People often come up to me on the street and say, "Hey, can you give me some change for some food?" I usually ignore them and walk on, but don't think I haven't learned anything from these wise sages of the forest. I learned that if you ask for something, people don't want to give it. HOWEVER, if the homeless people would try to offer some sort of good or service for food money, for example an old magazine or AIDS-infected suck job, I might be a little more willing to part with my haypennies! Thus, the bribery review. You send me your homemade musical creation and four dollars, I review your homemade creation and send you one of my own homemade creations, by Mark Prindle. It might be one of my CDs or even just a poop that I made with my very own body. Today's entry in the homemade music section of my site that everybody reads all the time just in case I reviewed their homemade music, like Robert Plant, is a power duo named The Moaning Mainline. Their real names are Burgess Khan and Richard Ottol and they recorded all 16 tracks on August 4, 2001. Which is about a week before I received it in the mail.
Look, the last thing I want to do is dissuade anybody from their dream of becoming a huge rock and roll star like Gilbert O'Sullivan. But this is just two guys goofing around for fun. One strums an acoustic guitar, the other plays nonstop solos on a guitar and one or the other semi-sings in a nonchalant "we're having fun!" manner. Essentially it sounds like the stuff that my pal Chris Noble and I used to do when we were 14. And that's not a good thing at all. Because Chris and I were awful. So the problem with this tape is that most of the guitar riffs are just basic chord sequences you've heard a million times in nursery rhymes and folk/rock songs of days gone by. And when they DO come up with a neat turn of chord (as in "Poetry" or "Moaning Assholes"), they repeat it over and over and over again for like five minutes while the other guy just solos. Random notes. Noise. Icky. Sounds like teen suburbia, which is one part of my life that I never want to think of again. There are a couple songs I like quite a bit -- "Chopping Blue" is really cool AND short enough not to get boring, and for some reason "Jon Cale" just grooves me. Plus, you'd have to be a ninny not to enjoy the shim out of an acoustic cover of an EARLY MELVINS SONG!!!!!!! Acoustic?!?!?! Hee!!!! But again, it's just two guys entertaining themselves. And perhaps others of their age bracket. But not me. I'm 87.