Mr. TP And The Butts Of Buena - Homemade 1996.

So a 16-year-old kid name of Hans Burger sends me an email asking if I'll review a tape that he and his friend Tyler Keefe recorded when they were 12. I said I would if he would agree to send me four dollars for one of MY homemade CDs. And he sent me FIVE dollars!!!!!

So the tape is about 10 minutes of what Hans calls "the worst music that we could make without trying." It's miserable stuff. Remember Old Skull? This is worse. One of the guys just smacks at the guitar without playing actual chords or notes, and the other one recites silly little lyrics about "Overpasses," "Feline Privates" and a "Used Toilet Paper Sandwich" in an annoying pre-pubescent voice. However, on the up side, it's very short (under ten minutes), and both the first and last song ("Nuts" and "Religious Fervor") have extremely mesmerizing vocal/lyrical rhythms that drew me in like a cow in June. I give it a 3 because I truly enjoy 2 out of the 7 songs. My fiancee gives it a 6, but won't tell me why and followed up her grade by saying, "Don't ever make me listen to it again."

Let this be a lesson to you. Send me 4 bucks for one of my CDs and I'll review your crappy band too!!!!

Say, did I mention that my puppy bit the head of my dick earlier? It still kinda stings. Never let your woman play funny jokes on you.

Reader Comments

tphead69@yahoo.com (Trevor Smith)
FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAT THE FUCK DO YOU NOW MISTER TP IS THE BEST BAND EVER AND THIS IS THE BEST FUKKEN ALBIM EVER FUCK THAT BRITNEY SPEARS DREAM THEATER SOWNDGARDEN JOSE FELICIANO ALAN PARSONS PROJECT STATIC X THE CARPINTERS GABRAGE THIS IS REAL MUSIC WHENEVR I L ISTEN TO FELINE PRIVATES I JUST HAVE TO GET UP AND DANS TO THAT AWESOME SLAPPINGH SOUND EVERY TIME HE SAYS FELINE PRIVATES OH FUCK IT GIVES ME CHILLS AND FISHBIRDS IS FUKKEN BEUTIFIL AND FCUK EBVERYONE WHO SAYS OVERPASSES IS BORUNG ITS HYPONTIC I CAN FUKKEN JUST SIT BNACK AND JUST FUKKEN TRIP OUT TO THAT SONG PRATCITIVALT ALL DAY FUKKEN AND HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE USED TOYLIT PAPER SDANDWICH IT THEIR FUKKEN THEME SONG IN CONCLUSION BY THIS ALBUM TODAY EMAIL HANS08@USA.NET CUZ THATZS HOW YOU CAN TELL HANS TO SEL YOU A FUKKEN COPY ANY HOT TP-LUVIN BITCHES OUT THERE IF ZSO EMAIL ME AND WE CAN GET SUM SHIT GOIN CUZ YOU KNOW IN A HUNDRED YEER THEY STIL BE LISSENIN TO REAL MUSIC: MR TP FUCK YAH BABY

P.S. IF YOU LIKE THIS ALBVUM YOU SHOULD TRY 'OCTOPUS' BY GENTLE GIANT FEECHURING SONGS LIKE ADVENT OF PANURGE AND RACONTEUR TROUBADOUR IT FUKKEN RULES