame thing. his wife is a living hell from what I've heard through his songs, his mom is a bitch because she and kim tryed to sue him from 10 million bucks. leave the guy alone!!

elhefe@optusnet.com.au
Ahhh, Eminem, the guy who's responsible for creating a generation of zit covered 15 year old baggy pants wearing suburban wiggers with attitudes....thanks for that dude.

Seriously, what's this shit stain doing on your site Mark?

thriftyz@charter.net
Hey im 13''''' Dude eminem Is the best im listing to his new song ,WHEN IM GONE. you people should check it its off the hook. well people that dont like him, sit on it. he inspires a lot of people just like that person said ''I WISH THAT HE WAS MY DAD'' well peace out.

Cooter1063067350@aol.com
eminem is the best of all he should be the king of rap if u don't agree fuck yall u can fucking burn in hell u fucking cunts so fuck u if u think he is shit cuz yer fuckin wrong he's a way better rapper than any of u bitches could be so shut tha fuck up...............

eminem is not gay u r so fuck off.

your not the next fucking eminem no one could ever take over him he's the best there is so think again u can fuck of to. p.s burn in hell u fuckin moron u fuckin dildo your a big fuck face u silly cunt so FUCK U

ShadyzMyBaby313@aol.com
Eminem is the lyrical genius of our time he expresses so much in his lyrics, so many people can relate to the way he feels. The song that i think describes me the most is "sing for the moment" where he quotes:

"That's why we sing for these kids, who don't have a thing
Except for a dream, and a fuckin' rap magazine
Who post pin-up pictures on their walls all day long
Idolize they favorite rappers and know all they songs
Or for anyone who's ever been through shit in their lives
Till they sit and they cry at night wishin' they'd die
Till they throw on a rap record and they sit, and they vibe
We're nothin' to you but we're the fuckin' shit in they eyes
That's why we seize the moment try to freeze it and own it,
squeeze it and hold it Cause we consider these minutes golden
And maybe they'll admit it when we're gone
Just let our spirits live on, through our lyrics that you hear in our songs
and we can"

It really describes how alot of teenagers in that situation feel. I love eminem i have since the day he got famous some people tell me im a stalker or im oppsessed or something but im just his biggest fan and i would describe my life exactley how his was befor he got famous Eminem and tupac write there lyrics determing on whats going on in there lives. To me somebody who can express whats going on in there lives in there lyrics like eminem and tupac do are rap legends and icons to many people and any one who has something bad to say about them or desides to talk down on them are either jealous or dont kno shit about hip hop or in this case music period.And both eminem and tupac expeirenced a case where somebody tryed to blame them for the persons own actions. Nobody has any right to acuse somebody so that person faces the consequinces of the guilty persons actions. That may sound kinda confusing but it makes since to me. I just want people to realize that eminem is the next tupac

Kevin.Rust@redbridge.gov.uk
Eminem is da best rapper in da world !!!!!!!!!!
His songs r so kool !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ksbabee14@yahoo.com (~!~!sOmEbOdY wHo KnOwS~!~!)
Hello.

I'll be fifteen in two moths and I love Eminem and yes I like ICP (Insane Clown Posse). But, just because you say teens shouldn't listen to him doesn't mean we are not. Put yourself in a teens shoes, not a child but a teenager. Has at least one of you ever thought, or tried, to commit suicide? I know people who have done both and some that were close to succeeding we listen to him because he can relate to us. Have you ever even read about his past? When he was in school he was beaten up and bullied almost every day. When you think about it, Eminem can relate to teens. Every morning, when we wake up and get ready for school we put clothes on that make us look like everyone else for fear of being bullied. When you think about it, teens today are more likly to commit suicide then back in the 80's you know why? Because of the increase of being tormented in school. When all they want is a friend so when they get home they put on some music as loud as it can go just so nobody can hear them cry. There's a song called "Welcome to my life" from Simple Plan and that song relates to teens as well if you listen to it you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. Teens need all the help they can get they can't talk to an adult because adults think they know everything and the only thing they can say is "Yes, I know hunny I've been there" If you guys really understood you would know that, that's not what we want to hear we want you to hear about our problems and what's really wrong with us. I mean, think about it, if we don't get our anger out by communication we are going to do it in a self infilicted way and that's why teen suicide is more common then adult or even military sucide. Our parents and shrinks don't really understand because it's a compleatly different problem then what they had when they went to school. That's is the reason why teens listen to eminem because he can actually, believe it or not, make all of your anger and pain just go away!

joenkathy@alltel.net
eminem i think your a grate rapper i havr your alblum curtin call itS cool . I LOVE WHEN IM GONE I CAN SING IT OFF BY HEART!I DONT CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS MY WHOLE FAMILY LOVES U BUT NOT AS MUCH AS ME! I PICK U ON WHO IS THE HOTTEST INSTAED OF USHER AUGH ...... IM SHANDA SANKEY . I LOVE RAP HIP HOP@ ALL TIME I WANT TO BE A RAPPER JUST LIKE U . DID U SEE THEM SCEENS ABOUT U WHEN THERES THIS FAT GUY DREESED AS U..THAT JUST ARITATED ME .. PLEASE WRITE BACK AS SOON AS POSSIBLE IF U CAN I WANT TO TELL MORE TO U***!!!

NWA4lifebaby@aol.com
yo dude m iz a fuckin lyrical genius and i love all his songs cuz they all realate to me and whats gone on threw this piece of shit i call a life but wutever wish u the best of luck on all dat shit u goin threw peace

richloop@comcast.net
emienm is the coolest rapper ever and if aney body thinks other ways ther rong.

fharper@ec.rr.com
Hailie Jade Scott his daughter is so dumb you might as well teach a tree!

darrien_jaukkuri@yahoo.com
i think you are so right about eminem he is hot and kewl but proably not the best but ooh well but he is still hot for the ppl who think so well that all for now ciao!!

mechanical@earthling.net
Hey yo to all those out there who think Eminem is lame and think that his talents are being wasted KISS MY ASS!!! He is just talking about his life and the truth of a lot of the bull shit that comes from the American Govt’t today!!!!!!! He has the right to what is known as THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!

Add your thoughts?


Relapse - Aftermath 2009
Rating = 6

If we've met, then you no doubt have a firm understanding of how important 'honesty' is to me, unless I'm lying about something. And it's this very insistence on transparency that has driven me to name my newborn child "Result Of Sex." Because, honestly, what else is it? It certainly wasn't there before sex. And when it - this THING - goes to school, I want everybody to know that it's only alive because I did some wildass ballin'. In fact, that's its middle name: Wildass Ballin'. So if you're ever walking down the street and you run across some living mammal thing that says its name is Result Of Sex Wildass Ballin' Prindle, write it a check for one million dollars and say, "Give this to your father."

Oops, it fell down a sewer! Oh well, so much for fatherhood.

Speaking of which, if you've seen the original version of Last House On The Left, you were probably as confused and discombubulated as I was by the way it keeps switching back and forth between scenes of torture, rape and murder -- and the wacky antics of two bumbling policeman. There is obviously such a thing as dark comedy, but this isn't it; this is simply the poorly-planned side-by-side placement of sadistic horror scenes and kooky goodtime slapstick. And whatever they were trying to accomplish with this, it doesn't work! The result is a film whose torture scenes necessarily render the comic antics unfunny, and whose broad comedy scenes constantly extricate you from the sadism to remind you that you're watching "just a movie." (It was no surprise that when the 2009 remake rolled around, the bumbling policemen were nowhere to be found.)

Relapse is the aural equivalent of the original Last House On The Left. Eminem portrays a sadistic rapist and serial killer in five different songs (two of which he raps in Black Person accents, for some reason). But between these five vicious accounts of butchery, he strives to entertain with his usual collection of offensive anti-celebrity and gay-bashing jokes. Making things even more confusing are a few moments where he reaches so far into his bag of controversy that you can't even tell whether he's trying to make you laugh or disturb the hell out of you (ex. "Insane"'s over-the-top child abuse scenarios and "My Mom"'s one-liner-filled tale of maternally-sponsored drug addiction). And just like LHOTL, the inconsistency of mood ultimately hurts the overall effect of the work.

If the entire album were filled with dead-serious tales of child abuse, rape, torture and serial murder (like Alice Cooper's Along Came A Spider), it would likely be one of the most disturbing records ever recorded. Alternately, if it were filled with nothing but wacky skits and trashy one-liners ("You better change the station to keep from throwing up!"), it would be a welcome return to the violent but hilarious style of early Eminem. Instead, the abundance of serial killer songs makes it really hard to laugh at would-be comedy lyrics like "Lindsay, please come back to seeing men/Samantha's a 2, you're practically a 10!" and "In the bed with two braindead lesbian vegetables/I bet you that they become heterosexuals." Likewise, the inclusion of several laugh-out-loud skits and snarky put-downs of popular celebrities dilutes the menace of the serial killer songs, making them sound less like the inner workings of a diseased mind and more like the fourth-rate poetry of a 12-year-old who thinks serial killers are awesome.

On the bright side, it's still a pretty entertaining album. Not quite on the level of his first three, but about four hundred million times better than Encore. In accordance with the album's overarching theme (Eminem's former drug problem), every song features drug references galore aplenty (valium, lithium, percodan, muscle relaxers, marijuana, klonopin, vicodin, hallucinogens, zantac, ventolin, benzedrine and cocaine, to name a few). And in accordance with Eminem's desperation for media coverage, he makes fun of Mariah Carey, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Kim Kardashian, Ellen Degeneres, John Mayer, Amy Winehouse, Jessica Alba, and even Christopher Reeve for Christ's sake (as Paul Rosenberg points out in one of the skits, "You do realize the guy's dead?"). But you know what? The rhymes are fast and often clever (no matter how offensive they are -- and believe me, they are!), the guest raps by Dr. Dre and 50 Cent sound terrific, and the few serious songs about his battle with drug addiction are honestly touching and heartfelt (in "Deja Vu," he's horrified to realize that his daughter knows he's a drug addict, and in "Beautiful" -- a song seemingly written in rehab -- he laments "the fact that I may be done with rap").

Does all this make up for lyrics like "They say my music's good for the queers/Cuz I make your ear ring, get it?," dialogue like "He can't say that!" "Yes I can! I just did, faggot!" and an unlisted bonus skit that finds Ken Kaniff singing a homosexual nursery rhyme at an Alcoholics Anonymous and whining that it "was always a hit at Gay A."? Well, I'm not the most politically correct fellow in the world, but even I think his fag-bashing is a bit too prevalent this time around to be anything but actual fag-bashing. Hopefully the record won't be too popular among kids; bullies feed off shitty attitudes like that.

As for the music, it could definitely use more hooks. I could count the album's memorable tunes on one hand, and not even a very big hand.

Reader Comments

Billdude
The other thing you're forgetting to mention is that the original 1972 "The Last House On The Left" (I won't be seeing the presumably tame, pathetic, slapped-together remake) is a gigantic piece of shitty, crappy film-poop. It is a pathetically low budget exploitation movie that looks like it's about ten trillion years old, features dirt-poor direction from a man who didn't really know how to direct films yet, minimal acting talent (though David Hess was mildly memorable as Krug), terrible "writing," and those horrid, awkward comedy scenes which destroy a film that wasn't very good to begin with. The only decent moment in the entire movie is when Krug looks on with a bit of shock at the two girls in the woods, seemingly snapped out of his stupor by what he's done. Ebert gave it 3 1/2 stars and noted the comparison to Ingmar Bergman's "The Virgin Spring," then went on to declare "I Spit On Your Grave" - which is basically THE SAME FUCKING THING - the worst film of all time.

Why, it's almost as bad as the worst horror film ever made - Dario Argento's "The Phantom Of The Opera" - and you're the only other person I know who's even SEEN that piece of crap!!!! Fooo-eee!

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Recovery - Interscope 2010
Rating = 6

Eminem's new album is a mixture of the following elements:

LYRICAL MATTER
1. Apologies for the last two records
a. "Them last two albums didn't count. Encore I was on drugs, Relapse I was flushin' 'em out. I've come to make it up to ya now; no more fuckin' around. I've got something' to prove to fans 'cuz I feel like I let 'em down. So please accept my apology. I finally feel like I'm back to normal. I feel like me again."
b. "Let's be honest; that last Relapse CD was 'ehhh.' Perhaps I ran them accents into the ground."
c. "Fuck my last CD. The shit's in the trash."

2. Agonizing tales of heartbreak and vengeance
a. "Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean and we fall back into the same patterns, same team.... If she ever tries to fuckin' leave again, I'm gonna tie her to the bed and set this house on fire!"
b. "So after a year and 6 months, it's no longer me that you want. But I love you so much it hurts. Never mistreated you once. I poured my heart out to you, let down my guard. I swear to God I'll blow my brains in your lap, lay here and die in your arms. Drop to my knees and I'm pleading. I'm trying to stop you from leaving. You won't even listen, so fuck it. I'm trying to stop you from breathing. I put both hands on your throat. I sit on top of you squeezing 'til I snap your neck like a Popsicle stick."
c. "I dont think she understands the sacrifices that I've made. Maybe if this bitch had acted right, I would've stayed. But I've already wasted over half of my life. I would've laid down and died for you. I no longer cry for you." (Ha! Zinged you! This song is actually about hip-hop. Eminem's a trickster!)

3. Violent, aggressive punchlines
a. "I set the world on fire, piss on it and put it out"
b. "Pull over the van and hop out on the homeless man with a sign saying 'Vietnam Vet.' I'm out my fuckin' mind, man. Kick over the can, beat his ass and leave him nine grand!"
c. "Why the fuck am I yelling at air!?"
d. "I just put a bullshit hook in between two long-ass verses!"
e. (following a mid-song fade-out) "Turn me back up! Are you insane!? Tryin' to talk over me in the car? Shut the fuck up while my shit's playing!"

4. Juvenile sexual and scatalogical imagery
a. "They call me freak 'cuz I like to spit on these pussies before I eat 'em." (he's talking about 'wack rappers,' but still. Ew.)
b. "Fuck, my dick's big, bitch!"
c. "I'm a shit stain on the underwear of life!"
d. "I'll show you pussy footin'. I'll kick a bitch in the cunt til it makes her queef and sounds like a fucking whoopie cushion!"

5. The loss of his friend Proof
a. "They say Proof just flipped out; homie just whipped out and bust, nah... It isn't like Doody to do that. He wouldn't fuckin' shoot at nobody; he'd fight first. But dwelling on it only makes the night worse."
b. "Not many are lucky enough to have a guardian angel like you. Lord, I'm so thankful. Please don't think I don't feel grateful; I do. Just grant me the strength that I need for one more day to get through. So homey, this is your song. I dedicate this to you. I love you Doody."

MUSICAL MATTER
1. Overly melodramatic synth blandery
2. (Most likely sampled) electric guitar, fuzzed-out keyboard and piano rockery
3. Sung choruses
4. Pre-existing songs (ex. Black Sabbath's "Changes," Haddaway's "What Is Love")

VOCAL MATTER
1. Aggressive, assertive, energetic and speedy
2. No funny voices
3. Guest appearances by Lil' Wayne, Pink, Rihanna and Kobe

That's my review. Now here's a happy little song about Henry The Dog.

Henry The Dog! Hey, Henry The Dog!
I went to see the separation mediator this morning
Henry The Dog! Hey, Henry The Dog!
We'll be moving to Brooklyn soon - thought I'd give you a warning
Henry The Dog! Hey, Henry The Dog!
There'll be no family vacation this year
Henry The Dog! Hey, Henry The Dog!
And Mommy's never coming home, it would appear

Yeah Yeah Yeah! Henry The Dog!
Keep on rockin'! Henry The Dog!
Don't stop rockin'! Henry The Dog!
Rock Rock Rock! Henry The Dog!

Henry The Dog! Hey, Henry The Dog!
It's just you and me from now on
Henry The Dog! Hey, Henry The Dog!
Mommy doesn't love me anymore; she's gone
Henry The Dog! Hey, Henry The Dog!
I took down her pictures because they made me cry
Henry The Dog! Hey, Henry The Dog!
Our marriage failed, and I don't know why

Whoo Whoo Whoo! Henry The Dog!
Bang your head! Henry The Dog!
Let's share a cheeseburger! Henry The Dog!
Go see the Treat Lady! Henry The Dog!

(*Henry The Dog solo*)

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Bamm! Booyaa! Shizzle! Col' Medina! Wassup? Peace! Click here to buy Enimen CDs. Click on the album artwork to reveal CHEAPER USED CD PRICES!

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